I started responding on the “What did you think about the Om Rupani podcast?” thread but think it fits better here :) ...
I am really enjoying the podcast series and am delighted that these topics right out-of-the-gate center around masculine and feminine energies, roles, polarities, and union. This is the work that I have been engaged with for many years (first to heal and marry my internal masculine and feminine energies, and then to do the same with another human).
As part of my soul's consciousness exploration (and polarity integration), I've lived both as devoted lesbian as well as a misogynistic zealot. I have been a feminist chanting at rallies and an influencer sharing about the importance of following your master/husband. Eventually both of those extreme lifestyle polarities faded and I embarked on a journey of trying to find neutrality in all things.
A little over a year ago, my soul called in a man who is also passionate about finding the way to sacred union, and healing the energetic and societal gender reversals that have left us broken. Many of his understandings (and wounds) were echoed through Om Rupani's sharing. I was not familiar with BDSM before I met Paul (other than mainstream conversation and books like "Fifty Shades of Grey”), but my sweetheart had been participating in a similar mindset and community called "Humbled Females". I continue to experience feelings of resistance when I hear the confident tone of people (like Om) staking his claim and saying things that go against the societal norm (created by the feminist agenda, designed to blow up the family unit/y). I agree with Kelly that it seems like a psyop - for sure. Anyway… when I feel into the discomfort (enter through the upset), it does offer me an opportunity to explore and challenge my masculinized ego.
As part of my soul's consciousness exploration (and polarity integration), I've lived both as devoted lesbian as well as a misogynistic zealot. I have been a feminist chanting at rallies and an influencer sharing about the importance of following your master/husband. Eventually both of those extreme lifestyle polarities faded and I embarked on a journey of trying to find neutrality in all things.
A little over a year ago, my soul called in a man who is also passionate about finding the way to sacred union, and healing the energetic and societal gender reversals that have left us broken. Many of his understandings (and wounds) were echoed through Om Rupani's sharing. I was not familiar with BDSM before I met Paul (other than mainstream conversation and books like "Fifty Shades of Grey”), but my sweetheart had been participating in a similar mindset and community called "Humbled Females". I continue to experience feelings of resistance when I hear the confident tone of people (like Om) staking his claim and saying things that go against the societal norm (created by the feminist agenda, designed to blow up the family unit/y). I agree with Kelly that it seems like a psyop - for sure. Anyway… when I feel into the discomfort (enter through the upset), it does offer me an opportunity to explore and challenge my masculinized ego.
Let’s be honest, my practice of emasculating and disrespecting my partner has destroyed all of my relationships and it is only by the grace of God that I have gotten opportunities to try again. I’m 45 now and determined to correct my distortions and reversals so I can live as a humble, gentle and loving woman who takes pleasure in connection through heart-centered service to my beloved.
This work is so hard though. As much consciousness as I’ve collected around the topic… as much experience swimming around in it, I STILL mess up all.the.time. As women, we are programmed to both be the captain of our own ship as well as to expect the “Princess" experience when we get into a relationship... to be adored and served…and when we don’t experience that, we get feisty. We’ve … I’ve… been taught to WRANGLE my experience…that I can do anything I put my mind to… and I learned to control (and manipulate) until I got my way (which I perceived to be the BEST way for ALL parties involved). This is the energy of a leader (and a tyrannical one at that)… not a follower/submissive. Men are designed to lead and it EMPOWERS them to have a devoted follower.
The way to overcome my entitled, narcissistic viewpoint is to learn to serve. I must overcome codependency by letting go and focusing on self-love. To meet my own need to be seen and loved. Kelly’s work has been so supportive and inspiring around this. This whole (life) exercise is between “me” and “ME”… my earth-self/Carissa and my higher self. We are on the playground of this earth to explore the contrast … to feel and overcome the challenges. This is the GOOD STUFF.
