Permanent Seed Atom

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Permanent_Seed_Atom

 

Let's slowly start to unpack this

 I was kind of typing along with some thoughts that popped up when reading this thread on SRA esfoundations.com/forum/human-slavery-sr...eprogramming?start=0 . I had to stop mid-way because it was really intense, but want to keep track of my progress in case it is beneficial. I don’t think I can even re-read this right now so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. Maybe I should wait and put it all together in due time. But then I find that I want to push myself to get it done now but I need to be gentle with myself. No. I’m going to post this in my journal and we’ll go from there. I can summarize and put pieces together another time.

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One time I volunteered to be hypnotized as a part of a show at an amusement park. There were many people who volunteered and this show ran multiple times daily for the whole season. This can’t have been a big “problem”, but it has come up a couple times in the last few days and seems to relate in a way to the splitting of personalities.

I’m not really sure what happened during the main show… we did weird things and I remember kind of just going along with it. It was like I gave myself permission to slack mentally and just do what was said but as I did that, I lost a little of the ability to get (my full mentality) back. I gave my sovereignty away, I guess.

But at the end, I guess he had programmed everyone with a phrase that they were supposed to say when they heard a key word. So when he sent everyone back to their seats and he was giving his “wrap-up”, he would say these key words and the programmed person would say their phrase and everyone thought it was great. For me, my phrase was “the Brittish are coming!” and for some reason I was so scared and I jumped on my seat and screamed it over and over and was TERRIFIED and the whole crowd just laughed at me. My parents got me to sit down and I guess I calmed down, but I was really traumatized and confused by that whole interaction and it has stayed with me.


There was another time I remember where my classmates had a sleepover and I was actually invited (which was a miracle as I was not popular) and we were trying to hypnotize each other. I learned it then or knew it before that you could do irrevocable damage if you “did it wrong” and I had a lot of fear around that as we were rubbing each others temples in circles.


I’ve known for most of my life that I had “multiple personalities”. I was never officially diagnosed so maybe my case is different, but I have known I could tap into different realities of being. And maybe this was multiple dimensions, of sort.


I never knew who I was. I wasn’t anyone but I tried to be whoever I was expected to be… I guess a “shapeshifter” with “people pleasing” mentality. It could have gone a different way if I was an evil person with no definitive person/personality because then I could shapeshift with evil intent. In this case I was naive and really just wanted to be loved. So I was a black hole energy vampire, but an innocent one… until I became a gaping dark portal and fell into support of the NRG.

(Ack! Just now I had a huge revelation and shift which I don’t really know what to do with yet, but I have thought that I was doing “gridworking” - Indigo Type1 work - in 1999 during the 5 months I spent in the UK (and a couple jaunts to Europe). I traveled all over the UK - went to at least one different city every weekend. Anyway, I just now realized the NRG is headquartered in the UK at Stonehenge and I just realized that I might have been “gridworking” on THAT grid instead! EEP!!! I remember going to a “nudie bar” in Scotland - my first (and possibly last, I can’t remember). We (a group of girls) got a lap dance by a woman who writhed on the floor for us. It was sick, really. Makes me cringe even thinking about it. Anyway. Nephilim Reversal Grid. Dannnnnnggg. Yep. Probably.)


I described one of my “mental breakdowns” as feeling like there were overlapping “realities”. Like the one that we lived in and then at least one other that was more “surreal”… like a Salvador Dali painting now that I think of it. Or like a cartoon.

I didn’t clean “down there” .. wouldn’t touch it… until my 3rd year of college when my girlfriend told me you are supposed to. I always chaulked this up to not being properly taught how to bathe, but there may be more to it.

A lot of items on that list described my experiences, mentality, and many diagnosis (though I only started collecting diagnoses in the last 20 years. The 20 before there were psychiatrist-free!

Huge fear of death and especially my loved ones dying. I remember every time I heard a siren praying so hard that my family was okay. I would stare out the window waiting for everyone to be home and safe at night. Just constant knots of fear and anxiety that something was going to happen - someone getting hurt or dying, our house burning down, etc.

My favorite color is green then blue! Eep! Ha! (Isn’t everyone’s favorite color green though?)

I, apparently, watched “Wizard of Oz” a LOT as a kid. I don’t remember watching TV as a young child at all or there really being a TV around until I was in middle school and … Inga. Must have been Inga? Selling us?? Anyway, I don’t remember a TV but I do know much of Wizard of Oz by heart. Whoa.

Inga was my first nanny and she was sketchy. I have very very few memories from childhood but I do have one or two of her and believe she was dark. My parents let her go when I was around 7, but she was a German live-in Nanny and I think I heard she had drinking problems. I’ve probed my parents a few times about her and it sounds like she was a bit irresponsible or an alcoholic but could she have been EVIL? All three of us girls/sisters have really wonky mental and sexual problems which, as long as I have known about it, have seemed consistent with sexual abuse. But none of us have memories. Inga took care of all 3 of us. By the time my two brothers came along we had a new nanny. (Who was a religious nut - but that’s another story for another day. Or it was just part of my path and contract which is fine.)

“I want my Mommy!” (I say it even now at age 43 when I’m in distress or upset.)

“I hate myself”. (Always.)
My therapy the last four years has dug out the knowledge that there is a huge pool of guilt and shame and sadness that triggers fear and anxiety to suppress the sadness which is untouchable. Last year I cried for two months straight - wailing cries of a child desperate for soothing and in horrible distress. This was lower density energy and emotion seeping out without consciousness of what it was (though some consciousness, such as feeling like a small child crying, came out.)

I know I wrote about this before but it was so strange that I tried to kill myself as a, what, 10 or 11 year old? I laid down in the middle of the semi-busy street that we lived on and waited to be run over. Someone stopped and made me go in and tell on myself. I don’t think anything happened.

Thanks ya’ll. I’m definitely unraveling some things.

