Let me trying journaling here...

I’m not sure what will come out. I’ve been thwarted (by myself) in feeling unable to communicate. I chaulk it up to tons of integration happening on many fronts including lots of observation and practice opportunities to serve as conscious awareness and a compassionate witness. I’ve been amazed at my beautiful inner child’s abilities to hold strong during some storms booming around me. 

Sexual misery healing has definitely been on the table (along with the other heavy hitting archontic deception strategies). Just yesterday I was terribly molested. As I am experiencing it in consciousness I see where my pain body wants to cling to it and create cords to the experience (holding it with me) as well as the victim-victimizer game (which goes hand-in-hand with the pain body). HOWEVER, I do also have to face and process it. I submitted it to higher authorities through the Solar Rishi for observation and review…and now I need to let go. But I’ll share here what happened. 

First of all, I’ve been really intending protection and healing for my beloved being… I have seen what looks like bulbous cysts filled with etheric weaponry… like a giant tumor on my sacral and root chakra areas. I’ve got…had…working on releasing... so many distortions, reversals, and outright violence to my 2nd energy center. This fuels the gender splitting and lack of connection to my being and causes me to hate myself instead of love myself which blocks my ability to have a relationship with others or myself.

I maybe did this by lying. I started lying as a child, I believe. I have not been true to myself or to others for whatever reason (mostly because I wanted people to like me) and lived in a state of vampirism and confusion for as long as I can remember. This is what I sense is one of the root causes (along with SRA that I sustained as child and participated in during other stations of identity) for my personality matrix distortions. 

Anyway… although I’m sort of married (I made a covenant so that I could try on the misogyny hat and experience being a proponent of patriarchal domination… this is what I do as an indigo…try on lots of schisms. Good times. (<—kidding. Quite difficult times.) Anyway… in 2019 I realized that if I was ever going to heal, that I needed to close up shop and stop traumatizing myself by having sex. I have always hated anything to do with sexuality… I tried to do it because it was a part of relationships, but I literally would have break downs and my anxiety was through the roof. I was traumatizing myself over and over and over. 

Anyway, since I sealed myself off in that way I have started healing. I have a long way to go. But I am committed to my own heirogamic union and learning to love myself. 

YESTERDAY I was molested in a very terrible way. Shoot. I can’t share this in that thread… the thread is about sacred sexuality…this is about sexual misery. Okay. So I'll write it out for myself anyway. When I fly I have a choice to be radiated by going through that big EMF scanner of doom OR to be molested when you go through TSA.  Since I connected the dots regarding EMF hypersensitivity, I no longer choose radiation and have now been molested many times - 5 or more? But yesterday in Florida the lady was a young lady trying to please an old man, her boss, who was watching. So it felt like a gang rape, first of all. Second of all, she put her hands way up in my labia FOUR times… it was disgusting and she was feeling in my labia… feeling into it. And my breasts… and my whole body. They made me lift my shirt up in public (I could have a private room, but there was no way that I was going in there... they can do what they want to do to me in front of everyone else.) It took about an hour and a half to even stop being shaken by it… and it’s the next day and I’m still pissed. 

To fly I have to be molested. I consented to be molested and I shouldn’t have. So it’s my fault…. It’s not a fault, but you are sovereign and free and you can choose to fly or not fly. NOT FLY. With the mask mess and covid fear mongering and all that, I’m just not interested any more. It SUCKED. 

Get raped to fly? Or radiated? It’s just not right.

Anyway, while we’re on this topic, I DID write to Gabe and let him know my feelings about that experience. Now THAT is aligned with sacred sexuality because he held that space, that container, in order to help me heal and release the trauma! Let’s explore this a little… maybe this is worthy for that thread?

Earlier this month I experienced an incredible healing experience where a Krystic male held the Albion architecture that allowed me to transit buried trauma, weaponry, and release soul fragments from my sacral chakra or lower energy centers. THAT was alchemy and it was a most powerful experience. That said, it was difficult for me because as I told him later, it was like “spiritual sex” and the intimacy that is created in that can be confusing to one’s heart. I am grateful to God because this is what I have wanted to experience for over a decade I have consciously desired (and tried to create) that, but I see how it takes one aligned to the Law of One and following the Way of God in Truth to hold it. Moreso it requires me to be connected Source and calibrated in HGS to hold my part of the structure. I’ve got a long way to go, but progress is being made and I just need to recognize the gift that God gave me with the taste of that.

