Indigo-ness

 Just read this great thread on Polarity Integration and Indigo3...right up my alley!: esfoundations.com/index.php/forum/polari...go-3-contracts#27106

The first thing “the voice” told me in January 2010 (well...second thing... the first was a couple days before this where it told me to pick up some garbage and I tried to ignore it but it insisted until I gave in. It's a funny story usually but I can't take the time to make it funny now). Anyway, the first thing it said to/about me was “it’s not about you”, Carissa! So Lisa’s exhortation "It is not about you, it is about the reclamation of Christ Mission on this earth.” spoke to my heart in that same vein. Thank you. Right. So important.

I feel like I’ve been in an Indigo 3 contract my whole life, frankly. I wish it were only a few years, and maybe I complete some and get new ones, but I definitely can think through different times all through my life where I feel very strongly that I was on a polarity integration mission.

I also feel like that “walk-in” experience (my higher or future self poured into me from top to bottom and I poured out and I haven’t been the same since) may have signaled the start of a fresh Indigo 1 contract...or maybe not fresh, I think I've been Indigo1-ing for a while too. I do NOT think I've been Indigo2-ing long however. As Holy Mother and the divine feminine has been slowly coming online for me the last 4 years or so, I sense I’m being trained along Indigo2 lines as an intuitive healer (maybe). Lots of training to go there, but it seems like it’s a thing. I’ve naturally been a supportive/like-to-council type of person for a while but got interested in alternative, holistic, and energy healing around 2016.

Why do I say that about thinking I've been Indigo1 for a while? Well from the (fantastic) post I just read here , I definitely feel like God sees through my eyes… that I am a portal and channel and witness from God to earth. (I think it’s possible everyone is, that the fly on the wall and the dog in the yard and the flower in the garden are all witnessing and reporting, so to speak.) That's the part that makes me think I got a "fresh" Indigo1 contract with the walk-in, but from other articles I’ve read I believe Indigo1’s are also moved around the planet doing gridwork. I feel that I have participated in this quite a bit (though without knowing at the time but as I think back to it now I can almost feel the connections being synthesized). In 1999 during my semester abroad in England, I spent literally every weekend going to a different town exploring… I was all over the grid in the UK and it makes so much sense now! During that time I also went to Edinburgh in Scotland and Rome and to Paris and Nice in France and to Amsterdam and Groningen in the Netherlands. I’ve lived and traveled all over the US and also been to the Caribbean and Africa - I also found myself connected through different jobs and projects to lots of people all over the globe… anyway… it just seems like that is part of what I’m doing too…

It got a little much for me and in 2011 when I was literally feeling the bifurcation and felt like I was walking above the earth I prayed for an “anchor” and darn it, I got one or two… I don’t want the anchor anymore but I do want a home and family so we’ll see how it all works out… all this to say, I definitely feel connected to the Indigo discussion and I’ve been really grateful for the context and tools and curriculum to help me work all this out. My higher self is further along (of course) but my consciousness is catching up thanks to the tools here in ESF!

I took a stab at answering some of the questions Lisa provided in her post and think it is a great exercise.

Oh, I wanted to say that I think I was involved in the Electric Wars . I don't have a ton of information on this yet, just some hunches and I'm going to let it unfold.

My multidimensional selves have been pretty much masculine from what I understand and they have not allowed the support of the feminine and as such they have not been as effective as they could have been. Even the “benevolent king” versions really fell short because they were not whole within themselves. The “tyrannical king” versions deserved it, so there!! Actually, I am currently working out the polarity between this “tyrannical and benevolent king” prototype within my 9D body now and they are doing very well, especially as they are now allowing the influence of our beautiful and beloved Holy Mother and divine feminine to support them.

One of the major projects I’m working on is the integration between masculine and feminine. I’ve carried the patriarchal domination in my field for who knows how long and it’s time for that to heal and it’s happening. I’m a micro for the macro and the macro is a reflection of my micro. Pretty neat!

What is my mission detail to rehabilitate the Nephilim template and what do I need to know in order to consciously participate with that mission directly?
I believe I'm Oraphim hosting the rehabilitation of Annunaki hybrid Nephilim. My main role is to be a compassionate witness….I watch my own shenanigans, the thought-forms that are allowed to move through me, and the other reptilian beings and behaviors that I attract for the purpose of being a neutral observer. I need to keep learning about human and non-human nature and history so that I can become better and recognizing the baseline truth of what is happening at any given moment.

What levels of my ego still have control over my body, mind, thoughts and consciousness power that are potential weaknesses and vulnerabilities that allow my vessel to be used consciously or unconsciously by dark forces, Imposter Spirit or STS entities?
I am still riddled in the mire of negative ego and pain body - I have a LONG way to go. As long as I can remember I’ve been observing and calling myself out on my “fleshly” (is what I call it - ego (reptilian!)) nature. People never responded well to that but I just called it as I saw it and tried to overcome whatever it was. Not easy and I failed a lot, but I observed. When I was trying to quit smoking, for example, I would HATE myself for smoking - I hated it and didn’t want to do it but I still did it so I took pictures of myself so I could more consciously watch myself…but it was such a battle! I know a lot of people go through that one, but I have lots of things I just tried to “crucify the flesh”… I left my whole life to join a radical house church in Pittsburgh who believed it was possible to be “sinless” … “perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect”… anyway, I have been committed…but no matter how much I've done, I’ve done it still in the ego… I have a massive freaking ego. It’s my biggest problem… literally. So I guess I’ll keep chipping away at it.