As I’m reading this, I’m getting dizzier and dizzier and need to stop for a break. But it’s really hitting home. I know in my heart I’ve been asking to heal this stuff… but I need to be gentle and probably go “low and slow” like I do with introducing vitamins, etc.



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I wrote the following later that day but didn't finish or post it... didn't want to lose it either so adding here:

I’ve heard that some people have hundreds “alters”. I don’t think I’m like that. I do think I have been possessed and may have had many many many beings pop in and out of me through gaping portals (of dooooom). When you add “of doom” it always sounds so much more dramatic! And funny! ;) I’m playing though. Anyway, I’ve been possessed…but I’ve also had multiple personalities or something like that. No one has ever said “you have MPD, but I’ve heard more than once the phrase “Not necessarily multiple personality disorder but it’s something like it”. Or something like that. I tried to find a label for what was wrong with me and that was the beginning of the real “problem” which was living out of my mental body. 

I’m a multidimensional being. I may have been tapping into different “realities”.

Did I have a walk-in on 01/02/2010 or was it something else? I haven’t been the same since. But I was “not normal” before that, so I’m not sure how it plays in to it. Maybe I was so tied into the NAA and a rescue mission came for me? But my heart was pointed to God. I think I’ve had a pretty good heart most of this life (except the whole dark portal thing). 

I may just have been so fluid and not known who I was. 

1:11  1:22

Circulatory System, Etc.

I am beginning to see why I’ve been obsessed with veins/arteries and blood. (And by "obsessed", I mean a great deal of FEAR... always looking at my veins, afraid something is going wrong. HUGE trigger for me and I have a pocket-full of experiences related to them.) This must be why I’ve been directed to wear bloodstone. A year or two ago at the metaphysical store I asked one of the psychics for direction on a stone to purchase and she said “That’s strange. Bloodstone is coming up. That’s not something I see regularly”…or something. Anyway I bought one little rock that day and went down the road to get gas and felt so strongly to go back and get a bloodstone bracelet so I did. Then this year a friend randomly sent me some bloodstone in the mail.

So I'm beginning to see how this is part of my/our job to heal the circulatory system - the heart, the blood and network that provides life to the rest of the body ...and how this applies to the earth. I learned that Axetonial lines are like the veins and arteries and ley lines are like the capillaries. I think this is somehow related to Uluru .

Bringing in balanced energies, clearing rogue cells/energies, bringing light and life into the blood - a crystal heart and crystal blood - cleaning the blood so that it can use the minerals available to it and transport them to where they are needed. Releasing biounavailable minerals and souls that are stuck in various places throughout the body so they can either be of use to the system or be flushed out and freed from their prison. WHOAHHH. This is crazy! Thank you God for helping me put that together! Yes!! And what does the spleen do? Cleans blood. Right? I need to look that up but if I do that now I’ll lose my train of thought. I guess the train is done. Just grateful for the lessons…. so many dots being connected….so much healing and soul retrieval work…

I’m reading another ES member’s amazing story/book and it’s helping me recover some fragments. I’ve been cracked off into a million pieces during this incarnation and we are beginning the work of restoration. “I set my intention now to be remembered to that which I AM, fully, completely, and totally.”


Off the top of my head/heart… not an exhaustive list by any means, but here are a few of the things in my current curriculum.

Negative ego clearing
Have compassion. Listen. Don’t push/pull or try to change anything. Remain, with a soft focus on the present. Watch energetic plays in myself and others.
Dismantle houses of ego and choose purity, generosity, kindness, patience, discipline, diligence, and humility.
We operate through consciousness - when we observe and create space to bring consciousness to something, that creates space for the light. It tips the scales (or works in that way anyway). When we allow that which tries to usurp the light and space of consciousness (negative ego behaviors like judgement, control, criticism, “the spirits of mental bondage”), then it tips the scales the other way… so it is by our choices (and learning that we have a choice and are not at the mercy of the thought, feeling, or implant… that we are God, Sovereign, Free… we can choose what influences us and makes us agents of light or agents of dark. And even though I want to try to make everyone into agents of light, that attitude right there - trying to influence “push/pull” anyone to do or think anything is an activity of the dark. Only allowing God-consciousness to reign in my being (through the embodiment of God’s triad of spirit - Father, Mother, and Christ-Sophia) can I truly be of use in spirit and in truth.

Energetic archetecture
False white light. Dodecahedron trap/web/transposition filter. Albion and Cathar components to body. Reversal 55 Grid . Traps: AD- VV, Sexual Misery, Misogny (all also part of work in Negative Ego clearing) but seeing them as holographic inserts. Star of Azoth. As detailed above, the relationship of the human body to the earth’s body - the circulatory system is my focus now but every component of our body has an application on the macro. 12-Tree grid and Heiros Gamos architecture - individual application (androgyny template) and in a couple (<— that may be better suited under the “negative ego clearing” heading for me but it’s the way it is due to all the reversal architecture so it really fits in both categories.)

Galactic history
Still a blur but gaining some understanding about the wars over the inhabitants of the earth that are going on now and the different beings that are players. Right now I see this Golden gate on one side and silver gate on the other with Orion … I used to feel drawn to the nebula in Orion’s “belt” (second light down) but now I’m pretty much trying not to get sucked in because I’m not sure who to trust… there are “good guys” and “bad guys” related to Orion and the other day I learned about another group, the “resistance”, I think called Black Orion something… anyway… there’s more but this isn’t that big for me this week so I’ll move on.

Something with DNA related to the Nephilim sourcing from reptilians who used to inhabit Tiamet before it exploded.

Also dreamwalking , Uluru, dragons, feathers, NRG, holocausts (911 timeline, the one in the 40’s… I’ve got something connected to the Ukraine there too, Native American, SRA and blood covenants/sacrifice is a thread that weaves through many timelines)

Yahweh Matrix dismantling - big one tied to a large group working on restoration of the Christos-Sophia body WE ARE. Too big and too blurry to list yet, but this is one of my “jobs” that I’ve been working with/in this incarnation especially and many others too… everything is ultimately tied to this.