I’m not going to post this so it’s just me and me here. So let me say how it really jacked me up, as you know. It’s kind of “worn off” by now, but I was connected to Gabe strongly and it confused me into wondering if he was my divine HG partner, you know? Rosemary’s input also led me down that path and I can see now how it was ai red cube trying to pull me off course. It was a spirit that led me to almost obsess over it… NOT neutrality. So many mental body distortions. Anyway, we’ll see. I hadn’t communicated back with him until today I texted him and didn’t hear back. I need to just let him go. 

I am working on cleaning up the mess with Michael. My 3D self really likes the comfort and love that he offers. I just can’t abide in the belief structure he puts his faith in. But we’ve had really straightforward conversations about it which I feel are really helpful to him and planting seeds. Today Mamma Bear Nancy and I talked and she was so discouraged right now and Michael’s “preaching” on how God (YHVH) doesn’t hear the prayers of women really mess with her head. First of all, YHVH is an alien imposter God set up to steal loosh… but Michael thinks this is THE GOD. But I was able to communicate to him about Nancy’s feelings and it seemed like he “got it”. So…we’ll see. 

The main reason I am "for" Michael moving on is that I want him to be happy and he deserves to be loved. He wants sex and closeness and a woman to be his partner. I want that for him. I just don't feel it. I don't know if it's me just not calibrated to that level, or if I'm just key-coded to another person (or none at all). No, it's not none at all, darling. Don't be dramatic. You just need to get yourself sorted out first. 

I guess my throat chakra is closed. 

I have a Charlotte session in 36 hours!

Well I guess I want to go outside now. I don’t need to post in the forum. It’s okay not to post. I don’t need people’s attention or people to see me or learn from me. I don’t need to entertain them. I need to do my own healing and clearing work. I don’t feel like I’m making much progress but I AM. I’m proud of you, Cristy. You are a special girl and a brave girl. 

I think Michael and I have just agreed to be friends. He was even willing to sleep in the other room but didn’t prefer it. But I DO need his support and income so he is happy to stay here and help me and make sure I’m set up. He thinks that silver is going to be worth a pile of money soon so we’re waiting on that. 10:11  But I am my own. I am here to unite with my inner divine masculine and inner divine feminine. I feel the crucifixion implants being removed daily. I am Hermaphrodite!! I LOVE ME!

Gabe saw something with Venus in his talk with me. We joked about it being a temple and something… I don’t know. I wish he’d send me the recording. But I also know it was probably triggering and I need to heal into my own strength first. Well… that’s it. My work is healing… I have been saying and told for 11 years that “I work for God”…and I do. So let me do a good job and maybe I’ll get a raise! Ha! I am raised… I am so blessed. Thank you God for taking such good care of me!

The trip to the Emerald Coast, Santa Rosa Beach was incredible. So many healing experiences. Baptism in Holy Father and Holy Mother and Krystal Waters. Staying neutral during emotional upheaval and anger from my family who feels that my choices are unkind and irresponsible and selfish (in regards to not getting vaccinated and my stance on masks). Lots of meditation time. Play time with kids. Good conversations and good food. Beautiful. A real gift. More will unpack when it's ready. It was a re-calibration of sorts though... we did connect to the 2D stargate in certain ways too.

Not a ton of physical symptoms which I was surprised about. I was surprised at my strength and neutrality and resolve and felt like I did really well. I was a bit lonely at times but it was perfect. I was mourning Michael's and my relationship. I kept thinking that I wanted to illicit some pain-body cording vampirized energy by sharing my "sob story" how Michael is courting another woman and I'm not sure how I'll make it, blah blah. But thanks be to God I didn't do that. I did share with Corie some but not the others. I did well. Corie and I had a really beautiful talk especially on the beach that night after she was attacked by the family regarding her choice so far not to vaccinate. She was so brave and raw.

