Mastering Self Discipline in the Chaos (AG pick)

Timely.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Mastering_Self_Discipline_in_the_Chaos

I'm feeling really ready to let Ryan go. He is badly behaved and doesn't treat me with kindness or respect. I'm ready to move on.

Should we be friends or not? God's in control. I'm not declaring any of this. I'm just moving on in my heart and life. Just separating my heart and moving forward. 

I had a really nice personal loving time today. 

I've enjoyed PLAYING with Ryan... basketball and pickleball and watching games... he's a good playmate. Not a good partner. 

But I love that he will care for my animals with me... will check on them tomorrow when I leave for Tennessee until Michael gets here. 

Today Ryan had a long conversation about theory and what I might lump under spiritual matters with "Gemini", a new Ai google bot (like Siri, I guess). Interesting that her name is Gemini... aren't those the twins and represent hierogamic union? Anyway, these are siphoning the hearts of humans. Ryan would go all in with the "chip". He's not on the same page as me. He doesn't see chem trails and ridicules people who do. He has given his heart/mind/conversation to Gemini when I am hungry for it... this is an obvious sign. And I can't "save" him. I can't choose for him. This is the path he wants... and I need to remain faithful to MY SOUL'S path and not get off it for a boy... especially an abusive and damaging one. 

So... I see and learn...

"Thus, a spiritually disconnected person run by their Negative Ego and pain body wounding will easily digress into further negative patterns of soul corruption and spiritual bankruptcy. These negative attributes are spiritually abusive behaviors that result in mental fracturing and narcissistic behaviors, along with attracting a bevy of negative entity attachments that siphon energy Loosh from their host. Thus, spiritually disconnected people and their negative entities compound the overall intensity of psychic attacking and dark force harassment, while unleashing assorted manipulation tactics for exerting emotional blackmail or aggression in their attempt to dominate and submit others to serve their personal will."

Sound familiar?

I pray GodSovereignFree blessings over Ryan that he may be freed to his highest consciousness and probability... that he may see and know who he is (I AM) and that he would slay the dark entities that have corded him.... that he would see his negative ego and address his wounding and break the bondage of pain and trauma. I pray that I too would continue to release the density and heal my being. Clear my fascia and energy body of interference. God, Librarian, All Who Is... the Great I AM... please heal us. Thy will be done! 

___

Oh but again...another transcendant day with Ryan. Pickleball/play, heart-to-heart talk, date night (taco bell - ha! and Garfield movie), and really nice sexy time - he pleasured me so well. (I'm so glad I was able to share with him about how I really wanted him to take care of my needs too... and boy did he!! Whoo!! Super good... and I warmed up enough to partake in what he really enjoys tooo... it was special. And now we will be apart all week and it will be a good for us. We broke up earlier but during the movie I said I didn't want to and we talked and decided to keep it as is ... boyfriend/girlfriend and without pressure. 

I really do need to focus on my own healing and reclamation and remembering and living who I AM and stop trying to "get/keep/rope" Ryan. We'll enjoy this time and see where it goes.

I feel so much better when I am healthy and thinner... I like the feeling of him feeling me and being turned on . It's muuuuch better than junk food. Remember that.