So even though I have read and studied and practiced and could tell anyone else how to embody the divine feminine, I continue to struggle with it myself. I hold onto (and am apparently enjoying wrestling) with my ego. I need to learn to trust… and like Kelly said (I was one of the people with the deep sigh while listening to the Weston Price talk)…we long to be well-handled by a strong and compassionate man. We long to be seen and still loved in our mess. The NeedtoBreathe song, “Banks” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqifjBtNzLw) is my favorite song because it captures so much of what I understand a divine union to look like. The man holds the structure… the banks… and the woman brings the flow… and together they go places.
I’m so blessed to be given this opportunity to be in a relationship with a man who shares my interest and commitment to healing. Now how do I keep him? I need to humble myself and learn to trust and submit to his authority. To GIVE him authority over me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to maintain my personal sovereignty… but also to entrust him with all of me... and I haven’t found a way to do both. I’ve tried playing the part of a submissive (humbled female) but only half-heartedly because I don’t know how to let go all the way. I like to play the game, but I haven’t gotten to the end of my self…my ego. Along the EK work lines, I am still exploring the discomfort (wonderful experience) of failing at this … of being a “strong woman”.
I think I’m waiting for Paul/the man to be SO STRONG that my stubborn independence and I-know-better attitude melts away naturally. I think it was Kelly who said that we long for a man who is smarter and stronger than us. But I’m so egotistical that I haven’t found that… and my current partner COULD BE… I just don’t let him (in my mind and then manifest that energy into reality). The thing is, I think we are here at this time on the earth to help heal the distortions and damages to the human lightbody and holding space for each other to heal is a big part of it. So I feel that it is my work to hold space for the masculine to remember their power and role. So am I supposed to “fake it til we make it”? Maybe so. But it feels inauthentic. All of this is the workings of the mind anyway…. so how can I emBODY the work and heal the human?
Whoo. You hear how divided I am… I say one thing… I study and learn and talk about the divine feminine and empowering the divine masculine to take back his power….but at the same time I think I’m the boss of that topic… that it’s ME ordaining…ordering… this. So it’s still me, a woman, leading a man… even to control/manipulate him into feeling strong. Messy business.
I can’t imagine anyone got through this whole thing, but if so. Thank you for being a compassionate witness. Lots of love to all!
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Also, it feels like Egypt is DEFINITELY "up". Uncle Robert mentioned it this morning too! Healingggggg.
I am definitely feeling some anxiety and feeling "weird" in my body. Very cold. Heart palpitations sometimes. Weak. I had an armpit smell. My left foot and ankle is still having nerve issues. I'm not sure what to eat. I have lots TO eat... but I ate all those oxtails this morning and they were quite fatty. I just had a slice of turkey bacon and a hard boiled egg. They were tasty. But I don't think the hard boiled egg yoke is as good (if at all). Breathe sweet girl.
I am definitely feeling some anxiety and feeling "weird" in my body. Very cold. Heart palpitations sometimes. Weak. I had an armpit smell. My left foot and ankle is still having nerve issues. I'm not sure what to eat. I have lots TO eat... but I ate all those oxtails this morning and they were quite fatty. I just had a slice of turkey bacon and a hard boiled egg. They were tasty. But I don't think the hard boiled egg yoke is as good (if at all). Breathe sweet girl.
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My AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Implanted_Thoughts
I, for sure, also carry this as a mission strand. I can feel those thoughts being aimed at me - programmed in me. I do not consent to them.
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I spoke about Egypt earlier and guess what, all of a sudden, some miraculous thing happened and the "OL Egyptian Healing" meditation card was sitting on my nightstand. It was just there!! WOW. So amazing how everything is tied together. I need to do that meditation ... soon. I did the "OL Ancestral and Blood Clearing" one earlier. And have been finishing the Foundations Call Q&A and listening to the Carnivore Code and trying to get my meditation in... silent meditation. But I have got monkey mind!!
I need to finish my Malai work and eat an egg and bacon and make some ground beef before Paul gets home. Snap to it sister!!
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