Well that is quite enough… I’ve had so many threads of things I’m learning and want to put together a topical essay that brings them all together but I guess that’s not meant to be at this time. THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU LISA/TOMAS, THANK YOU BROTHERS & SISTERS. I love you all. WE ARE!

Service to Others

I remember recognizing in 2010 that the most effective way to connect with God, get into the heart of Christ, was to PRAY FOR OTHERS.

This still applies. Service to others (STO) ... listening ... compassionately witnessing and if called to respond through prayer or words or whatever, seems to me to be a very beautiful way to do the work we're meant to do. Honestly, I'm hoping that it replaces the need for "shadow-work" or releasing density....but maybe they are two separate things. But maybe not. 

BEING LOVE seems like a good way to allow darkness to channel out while we shine the Light of God. I don't know. We'll see. I've gotten to do more communication and connection with people this year ...this autumn. And while there have been some very trying days mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, it has been much more tolerable than in years past. I wonder if it's because I'm more "outward facing"... my heart is outward facing. STO instead of ruminating in fear and STS (service to self). 

I have a long way to go and it starts at home. I need to do more for Michael, my beloved, my best friend, the one who loves and serves me so well. He is an amazing example to me and I need to do more for him. Period.

Transit Support Group

Response to new "support group" thread for those working with SRA Transits:

Dear Kalista, THANK YOU for answering my unspoken prayer for a place to share and discuss our experiences around this. I know we are working together yet separately and a place to "debrief" or share our hearts is SO needed and appreciated! Thank you!!

Kris, May God bless and comfort you right there in the midst of your suffering... I can feel how deeply it has scraped at the bones of your life, this suffering. Your beautiful heart and soul that signed up for this work - holding space for these precious souls who are being freed from the tunnels and mounds and under gas chambers (I don't know how they got there), etc. You know better than I do.... but the space you are holding, even though it is gratingly hard on you is proving the first glimpses of light that any of them have seen in a long time and you, through your suffering and pain, are providing hope and freedom. It's not a fair trade, or so it seems. But you are doing heroic work and I sit here with a full heart and tears in my eyes with gratitude for you. I pray that you will take the breaths you need to take and the rest you need to take. You need to be strong to do this important work. You need to keep yourself mentally together and I guess it must be some sort of negative entity or attachment that tries to keep us disoriented and distracted... not that that's happening. to you...I sense you are just deeeeeeeply tired. There is so much shadow clearing (and apparently transiting) going on now. I get reminded of the holocost almost daily (though I think my reminder is about the one that's happening NOW....but it often sends my mind back to the one in the 40's). Anyway, I wanted to join beautiful Molly in providing encouragement to you and thank you for your work!

I DID want to share my own experiences in the last day or two with SRA (I think) kids transiting. I had some heavy-duty "lay down now" energy come by and felt something ...two somethings actually kind of blubba blubba (no words...bubble maybe) through my body. One was smaller and one was larger. I wondered if it was souls that actually physically came up and out my hara line? Does that happen? I had a similar feeling with an entity once so it COULD have been a couple entities. I'd love anyone's thoughts on that. They left whatever they were so that's good. It was a miracle but I remained neutral.

Not too much later (I can't remember if it was minutes or hours) I felt that I had to do the safe passage meditation and hold space specifically for SRA children and it was a very different experience. I saw them kind of march by in front of me and could just see the tops of some of their heads and they seemed to be bright blondes (I think that's called toeheads...that's the word that came to mind but it seems like a weird word.)... one of them stuck out because she had a bowl haircut like I had when I was about 6 and she reminded me of me. (Was she me?!!) Anyway, it was a very powerful experience but here's the part that I really wanted to share that made me wish in my heart that we had a thread like this that God ended up providing for us through the sensitive and lovely Kalista...

I was lead to sing to them!! Has this happened to you? It started with KRYSTAL but became a sort of lullaby and maybe was still using those letters K-R-Y-S-T-A-L. Anyway, it was beautiful and I wanted to share. Thank you for witnessing.

I've got lots of work to do yet with clearing AD and the houses of ego so it's possible that I shouldn't be sharing my experience as it seems like I haven't earned the all-clear badge or whatever (not that there's a badge... this is ego-mind speaking) but I AM having the experiences. I have had supernatural experiences - what seems to be - templar support work off and on for quite some time. But I want to put a label on my shares that say "may not be fully accurate" because I can't be sure that my experiences aren't rooted in the false ascension matrix, so I just want to put that possibility out there.

Anyway, I love this thread and topic and support group and everyone who has contributed and everyone who will in the future contribute!! Muah!

Ascension Symptom Blather

Whoah!! Why am I just seeing this thread? I’ve needed it for weeks! Oh well. DRT.  https://esfoundations.com/forum/ascension-symptoms-kundalini-release/3400-intense-ascension-symptoms-and-experiences#26717

Not sure if it’s psychic attack or upgrades, but sometimes everything goes deaf in my head and then a big loud beeping sound comes in. Last year when this happened it frightened me so much. One time I went to the hospital (the second time I didn’t because I had already gotten the message that they couldn’t help me). Anyway, happened again this morning. And less dramatic ones have been happening…plus tinnitus. I don’t know if these things…all the strange things… are signs of attack or of upgrades. EITHER WAY I am trying to remain a neutral witness and respond by stepping into my authority in Christos-Sophia, shielding, and commanding my space.

I am GUESSING that was an upgrade though… yesterday I definitely had a psychic attack mind beam hit me (I was out and near a tower of terror (which is what I call those scary cell phone towers)). It’s a different kind of sudden headache like an ax to the head and kind of takes the breath out of you. I started shielding and claiming my authority as GSF and was given direction to run the EMF clearing meditation and when I did, even though I was in a busy flea market and couldn’t hear it well, it totally worked! Very cool! (I used to run away when things like that happened, but this year I'm trying to push through more...face my fear and discomfort.)

