Conspiracy

 Ryan insulted me and ran out of here today... I don't have the time or energy to go into it again (I journaled on my Apple Journal App), but it seems to me like he is (a.) being run by an entity or pain body, and trying to feed (loosh) on me. He even brought up that word, loosh, today. Weird. It just hit me. Anyway... he could also be (b.) trying to see me as an enemy to justify why he isn't interested in me... to himself. Subconsciously even. But he created drama, called me names, and stormed out. I am going to send this now:

I hate that my audio message was deleted. I want you to have, in black and white, how much I appreciate you. Thank you for taking the garbage yesterday, and throwing it in the compactor. I am grateful for your muscles and strength. Thank you for looking at my dishwasher the other day to make sure there wasn’t damage. Thank you for taking time out of your day to come see me and eat with me. Thank you for inviting me along to witness your new tool purchases - I love seeing you like a kid in a candy store in that tool aisle! 

As far as today... I’m going to say this as concisely as possible….

I am not a “conspiracy theorist”. 

I am not “woke" or "mainstream”. 

I AM, however, very interested in watching all the “programming” play out. This is part of my soul's interest in human behavior. 

It’s true that I went through a period of identifying as a “conspiracy theorist” and at that time, I did not watch (or trust) “news” (or “fake news). I did, however, follow threads of communication … articles, videos, websites, books, social media… that led me to believe things aligned with that particular flavor of consciousness. Now I see that these “alternative sources” were also programming streams… (potentially involved in massive “psyops”?? Qanon???)…  and I’m still enjoying watching the many “programs” or “flavors of consciousness” play out through the people surrounding me. (Though in the last year or so I’ve been more interested in hanging and playing and nuzzling with a certain fella across the street.:))

Let me say it this way… much like I enjoy going to a museum and perusing and touching and interacting with the different exhibits, I have enjoyed observing and sometimes interacting (sometimes too much) with different ideologies, religions, and viewpoints.

(As I’ve shared before) I was super duper burned by the church. At least that was the catalyst for my awakening to the potential that the “authorities” weren’t always right/honest/truthful. The “inherent Word of God” (and subsequent dogma) was a farce that men (who had the audacity to proclaim themselves as the authority sent by God) used to control those who bought in…and when that house of cards fell, my trust in any “authority” (or “program”) was shaken to the core.

Since then, I hold proclamations of the way, truth, and life at arms length ...and while I enjoy looking at them, I don’t intentionally “buy in”. (I feel like I have blind spots here where I have inadvertently bought in to some things that don’t belong to me… and I need to just keep cleaning house. Open and friendly conversation with people who have my best interest at heart and a safe space to honestly plumb the depths of my own consciousness is how I can keep addressing infidel ideologies that have taken up residence.)

In the case of misinformation about “Covid-19 not being isolated”… that was what I was tuned into during that time (2020). I haven’t watched the mainstream TV or news for a long time (ever much!) and I am naturally skeptical, so at the time, that resonated and fit the narrative that my soul wanted to explore (that the government can’t be trusted and I need to expose them). That’s no longer my interest. (Now I work for the government!)

Anyway, this is my path and my journey as I continue to meander through life. I know you have your own path and it wouldn’t occur to me to fault you for your views (10 years ago, 3 years ago, or today). I accept who you are, where you’ve been, and am excited to see where you’re going. I have so much respect for how you’ve courageously continued to overcome adversity and you are creating a beautiful life for yourself. 

Part of what makes me ME is my interest in human consciousness as well as the traps and programs that affect it. I would love to have the safety to unabashedly share my findings, musings, and thoughts with you. It’s what I like to do for fun. In the beginning we had such great talks! I’ve always been me and it’s curious to me how you can judge me today for something that I entertained years ago. I popped through that mindset or consciousness trap or belief system and am where I am today. (Always striving to be more kind, loving, humble, generous, and better in every way.) 

Again, I feel unfairly judged and mocked for viewpoints that are not my own. It’s clear that I have some facts wrong which I picked up from the programming I was sitting under at the time that they got stuck in my craw, but I’m teachable and always willing to pivot. I’m guessing all humans have to deal with this… inadvertently taking incorrect information as truth… especially if they unquestioningly believe what someone else - the news, the government, the church, their mother - tells them. I dare say that even you may have an incorrect idea or two that is just there because you got incorrect information. Maybe not. Maybe you’re perfect. (But I doubt it. :)) FRIENDS talk to each other and share their perceptions and discuss them. In my opinion, that’s a fun part of human interaction. 

I am sorry that I have believed incorrect information. I am sorry if it hurts you or embarrassed you. I am sorry that it causes a divide. 

I wish you a nice night’s rest and a great day of work tomorrow. Peace be with you Ryan. I love you.