Where I am.

I opened to Isaiah 6 this morning after praying to be aligned with God and my soul and to fullfill my mission. Isaiah 6 was interesting - I forgot that Isaiah had a vision of the big creatures too, like Ezekiel. And after being in the Presence of God, he was humbled and saw that he was a man of "unclean lips" and the creatures came and brought a hot coal or something and purified him. And they or God asked who would go (spread the Word?) and he said "Here am I. Send me." (or something.) 

I want to stop using "I" so much.
I left a message for Ryan that was both all over the place and also honest - I saw how I kept choosing men who I thought were essentially losers - that didn't have anything (this is in my mind, upon reflection, some or all of them had FAITH)... but Tyrone was in jail and had NOTHING. Michael lived in an 8'x12' room for years. Paul was in the dark (satanism, basement apartment, cold dark alaska). And Ryan lived in a camper in his parents' back yard. I saw good and talent in all of them and wanted to try to help them be all they could be - hoping that if I invested in them as a diamond in the rough, that I'd reap the benefits down the road. It really was like a financial investment now that I look at it like that. I thought if put up the money and goods up front, that I could ride the wave of love and success in the future. I also hoped it would make them undeniably appreciative, dependent, and have unshakeable love for me. (Knowing I'm flawed and messy...but hopefully they'd love me despite that because of all I'd done for them.) This was some sort of "hero/savior" mind-game and it's not okay. 

I told Ryan today that I want to be with a man who has a relationship with God. And that's true. I want someone who doesn't think they know everything and who wants to submit to a Higher Power/Authority and who wants to be better and do better and feels accountable to SomeOne.

Next relationship I want to be with a man who has his shit together. Who has a home, car, job, and dreams for the future. Who wants to take care of ME. So we can mutually support and love one another. 

Ramsey was another one that I thought I could give a home to and he'd be so appreciative that he'd love me forever. But that wouldn't have worked - he's got lots of programs running too and doesn't have a 

...distracted... had to go cover for Jennifer.

Anyway... God said that wasn't my path, closed the door, and sent him off to Hawaii. 

Ryan was and is my path. Not sure how long or what it looks like, but I'm learning, I hope. I am.

I initially wondered if today's AG pick was about ME being a parasitic emotional manipulator (or vessel for one)... and I think there are ways I've opened myself up to that... but I think it is (also) a warning about Ryan. And his drug use (marijuana and then the surgery and pain medicine afterwards) may also open him up for more infiltration. I love that man, but he's not for me. He doesn't have it in him to care for himself, let alone me. And I need to care for MYSELF and my animals and my home. And my life and job.

_________________

Today's AG pick:

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Parasitic_Emotional_Manipulators

"One principle to remember is that controlling and dominating people and the nonphysical entities that are parasitic, will always use manipulation to get what they want. Usually it is to maintain their attachment to siphon energy or to use someone else’s energy to get things they want for themselves. This may be a person who doesn’t want to put forth the effort or energy to do things themselves, so they manipulate others to do it for them. Or they feel depleted so they seek out a person that they can suck energy from, usually by drawing them into some archetypal drama or crisis. In these situations it is noted how the vampire appears to be suddenly reenergized by your presence, while you feel excessively drained and tired. If we allow ourselves to be continually siphoned by others, we can feel depressed, confused, irritable and even physically ill.

We all need to evaluate relationships and set healthy boundaries in order to generate mutually beneficial exchanges with other people.

This inherently manifests as imbalanced exchanges of parasitic and codependent behavior, and many times the party acting as the psychic vampire will become addicted to their target host, because they are used to getting the energy they want from that person. When you place boundaries and cut off the siphoning attachment, in most cases the parasitic person and the energy parasite will have a control oriented emotional tantrum, or fly into narcissistic rage. This principle of exerting energetic control works the same way in physical people and in nonphysical entities, as well as all negative spiritual energies that are parasitic in nature. Over the years in observing dark entities and their tendency to have control oriented tantrums, this helped me to see how they manipulate people in the physical realm in order to gain access to their energies.

It is a fact on the earth that many people are being influenced by negative forces that they do not comprehend, which has reinforced a lifetime of negative habits, low self-esteem and parasitic behaviors. When people feel unsafe and insecure in themselves they will easily resort to controlling and manipulating behaviors to suck energy and this is commonly referred to as a psychic vampire or emotional vampire. For this reason you should be able to clearly identify various types of personalities that are psychic vampires.

A psychic vampire is a person who carries energy parasites, will drain others energies and may intentionally drain any positive energy or happiness in another. They can commonly show up as narcissistic, controlling, victims, incessant talkers or drama queens. They generally have a black hole of emptiness within that seeks to be filled by someone else’s energy. As a result, they have a big wounded pain body and generally never feel satisfied, need constant reassurance, and take little things as personal offenses. Most of the time these are not mutually beneficial relationships but one sided parasitic drains, they are friendly as long as you do what they want, and they can suck your energy.

Manipulation tactics are used to make a generally content person feel put down or to take their positive feelings and energy away, to erode self-esteem. The vampire may use condescending, critical or belittling behavior, they may use intimidation and bullying to make another feel unsafe, or even guilty so that they are completely dependent on them. Generally these people put others on edge, where one feels they must walk on egg shells to not upset this person, or get their wrath. You may not know what can set them off at any moment. If you notice the energy wither away whenever a certain person walks into the room, you should protect yourself and amplify your 12D Shield. Most of the time, people that are vampiric are not consciously aware that they are sucking energy from others, and are often totally unaware that they are disconnected from their soul-spirit. People that are soul disconnected feel empty inside and therefore will naturally try to make up for the energy loss by sucking energy from other people in the external. Staying away from psychic vampires and one sided parasitic relationships, instead fortifying your energies as an act of self-love is a good practice for beginning effective spiritual hygiene.^[1]"