Roody is dying

I'm being called to feel more feelings. 

Grateful for the "healing sounds" YoQi that we worked this afternoon. Lots of feelings stored in my organs and body and they need to be felt WITHOUT the "victim/victimizer" overlay.

I feel victimized because I MAKE myself that way... I am looking OUTSIDE of MYSELF for someone (Paul) to meet my needs. To be compassionate, to be kind, to help with Roody. Roody is dying.

Michael's had a fever the last 3 days. The first day he asked to go to Urgent Care, the second day, yesterday, we spent many stupid hours at the ER which was both useless and helpful (because he was shaking so badly it was so scary but I learned that is the way the body tries to release energy). 

My body is bravely working with that energy or virus or whatever it is but I feel pain.... my throat was hurting, my lower back, kidneys, are really struggling. Bladder. I did the "patting" YoQi this morning too which is helpful. 

But Roody is dying. He's now in the back bedroom. I was giving him some space. I was watching myself with all my "attachment"... holding him and wanting to be with him when he died and expectations and imposing my understanding and beliefs. Lots of personality overlays and applications to try to change the experience or insert myself in it in some way. 

I love Roody. We know. He's been my best Rooster buddy for 6 years and has changed me through his love and our relationship - well, my witness to his life experience. He was always first to come over and get treats... I mean... he was totally a HOG. 

I don't know what happened... yesterday morning he just wasn't well... he wasn't eating and he was obviously not feeling well. I've danced around him, given him Chicken RX, sang to him, meditated with him, done the "Safe Passage" meditation, (I pulled the Safe Passage for SRA'd children med last night), put crystals around him, put salves on him, tried to get Paul or Michael to put him out of his suffering... and that was really hard. Paul was just disengaged. I guess he didn't know how to handle it. Michael said he would handle it. 

But this was a lesson for me. I asked my pendulum if we should euthanize and it said no and I feel that is because I am trying to push MY suffering away... MY suffering of watching his suffering. But he maybe needs to go through his own process without my interference.

I resent Paul's lack of leadership and compassion. 

Prince attacked him and bloodied him. Poor Roody. I checked on him through the day but between 3:30-5 Prince must have gone after him because I found him in the "pool" (HVAC condenser water) hiding with a bloody head and comb. 

Prince is doing what he's supposed to... which actually, if he killed him, would be natural order and putting him out of his misery, but by my interference, maybe I extend his suffering.

He's breathing very shallowly. Yesterday he was gurgling. He's been weak and sick for months I thought but he seemed to perk up right after Poppy died. I thought maybe he killed Poppy to keep him off Rose... I don't know. There was no blood.

EVERYTHING comes down to this being a lesson FOR ME. To learn to care for myself, to stop looking outside myself to get my physical, mental, or emotional needs met. 

I fear going to Colorado because of the altitude. It's almost 7K where Elise lives. I think I'm supposed to go. I need to face my fear. If I die, I die. It is what it is. I AM. This is what I'm here, to face my fears! This is part of the shadow we are walking into. Am I willing to walk? 

Flu. Walk into it. God's will be done. Stop resisting. I am constantly resisting WHAT IS. BE HERE NOW. I AM.

Thank you God. 
Thank you for this lesson.
Thank you for Paul.
Thank you for Roody.
Thank you for all our beloveds and this opportunity.
6:48 ... I started around when I saw 6:33

Please comfort Rose. Please comfort Elise.

More feelings

It feels like everyone is being called to feel their feelings. Paul too. But he's shut down. How can I help him? But more, how can I help me?

I was hurt that Paul got up and didn't say anything yesterday morning... just put his back to me and left.
I was hurt that he bent me over and had sex with me - just quick and came and didn't follow through with a "sex date" that we talked about Friday so we could have one this weekend... and we didn't. And then he came and there was no hope that we would later in the day.
I was hurt that he didn't talk to me... on the walk he didn't talk. He was playing games.
I was hurt that he didn't help me with the garden... his garden which he abandoned and it needed to be harvested to salvage some of it and he didn't help.
I was hurt that he didn't keep his promise that we were going to upload our teeshirt and blood pressure tracker.


Hurt that he doesn't fight for me... that he doesn't stand up to be the emotional strength/pillar. That he doesn't declare his love and commitment. 

Feeling my Feelings - hey hey hey

That's a reference to Nahko's song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygK_ZDcSB_0

But I awoke this morning with sadness and anger and frustration which I want to point at Paul but am being challenged to recognize is my own. I have to take responsibility for my own life... my own choices...even in choosing to merge my life with Paul, trading the perceived comfort of companionship (and on a high of the Messiah Complex, trying to save my heirogamic partner so we could ascend together). 

The "he's taking advantage of me" refrain is going round and round... knowing I am in debt and have been since I met him, while he keeps getting freer and freer... he has had a move out of Alaska fully paid for, floated for months while he looked for a job and dreamed of being an author, paid for his health programs, supplements, services, and now bought him a car (on MY SINKING credit). And he just keeps taking and taking and wanting more and more and more.

And I'm mad about it. But I keep DOING IT. I keep going along with it. I keep trying to make him happy so that I can be happy. 

I keep waiting for him to take RESPONSIBILITY. I keep asking him to.

He wanted a garden and we planted it but I've been responsible for watering it daily and he said I watered it too much and I am trying to do what's right. He had fun harvesting the first fruits but it's needed to be tended to for so long. I've been harvesting. And this week I mentioned it many times and he had time after the dog walk and I began harvesting thinking he would participate and NOTHING... I had to do it all. I've had to do it all.

I'VE HAD TO DO IT ALL!!!!

I've had to take care of the house (cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.) and do my job, and try to get a head to prepare for another job, and take care of all the animals AND try to meet his sexual needs and try to be compassionate because he's always whining about something (his back hurting, wanting to do this or that - be an author, get ahead, etc). 

He spends his time on youtube and instagram and playing brain games and YES, he spends time with me rarely, usually when we are spending money. But it mostly revolves around him. HIS desires. We have to watch TV every night when we eat dinner instead of talking to me. EVERY NIGHT.

So this is a lot of upset and blame but realize that I have participated. I have gone along with it. 

How can I choose MY LIFE and MY CHOICES and get MYSELF OUT OF THIS DEBT?

I have to get another job. That's it. And get myself out and stay out. And do things that are aligned with ME. 

ME and me... that's what this is about. LEARN. THIS IS A CANVAS TO LEARN. Thank you God!

