Been a while

It's been a while. I was away on (an excellent) family vacation last week ... OBX!! Much to share... so beautiful to spend quality time with family... lots of fun with kids. Braden took us on a plane ride from Kitty Hawk to Okracoke and back to Mateo! Saw three lighthouses from the air... Bodie Island (which we also went to on the ground), Cape Hatteras, and Okracoke!

Right now I want to document that Ryan broke up with me again... and I'm going to let him. 

Tomorrow I should find out if Ms. Diane will accept my offer on 1290 Firetower Rd. If I get it my whole life will change. I thought maybe Ryan and I should move in together, but he is a mess... and always blaming it on everyone else (*me since I'm in his life)... and he's so mean... yesterday he flipped his shit and says abusive things (that yes, I block) because I couldn't remember what Jannelle was talking about when he got back from the bathroom....the problem is that I didn't invest myself into feeling things from his perspective and trying to remember what she was talking about. Anyway... I am not good enough for him, that's what it comes down to. I make too many mistakes, I'm not perfect or ON all the time. I try, but ... yeah... I want to be single for a while... maybe Ryan will choose to invest in healing himself, but as it is, he rejects me and always says stuff like "he's not on the same path I am"... which I think is him rejecting his own soul's call to awaken. But our relationship has planted seeds and hopefully some of them will route. It's definitely planted seeds in me too.

I know our souls love each other so much. Even yesterday when he was so mean, when we hugged I felt the heat of love... so much love radiating from both of us. It helped me to cry and let go of the yucky energy that he was throwing around. He's angry because I say that "I did nothing wrong". He feels that is me saying that I'm a victim to his abuse (he didn't say abuse...but that's what it is... and truly, he is needlessly mean and violent in energy and speech). He's messed up... but so am I and we are all working on healing... hopefully he will.

Anyway... many balls in the air. 

The pendulum says that it is in both Ryan's and my best interest to move in together. I think it's freaking trial-by-fire... burning off massive dross QUICKLY. We have a lot of love for one another and I have a lot of Guardian support. I need to get back to ME and I think it probably would be good... plus it will help AFFORD it. So. We'll see. I mean, he just broke up with me and I'm proposing to live with him. Inviting the drama into our life. He has to choose to heal himself and I need to not get sucked into the biwave drama... but it really does feel aligned with our soul plan and Kryst mission. So... yeah. We'll see. I need to work. 

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5/29 12:34

Challenging but we worked through it. This is what we are doing here. Our love and connection helps both of us to be better. I should not and must not talk about Ryan with his parents any more. I must do better at asking questions and empathizing. I tend to revert to a 6-7 year old when I am stressed or "in trouble". We made the most beautiful love... I love being with Ryan. He's my true love. 

Thank you God:
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Law_of_Compassion

The Law of Compassion is the first basic truth of One Self-God Self. As One Self-God Self, to be “Compassion in Action” towards others is then to be in harmony and right relationship to Self, right relationship to God, right relationship to the Universe. This is a Law of One practice. (Love Yourself, Love Others, Love the Earth and all of her creatures, is an action of Compassion.)

This is the truth of right relationship, of loving understanding, of actively expressed Love. It is the foundation of Christ, unity consciousness and the expression of the inner unity within or Hieros Gamos.

This basic truth never changes because it is related to the nature of God Itself and have become apparent to mankind through revelation, as evolution has proceeded and man has developed the needed perceptive faculties and the required persistence of search, plus the unfolding of the inner light of the soul. These truths, inherent in the divine nature, reveal the soul of God.

The Law of Compassion is manifest as right relationship with God and self, as the human being is Compassion in Action. Compassion in Action is the true principal of Father Arc, the Father God principle. The False Father principle has manifested the False King of Tyranny on earth for Service to Self motivation through Religious Violence, which has corrupted the masculine principle on earth. To regain our true Father principle is to regain Compassion in Action towards all living things, which is a principle of the Virtues of the Christ.