Time's Up

"Time's up, it's over now...snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity..." - eminem

I woke up with this playing in my head and it feels like it is related to Ryan's and my relationship. We had a decent day together yesterday - we are learning to get along. He got rude as I was leaving...after midnight... I said I had to go and was waiting for a kiss and he went to the bathroom to pee and I said I had to pee too. He said I was being passive aggressive but I was trying to get him to kiss me so I could go. I had to walk home still. But he had bad energy and it didn't feel good or loving. The rollercoaster is so much. And he swears so much and smokes so much and gets angry and drives scarily and drags his feet on everything he does. I love him and I don't want to hurt him, but I don't think he's the guy for me anymore. I need to be the girl for me and lick my wounds and find my strength. 

Last night he threw his cell phone to me - being helpful because I didn't know where mine was, but it was dark and I couldn't see and he overshot and it arched up and then came down on the center of my head, probably with the corner because it hurt so badly and I could feel swelling in my head all down into my eye. I am guessing it was a cranial adjustment that I needed. I feel stronger this morning. I think I am getting upgrades... being called back to ES for sure.... and light and prayer and love. 

No more fear. Feel the fear. See it. Accept and have compassion for it.

My AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Phase_Disrupters

"If interacting waves meet at a point where they are in anti-phase, then destructive interference will occur."

I wonder if Ryan and I are phase disrupters for each other?
If we don't have sexual relations, I don't have the "hook"... it lets me feel freer to look honestly....and I know he wants sexual activity from me... and I want love...but he doesn't accept me for who I AM or love or cherish me. In fact, often I trigger him to hate me. It's part of the process for all of us - awakening. I love him so much, but that doesn't mean he's my guy. And I need to let go of fear of not having anyone to "help" me. I've fallen into "learned helplessness" and it's not okay. 

Get my car back. This has been a nightmare with my car. Change my own filter. Make my own anchor for Sioux's hay bucket. I've got this.

and LOVE RYAN. And let God show me the exit. Follow God's lead.