Time to die again.

 118.84 

Challenging day. Yesterday was good until the night... because I went to town with Dee and we saw Dr. Puja and had Thai food and went to Costco and TJ's and bonus Harris Teeter. Good conversations and a lovely time.

Psychic attack hits and causes anxiety, especially that I have "cv" and it takes me out. This is a GIFT to help me face FEAR. 

Last night headaches and very painful small intestine pain which was new for me. Along with anxiety. 

Today I have felt weak and unwell and a slight headache came for a bit and I thought a fever but when I took my temperature it was only 98.2. My glands are not swollen but my throat seems to hurt ... I saw "seems to" because so much of this is a MIRAGE. I have fasted so far and it's 3:50 and took two larger doses of CDS and rested in the sun and bed and did a couple meditations. I had to get up to come to the computer to make an envelope for Michael and got stuck here. 

I think I'm fine... I think it's psychic attack. Or opportunity to transit. I pulled "Safe Passage for Loved Ones" as my second meditation today (the first was something about 12 Tree Grid Architecture). I did the Safe Passage but had swiped it accidentally and got the "Safe Passage for SRAd Children" when I started... so I put it back to the original Safe Passage which I pulled but then I did the other one after. All of them felt like an opportunity for healing. 

I think I'm being upgraded and just feels a lot like how I felt years ago... heart thumping sometimes... horrible anxiety. Yesterday I must have stepped on a leaf in the bedroom but something felt so weird on my foot and then I honed in on it and couldn't get it to stop buzzing and then I thought something was wrong... just crazy anxiety. The day before I thought my whole foot had broken blood vessels... I don't know what I saw... I had just had an ant bite, but the entire walk I was convinced I was dying and I couldn't look at my foot. Later I looked and it was okay. Maybe a bruise or broken blood vessels, probably from moving the stuff off our porch. But it's my MIND.

This is the time I'm told to SURRENDER THE MIND. LET THE EGO DIE. This is it. ALLOW CARISSA TO DIE.

I see you typing to me in caps. 

Ahhh! Okay. Right.

Today's "suggested for today" was "INTO THE VOID". 

I'm clinging to life again and that leads to fear. That's NOT where I want to be. I need to give up my life to save it or something like that. Jesus and the New Testament are AMAZING. Why doesn't Michael see? Why do I not see?

On Michael I keep going back and forth whether it's the "right thing to do" to "give myself to him"... to have sex with him. I don't feel like he's my divine partner, but at the same time, he's right that he's caring for me like a family member (wife) but with none of the "perks". I mean... he has my love and appreciation and help (he doesn't think I help, but I know I do... I could and need to do better... MORE STO... but our family provides a level of purpose and joy to him that he wouldn't get alone. 

Yeah, I have to let God lead. Not be convinced in my mind. God will show me what to do. We are not aligned in our beliefs but I think we are working on a major Seraphim project having to do with the patriarchal domination agenda and gender reversals. We are helping each other and pathcutting in the world. But we can do that without sex. But he wants it. But I have to let GOD lead. I don't have to be the one to provide. God will show us. God will lead. Hang in there.

I have a pain in my chest when I'm talking about this. What does it mean? Closed heart type of feeling maybe? I need to learn how to feel and understand my HSP. 

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5:55

Just did a random AG pick - seems aligned with the 555...

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/DNA_Anomalies_created_by_Annunaki

I really think my "job" is to overcome this annunaki nephilim consciousness and bring it back to submission to God.