I’ve had the burning poker in my butt a few times this season and flu symptoms and sinus issues, and nerve and neurological symptoms (upgrade etheric template now), nausea, fatigue, and my old agoraphobia has tried to trap me again. It’s a constant battle.

That said, I also have more support than ever! The most valuable for me is the context, information, and shared experience provided in this beautiful container of being(s). Knowing that this is part of something much bigger than my micro. I’ve gained more insight and understanding, breakthroughs, connections, and opportunities to serve. Yesterday I knew I held a space on what reminded me of an underground railroad of helping a group of toehead kids move to their next destination.

This morning I was directed to: esfoundations.com/library/meditation-sup...ing-with-holy-father which I found very supportive to everything we're doing and talking about.

I also downloaded the energeticsynthesis.com/shop/clearing-tre...ral-in-personal-tree …this was my daily glossary pick and believe it to be very aligned. Will work with this meditation in DRT (soon though… maybe later today. I also want to make sure I am taking time and space to integrate…need to do more silent meditation too.)

Whoo… good idea Kristina, to list symptoms! Here are some of mine. They ebb and flow and change but some of the heavy hitters:

• Freaking anxiety always wants to get me. I do think it’s related to my thyroid… I’m feeling thyroid pressure and fullness (a little like being choked lightly)… this affects heart rhythm and maybe breathing.
• I mentioned above nervous system and nerve problems (numbness, shooting pains, weakness, heat. Not lately, but I’ve had the bugs crawling up my legs, neuropathy, zaps, etc.)
• The other day I felt energy bubbles or entities or beings or something bubble up through my being and out my crown. That didn’t hurt…just scared me a little.
• I know I’m doing work with blood and veins… circulatory system. This started as a part of last year’s massive heart upgrade. (Where I had to let myself die of a heart attack. I didn’t die, but it was intense. ) I have some fear that I'm clearing around the veins, but it's par for the course.
• Hydration, skin, dryness
• Swollen and slightly numb tongue
• Terrible smell… like the ghost of a smell… phantom smell…something just existing maybe right outside a portal that goes into my sinus cavity in the lower center of my head… back behind and a little up from my throat and behind my nasal cavity but a little lower… hard to describe. Unpleasant.
• Nausea, some diarrhea, terrible gas - belching and pooting, stomach pains, stomach gurling (like the “I am telling you that we are moving energy" type of gurgling in the solar plexus …which is a good happy sign to me.)
  Mind slides! Dang!
• Lower back pain, kidney pain, and especially what I call “3D pain”. I have a pain in my lower right hip, usually when I wake up in the mornings these days. I was joking with my friend Evangeline that maybe it’s from having to come back into my body from sleep state into 3D and it hurts to do so! This has come and gone (especially during the fall season) the last 4 years and I always think it’s my appendix but I had it checked 4 years ago and so far it’s still with us so now I’m just going with “3D pain”. This year it only hurts for like 20 minutes and then I forget about it. I get pain in my “4D” center (left hip) intermittently too.
• Tinnitus… I mentioned the beeping and quick deafness… it’s a reprogramming. This is okay. This just came to me. It’s an upgrade being pushed through… We’re shifting frequencies. Okay. Good.
• “Kundalini flu” - 1 day of really terrible “I have covid and I’m going to die” — flu symptoms, fever (though thermometer said no, but it sure as heck felt like it!!) Mostly hot but some cold too! Head, chest and tummy sickness with that too… but also lots of energy or spirit around me… when I’m very sick sometimes I feel angels (MAP team) working on my body and this was like that… I was also doing lots of clearing meditations… so they were supporting me. Anyway, one day of that…where I was so weak that I couldn’t do anything but lay there. The next day it was significantly better and the following day I was able to get out and about some to take care of animals, etc. (Though there were still some lingering energies.)
[/li]

I’m sure there are things I’m missing. The worst part of it for me is always anxiety and fear and mental looping. Lisa said in one of her talks about magnetic changes… I think maybe here: esfoundations.com/community/platinum-arc...aa-july-16-2008-pt-1 …that getting out of our MIND is what will help. People who are excessively operating from their mental bodies will suffer so much more with these challenges. I’m trying to “mind” that. This goes along very nicely with the study assignment I’ve been given that I’m working with Candice on regarding Romans 8.

5Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh; but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace, 7because the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the fleshd cannot please God.9You, however, are controlled not by the flesh, but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. - Romans 8:5-9

Yeah, so that’s it. It's a strange life and experience but I am trying to trust God and walk this all out with a pure heart (as I clean my messy heart) and trust God’s will to be done.

Two years ago during this time I had a really scary ascension symptom. I got a horrific bloody nose that lasted 3-4 days with giant blood clots… I mean GIANT. I have no idea how I lost so much blood. I was not home and not with the most compassionate of beings and for some reason it took 3 days of bleeding like that before going to an urgent care. My husband drove almost 5 hours to where I was (we were supposed to be going to a wedding). We actually went to the wedding and I just held tissues up to my face but as it was starting I looked like a horror show doing what looked like vomiting giant chunks of blood up all over the bench. We left and we went to the urgent care who suggested I go to the hospital. For financial reasons (our local hospital offered a discount since we don’t have insurance) we decided to drive the 5 hours home to go to our hospital and by that time it had stopped again so we decided to wait until the next day and then didn’t end up having to go. All this to say, I think that was a brain architecture UPGRADE, albeit a horrible experience. Removing toxic old chunks of who knows what (I’m telling you- HUGE chunks!! Coming out my throat from my sinuses/head.)… I don’t want to go through that again, but I look back with gratitude (and horror) on it.

This time of year is always hard on me ...I seem to be tortured (<— such drama…. But really it’s tough). Last year the theme was heart upgrades which I already talked about. My heart rhythm changed a few years ago which resulted in an “abnormal” EKG from then on which was unpleasant when I was running to the medical system… but the context of now knowing that it is part of the shift in the frequency of the earth (of which I AM a part) provides peace (and gratitude to be a part of it).

