Midwife of the Spirit

 I wanted to share the MIRACULOUS experience and gift I was given by my neighbor, Joie (by God in and through Joie and her family) to get to be a “midwife of the spirit” during her passing. 

In early 2019 I was given the opportunity to attend Eckhart Tolle’s “School of Awakening” virtually. One of the first things that came up was a nudge to really face my fear of death. I had been trapped in a cycle of panic and fear and anxiety for so long and it was time to shift. I felt that the best way to do that was to volunteer with hospice. I wanted to hold space for people passing and thought I could just walk in and do that somewhere. It wasn’t so easy. I went through training at an excellent local hospice but afterward they told me they required I be vaccinated - flu shot PLUS catch up with new ones that came out since I was a kid. I tried all the tricks to get out of it but there was a line in the sand and I wasn’t going to cross it. 

I DID find another local hospice that is NOT nice … well I’ll get to that in a second… but they didn’t require me to vaccinate, just a TB test. I went through with the TB test but I won’t do it again. This year it was waived for covid but next year I won’t be able to continue because I won’t get their test or X-ray. They like me so the new volunteer coordinator said he is going to find a way around it but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’m so glad I was trained in the other organization that had an EXCELLENT two-full-day training. This new one had terrible training… online modules that were really created for nurses and aides. Side note, if anyone has any book suggestions on the topic, I'd love for you to share.

But I got in. I was given a few patients to see and one, in particular, stole my heart… we became good friends. She hung on for a year, the last part of which I could only “visit” with her through phone calls and FaceTime calls with her social worker because of covid…anyway (<—she always said “anyway” too and I see it coming out of my mouth and think of her every time)! Anyway, ha!, I only had the opportunity to actually sit with someone actively dying once before. It was another God-led miracle for me to be there at that time - she didn’t have family and God really taught me a lot about holding love and space for the soul as it separates from the body… powerful to behold. With another couple patients, I had seen in their aura (which I see now and then) how their energy was like pulling out of their bodies for a day or more before-hand. 

One of the hardest things for me was seeing the level (lack) of care in that facility. These poor patients are literally abused and so many times I wanted to quit…but then who would hold space for them? It was another lesson in being a compassionate witness. But that’s what I meant about this other place being “not nice”. That’s an understatement.

Anyway, back to Joie.

She moved in about 2 years ago and shortly thereafter told us she had brain cancer. (Now I understand it was lung cancer that moved to her brain and stomach. It was the stomach cancer that ultimately took her out.) Anyway, because I was a new hospice volunteer at the time I was really hoping in my heart that I could support her when her time came…. but I just left that in my heart and didn’t in a million years think it would really come to fruition…. but it was always there. I wonder if our higher selves created a contract of sorts to help each other?? I don’t know. It feels like it.

It’s been a rough last year for Joie and I was not very close to her other than quickie conversations because she had a plethora of family and friends that kept her busy on the phone, and visiting. She wasn’t lonely and was really proud and loved her home here at the community ranch where we live. However, last fall… was it November?… by the grace of God I happened to stop by and check on her and I could sense something wasn’t right ...it eventually progressed into a seizure and I was able to call for help. That kind of set me up in her heart and family as someone who really cared for Joie. "Life-saver" they said - ha! But really if she was alone ...and she was swollen and couldn't move much...and she had back-to-back seizures in the ambulance, they couldn't even take her to her hospital because they had to get her somewhere right away! But if she had those seizures alone and fell, it really could have been bad. I never thought about that until just right now. I kept brushing that off, but now I see.

But I’ll tell you, the LOVE that was born in my heart during that experience... during her suffering… to hold space for her… was POWERFUL.

Long story short she bounced back and forth between her son’s home, the hospital, and her home and when the doctors told her it was time for hospice and her family arranged for her to move to a facility, Joie dug her heels in and said she wanted to go home to die. Her sister came up to be with her. She was told she had about 6 months, but the doctors told her son on the sly that it was probably closer to 2. Turned out it was less than 2 weeks. 

After her seizure, her family started trusting me to hold her house key when she wasn’t there and kept me in the loop about how she was doing. It’s an absolute miracle and honor because somehow I ended up being given the opportunity that my soul longed for when I first heard about Joie’s sickness… I was able to get to hold space for her and her family as she transitioned. 

Supernatural compassion (and confidence) came through me to uphold my friend, her sister, and her sons. They WANTED me to be there to hold her hand. They appreciated it. It seemed like I would be an intruder in this precious time, but because it was so hard for them to sit and be with the discomfort of it, I kind of showed them that it was safe and held that space for them. Joie’s strong sister was there by her side every minute. She didn’t sleep for all three days where she was actively dying (besides a tiny nap or two). I don’t know how she did it. I stayed up with her the second night and we shared such a beautiful time talking about her life and experiences.

OOH. One very interesting and strange thing happened that I’d like to share and if you have any thoughts on it, let me know! It was the middle of the night and Ann and I were just chit-chatting about who knows what, holding Joie’s hands on each side to be there for her as she passed in and out of consciousness. All of a sudden the light in the room POPPED!! And a little firework sparked out. Obviously, the lightbulb blew! And this spirit presence came upon us… it was POWERFUL… all our hair stood up and.. it was spirit tingles on crack. This thick presence in the room … Ann and I both were shocked and instantly fell into prayer…. Her eyes got really big and she crossed herself (Catholic cross thing) and we both folded our hands and prayed. I think we both thought maybe it was “time”... that Joie was leaving …but then it morphed into questions about who had come to join her/us. WHOAH! That presence remained there and I can still feel it. I thought it might leave with Joie through the Aqua Portal, but now as I type, I feel it. (I feel okay about it as I immediately prayed that only that aligned with Christ-Sophia and the Law of One was allowed near us.) But it was wild and as an added mysterious bonus, an hour and a half(ish) later I decided to turn off the light circuit...thinking that it was still drawing electricity but with a blown bulb and the light TURNED ON. No problems. WHAT?!!