Incredible bird messengers: Pelicans (balance), Herrons (meditate and introspection), and even a bald eagle!! (Courage) were the main ones, but pipers brought joy and seagulls spoke to me! It was truly lovely!

____

I just realized that I want to copy/save my email to Gabe here too:

From: Carissa Wages <crwages@gmail.com>

Subject: A sliver

Date: April 22, 2021 at 11:10:51 AM EDT

To: Gabriel A Dionne <wellspringeternal@icloud.com> 

Beloved Gabe,

Hopefully this email works… too long to text, ha!

Let me start by saying that I hope you and Maren will come live with me one day - I want to take care of you and be with you and serve with you. This could be Dark Mother energy, but I choose to witness it and sincerely mean it! Big shifts are happening and I wonder if that is a timeline possibility?!!? :)

For me Lunar Forces are being evicted - shadow coming up for witnessing and wormholes being closed. 

This thing (mental and emotional storm) yesterday was aligned with my life review how I obsess and fall into mental bondage loops especially around wanting to be cared about by a man. I feel both the divine connection and the repulsion (since I do not appear beautiful ... my Godself is, but my physical being reflects the gaping wounds that my inner child is working to heal). I know there is negative ego mixed in there, please disregard that, but there is truth too. 

7D violet ray reversals surfacing for healing. You know the left ring finger is 7D axiatonial line and has to do with monadic integration and HG union. Help awaken and reclaim your finger tips by squeezing the axiatonial line/tips of fingers and toes (as modeled in meditation entitled Inner Male-Female Recoding Calibration from July 2011). 

Fear of upsetting people (then they won’t like me and will push me away) along with dark mother (control and wanting to dominate or get back at the oppressors), along with ego (wanting to be seen as smart) keeps me tied up in confusion and circles. I've taken on the challenging task of unraveling this gordian knot!

Okay, here's the meat of my feedback... I wrote it most succinctly to myself for my journal yesterday. I have pages upon pages of journal processing from our session which was SOOOOO powerful and beautiful... but I won't bore you with all that. I feel that this insight is important for you and your work.

"Oh yeah, don’t forget- almost mind slid away- the intimacy with Gabe (because he wasn’t fully calibrated in HGS) messes with me/us. He had a strong Christ presence and masculine architecture which my lightbody is looking for in its partner. That kind of intimacy is like having spiritual sex... it opens us up and causes confusion and the whole thing where there are cords intertwined. Not healthy for me or him or Maren, especially. I know that if/when I share this, it will be the end of our relationship- but it will help him and others going forward.  

I want the relief and support associated with his “help” holding structure for my lightbody but it isn’t healthy or right. So I have to eschew my own desires and surrender- and cut cords with him." <--note, I do this often with you, but it doesn't completely work... since I first touched your energy signature you have been with me.

I really wanted to bring this up to help you understand what can happen, and so you can guard yourself and your beloved and it reminded me of that guru-desciple type of sexual misery program. Thanks be to God for the intel. Those people start genuinely trying to connect and serve others with this energy and architecture, but just like with the numerous spiritual leaders that are swept away by delusion and vittles for their flesh, this could be a foothold. So many Ai Red Wave distortions trying to get us. This anti-HG one is especially strong. Perhaps this is a little dramatic, but I am not exaggerating when I say that my heart and being has been through a LOT since our session. Lots of opportunities to choose God and love and to see negative ego and distortions. I'm still confused about whether it is God's will because that structure was SO supportive to me... it continues to be. The day after I felt you there (not you, your albion body) and I wanted to bring you close so that I could continue my work... merge with that energy and keep going, but I felt like it was cheating on Maren or something so I didn't... intentionally. I wasn't as strong as I would like to be... I kind of sat with it instead of fully rejecting it but I didn't pull it close. I started praying for God to lead and that their will be done in the Way of Christ-Sophia. And that's it. I have to leave it there.