___ 

How about my "suggested for today"? It is ON POINT. As was my "quote of the day" and "affirmation of the day"

"When the ego mind for whatever reason is able to tempt me out of love, to convince me that in that moment that person did not deserve love, for whatever reason I shut my heart, I manifest a world that is not loving that is not peaceful that is painful for me that is painful for others.  That is the ego mind and that is called hell." ~Marianne Williamson

Suggested For Today

Taking Self Ownership

Reclaiming self-ownership and clearing negative ego fear programming is the most important thing you can do to help free yourself and make progress to express your true creativity and art inside your soul. It is through reclaiming our true heart based and empathic humanity, practicing unconditional love no matter what is thrown at us, that we can be free from the fear based programming and intimidation. When we are in the presence of a controller, manipulator or bully, being able to hold neutral observer awareness is very important.

*Find your spiritual lessons inside the obstacles. Where are you weak and what are your strengths? Look for the pieces you may have missed inside yourself, that which you need to get stronger or change the way you have been doing things. The game has changed on earth and we must change with it. Every weakness you have will be attacked and exploited, so take action to correct them. The answer to everything is higher consciousness and self-awareness.

*Command your personal space and claim your human right to co-exist on earth as a GSF being, while taking personal responsibility for self-ownership. Assert this every day and build this spiritual muscle.

*Kick the negative ego to the curb, discipline your mind to stay in observer while working to stay aligned with the resonant energies and feelings, rather than relying on the mental body constructs. Keep the mind quiet and calm.

*Replace the negative ego earth laws with the highest authority made in the Universal Laws, make the commitment to follow and express the Universal Law of One and Service to Others in your life every day.

*Commit to live peacefully and harmlessly, to remove all anger and violence inside your body and mind through self-love, self-respect and self-forgiveness. Pray or ask for help every day.

*Command all energies and implants that exist in your body that were placed there without your consent, to be governed by the Universal Laws of God. Take full ownership over your body, all things in your body and consciousness now belong to you completely. As the result, you will take responsibility for reprogramming them into states of harmony. State that all programs or technology inside your body are now aligned to the higher governance of your Avatar Christ or God self.

*Stop pushing to look externally for 3D ways to survive, and ask what you can do to go beyond the control matrix and serve your highest purposes. It is likely you will need to meditate more, get quiet more, and stop doing what you think you have to do, because it is highly likely that you are doing the wrong actions that will yield you nothing but frustration. The chaotic mind will not lead you, only the still heart will lead you.

*No matter what is happening in your life, you cannot deviate back to negative ego thinking, correct yourself and stay centered, neutral and calm as possible. Remember that is the weapon of the aliens, and the AI Mind control. Stay above it.

*Keep boundaries and try to stay away from unhealthy and toxic people, gather strength inside yourself. Make people earn your trust with trustworthy behavior. Don’t tolerate liars, manipulators and violent people.

More on Self Ownership

Self-ownership (or sovereignty of the individual, individual sovereignty or individual autonomy) is the concept of property in one's own person, expressed as the moral or natural right of a person to have bodily integrity, and to be the exclusive controller of her or his own life, as well as the body, mind, and spirit. The possibility of self-ownership has been destroyed for most people on the earth through the continual deception, Mind Control, Manipulation of Consent and NAA Archontic Deception Strategies that are broadcast to the masses in order to shape the anti-human culture.

Most of us reading this by now, realize that the people that are in control of the resources of this earth, are either not human, or are depraved humans that have sold out their soul, and taken the role as the personal pet to serve the Alien overlords for a pittance. We are being lied to in every way imaginable, and what we see in the mass media is what they want us to see. Stay neutral.

To be sovereign over one's self is to be free of the control or coercion of others, to truly have the freedom to direct one's own life through having Informed Consent about the many things that impact our bodies and consciousness. We extend that belief to include freedom over Self-Determination in the direction over one's consciousness which connects with the Soul, Spirit and higher intelligence spiritual bodies. Self-Sovereignty is inherently a human right given through Universal Laws, expressed through the Law of One. The teachings of the Law of One describe the spiritual laws that govern our spiritual evolution for each dimension. It is a single philosophical system of World Humanism, which merges cosmology, science, Human Rights and spiritualism.

To accept personal sovereignty or self-ownership, also means that person must accept Self-Responsibility. As you increase your use of free will choice and consent, you also increase the responsibility for your own actions and reactions.

Self-Responsibility is being able to own your own emotional conflicts without blame, guilt or projection upon another person, by making it their fault. Do not assume that you know anything about that person that can be judged for what you cannot see or really know, as you have not walked in their shoes.

When feeling upset, restore balance to your heart and aura, by lovingly holding your boundaries without violating others boundaries by expecting them to resolve your conflict.

Be willing and open to learn the lessons and find out what the real issue is, which most of the time is not what it appears to be. Going deeper and reflecting on forgiveness of yourself and others, allowing time to pass, helps to neutralize the conflict. Learning how to become responsible and accepting Self-Responsibility is a major step of productive Negative Ego clearing.

Special attention:

*Stop pushing to look externally for 3D ways to survive, and ask what you can do to go beyond the control matrix and serve your highest purposes. It is likely you will need to meditate more, get quiet more, and stop doing what you think you have to do, because it is highly likely that you are doing the wrong actions that will yield you nothing but frustration. The chaotic mind will not lead you, only the still heart will lead you.

and

Self-Responsibility is being able to own your own emotional conflicts without blame, guilt or projection upon another person, by making it their fault. Do not assume that you know anything about that person that can be judged for what you cannot see or really know, as you have not walked in their shoes.

When feeling upset, restore balance to your heart and aura, by lovingly holding your boundaries without violating others boundaries by expecting them to resolve your conflict.

Thank you God!

Also got 11:11, 11:44

This IS, indeed, a call to observe and take SELF-OWNERSHIP.
Had a good time feeling into these feelings today... by good time I mean I had some cries and some feelings of just trying to steer myself. I eventually communicated my concern over the credit card. We worked together on the budget which was good. And we had a "quickie" which was good. I feel united again with him and just need to keep doing what's right for me... 

I was thinking I need to get a part-time job, but Paul's right... we need to invest in ourselves... and for me, what I'm seeing here about getting quiet, listening to my soul, and following that.... doing what is IN SERVICE to others. Make sure that my service to Ayla remains about being aligned and supporting her vision and nothing more, nothing EGO. This wants to come in... but just keep going into my heart and feeling for who I AM. 

I'm not sure if the mineral balancing isn't aligned with my understanding or truth or service to humanity or if it is SO MUCH that I am being thwarted and distracted from accomplishing it? Feeling it's the latter.