I guess there’s no way to really capture all of the experience, but I’ll say that the second-to-last day was SO HARD. She was obviously not at peace and struggling. She said things like “get them off me” and alluded to (not sure if I saw them in my mind’s eye or if she described them), these dark entities pulling her down. She was desperately fearful and (weakly) yelling “Help me! Help me! Help me!”… just really scary. (I wondered if this was that vaccine-induced hell that Lisa talked about but confirmed that she hadn’t had the vaccine.) I had done the “Safe Passage” for her a couple of times by then, though, and was just wondering what was going on. Weren’t these entities cleared now?? (I just got my question answered in my heart… well, sort of… my lens needs to be “no time”. <— so I’ll wait for more understanding.)  

So anyway, I worked with the Safe Passage again and really tried to see clearly and fortify the architecture…  Joie lives 2 apartments down from me and I ended up extending my Krystal Cathedral over to her and set up her own shadow vortex. Even though we had Mother Arc anchored over our whole structure, I felt like we created a more powerful smaller (like the way skinny tornadoes are more powerful) one over her bed (when they got her moved there). In the end, when she passed, it doesn’t seem like she went out that immediately… I sensed the larger Aquamarine portal …like an oscillating cloud over the extended Krystal cathedral still there holding space…like she WAS the cloud… she was in/with it and also still there with her family. (So it wasn’t like the “sucking up her soul” idea I had in my head.)

I’m sorry I’m bouncing around all over the place. Let me get back to the mental torture. So I had to leave to go to see my chiropractor (who is INCREDIBLE - she “milked” my liver yesterday, WHAT?!)… anyway, on the way I put on the 2013 April Ascension Q&A and of course ...God is SO AWESOME and MIRACULOUS so... the first question was about the dying process and how important it was that the Being was at peace! God was SO with me/us during this …  just incredible! I needed to hear that and felt some things click into consciousness (despite the fact that I was sleep-deprived). I also finally had the thought to ask for prayer in the container… I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before… but we needed help supporting Joie out of here. Also, yesterday morning I was guided to start praying for the higher selves of her son and grandson who she hadn’t talked to in years to come talk with their Mom/Grandmom. I wondered if she was waiting for him in a way. I tried to drop some seeds in the days prior to help her forgive her son… and I believe she did…but there was a LOT of wounding. Anyway, not only did his higher self show up, HE came down last night… so she had all 5 of her boys there. It was like she was waiting for him. After they left for the night, that’s when she finally let go. 

Thanks be to God I was able to be there to hold space for Joie and her sister - to encourage and support them in the last throws of what really DID seem like “labor pains”. The day before it felt so much like “contractions” as she would wake up and “push” and then fall back into rest. It was a true blessing and honor to hold her hand as she passed. Also I feel like I was able to guide and support the most beautiful interaction between sisters as I saw an opening to encourage Ann to continue her naturally inspired action of being forehead to forehead with Joie… right there with her to guide her out. I’m beginning to cry now. It was such a powerful and beautiful experience to behold. 

On top of that, the conversations that we were able to have during and after her passing with her boys were INCREDIBLE. I was able to share with some of them (who asked me) about context for supernatural experiences that they’ve had… including a UFO siting and ancestral or demonic attachments. We talked about entities and the lightbody and portals of consciousness and psychic gifting, and energy and aliens (and vaccines)…. You guys, WHAT?!!  They were thirsty. I shared the Ascension Glossary site with one son who I think is really resonant. I shared the Core Soul Protection AG page with her daughter-in-law who kept asking me for it (because I expressed that I had been praying for any entities that were in any way attached to her energy body to be released). Anyway… I was able to just be myself, be loving, be a compassionate witness… it was possibly one of the greatest honors of my life to date. 

I have wanted to be a chaplain for 10 years but can’t fathom going back into the education system to throw money I don’t have away on something that I don’t believe in (I have my Master’s degree and find it to be entirely useless)…to have to follow some sort of dogmatic rules just for the LABEL to have access to help people. So in the last couple years I’ve been thinking I wanted to go to “Death Doola” training…and I really feel SO aligned with my soul and purpose in this work. I am looking for something to do in 3D to make some money other than the toxic fields I’ve been in (marketing/ communications/ social media/ graphic design/ websites, etc.). I’m perfectly happy to just be a student of the spirit all day and I do feel like that’s my main “job”… (healing and spiritual training)… but this experience with Joie and her family is/was God’s training, aligned with my gifting and heart’s desire to be a way-shower of God. 

I wish I had better understanding and tips about the physiological process of dying. Things like telling them how the soul exited through the top of the head and how to hold her hand or arm from underneath so it doesn’t feel like anyone is pushing her down. They appreciated my ability to see when she was close (although I was wrong along with all the nurses because Joie was an anomaly - ha). But they needed that guidance and really appreciated having someone there to love them and their Mom. So… yeah… we’ll see where it leads, but it was such a beautiful experience. There was a lot more but this is enough.  God bless Joie. God bless her family. God heal their hearts, lightbodies, and restore their souls to the fullness of who they are in YOU!

Thank you to the Guardians and all who prayed yesterday for my friend. She is free now. And she went in peace.

Thank you for your compassionate witnessing (and patience and tolerance in dealing with my lonnnnnnnng story, if you made it through!)
Love,
Carissa