VLP Kim asked:
Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m curious… at one point you were experiencing life as a lesbian and now your beloved is a man? I’m curious if your attractions changed through the course of the personal work that you describe. I really enjoy looking at sexual orientation and sexuality through different lenses, and I’d love to hear more about your journey in this regard if you want to share more. Feel free to dm me if you wish, and I understand also if you’ve shared fully already.
My response:
Thank you for reading and for your inquiry, Kim! I also enjoy looking at sexual orientation and sexuality through different lenses and wish that I had found some sort of universal truth around this topic ...I haven't yet though! (I don't even fully understand it in myself.)
I identified as a lesbian in my late teenage years and early twenties - about 4 years total - and couldn't imagine it being any other way. I was a loud and proud "dyke" with a shaved head and chains, ha! Three of those years were spent with the same woman who I was very bonded to. I was surrounded by a wonderful and supportive community and took pleasure in finding my identity in what was still a fairly fringe part of society at the time (the 90's).
I have always been more masculine. I've heard that copper toxicity (which I believe I have had for a long time) can also impact this - must have to do with hormones. I had a TCM practitioner once ask me if I was attracted to women and I told her I was and she got all giddy and said "she knew it!" because of my copper levels?!
If I was a teenager today, I am sure I would be going down the transgender path. I was very boyish and didn't accept my body. (I am still working on that.) I even found a way to have a breast reduction in my late teens.... which I now regret so much! I believe there is a transhuman agenda in play and have been watching it gradually amping up over the years. I see this from a few angles - the "why?"... I see a "controller" narrative that is trying to enslave humanity by disconnecting our bodies and spirits (and the ability to procreate) ... and I also see fellow polarity integrators wanting to feel into gender dysphoria and follow the threads to reverse engineer it. Ultimately I trust that our souls are all working something out and will find peace and correct the reversals and distortions that have been energetically anchored in the earth's body. Not a one-life project... and we're working together... healing the human back to the originally intended blueprint is the goal (as I understand it).
I digress. I'm sorry. Anyway, it feels like physical makeup, societal influence, trauma, and maybe past life consciousness bleed-through all very much affect our sense-of-self/gender and sexual identity.
For me, I would say that I've always been in pursuit of Love. I wasn't (and still am not-yet) very sexually charged. My lower energy centers seem to have sustained trauma and I am actively working to heal them. I never really understood physical attraction... not on the body level... it has always been about the relationship... the connection... the friendship. My current relationship is the first one where I'm consciously trying to learn to connect to my gender center and heal it... where "wet pussy" seems to be something I'm interested in.
I couldn't orgasm until I was in my 30's and could only get there using a vibrator (transhuman/Ai agenda anyone??). This past year I've introduced yoni eggs and an obsidian wand and thrown out all my vibrators so that I can try to heal organically.
This is a lot more than you were asking for... thank you again for asking. I don't think I even sufficiently answered your question... all of these topics are interwoven. In summary, I'd say that I STILL don't know how I'd identify. Yes, I'm in a relationship with a man. I've been married multiple times but still don't know who I am or what I'm doing here, ha! Lately I've felt like I had the opportunity to go back to a lesbian relationship but it doesn't feel right to me. I feel that one of my assignments that I gave myself in this life is to learn to embody a hierogamic union and anchor that healing energy so we can come back to balance and unity on earth. Part of the journey and exploration involved feeling into some other paths and experiences, but ultimately I want to experience and model sacred union. It's my belief that that takes a man and a woman who are embodying their own divine masculinity and femininity (once they've married those within themselves so that they are whole).... so... that's what I'm working on/with. Whoooo. :)
I identified as a lesbian in my late teenage years and early twenties - about 4 years total - and couldn't imagine it being any other way. I was a loud and proud "dyke" with a shaved head and chains, ha! Three of those years were spent with the same woman who I was very bonded to. I was surrounded by a wonderful and supportive community and took pleasure in finding my identity in what was still a fairly fringe part of society at the time (the 90's).
I have always been more masculine. I've heard that copper toxicity (which I believe I have had for a long time) can also impact this - must have to do with hormones. I had a TCM practitioner once ask me if I was attracted to women and I told her I was and she got all giddy and said "she knew it!" because of my copper levels?!
If I was a teenager today, I am sure I would be going down the transgender path. I was very boyish and didn't accept my body. (I am still working on that.) I even found a way to have a breast reduction in my late teens.... which I now regret so much! I believe there is a transhuman agenda in play and have been watching it gradually amping up over the years. I see this from a few angles - the "why?"... I see a "controller" narrative that is trying to enslave humanity by disconnecting our bodies and spirits (and the ability to procreate) ... and I also see fellow polarity integrators wanting to feel into gender dysphoria and follow the threads to reverse engineer it. Ultimately I trust that our souls are all working something out and will find peace and correct the reversals and distortions that have been energetically anchored in the earth's body. Not a one-life project... and we're working together... healing the human back to the originally intended blueprint is the goal (as I understand it).
I digress. I'm sorry. Anyway, it feels like physical makeup, societal influence, trauma, and maybe past life consciousness bleed-through all very much affect our sense-of-self/gender and sexual identity.
For me, I would say that I've always been in pursuit of Love. I wasn't (and still am not-yet) very sexually charged. My lower energy centers seem to have sustained trauma and I am actively working to heal them. I never really understood physical attraction... not on the body level... it has always been about the relationship... the connection... the friendship. My current relationship is the first one where I'm consciously trying to learn to connect to my gender center and heal it... where "wet pussy" seems to be something I'm interested in.
I couldn't orgasm until I was in my 30's and could only get there using a vibrator (transhuman/Ai agenda anyone??). This past year I've introduced yoni eggs and an obsidian wand and thrown out all my vibrators so that I can try to heal organically.
This is a lot more than you were asking for... thank you again for asking. I don't think I even sufficiently answered your question... all of these topics are interwoven. In summary, I'd say that I STILL don't know how I'd identify. Yes, I'm in a relationship with a man. I've been married multiple times but still don't know who I am or what I'm doing here, ha! Lately I've felt like I had the opportunity to go back to a lesbian relationship but it doesn't feel right to me. I feel that one of my assignments that I gave myself in this life is to learn to embody a hierogamic union and anchor that healing energy so we can come back to balance and unity on earth. Part of the journey and exploration involved feeling into some other paths and experiences, but ultimately I want to experience and model sacred union. It's my belief that that takes a man and a woman who are embodying their own divine masculinity and femininity (once they've married those within themselves so that they are whole).... so... that's what I'm working on/with. Whoooo. :)
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Numbers have been wild and strong lately. 222 a lot. I woke up and felt that I needed to note the 3:21/3 last night and have it again right now 3/3:21. Now 3/3:22
444 and 111 a lot too. And 15:15 but also 20:20 and others.
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