This year I tried to get a head start on preparation for the fall season of torment (ha) and God sent me resources and of course ESF to help me gain understanding and all these wonderful tools to support the process. I’m so grateful for everyone to share in this experience with! (Though I don't wish it on anyone!!)

Related and I may as well continue since I’ve written a huge book so far…
I realized that the reason that I can even freak out about the things going on in my body is because my HSP is developing. I had my first panic attack in 2006 or 2007… I’ve got to look that up. But it was from an activation in my light body or meridian system. It was the first shooting pain that I registered that was unexplainable. I, of course, thought it was a heart attack and went into a panic attack and ambulance ride and we were OFF. Panic attacks and a strange life ensued. But now I see that it was because of my sensitivity coming online that I could feel it.

I just had an oversensitive perception… I could tell there was something wrong ("something’s off with my spleen” "how do you know what a spleen feels like?" "I don't know, I just feel like that's true." I guess this is what “hypochondria” is….but the root is because I could sense changes happening. Unfortunately coupled with increasing anxiety and control measures this all created a perfect storm for the spirits of mental bondage. Anyway, I think there are many people stuck in that place … higher than “normal” HSP coming online as we ascend and looking to the medical industry for answers (because that's what we're taught) and it creates a schism that creates a whirlpool that pulls them under. And most of us in that position eventually fall into the psychiatry and pharmaceutical traps.

Thank you Stefani for sharing about your body’s need for meat changing. I try to eat some meat as a part of my nutritional balancing program but have been very lax the last couple months because I just didn't want it. This last week or two I’ve felt like I needed more though and that it would help with grounding. I haven’t eaten much more yet but it’s here in my consciousness.

Well this has been an interesting journey reading through this thread! So many amazing experiences - thank you all for sharing. I'm sorry that I'm not a very good listener yet. I wish I had responded to your individual contributions better. I'm still very wrapped in my ego programming and selfishness. I I I I <--you see? But I wanted to share my perceptions in case it's helpful to myself or others at any time and I promise to do better work at STO in the forums. (I do better in real-life interactions...but still not good enough. Our dear friend MelanieR is teaching me what a great listener looks like.)

Two little notes that I might as well add here instead of my journal since they were born from Lisa's first post in this thread:

"Gold Sun DNA template restoration"

I’ve had a sun theme going on…yesterday I did the RA-MA meditation and this morning I had a double sun show up… I mean really it was the sun reflecting in some water but it was so perfect and aligned and gold and I just felt like it was a symbol and speaking to me about my meditation yesterday.

Here are links to that meditation:
esfoundations.com/library/meditation-sup...-sovereign-sun-ra-ma
esfoundations.com/community/platinum-arc...itation-january-2014

Candice ended up mentioning this in a post in this thread too!

"beloved Founder Races and Dragon Kings returning from the God worlds"

During my last session with Joe he noted there were dragons flying around which I thought was great! He must have said they were good dragons because I would usually think they are dangerous, but they were apparently protecting and supporting us.

A little on addictions

These are my responses to a thread on addictions... I can't remember if I already copied them but here they are just in case:

Dear Staci,
Yes! I join with Mia in my interest in hearing more about your journey FOR SURE!

I've dealt with (and deal with) addictions of all types and have tried a multitude of practices, groups, therapies, etc. to address and overcome them. Realizing that it is my spiritual work and mission and that I serve humanity as I drag the darkness to the light has been a game-changer! I wish this knowledge alone was a magic pill to "fix" everything at once but unfortunately I'm not finding that to be true (yet!?) 

Anyway, I'd love to hear more and talk more about this!
This morning I was reading about Spiritual Warfare in the Ascension Glossary and it talked about addictions:

... Addiction allows darkness to flood into the Lightbody, which invites parasitic entities to access their physical body through a chemical doorway that is generated in the altered state of consciousness...

I found myself wanting to talk to someone about addictions and considered reaching out to an ES friend who I know struggles with this too but didn't and here you are with this excellent topic! Thanks be to God!

ps. These days my addictions LOOK relatively mild ... sugar/carb addiction, maybe some screen addiction... but they are still very powerful and I'm called to overcome them! God (guidance, higher self) told me in no uncertain terms that sugar separates me from my connection yet I still choose sugar and end up dulling my senses. I can clean myself up but as soon as I get a little bit of it in my system, I'm a raging monster craving MORE MORE MORE! I've overcome some really hard addictions (alcohol, cigarettes, benzodiazepines for example), but freaking sugar still has me!

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Hi Staci! I just bought the kindle version of your book - I'm looking forward to it!

Interesting that it seems to be so much about the sexual misery program because as I was responding to your thread yesterday I found myself wanting to say that I had a pornography addiction at one point as well. I didn't say it because it wasn't a big deal, but now I see that it was part of the field around this thread and I think that's reallllly interesting!

In my case I had a period of time where I was obsessed with tapping into the feeling of lust that I got when I perused the personals on craigslist and I toyed with that energy (demon). I dabbled a little and tried at least once to meet up with someone, but God put the cabash on it and ultimately kept me safe (even from myself). However, I know and can feel and be that energy.... sometimes it comes up ... and I'm learning now that it's not really Carissa experiencing it, it's something or someone else, something dark and slithery... I think it's related to a golum that may be part of an indigo3 contract. Anyway, I'm now learning to dissociate from this - it's NOT me - I am the compassionate witness.

This isn't a Sexual Misery program thread so I should probably not talk too much about it here, but my first husband who struggled with pornography (and infidelity if that's related?) got me into it a little... I wouldn't say I was addicted, but maybe this was a doorway for this golum guy to attach? Maybe it's not Indigo3? Maybe it's all demons?? Ack! I don't know. I'm spinning out a little so I'll hang it up.

