Spirit and Truth

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Delineated_Sections_in_Bifurcated_Earth
Song that broke through my heart: https://youtu.be/EnD1UMBubX0
Fantastic meditation: https://youtu.be/3-wr9Xuied8
Now headed to a Chakra Clearing with Mykal Harp

Been a powerful day. Recognition of my personal connection to Crystal/Christ consciousness. Wanting to forge my own way - or at least feel into and experience life based on my own experiences instead of taking other's word. I see how with Lisa Renee, it's been kind of like the church where I blindly took what she said as truth... I have felt that I had to do HER "12D shield" and those "spells" that she offers. Now, I DO feel like they've worked and been wonderful and healing and I DO think they are legit. Her work and that which my soul re-connects to through it is very resonant. I just need to be able to know that what I share is based on MY OWN direct knowing and I'm being called to feel and connect deeper. To let go of the mind and feel and live and experience life IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH. 

Truth.
Honesty.
Coherence.
Alignment.

I want all of these things that I may connect to the divine spirit I AM and know the truth which sets me free. And then I can help set others free too.

That meditation this morning was very healing. Dr. Dispenza's meditations have definitely helped me connect more and I am grateful for them. 

I need to listen to my body and God in me which says not to eat things that weaken my body.... wheat or gluten... I'm still not sure about that sprouted grain "daily bread" which seems to be a God-send and there to support my body.... not sure not sure. But dairy... especially cow dairy isn't great for me.... and dumb dee dumb dumb.... SUGAR STILL! GAH!!!

I must live in ALIGNMENT with my SELF. My higher self who loves me. I'd dare say the only One who loves me. The "love" on this planet is defiled. But we're learning how to anchor it. 

I've got to go.... time to leave for that Mykal event. I asked if we could barter so I'm showing up an hour early to see what I can do to help.  

____

It's 11:09. I was in bed but got up. Did the C-PTSD support group tonight which was a solid okay. Nice to "support" and "share" with others, but very "mental health" programming. 

I'm currently working with the discomfort of Paul going to sleep on the other side of the bed with his back to me- the second day with no "good night" or kiss or anything... no snuggles or love. Today I've done NOTHING to offend him. Today I took care of ALL the chores and stayed busy and out of his hair and I am still being punished. I'm guessing he's mad because he tried to hand me the lotion in order to rub him - his feet I think he said. And I declined. I gave him a massage when he asked 2 days ago and he has not reciprocated and he doesn't show me love or affection. He didn't even ask nicely - just held the cream for me to take. It's just not right. He's not treating me with love, kindness, and respect. 

So I want to lash out and run away - sleep in the other room, or go to Corie's or moreso, make HIM go to the other room which he's never done. I want to turn on all the lights and force him to talk to me. This is my "M.O." ... my "narcissistic rage" and I need to just observe it and not take action. I need to let him have his tantrum and if he doesn't want me, then that needs to be okay. I can't try to change him or try to change his actions. I can't try to change him. I shouldn't even focus on him. I need to come back to me.

I LOVE YOU CARISSA! YOU ARE ENOUGH! I'M SORRY YOU ARE HURTING. I'M SORRY THIS GUY DOESN'T SEE YOU OR CARE ABOUT YOU. I'M SORRY YOU FEEL USED. I'M SORRY YOU FEEL LONELY ABANDONED UNCARED FOR. I CARE. I CARE. I CARE. 

This needs to be enough. Feel it. This is a lesson to feel through and get through and find your strength through. This is the lesson YOU signed up for. YOU want to overcome this and THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!! I LOVE YOU BRAVE GIRL!!! I see you. I feel you. I will sleep with you. I will touch you. I will love you always. I'm attracted to you. I think you're so wonderful. I see how hard you work and how much you give. 

TRUST GOD. God knows and sees and has my best interest at heart. GOD IS WITH ME. 

Please help Moses tummy and please keep Page and Caden and the van safe as they travel.