More numbers... can't remember what they were now....

But I am needing to feel into my feelings again. Paul exploded and threw my phone against the wall. He didn't do what he said he would do. My focus is on him. Get it off. Focus on me. Self-Love. 

I want to run away. I'm planning my escape. Tomorrow. Take my rocks and computers and dogs and silver and go. Where? To Florida or the mountains. Probably Florida. I'll have my own space there. And no cell phone tower. 

Do I want to throw him and us away because of an emotional upsurge? Can I bear with him as he learns how to tap into his heart, how to see me, how to contribute, how to stop lying? Can I stop lying? Can I just be with what is? Can I let go and let God? Can I just let him and this energy and this attachment go? Can I just DO ME and LET PAUL BE?

That's the ticket. He isn't trustworthy. I'm not either. But I must learn to trust myself. I must learn to know and care for and hear myself. To take responsibility for myself. It would NOT be responsible to abandon my home and animals and life. I am being called to FEEL INTO ALL THIS. To allow the ambiguity and respond, if Paul ever comes to his senses, with love and compassion and not to hold it against him, not to withhold my love, knowing he is broken too. 

Money shmoney. Debt shmet. Fuck it all. I am abundant.... I have all that I need. Right now I need this lesson... I need this rising debt so I can feel it and understand it and realize that it is a mirage. I AM abundant, I have all that I need. I AM. So walk it out. In LOVE. Somehow.

I love you, Cristy. I love you, Carissa. I know this is hard, but I AM HERE. Let's do the Higher Mind Meditation together. We got this. And YoQi. Take care of US... WE... that's my job. I can't change Paul and my pulling on him to do what I think he should do (keep his word, follow through, etc.) is just setting him up for resistance. 

But I do need to be wise with myself... and putting my creations under his name so he can keep all the money when he hasn't proven himself trustworthy (and he has proven himself to be selfish and a user)... so it is UNWISE to do that. I need to start making WISE and LOVING decisions. 

And maybe stop doing everything around here... I think I'll stop doing all the cleaning and cooking and animal care... I'll do what I feel to do, but I think I'll let him feel what happens when I stop and maybe he can help out too. I need to take responsibility for myself and stop trying to take responsibility for someone else. We are NOT "one flesh", we are NOT a committed couple. He could leave anytime. He already probably talks to other ladies. He doesn't want to commit energy to building a union - energetically connected sex or time spent. He wants to use me. See it. Ketera said to watch for the "red flags" and I saw them and knew them and wanted to trust God anyway. The biggest "red flag" is SATANISM which was my AG pick yesterday and definitely feels like Paul (and the world... including me) are plagued with this. https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Satanic_Ideology 

I just need to come back to the message God and my Higher Self has been saying all year "DO ME AND LET PAUL BE". 

"Doing me", means taking care of MY needs... setting up a job situation where I can provide for MYSELF. Strengthening my own inner union and getting to know who I AM and what I am here to do... how can I be aligned with my soul and my "mission" and be a force of love. 

I'm squandering it by just trying to build it into Paul. I thought that by investing in him, I was investing in US which would eventually have more reach, but I forgot that I need to take care of ME first. If I don't, no one else will.

You're doing really good. This is a mixture of ego and emotionality and a little truth, but really you just need to get quiet, get with your soul, work on OUR (ME and me) relationship and growing MY health and well-being. And that's it. DO ME ... let Paul BE.  

Meditate
Fuck the book and tee shirts
Focus on my healing business
Focus on healing my own health and consciousness
Love my family and friends but guard my heart too. For example, Le'Anna's vibe isn't the best for me right now... so just observe it and know it will shift. It's okay if this is a season to tuck into yourself.
2:24
3:11 3:22
Higher Mind Meditation
Miracle Abundance Meditation (Sue Morter and friend)

Poverty Consciousness - pointed out... should do that one. 

HOT PINK DRAGONFLY!!!

A miraculous and magestic HOT PINK DRAGONFLY came to see us on our walk today!!! WOWWWWW!!!!!! It landed on the fence and we had a moment and I soaked it into my heart! (I didn't know how long to stand there so eventually I tried to see if it would let me pick it up and it moved away but it was sooooo special!!)

Yesterday we had a sadness. Poppy left his body. Poppy was the MOST BEAUTIFUL chicken I've ever EVER ever EVER ever EVER seen! He had his dad's periwinkle blue ears and all the colors... greys and tans and blacks and blondes and reds... he was SPECTACULAR....and sweet. A cuddler. He loved his Dad so much and they spent a good chunk - sometimes an hour - snuggling each day.

I walked out at around 3:45 yesterday and he was there dead... like I almost saw movement in his body like it had JUUUUUUST happened. I picked him up and he was floppy and warm but definitely dead. I walked around with his body trying to feel into it but eventually put him down and came inside where I did a very powerful and moving "Safe Passage for Loved Ones" and felt lots of energy moving through my face. My sweet boy. 

God. 

It's been a wild week. I'm feeling better. YoQi helps so much. And I am getting to work with Ayla's team to help with graphics!

8/25/22

8:09 9:09 9:08

Asking for in-between session

 Note to Charlotte:

Begin forwarded message:

From: Carissa Wages <crwages@gmail.com>

Subject: Check in - some concerns

Date: August 20, 2022 at 7:33:56 PM EDT

To: Charlotte Batchelor <info@quintessenceportal.co.uk>

Hi Charlotte,
I hope you are doing okay. Are you doing okay?? Oh my gosh it’s been rough, right?

I wanted to check to see what the protocol is to have you “check my program” to make sure I’m still on the right track? I’ve been having some frightening ascension symptoms - suspecting full body/blood and skin infection (which seems to be resolving). Both Paul and I had a strange double wound (like a snake bite looking thing, but couldn’t have been) come up on our left leg/gallbladder meridian a little over a week ago. Mine is right below my left knee and quickly turned into a staph infection. It’s been a week and I’ve gone through it… fevers off and on and one day-night I dealt with the “death energy” very strongly… in general anxiety has been my constant companion. I have other wounds and bumps and warts and like parasitic spots that have suddenly appeared …and the wounds are instantly infected. In general my skin isn’t in proper shape - pigmentation is strange … dark spots coming up and other parts (like my hands) are getting lighter and lighter. My legs are still kind of paint splattered looking (though very mild… not loud…you have to look up close to see it.) 

I got the https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/RBC_Parasitized AG the other day so believe my body is working through healing all this. 