Anyway, thank you for the book reference. I've been an avid reader for years but this year I've puttered out because I mostly just want to read ES materials, so no promises on when I get to it, but I am looking forward to it in divine right timing!

Reptilians from Maldek ancestors?

Does the nephilim consciousness that I signed up to rehabilitate source from 5th dimensional Maldek reptilians who lost their planet and felt entitled to take over ours?

Rings with Native American story too - Europeans hostile takeover of Americas.

Inspiration from:

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/CNS_damage_from_hybridization_related_to_Maldek_and_Tiamat

Ramblings

Unwell. Tonight I was SO sick… I thought I was going to vomit and I was weak and … I can never explain this well…but really there were energies…and I believe at least 2 souls, that came up through me and out my crown. It was a little frightening to be sure. But I think this may have been the same feeling that was knocking last December when I almost floated away in Tim’s office. I cried lots tonight….and burped and farted lots… I journaled and prayed and did the negative form removal. I did not think it was going to let up and decided to try to distract by finishing a TV show we were watching, The Crown. I was trying to eat this healthy vegetable dinner in the bedroom while crying and journaling and listening to music and was so sick, but when I distracted myself and ate bad-for-me dinner (Michael made nachos)… I actually felt better. Burped and farted a lot, but better.

What IS this??

I’ve journaled quite a bit about the uncomfortable symptoms I’ve been having. 

I’ve also experienced some beautiful moments. Today Rue and I were laying in the grass together in the sun and a song came up out of me for her… it was in either like Russian or a light language…but it felt divinely for her and pray that it was healing for her precious soul. We are so blessed with two amazing dog beings here on mission with us. 

Last night I jokingly - and then wondered if it was a joke or real - named the lover or guide who came to me in my dream the other night “Gustav”. He looked nordic/pliadian. But then Troy reached out after months of silence and I wondered if it was related to him. Treading carefully. Don’t want to invite confusion or division into my world, but I want to be of service and feel that Troy and I are partners of a sort. (Or it’s a deception…that just came back to me…may be shadow…we’ll see.)

Michael is the best human in the world and I am so blessed to be his wife. Thank you God. Please look after us all and help us to fulfill thy divine plan and restore our precious earth in the name of your son…Michael would say “seed” and I’ll say “Christos-sophia”. 

I’m not sure what’s going on …but I surrender desire to be of service. 

Clear archontiic deception and fill me with the spirits of Christ. 

I AM GSF. I AM THAT I AM. I AM UNITY. WE ARE. 

Star drama

I guess I forgot to share my posts here... this is from the other day:

I appreciate this discussion so very much. I was thinking there was something very wrong with me in that I have been having big trouble with my star of azoth/unity star/merkabah star. In general I feel like it takes a great deal of effort to visualize....or actually even INTEND... especially the star and even my shield. I spend so much time fighting to come up with a visualization only to have it just be smoke anyway and eventually I send my partially formed star into the earth and go through the process... but it isn't easy and I literally spend at least 20 minutes trying to "put on my shield" every morning before I get out of bed (I shield and say the unity vow first thing). The struggle is real and my poor dog is like "PLEASE HURRY, I have to go outside!!!" Ha!

I've struggled with this all year though...and I'm new (this year). So you would THINK I would have to go through the same steps that everyone has gone through but I wondered if that was maybe just not "my" light symbol code. (Of course I panicked... "why? Because I'm the devil?!!" -- this is my MO... it's negative ego, of course.) But this thread is giving me some peace. Especially since I definitely had a HUGE heart architecture upgrade last December so maybe it was bringing some of this online and maybe I've moved into an other-than-star phase?? I don't know guys... I'm really still stuck in the ego clearing mire so it can't be that I've advanced past it... unless the whole architecture of that which I belong to in Christ-Sophia is changing now?

I have had gold in my shield for many months but I thought it was some sort of defilement so I was trying to visualize it out of there. In the end I surrendered to having silver, gold, white/platinum, and rainbow surrounding me. I don't sense particular boundaries but I try to create the cylindrical shape... it's just, again, like swimming upstream to try to make it tidy. Especially pushing that top lid to 4ft. Nothing is natural/easy. Well, the colors are natural.... that just happens. And other colors (like today everything was blue....another day everything was magenta....another day everything was gold)...that just happens and I am like "what on earth is this?!!"

Anyway... all this to say that I appreciate the conversation and as a result I'm going to let myself off the hook some about not fitting into a particular box. I have so much respect for you guys so if your 12D shield isn't exactly to code, then maybe it's okay for mine not to be too. I WILL continue to shield and do my best... try to intend without a spirit of forcefulness and wrangling and we'll see where it goes.


Edit: Saw Candice's note about the star of Azoth which was in Stephanie's post, but I've got both that and the star of David on my desktop to gaze at and try to get it to burn into my skull (hasn't worked yet) so I thought I'd post them here:

Context for what I experienced Wednesday especially

Dear Lisa, I am sending much gratitude for this update. Context makes everything bearable! I have also been feeling sick this week…started on Tuesday with this unpleasant smell in my sinuses (back behind and up from my throat) that is still with me. Wednesday (the 18th) I was in bed most of the day and I wasn’t sure if it was a flu (of course covid came to mind!), or energetic (positive (kundaini/awakening flu) or negative (black magic)). I felt like I had a raging fever (but the thermometer said no), and my lungs were tight and felt like my sinuses were full and pressure in my head and ears and sore throat and diarrhea.... just unwell! But I kept wondering if it was real ... like "I'm not getting good oxygen!! Wait, am I? Maybe I am? Why do I think I'm not?"...then back around again -thought looping. And on top of that despite doing a daily fear matrix removal program since I joined in January, I was overcome with toxic fear. I definitely felt lots of energy moving in my body and field and did so many clearing meditations on Wednesday (and had lots of “check outs” which I usually assume to be deep etheric surgery and/or work that needs to be done without my Carissa consciousness getting in the way).