But then the distortions came yesterday... the schisms... the confusion and emotional pain and feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Again, there for my witnessing and not your doing at all. I hope this isn't coming off accusatory... it's just what I experienced so that I can support the creation of healing pathways for our other brothers and sisters.

You said you appreciated my honesty so I hope that you will, (a.) see through what is astral or emotional, and what is dark mother and lunar distortions, and (b.) hear my heart that it is my intention that you be the strongest and most effective expression of yourself on this earth as possible. You are, to date, the most beautiful man I've ever felt and I pray a triune God blessing over you, beloved Christ-Sophia that you are/we are/I am. You are GSF, fully held, fully protected, fully awake! We do not consent to any dark forces trying to intertwine with your light which is the light of the world. I love you. 

ps. My heart is open to speak about this in person if you have questions or want to talk through it.

He wrote back that morning:

This is great feedback, thanks for the update and heads up.  I am working to get fully calibrated has been a long ride.   Great reminder. Thanks you again, when we head back to the east coast we will come visit, feeling no more WV for a while,

Texts I didn't send to him. I DID send one tonight about the molestation...weird. Cording? Vampirism? What's the motivation? Poor guy. Ha! He can hack it. This is what he was made for and what he's committed to... helping recover the divine feminine soul fragments and consciousness. (Opposite of Michael, aye? But that's okay. Somewhere there's a neutral. Oh! Within ME!!!)

______

How can I explain to Gabe or should I at all? He asked me to let him know my experience but it’s too much and I don’t know if it’s necessary- I want a friend and to not be alone but he isn’t really that, now is he?

I’m scared

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Law_of_Cycles 

Powerful time on Emerald Coast! Messengers (pelican, herron, and bald eagle) today. 

Personal HG integration with incredible support from holy father and mother. baptism purging cleansing restoration breaking awakening enlivening 

much to observe and trying to balance it understand how to balance how to live in connection with others in the inorganic matrix they reside but remaining separate. Out of my home base Krystal heart cathedral and holding one here.

____

How’s your adventure going? What are you learning?

Emerald coast - Emerald(Father)/Aquamarine(Mother) water and proximity to 2D stargate providing lots of opportunities for purging and cleansing, baptized into the solar Christ-Sophia I AM. So many messengers - lupine and pelican and herron and bald eagle (not to mention the family of origin opps). Pretty hard to summarize in a text but you said you wanted to know how it is. :) 

Dark Lunar Mother, I see you!

Daily glossary pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Moon 

Lunar Forces being evicted - shadow coming up for witnessing and wormholes being closed. 

This thing (mental and emotional storm) yesterday was aligned with my life review how I obsess and fall into mental bondage loops especially about around wanting to be seen/loved by a man. I feel both the divine connection and the repulsion (since I do not appear beautiful ... my Godself is, but my inner child has gaping wounds). That is only one negative ego ping. What’s the truth? 

7D violet ray reversals surfacing for healing . Left ring finger is 7D axiatonial line. 

Fear of upsetting people (then they won’t like me and they will push me away) along with dark mother (wanting to control and dominate into submission), along with ego wanting to be seen as smart and teach keeps me tied up in confusion and circles.

While Gabe situation is confusing and uncomfortable, it has provided a beautiful canvas for healing, introspection, and choosing to honor my HG within.

This moon thing is big for what I'm going into as I leave for Florida/Emerald Coast/Santa Rosa today to hold space for my ancestral lines, cellular purging and DNA reclamation in Christ-Sophia!

Maybe I'll write this to Gabe:

Dear beloved Gabe,

I hope you and Maren will come live with me one day - I want to take care of you and be with you and serve with you. This could be Dark Mother energy, but I choose to witness it and sincerely mean it! Big shifts are happening and I wonder if that is a timeline possibility?!!? :)

For me Lunar Forces are being evicted - shadow coming up for witnessing and wormholes being closed. 

This thing (mental and emotional storm) yesterday was aligned with my life review how I obsess and fall into mental bondage loops especially around wanting to be seen/loved by a man. I feel both the divine connection and the repulsion (since I do not appear beautiful ... my Godself is, but my physical being reflects the gaping wounds that my inner child is working to heal). I know there is negative ego mixed in there, just disregard, but there is truth too. 