I took a hydrogen peroxide and epsom salt (and ginger) bath … definitely used too much of all of those… and kicked up some toxins which threw me into a 24 hour detox headache that wasn’t fun, but I wonder if I need to do more of that? My kidneys and all my organs are recovering and trying to stay strong so I want to support them too.

Anyway, all this to say, can you check in to see if my program is still correct and/or do you have a protocol or space in your schedule for check-ins for people who need it between sessions and if so how I can schedule that? 

Thank you for your consideration and time. I know you are going through this too and probably worse as you are holding space for so many. Sending you lots of love and gratitude for YOUR work. Praying you are feeling strong.

Love,
Carissa

Ps. I tried SO MANY things for the staph infection…after a dozen or more, I had some flags that “honey” was the answer. I was using some “MediHoney” that Paul thought was the best, but I kept thinking of "Manuka honey” and today I was able to get some! I also got some Sovereign Silver colloidal silver and have started taking that. I wondered if I needed to supplement with a little copper? I think part of this could be related to dumping some biounavailable copper and other heavy metals (which I do feel in my body/veins - makes me VERY EMF sensitive… I feel it with each stroke on the keyboard). Anyway… I know we’re a part of something much bigger than us - I just want to support my “micro” part to the best of my ability and I’d really like to stick around to keep working on what we’re here to work on! THANK YOU!!

Othala/Othila

Pulled a ruin and got a blank one first which whispered to my heart that I create my destiny. I pulled another and got the "Othala" or "Othila" which "aids in spiritual and physical journeys, womb of the Goddess, increase and abundance" and in the Runelore book, as I read about it, I cried. It taught me much about balance and respect for society - we need society. I don't want to be an outlaw or anarchist. I want to love and serve in truth within the beautiful human community I was born into.

Thank you for Ayla. I am listening to her music now which moves me. Inspires me.

I heard back from Rachel and also from Mykal, both to maybe help with their graphics. God, please help me to meet their needs and support LOVING the earth, TIKKUN OLAM, through these opportunities. It's an honor.

Thank you for teaching me through the death energy, through the fear, through the infection, help me to feel all the things. Timeline override in balance and truth in peace in love. Help me to overcome and step into my mentor mind and connect and feel my monad and avatar. Help me to hold space for all the stations of identity that come through the mirror. So much beautiful spiritual work. I'm sorry I've been distracted with Paul this year. This has been my work too. It's all part of it. This is what we're here for.

Thank you that I woke up yesterday. And today. And thank you for these wonderful dogs who love and hold space for us. Help me to love well. Thank you for the kiss I shared with Rayah the tree this morning and the light codes that came through it, may the pineal cages be removed and may I see. May I step in TRUTH and WALK in TRUTH. May I be a force of love. Thank you for the children in the stores Wednesday that interacted with me in love - they sensed safety. I'm used to them sensing my darkness. 

Thank you for Ayla's words which are washing over me now.
Clear the heavy metals. Clear the toxins. Clear the infections. Clear the blood miasma and pain.... clear the pain from my body and our earth. May I help. May I be a force of love. THE FORCE. 

_____

Post on OL:
WOWWWWWWW!! Thank you for your (continual) "YES" Mhairi & Sequoia!
I feel my response has too much levity for the gravity of the mission. I admit didn't know where Malta was and when I looked it up on a map, my breath was almost taken away with the weight of it... tears are coming now.

It's been a rough week, aye? Angela, thank you for holding vigil Tuesday night. The following night I was awake all night working with death energies ... so much clearing and need to stand firm. Candice's "surfer/warrior pose" (and my beloved starseed guardian dog who laid on top of me (which he hasn't done for a long time) supported. It's not over yet, we got to take a gulp of air, but we're still in it.... but we aren't alone, and that's everything!!

A few minutes ago I randomly was drawn to pull a rune stone (which I have only done a time or two when I got them) and got the "Othila/Othala" one which is summarized as "aid in spiritual and physical journeys, womb of the Goddess, increase and abundance."

Tears poured forth as I read the description in this "Runelore" book even though I don't fully understand but I wanted to share. I find it interesting that on its side, this looks like that fish symbol the Christians use.

Sending love and strength in solidarity,
Carissa

___

Saw a greenish yellowish dragonfly flying over and over and over the night before my meggido battle death energy thing on Wednesday night.

Hawk has been present this summer. Just had two soar over and around. One felt like my guide and the other reminded me of Paul and our partnership.

It's such a blessing ...3:23....been seeing 3:23 a LOT lately. ... it's such a blessing to have a partner to love and do life with. I was reminded this morning when I stood with Julie and Jannelle and they were talking about building their chicken coops. I'm really blessed. Remember. Act accordingly.

Did I mention that Rachel from Ayla reached out this week. We're going to talk in 15 minutes. And Mykal from Kuantum Life... that I may have some work opportunity with. Thank you GOD!

Prayer request

 In Omnilov3: 

Oh Sarah! I'm sorry to hear you are in pain, overwhelmed, experiencing interference, and experiencing emotional upset, infections, weakness, etc... that is A LOT and I feel you! Sending you love and prayers for continued purging and healing. You are so brave! (And SO HELD by God!)

I too would like to ask for prayer. For the last 5 days I've been trying to keep a staph infection at bay (that appears to have started from an insect bite - I initially thought it was a spider bite but I think it's the abscess). This angry monster is located right below my left knee on my gallbladder meridian and has been triggering thoughts of crucifixion implants and frankly, the fear and pain and inflammation and infection are likely representatives of the wounds that go along with that.

I have been challenged to both try to support the body as well as "let go" and trust it... but I haven't been successful yet. I have had a fever off and on and tried so many things. It's very red, hard, and the swelling is maybe a little better, but it's not draining much. I thought it was getting better but now it seems worse again. Anxiety is with me ... and I know this is a gift and lesson and opportunity to surrender fear and clinging to life once and for all.

Like Sarah, I had some beautiful emotional purging yesterday as I was watching/relating to Matias De Stefano's "Journey of Remembering", "The Path of the Dragon" episode. ( link )

I have been feeling nudged to ask for prayer in this container but kept putting it off. This seems so small compared to some of the ascension symptoms I go through but it really has me worried and in pain and confused. An old friend (who is rooted in 3D narrative) texted yesterday pulsing fear, saying that I need antibiotics or I could get septic. Again this morning I have a slight fever. I've had this "go to the doctor" script running since Saturday night which I've tried to feel through. I HATE the doctor and they only lie to me and take my money and offer me antibiotics which poison me. (I gave in in January and took some antibiotics for a whole-head sinus infection with dual ear infections and ended up being blasted with candida for the next 6 months!) I KNOW this but am still tempted because I have this "self-preservation" thing going on. See how I look outside of myself/God for solutions?

