Brain dump

I got 17:17/17 today. Been getting lots of great numbers, thanks be to God. It helps me to know that God is still with me, communicating and supporting me. I have not been forsaken. I am just going through a challenging patch right now as part of my ascension. Feeling we are really working with trying to embody the monadic layers...7D, 8D, 9D.... thank you God.

There's so much to share... and nothing. I guess it can all just be where it was and is in no time. It's been a very intense week. I haven't even had the margin to journal on paper or here. I haven't had the margin to spend much time on ES. The last 3 days I haven't even meditated properly during the day. I did a half-hearted (minded) "brain integration treatment" yesterday but was distracted the whole time. 

I HAVE been practicing service, observation, overcoming fear, etc. Michael and I built my birthday yard bird chicken coop in the last three days...together. He let me help and I helped. It was a LOT for both of us, but we are so pleased! There are a few things left to finish - trim and window and paint - but it's so fun and secure for Roody, Prince and the girls! 

I have had much come up around the bible... possible backlash for me to observe and learn from after my ES post "sticking up" for the bible. The next day or the day after I had a lonnnnng conversation with a budding Christian pastor guy and Jerry and felt lots of cross-spiral energy that left me with a film of confusion. Then at Michael's Mom's funeral there were two red lights pointing at the cross and it was such a poignant picture of the Ai Red Wave program driving the crucifixcion and traditional Christianity. 

I just feel like I'm putting out fires on all levels of my being. 

I DO believe and feel into being a multidimensional being, "working" on different dimensions in some capacity in different layers of my consciousness. My current "Carissa" consciousness doesn't have the access to discern or feel into those things....or maybe she does, she just doesn't DO it because she's so busy here in 3D. That's probably it. Mediation, rest, following the spirit of God ...that will open up the consciousness. But all the things that are vying for my attention in order to keep me distracted and asleep...work...mind... temptations of the flesh like people, food, I don't know what else. But I do know that I don't feel grounded right now. I don't feel entirely present right now. I feel like I'm "faking it to make it" a little.

Yesterday I started crying on Dr. Puja's table... I just needed to cry. She was sharing about all the beings being freed...felt like she was talking about SRA'd kids and women and she even said "thank you for your work" to me....as though that is true. I think it IS true. I got woken again to do the "Safe Passage for Loved Ones" one night this week. I think this is part of my transiting... fear wants to come up and make me ask questions, but I need to just DO...in LOVE. Anyway, I just started balling and it helped some...releasing some of the density, I suppose. But I just felt so so TIRED. Even as I was driving over there ... not tired as in sleepy, tired in my bones. Exhausted. And my body and organs are feeling it too...struggling. They need rest and care to recover. I don't get good nights of sleep either... that might help.

My diet has been very good but I ate pizza last Sunday at Jerry's party and then on Tuesday I took Corie's kids to Costco and got more pizza and they got ice cream and churros - I ate some of that too which was not like me. Oh! It started at Jerry's party... I ate some of Corie's homemade carrot cake...and Page's homemade apple pie...and a little ice cream too. I haven't had that stuff for a long time...but it wreaks havoc on my system. 

Michael is going to sleep with me tonight. I haven't slept with him in months but I washed my sheets today and I've been asking him to snuggle with me. Yesterday as we were driving...or maybe it was today... everything is a blur... I was patting and rubbing him while he was driving and I realized that we don't have that physical "shared body" connection... we feel like different people. But I still love and appreciate him. 

We are partners for this time and working together and working stuff out together...and loving one another...learning our lessons. And I'm grateful. I love him very very much. And I leave the rest up to God. 

Today I told Michelle a message that I thought was for her but it was also for me: "You don't need to try to find a job... just wait for your job to find you." I feel like I work for God and I'm working in ways that I can't comprehend, but I also know that I am paid very well and have amazing benefits and feel secure and grateful knowing that I am fully provided for by my employer. 

I'm tired. I'm just going to go now. Oh! Kirk is back! He WAS in a mental institution for 2 weeks. Now he's back...on depakote (yuck! That's what they made me get on to get out too.)...but I am learning how to be a compassionate witness... that's my job and I'm grateful. I can't change Kirk. I don't want to want to change him. It's time for me to learn and practice HARMLESSNESS.