Where in my life or other lifetimes have I abused my consciousness power from my own lack of awareness, ignorance or from the Mind Control program that I have been influenced by the Controllers?
I can say that in THIS lifetime I’ve definitely been an energy vampire and I guessssss narcissistic, but I didn’t mean that… that comes from my ego problems (stemming from both superiority and inferiority complexes). In order to meet my love and esteem needs I manipulated people and situations to get what I wanted. Often I would “buy” people’s affection by going out of my way to help them, but it was rooted in controller mentality…. everything was a means to an end to get what I wanted, whatever it was at the time. I have rarely just allowed myself to accept what is - I always try to make it something else - I am insatiable. (I shouldn’t claim “I am this or that”… I am in recovery from this mentality and behavior. I am not my behavior (I love the Track 12: Clear Emotional Negativity Exercise on Lisa’s CD). Anyway… this is again, from Annunaki, I don’t know, programming. Is it DNA? Do I have Annunaki DNA? Do Annunaki’s have DNA? I’ll look that up another time. Anyway, I have spent most of my life abusing my consciousness power and it sounds like I’ve done it in many of my past lives too. I’ve always thought that I was supposed to be honored, revered, respected (without earning it). As a child I thought I must have been a princess… maybe all kids think that… but I’ve been pretty miffed most of this life because people don’t “recognize” me. “Do you know WHO you are speaking to?!!” Ha! I’m such a pre-madonna! (And I’m a shlub… it’s not like I try to command attention through dressing well…) I just go around telling people what they should do and expect them to bow at my feet. It’s disgusting.

Will I succumb to the internal and external pressure and sell my soul and bargain my consciousness power for earthly and material gains in order to be more comfortable on earth?
I really hope not!! I have actually gone the other direction and made sacrifices (by the grace of God) to practice humility and experience poverty (although I also spent much of my life with plenty of material gain - I’ve experienced both side of the coin, oh, polarity integration! Yay! I think I get a check mark for that one! Anyway, I don’t think I can sell my soul, it’s not for sale and doesn’t seem like it’s an option, thanks be to God.

That said, I DO think that I have some sort of Fallen Angel consciousness so I may have already DONE this and that’s why I’m where I’m at now, trying to rehabilitate this being. I can relate deeply to the mentality that “I know better than you, God! I’m beautiful and smart and can do this on my own!” And I may have given up my role in the house of God in order to create a “House of Carissa” (<—I’m just using this name because that’s who I am now, but I really think this is related to a higher being or collective that I’m connected to). Anyway, at some point - was it during or before this incarnation? I don’t know - I joined myself to the Law of One and Christ-Consciousness. Oh, just got word that it was way before, maybe during the times of Yeshua, but maybe moreso during the times of Melchezidek and maybe hung out with the people in the line of Jacob/Israel who are called “Hebrews”. Hm. Will ponder that some more.

Anyway, I don’t want to. I think on a micro basis I have made little trade-offs that have done damage to my relationship with God and my mission effectiveness. For example SUGAR … I’ve been told a zillion times that it separates me from God yet I still eat it. Why on earth (or anywhere) would I choose a substance that I know in my brain and body is hurting me on so many levels, yet I still choose the taste of a cookie over keeping my vessel clean for God’s spirit? So… yeah… I guess I do. Ugh. Gross.

Can I withstand the burden of humiliation and being targeted with the Victim-Victimizer program to break down my moral and ethical responsibility while enduring character defamation by those people who think I am threatening to the Controller and mind control system?
I mean, this is kind of my life. Yes. I can and I do but it is not pleasant. Being falsely accused is not fun.
Right now I’m trying to learn how to remain in neutral without pushing or pulling, without clinging or resisting. I wonder if I don’t try to impose my beliefs (my “help”) on other people if I will trigger that “threat” response from others. Time will tell, but first I have to learn to operate in zero point. I don’t know if that’s possible to have relationships and fulfill my mission without making waves, but we’ll see. The practice is what I’m called to now.

Where do I need to develop true humility in my life dedicated to Service to Others and increase the communication and development of the Spirits of Christ within to further develop my body, mind and consciousness?
Everywhere!! Seriously, I’ve got so much work to do, but I’m in the right place to learn and practice now, thanks be to God! I have ebbed and flowed in practice through the years and I got locked up in the dark/heavy side of polarity for many years in a prison of fear and shame and self-hatred and confusion (as a start), but I’m so grateful to be here in ES now surrounded by resources, support, community, and opportunity to practice. Lisa and so many here go before me and model the spirits of Christ with grace and I’m humbled and grateful to God and my guidance teams for bringing me here to this oasis!

Heyyyy, remember this, Carissa! (From the same thread mentioned above.)

TOS Technique

The Timeline Override Sequence Technique (TOS) The quick process of the Timeline Override Sequence for the Starseed or Energy Session is:
Observe the Experience.
Hold Neutral Association as the Compassionate Witness of God.
Synthesize the Opposing Polarities by Loving them Equally.
Internally Unify inside your Body through Applied Acceptance and Forgiveness.
If Asked, Release the Mental Bondage Memory (Soul Retrieval, RRO)
Cellular Embodiment of the Unified Experience takes place.
In Gratitude, Peace and Balance is Restored.

I'm pooped. Great exercise though! If you see this Lisa, THANK YOU!!
In love, Carissa