I've tried lots of things: hot compress, ice, colloidal silver, cell salts, homeopathy for snake bite, lavender oil, tea tree oil, all-natural antibiotic cream, medihoney, cabbage, baking soda, MMS, activated charcoal, clay, natural toothpaste with clays and essential oils, witchhazel, hydrogen peroxide, and I'm going to do a potato poultice in a little bit. I'm sure I'm missing something, but you can see I'm in a sort of desperation and fear state which doesn't help.

Thank you in advance for your prayers, Family. I am grateful that we aren't alone and I know nothing is wasted.
Love & Gratitude,
Carissa


Addition: I just did a quick AG random and got ascensionglossary.com/index.php/RBC_Parasitized .... which just says:

Red Blood Cells Parasitized
These are bacteria or parasites that get inside the cells. The cell will die, and unless they are stopped by the immune system, they will continue to attack other cells.

So if anyone is led to pray for that too, I'd sure appreciate it!

_____

This was from 8/13/22 in an email:15:33/13 (3:33) 44:44  

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

AG PICK: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Cosmic_Cube_Matrix

___

9:11 11:33 11:44 11:48 11:43 11:54 
I was asking what I should put on my wound - I was going to put something on it and forget it and didn't know which one to choose.... then I saw these!
THANK YOU GOD!!!!

12:43 3:30 ... and I've seen a bunch of 3:33's today... 4 sets I think.

But WHY did I get this AG random? https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Pathological_Liar
Is it me? Feels like the "Seducer Archetype" is the most relevant part.

Healing

Great news from my AG pick today (posted 7/28/22 .... today it's 8/15/22)
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Cosmic_Dragon_Star_Twinned_Plasma_Domes

The 7D current locations in the planetary grid are currently undergoing a major overhaul as the Cosmic Elohei have returned into their Solar Dragon God body, to evict this extensive antichrist matrix connected into the Peruvian Gates along with the entities from Alpha Draconis running it. The announcement of the return of Emerald Order Elohei, reveals as their Cosmic Dragon Star Twinned Plasma Domes are now made visible two miles above the peak of Macchu Picchu and underground in the Earth. Cosmic Holy Father and his Plasma Dome embodied in the Aquarian Solar Dragon in the air element taking the northern position on top of Macchu Picchu, while his counterpart the Cosmic Mother Dragon and her Plasma Dome took the water element into the southern position, located about two miles underneath the crust in the planet’s aquifer system.^[1]

It was a beautiful weekend. Lots of healing and opportunities to surrender fear. I really wanted to recount it to you but I'm not really feeling like it right now.

One item I am trying to surrender fear about is this spider bite on my leg. It's very painful and has an abscess and it's infected and really ouchy. I thought it was a bot fly yesterday and went down that path which scared me. I've been trying lots of different remedies...starting yesterday morning...
colloidal silver, my hippie toothpaste, MMS, warm compress, the bite stick, clay mask that I got for this a few years ago, lavender oil, activated charcoal, baking soda paste, tea tree oil, ice, benadryl, homeopathic for snake bites, and I'm sure more. I'll report back. It still hurts quite bad but it seems like it's a little less red. I had a slight fever yesterday but I got my period so it could be from that. 

Earlier in the weekend I was really having to feel into "loving my partner so much and them not loving me back". That energy. Mamma Bear ended up calling on Saturday and she was so weak and was in the hospital and she said she thought she was dying - giving me an opportunity to hold space for her and ask her if she was ready. She said she was always ready and that if she was going to die, she wanted it to be August 22nd when her Bruce died. The hospital had her in a covid room and floor, seems like it was "punishment" because she refused to get tested/swabbed for it. She said she heard them whispering outside her room that she was going to be the next "death by covid" statistic. Horrible. No one could visit her because she was in lockdown. (The next day they took her out of there and she was feeling much better and I think they will release her soon.) 

But on that first phone call where she said she was dying she asked how things were going with Paul and I gave my standard answer about what a gift it is...so many lessons... relationships are hard, yada yada. But she read right through that and said "the greatest form of love is to love someone even when they don’t love you back… love them with all your heart.". And I just started balling and balling my eyes out. Jewel was in the room and she probably didn't understand what was happening but it was such a release and felt like God was speaking through Mamma Bear... letting me know I'm heard and seen and loved and to encourage me to just keep loving Paul even when it's not reciprocated. (All week he went to bed with his back to me... for no reason... he just isn't interested in or attracted to me. I'm jealous of Manson who he dotes on and loves to be with, while I try to please him and love him ... scratching his back to get him to sleep, making meals and cleaning the house. It hurt. 

But this is the lesson. And I come back to "this whole exercise is between "ME and me" and I need to learn how to LOVE.  I want to cross the Luciferian Abyss and this is my ticket. 

After that phone call we left and headed to Raleigh and went to two thift stores. While in one of them I was having massive sharp stabbing pain in my left shoulder blade and pain in my left shoulder... it almost took my breath away but I was trying to just be with it and allow it. I didn't mention it to Paul but while we were in line waiting to check out, he started rubbing my back like he knew/sensed the pain and he soothed it deeply. It was PROFOUND. Again, felt like God working through Paul and reminding me that we have something deeper than the standard 3D relationship. It may feel like it's so challenging, but these are gifts and it is our Higher Selves working together to heal us and the world through us. WE ARE TIKKUN OLAM. And that was a profound and MIRACULOUS experience. 

Apparently there are some major shifts happening in 7D Peru and that's why all the left side pain. Last night I had pain in my whole left side from head to toe. I think this snake bite is even the left knee Crucifixion Implant. 

We had a nice time at Corie's pool and ate at their house. We saw Page briefly who doesn't look good. God, please help her! She needs healing!!! Get that vaccine out of her! Help her to rest and find peace (while ALIVE please)! She just goes so hard all the time!

Paul cleared his closet out of all/most of his polyester and synthetic clothing too this weekend! We are making strides! 

We are both trying. We are both healing and growing and that requires a "two steps forward, one step back" experience and I need to learn to accept what is, stop being judgemental and pushy and controlling and just learn to go with the flow.

Paul's and my Avatar are Aeonic Pairs...I really feel that. Can we hang in to support the healing of earth Carissa and earth Paul? I hope so.

