I know

I know he's not the guy for me. 

He doesn't want to be. He could have been, but he didn't choose me. I don't think he can now. He's got to choose himself first... to heal... and he's going down that path...looking at his own health... and bless him. God bless him and help him. Send angels and support. May he reclaim himself... I love Ryan. I do. But I want a life filled with love and kindness and joy and gratitude and he's not there. He doesn't want that... he does want that... but he's not choosing evolution into that... or it's slowgoing. He has a lot of miasma... a lot of baggage and I did too. I DO too. But I have been doing lots of work and have more to do. I need a partner that values consciousness more ... and I'm not trying to be judgemental or put Ryan down. He's so very smart and he has so very much potential, but he's got a rotten ego that has him enslaved in his delusion that he doesn't need to address his traumas and wounding. And maybe he doesn't. Maybe that's not his journey. But he's always looking out at me and others and pointing the finger and judging them and putting them down so he doesn't have to look at himself. 

And I have been looking out and trying to earn this man's affection and attention instead of giving myself the affection and attention I desire. I'm the one for me.

Ryan's not. 

Believe that please.

Stop banging your head against the wall. 

You may have a boyfriend or a partner ... you have to give God this little teddy bear, sweet girl. I see you plotting and planning to just walk over and talk to him... you crave his attention like a drug. And when you give in to this craving where you may get this tiny hit of something... probably not even any kindness or good feeling... but maybe just a little connection.. and you trade that instead of earning your big teddy bear! How can I convince you? It's giving in to the addiction... feeding the bad wolf.... instead you can stay here and be loved by YOU/ME and read and breathe and feel and experience TRUE LOVE.

Let Ryan BE.

(Do me. Let Ryan BE.)

He doesn't want you. I'm sorry. But he doesn't. 

And you don't want him. He's a loser. Unkind. Doesn't have anything to offer. YES, I see that he CAN BE kind... and he is sometimes...but most of the time he chooses to throw arrows. He gives breadcrumbs to keep you hooked.. but Love, this isn't the Way. 

You DON'T know what could happen in the future... you're right... but holding out for it is still you holding on to the tiny teddy bear. 

I love you sweet girl. Breathe. Feel. Read. Stretch. Love. Sleep. Snuggle those sweet doggies of yours. 

ps. Corie is such a good friend to me.

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Bone_Matrix_Net