I talked a little about the activity I have had regarding this SRA topic this week in my journal already, but wanted to note that since then I also got hit with these uncomfortable physical symptoms. I'm feeling better now. There are still a few lingering energies but I honestly haven’t done much clearing today. Wednesday was the worst - I had to surrender my life “Okay God, if it’s my time, it’s my time.” (I’m so dramatic! And the fear doesn’t help. But we’re working on it.) Shadow clearing. Purging.

I’m not sure if this is relevant, but I think it was Tuesday morning when I had a dream (and I don’t usually remember dreams, but I’ve had two memorable ones this week)… and there was a huge cargo ship with all these openings in the side of the ship with luggage ramps and little naked boys wrapped in cellophane were coming out of the hull of the ship coming down these ramps…laying on their backs with legs kind of indian style folded in so they were squarish, I didn’t sense life or death, but they were coming down like suitcases one after the other with no space between them or maybe they slid down the ramp on top of eachother like that… anyway, it was pretty shocking to behold. I think I woke myself up in horror.

Anyway, appreciate this update.

God provided me with a whale and white lion meditation disk this week and Wednesday the whale’s soothing songs provided much comfort. That’s not a mer-person but I bet they know each other! 

Much love to all of you here generously doing this work with compassion, diligence, kindness, patience, humility, and discipline! I aspire to that too!
Love,
Carissa

On Genetic Equals

 I don't know if it would be better to share my musings about this topic in my journal, but I think I'll just make a note about it here.

Honestly in my examples of beings that this is being orchestrated, I don't know one that's been orchestrated for personal pleasure. It's literally couplings being formed by two beings that are completely and already in the midst of complete world service and have already devoted their lives to it.

So there is a pattern of arranged Spiritual Marriages that are being formed in this No Time. It seems in some cases to be happening even before the actual physical contact where one or both parties are either contacted by guides and given explicit details about who or what their next partner is or how this is gonna be transpiring in the months to come. These unions seem to be transdimensional and placed inside an alchemical container outside of this time matrix and it appears to be a template of Genetic Equals

This happened to me in 2011!!!! God created an "arranged marriage"...that's what we called it and that's what it was. I was sold out to the mission and in a very profound "mountaintop" yet "spiritual nomad" yet "totally cared for" phase and I go back and forth whether it was demonic shenanigans (Alien Love Bite) or God's perfect plan, but my future partner was brought into my life out of the blue. He was in prison at the time (scary, yes, I didn't know people in prison) but somehow I ended up writing to him and somehow he ended up asking me to marry him and somehow I said I would if it was God's will (sure it could NOT be, but like I said, I was in a phase where my only option was to say "yes" to God)!! So many days I'd go to the woods and beg and cry on the ground asking God to take this cup from me but if it was His will, then I would do it! I swear I felt like I was sweating blood like they say Yeshua did in the garden of gethsamene!

In the end we married the day he got out of prison - rip off the bandaid! I went to visit him in person once before that, but that was months after I agreed to marry him. We had not even seen each other. It was NOT for pleasure, but it was part of our surrender to God's plan. He said once that we were supposed to "heal each other in love", but I failed... my negative ego (esp. judgment) took me over and I quickly slid from the mountaintop to a pit of despair where I was desperately trying to control everything to put the pieces of my life together according to 3D perceptions. We didn't have this ES context or guidance or support and I was slipping away in psychosis (BOTH of us dealt with anxiety and he had a TBI that created confusion and psychosis. I could deal with it until my own accident where I sustained a head injury and broken sacrum and was in my own phase of healing which he did not have the capacity to support me in) so in the end he felt he had to leave without notice and without looking back. It was the most painful searing pain I've ever experienced. I don't know how it will all unfold, if there is more to it or if we have to wait until the next incarnation. I am re-married to a man now that is helping me to heal and I believe we are working on Michael-Mary reversals together, but we do not have the same (even close to it) connection that I did with my ex.

When Mhairi talked in last month's Ascension Call about how God had already united her and Sequoia's architecture before they even came together (something like that), that really resonated and reminded me of my experience with T. I had connected an incident where I may have experienced some multidimensional rape ... I was turned on and a light beam came and had sex with me... with the timing of this man, my arranged marriage, coming into my life. I'm still not sure. But I don't need to know now, so it is what it is. But anyway, I started feeling very connected to him, like we could read each other's mind and sometimes I thought I could feel his thoughts (and even hands) on me (physical lusty thoughts often though, so that's why I wonder if it was demonic).

Just wanted to share about this. Thank you Lisa for sharing this snippet and for your transcription work!! Thank you Katerina for yours and your beloved's work - this is so beautiful and fascinating and HUGE!! You take incredible photos too! God bless you!!

Aligned Glossary Pick: Transiting SRA'd Children

 Note, yesterday Lisa Renee's amazing newsletter about Human Trafficking came out! https://energeticsynthesis.com/resource-tools/news-shift-timelines/3663-ending-human-trafficking

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How about THIS daily glossary pick?? WOW! Thank you God! Perfect timing!
ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Transiti...A%E2%80%99d_Children

This painful content is surfacing for witnessing, activism and sometimes mass transiting into the Heart of God.

I’m being briefed. It’s time to step up and into this shared mission of serving as a conduit and portal to help retrieve and port SRA’d souls out of the moloch tanks. I’m coming back around to this - I've been getting information all year long since I joined ES and it resonates at the time but I haven't been sure what to do with it. Now it’s coming together and Lisa’s newsletter is paving the way for more action and support from the Guardians through us.

It has been discovered that many child sacrifices have been ritually bound into many areas of the earth, such as the 10th gate in Iraq-Iran, and their soul aspects have been held in the reversal female body parts that are connected to the wormholes generated in the exploded parts of Tiamat.