I really need to take care of, soothe, invest in, love on earth Carissa a lot. I need to support her body so she can start utilizing her food and nutrients and drop this extra weight. She needs sleep too. She might not sleep well until 2:30am because she's working in the grids. Everything is perfect. 

___

12:06
12:15/15

Well sounds like the lungs are up and pancreas is up and venom is up. I've been really struggling with blood sugar going wonky, especially right around 5pm... this is pancreas work and reclamation... and my lungs hurt for a few days and I wondered if there was something but it felt like clearing/healing... and of course this scary thing on my leg which Candice recognized is a staph infection. I've got to get a hold of my anxiety. Nothing is wasted.

Whooo. Anxiety likes to get me. This thing on my leg is a staph infection... but it's getting better! So be positive! God's got you!

___

8/16/22 (You know who's birthday, even though I can't say it.)
4:46am
Still really working with pain, inflammation, infection, and anxiety (fear) around this leg. And my left ovary hurts quite a bit too. I thought I had a fever when I woke up but it must have been hormonal or panic attack... I keep trying to release the fear and surrender but it's not so easy... it doesn't just *POOF* when I say that. 16/4:48 4:02

Paul gave me an incredible kiss in my morning breath mouth this morning! And I made him pancakes (first...  maybe the pancakes led to the kiss....whatever it was, it was wonderful!)

16/11:00 My AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Triple_Solar_Masculine

Weaponry

Post in ESF at 10:00 on the 11th of August 2022

What a moving and thought-provoking thread this is! Thank you to all who have shared their experiences and insights.

I’m so sorry to hear about Patti and appreciate the additional information as it’s been something that I’ve not understood since it happened. I just knew it had massive ripple effects for the community.

Not that it matters but I wanted to note that my birthday is 9/23…. and actually, 2020 was the year that I had a session with Agni and we were supposed to have our second session on that day but she cancelled due to so much going on in the field. I just remembered that. Thanks be to God for protecting me. I was heartbroken about it and had lots of negative ego work come up, but now, 2 years later, I finally have context and understanding and can stand in gratitude for NOT getting what I thought I desperately wanted/needed.

I agree and appreciate Aramatena’s initial post and also find myself grappling with the energies and discussions about our beloveds who are no longer involved in the conversation. This thread (and others like it) has been very helpful for me in understanding the value of the discussion and helping us to do our own inner work and learning how to practice compassionate witnessing as well as STO as we work with it.

I am sure this comes from negative ego but it’s a legit fear that keeps coming up for me so I have a question…

What do we DO if we are pre-loaded and/or get ourselves involved with this machinery? It’s almost like a hostage that, as they are pushed to the front of the crowd, you suddenly realize they have a bomb strapped to them.

Since I got to this community which feels like where I’m meant to be - my family is here - updates on my mission strand are here - support in working with all the levels of reality are here (for me I need a lot of reminders and help with negative ego/pain body). But that said, I also sense some “side-eye”/mistrust and frankly I feel that it is warranted. I recognize I am not a safe person - I resonated with the Indigo3 narrative about 2 consciousnesses living in one body (and that the Oraphim-Sourced one is here to help rehab the Nephilim sourced one).

So I feel like I have these booby traps too. And I feel really alone/rejected sometimes because I know people have to protect themselves. Heck. I’m saying “people”, but I mostly mean Lisa. I may only mean Lisa … I thought Mhairi might have felt that way and I do sense that she has deeper understanding and can see some of the implants. But if I’m a bomb, I’m set to take out Lisa and that makes me dangerous. I’ve felt and worried about this since I got here a couple years ago.

But the other side of the coin is the possibility that it's all a mind-trick to keep ME enslaved, obsessed, and from interacting too much. Confusing.

To complicate matters, I have kept tabs on one of our other former members, beloved Kirk. We became friends after he left and I was and am honored to witness the spiritual work he is doing. That said, he is not well and the entities running the show are especially filled with Ai and also “out to get” Lisa.

Also, last October I felt that God was leading me into a relationship with who I believed was my HGS divine partner but this took me deeper into layers of miasma and darkness as he is proud to call himself an “anti-Christ” person/Satanist. He appears to me to be a wounded Krystic being, but I need to let go of my hero-savior complex and recognize that I really don’t know. As a result of coming into union with him, I’ve been living through some of the most difficult experiences of my life as I try to understand and come into alignment with the Truth. (Much of it is a gift from God to help me to heal negative ego, but I feel there are “attacks” too and I’m having to work with my perception of what that means and how that is filtered through VV programming, etc.).

ANYWAY, I feel even MORE “slimed” and shame creeps in and makes me think that I could bring some “NAA” energy that could cause a problem for others or get me kicked out from the first place that feels like a spiritual home.

So, what do we do if WE are the ones with the weaponry programming and we know it? I don’t want to be a bomb that is set to explode the container or Lisa and Tomás or ANYONE.

With Love and Respect,
Carissa

So many numbers

So many numbers! I've especially been seeing 4:44 1:44 2:22 12:22 11:11 this week. I saw lots of 12:13 or 13:12 last week. And 13:13 I think I saw this week. 

Today...
4:44/11 22% 11/6:00


I started to get mad in myself that Paul won't make me his beneficiary. He has excuses...we're not married, etc. But you know I'll be stuck with his debts and have already given everything - all my savings to bale him out and get him set up - same as I did with Tyrone. And I'll be responsible for Manson and all his stuff. So I started to get angry and bitter. But this is TOXIC. This is DM. This is coming up for witnessing. I don't need to control. I don't need "money". I don't need anything. I just need to BE HERE NOW. 

Be present and in LOVE and do the best I can. Be HAPPY and POSITIVE and JOYFUL. Don't look at things like I'm always being ripped off. I'm creating that. I am always being BLESSED! Look at my beautiful life!!! Surrounded by my crystals as I work for my siblings and getting to create the life I want. I'm on this beautiful piece of property with my beloved fur and feather family and I get a crack at being with my divine soul mate! 

BE HAPPY!! ALWAYS!!

Quote of the day: "I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy” ~Rabindranath Tagore

Affirmation of the day:

Please remember this. We are just in this space working out our "miasmas" and it's an HONOR to get to do it together. Last night he said he thinks I'm crazy... and he didn't say it meanly or to hurt me, he was just tired and his filter was down and it really tweaked me out. I feel betrayed because my divine beloved doesn't seem to SEE me. He doesn't see my courage and strength and all that I deal and work with in my self. He doesn't see how hard I try and how precious and unique I am. And it hurts. And my negative ego was rising up to complain and try to change it but I tried to put her to rest .... he's entitled to his opinion and it's a real win that he shared it with me. I AM definitely different... unique... odd... special. Crazy... fine. Page calls me crazy too. It is what it is. I hear voices. I talk to rocks and trees. I cry and pray and walk around naked. I have a really challenging emotional life and experience (which is seeping through to my physical). It's okay. I've said from the beginning that I'm not "normal". I'm a multidimensional being having a physical experience in this matter realm and it's perfect as is. Yesterday I had some naked time in the mirror with my BFF, with ME. That is what will move the needle for me. My own love and acceptance of myself. It doesn't matter what others think - not even Paul. I LOVE ME. CHOOSE to love me to see me to feel me.... this mirror exercise... the quality time spent with Carissa, working with my gestalt family and healing my own heart, is what I'm here to do.

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Artificial_Timelines

Thank you God! That was an answer and reminder about what we're observing... this distortion to the 10-tree grid vs. organic 12ray system that earth humans are designed to be connected to and through. The Thothian distortion is being pulsed out through the awakening communities - this is that "New Age Hijack" too that I am getting to witness through what is being shared in the programs we are watching in Gaia. So it's a reminder to guard my heart and mind and take what resonates and discard the rest. The "Sacred Geometry" and even the one about Sound is pushing this false Sephirot... Kabballah... 10-tree reversal consciousness. Disconnecting the Christ-consciousness connection... Crystal.... Krystal...Christal... Crystal Core... this is why these crystals are so wonderful as they hold this consciousness.... the rocks and the trees will cry out. They will bear witness about God... the true heaven and earth. 

Christianity has been distorted in this way too. Christ... Crystal consciousness... has been lobbed off and replaced with this idol worship of a false "Jesus". The truth that Yeshua lived and shared was suppressed in order to trap and enslave humans. It's tricky business. Even those like Paul who are "anti-Christian" are actually trapped because they are still working within this (similar to the 10-tree grid) hijack. We have to get beyond that false hologram to the truth that sets us free.  Thank you God!

Rolled a meditation: February 2013 - Five Breath Organ Cleanse

_____

11/2:22 234 33 13:22/11 13:13/1110:33/11

I wanted to note that I have witnessed multiple "suicide thoughts" being beamed to me today. Earlier when I was starting or finishing meditation and one big one when I was going to my car after lunch with Jannelle... it told me to step in front of traffic/truck! SCARY MARY!

11/2:44 
11/3:33

GOD, please witness the mind control and toxic thoughts that are being pulsed. I AM IMMOVABLE IN CHRIST. I AM FIRM, STRONG, ROOTED, ALIGNED and ONE with the CRYSTOS MISSION. 

"You can't rush your healing." https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=qEduv96dMw8

5:55 6:11 18:11/11 18:18/11

8:51 on the 11th 
Thank you God for the lightning. Thank you for the kundalini support. Thank you for hearing me talk about my vulnerability and commitment. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be of service even when it isn't reciprocated. Thank you for the ambiguity that allows me to learn to go with the flow. Thank you for loving me when I don't know how to love myself. Thank you for LIFE. I am grateful for this gift. Help me to embody more and more of my Godself, and to love and heal this precious Carissa more and more. Thank you for ES and OL communities. Thank you for LOVE. Thank you for Moses and Rue and Manson too. Thank you for their barks that give me the opportunity to practice releasing stress. Thank you for these lessons.
8:54

I saw 11:09 when I was with Jannelle earlier. It's like a reverse 9:11. I was seeing lots of 9:11s a week or two ago. I don't think I've seen any in the last couple days. Lots of 11's but not the 9:11, thanks be to God!

So much

WHALES - dreaming about them, saw one in the clouds today. Read a post that related elephants to feminine aspect in amethyst order brahmarian group.... I've been seeing elephants quite a bit in the clouds. And white dragons. 

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Solar_Dragon_Wings
Meditation that I pulled last night was "Solar Hierogamic Union" 

The wolves have returned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbED-8gdnHM

I wanted to invite Gabe to stay here on his drive back through but I'm feeling something on my left chest now... pressure. And then this song came up "The wolves have returned". But also he seems to be connected to Candice who is starting a Forest School! WHOOOOOO! Awesome God! Please bless her! 

And that Ayla song "Miracles" about the trees always made me think of GABE. And then I turned on my music after talking to Candice and "The Wind Forest" came on. May it be a blessing to them both!

A hawk has been around... and a black vulture. And always beloved dragonflies. 

Trying to FEEL INTO the dog barks.

Sent a note to my parents to remind them that I'd love to move to the mountains and now I am going to let it GO after listening to Dr. Hawkin's chapter on Desire and the need to LET GO of CLINGING... I'm clinging to my desire to leave here and to move to the mountains but ultimately I want what is best for GOD. I want to be of use. I want to be aligned with God's spirit.

Thank you for YoQi. 
I AM.

Feeling hurt that Paul doesn't want to celebrate me or my birthday. He is happy and almost reveres being "selfish" ... the kind associated with "Satanism"... not the "self-love" kind. And I need to keep my eyes on ME and not on him. Not what he's NOT doing.... that is judgment. I need to hold to my own love and plan and get back to holding space for my gestalt consciousness. My beloveds.

Gabe coming here would kick up too much dust. It would be too much. I feel so much hot energy as I even process this. God. Please help me to live in alignment with TRUTH and LOVE. 

Diarrhea etc.

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Genetic_Code_Crasher
An interesting excerpt

One interesting factor to note is the energetic and physical act of sexuality and its implications on the energy field. The sharing of fluids between two people creates a spiritual bond or cord of energy that cannot be broken energetically, unless made aware of, cleared of conflict and transmuted. So psychological bonds may be broken once a serious relationship has ended, however the spiritual energetic cord still continues to exist. These cords are like electrical wires with energy passing back and forth through them, the power based on the depth and intensity of the connection. It is also important to understand that the thoughts and emotions held or the state of consciousness you are holding when you are having sex is what you are implanting into your partner. Naturally being in love, holding loving thoughts with the desire to serve your partner is the goal when you are energetically blending at this level with another being. The incredible emotional impact of love as a force shared and blended in a soul union can burn off karma and even contribute an amazing force of transformation for others. Understanding these karmic bonds you create with people every time you have a sexual interaction surely creates more discernment in one’s choices for a partner.^[2]

In general it's been rough. I was up most of the night... much of the night. Every hour and then an hour or so of clearing...with Moses who is suffering with diarrhea and stomach upset. 