I knew Tiamat was important to me, now I understand more why. Let me look at this a little deeper. Reversal female body parts and wormholes… are parts of MY being stuck in these wormholes? SRA activity produces loosh that is used on planet and off planet… that which is being siphoned off the planet is being taken through these wormholes. They are still open and you can bring it back… this is restoration to God-Source in Christ. We are retrieving ourselves and our loved ones (all who are One in Christ) … they are stuffed and stored and being dragged off everywhere… but we are bringing them back. Return to rightful owner. On the micro that’s you but on the macro that’s UNITY, All We Are.

Question- are these souls coming back to the earth plane or being returned to God’s spirit elsewhere? You answered your question… God and Christ-Sophia is multi-dimensional… the fragments go back to where they belong. Some belong in 3D and some in higher D’s. Thank you!

I knew that there was big action taking place in my/the 10D sphere, now I understand more why.
This also feels related to the YHVH Matrix and the Annunaki’s false god spurring the False King of Tyranny reversal current. (I’m making this stuff up… it’s just coming up and I’m writing it. I’m learning. Ya’ll, anyone reading my rambles, just know that I am usually not looking at notes so am probably mixing things up… but I need to practice putting them together for myself. Especially when I get it wrong, it sticks a little more.)

This allows for more of the awakening population that knows this is one of their spiritual purposes, to be of service to others for the purpose of compassionate witnessing, and transiting departed souls with Guardian Host protocols.

I have been participating in unconscious restoration of the Albion body much or all of my life. (I don’t think I had the wiring to support the Cathar body until recently, but that’s coming on line and we seem to be clearing the lines… purging the lines… blowing out stored stagnant gunk so that we can fill this space with the frequencies necessary to embody the micro/macro with the spirit of Christ-Sophia.)

When Lisa mentioned the "fallen tree" in the Ascension call whenever it was, last month? Seems like longer but I think it was only last month. It stuck like a bone in my throat. I very much related to that concept and the 2D-4D split. I've been provided with more information on this but it was interesting that it came up again in this month's newsletter!

The predatorial parasites have been known to target what Guardian Host refers to as the “fallen tree” people (those with imploded root and sacral centers), to hijack their 2D sexual energies in order to keep the reversal grid networks in place in the lowest dimensions of the planet.

I have struggled with the feeling that my root and sacral chakras and my 1D & 2D spheres are not properly grounded which has caused me many problems. The work we are doing here is helping. The Atomic Clearing technique has been my favorite for some time and I think that really connects me to earth energy and helps clear the reversals and crumpled mess of my 1D sphere. I think. Not sure.

Anyway, back to STO: I have been conscious of some of this “grid-working" but not knowing exactly what was happening, just that I was a conduit for and in God. I even had an aqua portal open over my head earlier this year… I saw it and thank goodness I said it to someone otherwise it wouldn’t have stuck. I have so many interesting experiences but when I don’t share them, they don’t get stored in my memory. (Even when I do share them, they rarely do, frankly.) Anyway, pieces are being pulled together.

So yeah, I’ve been a templar but I’ve also been a dark portal ... a conduit for NAA. I guess this is part of the Indigo3 piece… the oraphim I am has to experience and report back to God - I’m a double agent!! Ha! But I think this is coming to an end … it was a hefty contract, but I think that my assignment is being changed (actually I think it changed 11 years ago when whatever happened happened (monad pop through or walk-in, hard to say)) it’s still indigo3 but and I’m having to rehabilitate the annunaki and close up their dark portals and dismantle the NRG in me (which again, supports the macro). I have experienced the “mountaintop” and the “pit of hell”, but thanks be to the support of God (especially through Lisa/Tomas & ES), we’re finding neutrality and the still point where we can do work such as this (supporting the transiting of SRA’d souls).

This is the call to be the mid wife of the spirit, retrieving the souls in a field of omni-love (spiritual love) and spiritual protection in which you dedicate for them to be spiritually healed and collected by the God forces to come and pick them up.

I felt the call to be a “mid-wife of the spirit” in early 2018. It was part of my decision to face my fear of death and I thought I was meant to start volunteering with hospice… which I did. Because of their regulations regarding vaccines it was harder than I expected to get in, but God made a way and I have been reading, training, and practicing but on a very limited basis… more limited than I wanted…and with this CV mess, I haven’t even seen my one remaining patient since early this year who I believe is going to transition anytime. That’s 3D though… the point is that being a “death doola” and “mid-wife of the spirit” is a call I felt on my life but now seeing how it marries this GSF mission to support the transit of trapped SRA souls is just really cool.

Any living thing can be witnessed in love and supported in transit to be received in the Heart of God, removed from blood sacrifice bindings.

I am doing this for myself… I’ve been trapped in blood sacrifice bindings through YHVH Collective and my husband and family are still standing (with pride) on the foundation of blood sacrifice. My husband keeps a “real” Passover every year (blood sacrifice of a goat) and believes it is the greatest way he can align his heart and life to God. All I can say is that it is a miracle that we are still together as I’m not in agreement with any of this… however I choose to love and honor him. Yes! “Witnessing in love” (or trying) instead of my M.O. which was “resist and hostile takeover by any means necessary to bend someone else’s behavior to my will” (which doesn’t work in the long run - there's a lesson for you, Nephilim!). So I take this miracle of us still being together despite his witnessing the work I’m doing which is very outside his comfort zone… he can call me crazy or whatever…but I run meditations at night and he has printed out documents for me like “Crux Removal”. (He’s anti-Jesus so maybe that’s why he didn’t have a fit…but I talk about Christ (which isn't Jesus, for the record) all the time now which was grating to his being and infuriated him before and now he just shrugs it off.) So… we’ll see…we’ll see… We are helping each other. Working toward reversing the Michael-Mary reversals in a big way! I should probably just journal about this another time… it’s huge.

The written script to help guide the Safe Passage process is in the Ascension Glossary.

I’ve been doing safe passage for some loved ones and recently printed this out for my manual, so this is good to know… now, Carissa, let’s set aside time to pray through this for SRA children and see where it goes….
ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Release_into_Aqua_Portal