Spirit and Truth

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Delineated_Sections_in_Bifurcated_Earth
Song that broke through my heart: https://youtu.be/EnD1UMBubX0
Fantastic meditation: https://youtu.be/3-wr9Xuied8
Now headed to a Chakra Clearing with Mykal Harp

Been a powerful day. Recognition of my personal connection to Crystal/Christ consciousness. Wanting to forge my own way - or at least feel into and experience life based on my own experiences instead of taking other's word. I see how with Lisa Renee, it's been kind of like the church where I blindly took what she said as truth... I have felt that I had to do HER "12D shield" and those "spells" that she offers. Now, I DO feel like they've worked and been wonderful and healing and I DO think they are legit. Her work and that which my soul re-connects to through it is very resonant. I just need to be able to know that what I share is based on MY OWN direct knowing and I'm being called to feel and connect deeper. To let go of the mind and feel and live and experience life IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH. 

Truth.
Honesty.
Coherence.
Alignment.

I want all of these things that I may connect to the divine spirit I AM and know the truth which sets me free. And then I can help set others free too.

That meditation this morning was very healing. Dr. Dispenza's meditations have definitely helped me connect more and I am grateful for them. 

I need to listen to my body and God in me which says not to eat things that weaken my body.... wheat or gluten... I'm still not sure about that sprouted grain "daily bread" which seems to be a God-send and there to support my body.... not sure not sure. But dairy... especially cow dairy isn't great for me.... and dumb dee dumb dumb.... SUGAR STILL! GAH!!!

I must live in ALIGNMENT with my SELF. My higher self who loves me. I'd dare say the only One who loves me. The "love" on this planet is defiled. But we're learning how to anchor it. 

I've got to go.... time to leave for that Mykal event. I asked if we could barter so I'm showing up an hour early to see what I can do to help.  

____

It's 11:09. I was in bed but got up. Did the C-PTSD support group tonight which was a solid okay. Nice to "support" and "share" with others, but very "mental health" programming. 

I'm currently working with the discomfort of Paul going to sleep on the other side of the bed with his back to me- the second day with no "good night" or kiss or anything... no snuggles or love. Today I've done NOTHING to offend him. Today I took care of ALL the chores and stayed busy and out of his hair and I am still being punished. I'm guessing he's mad because he tried to hand me the lotion in order to rub him - his feet I think he said. And I declined. I gave him a massage when he asked 2 days ago and he has not reciprocated and he doesn't show me love or affection. He didn't even ask nicely - just held the cream for me to take. It's just not right. He's not treating me with love, kindness, and respect. 

So I want to lash out and run away - sleep in the other room, or go to Corie's or moreso, make HIM go to the other room which he's never done. I want to turn on all the lights and force him to talk to me. This is my "M.O." ... my "narcissistic rage" and I need to just observe it and not take action. I need to let him have his tantrum and if he doesn't want me, then that needs to be okay. I can't try to change him or try to change his actions. I can't try to change him. I shouldn't even focus on him. I need to come back to me.

I LOVE YOU CARISSA! YOU ARE ENOUGH! I'M SORRY YOU ARE HURTING. I'M SORRY THIS GUY DOESN'T SEE YOU OR CARE ABOUT YOU. I'M SORRY YOU FEEL USED. I'M SORRY YOU FEEL LONELY ABANDONED UNCARED FOR. I CARE. I CARE. I CARE. 

This needs to be enough. Feel it. This is a lesson to feel through and get through and find your strength through. This is the lesson YOU signed up for. YOU want to overcome this and THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!! I LOVE YOU BRAVE GIRL!!! I see you. I feel you. I will sleep with you. I will touch you. I will love you always. I'm attracted to you. I think you're so wonderful. I see how hard you work and how much you give. 

TRUST GOD. God knows and sees and has my best interest at heart. GOD IS WITH ME. 

Please help Moses tummy and please keep Page and Caden and the van safe as they travel. 

Inundated with Black Subtle Forces

Yup. For sure. Got this as an AG pick today:
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Black_Subtle_Forces

Feel it applies to both Paul and I and that we can work together to heal. When I was feeling this before, Abraham Hicks positive vibes helped pull me out. Transiting heavy densities today. Had "black magic attack" this morning - horrible pain in the belly and nausea and felt so so so bad. I tried to just feel into it and experience the pain. That was good work, but it was really unpleasant. At one point I wondered if it would ever end. I didn't want to die. I still have abdominal pain. And just had a big burp.

Paul and I went to "Temple City" church yesterday which was really interesting. Always a good reminder to feel into the psyop - the twists and manipulation being pulsed out through the "well-meaning" church. They have lots of beautiful things happening, but it's also very much a show run by ego and flesh. The whole story is designed to teach humans to reject themselves as evil and give their authority away to others who say they have their best interest at heart, but it's like the government... it's all a lie. 

Been having some very vivid and relevant dreams. Last night Kelsey was in it. The night before Kelly Brogan. The night before Ayla and Katie from ES. There are many more... and locations... I think Siberia came up a couple days ago but last night was a portal from a mountain to India (maybe bangladesh. I never actually got there). And Jannelle or her house and some dogs were also in the dreams. The one with Katie involved moving some heavy equipment in a box truck... also a little dog. Hm. Dogs.

I'm burping a lot as I write this. Transiting black magic? 

____

1/3:00
Been a day fullllll of numbers and black magic! Looking forward to Paul being home soon.

___

It's the next day... 11:36 now, saw 11:11. Saw a 2:22 today too. 
Last night I had a dark portal narcissistic rage come up at Paul for no good reason. I observed it, recognized it, and called it out to myself and him... the whole process took about 30 minutes but it was not fun and I've damaged trust with Paul. I need to be patient and let him process through it. 

Yesterday I told Paul it felt like I had morning sickness... I felt pregnant... I kept thinking "I just had my period and Paul has retained his cum since then so it can't be that"... but I had a "buddha belly" (it was my saying that that triggered Paul to look at something on YT which triggered my narcissistic rage attack.)... anyway... I was directed to do the "Winter Solstice 2021" meditation and also did an hour meditation with Paul - both sseemed supportive. There is a wasp in here right now. God. I must help it. 

I am a part of this planet. My heart is hurting now. What am I feeling? 7D? Left arm activation/numbness.

Am I having hara line activations (yesterday) or was it black magic or was I part of a planetary birthing of something? Is it required that I share with others in order to feel connected? To "feel" connected. That's the trick. Why do I need to "feel" anything? I AM.

I saw 9:11 today again. I see it almost every day.
Started re-listening to "Letting Go"... one of the best books ever written.