7D violet ray reversals surfacing for healing. Left ring finger which you’ve mentioned a couple times for me is 7D axiatonial line and has to do with monadic integration and HG union. Help awaken and reclaim your finger tips by squeezing the axiatonial line/tips of fingers and toes (as modeled in meditation entitled Inner Male-Female Recoding Calibration from July 2011). 

Fear of upsetting people (then they won’t like me and they will push me away) along with dark mother (control and wanting to dominate), along with ego (wanting to be seen as smart and teach) keeps me tied up in confusion and circles. I've taken on the challenging task of unraveling this gordian knot!

Okay, here's the meat of my feedback... I wrote it most succinctly to myself for my journal yesterday. I have pages upon pages of journal processing from our session which was SOOOOO powerful and beautiful... but I won't bore you with all that. I feel that this insight is important for you and your work.

"Oh yeah, don’t forget- almost mind slid away- the intimacy with Gabe (because he wasn’t fully calibrated in HGS) messes with me/us. He had a strong Christ presence and masculine architecture which my lightbody is looking for in its partner. That kind of intimacy is like having spiritual sex... it opens us up and causes confusion and the whole thing where there are cords intertwined. Not healthy for me or him or Maren, especially. I know that if/when I share this, it will be the end of our relationship- but it will help him and others going forward.

I want the relief and support associated with his “help” holding structure for my lightbody but it isn’t healthy or right. So I have to eschew my own desires and surrender- and cut cords with him." <--note, I do this often with you, but it doesn't completely work... since I first touched your energy signature you have been with me.

I really wanted to bring this up to help you understand what can happen, and so you can guard yourself and your beloved and it reminded me of that guru-desciple type of sexual misery program. Thanks be to God for the intel. Those guys and girls start genuinely trying to connect and serve others with this energy and architecture, but just like with the numerous spiritual leaders that are swept away by delusion and vittles for their flesh, this could be a foothold. So many Ai Red Wave distortions trying to get us. This anti-HG one is especially strong. Perhaps this is a little dramatic, but I am not exaggerating when I say that my heart and being has been through a LOT since our session. Lots of opportunities to choose God and love and to see negative ego and distortions. I'm still confused about whether it is God's will because that structure was SO supportive to me... it continues to be. The day after I felt you there (not you, your albion body) and I wanted to bring you close so that I could continue my work... merge with that energy and keep going, but I felt like it was cheating on Maren or something so I didn't... intentionally. I wasn't as strong as I would like to be... I kind of sat with it instead of fully rejecting it but I didn't pull it close. I started praying for God to lead and that their will be done in the Way of Christ-Sophia. And that's it. I have to leave it there.

But then the distortions came yesterday... the schisms... the confusion and emotional pain and feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Again, there for my witnessing and not your doing at all. I hope this isn't coming off accusatory... it's just what I experienced so that I can support the creation of healing pathways for our other brothers and sisters.

You appreciated my honesty so I hope that you will, (a.) see through what is astral or emotional, and what is dark mother and lunar distortions, and (b.) hear my heart that it is my intention that you be the strongest and most effective expression of yourself on this earth as possible. You are, to date, the most beautiful man I've ever met and I pray a triune God blessing over you, beloved Christ-Sophia that you are/we are/I am. You are GSF, fully held, fully protected, fully awake! We do not consent to any dark forces trying to intertwine with your light which is the light of the world. I love you! 

ps. My heart is open to speak about this in person if you have questions or want to talk through it.

OBSIDIAN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTEpVcYeoN8 

Today I also got "Check your Dashboard" on the Gathering page to prepare me for the storm I am headed into on family vacation. May I hold neutrality and a healing vibration for my family!

Check the Dashboard

One of the most important features to remember about egotists, narcissists and psychopaths is that they are people that do not recognize boundaries nor respect them in others. To these people, (whom are generally controlled by something outside of themselves) others exist to meet their needs and live up to their personal projections and expectations.

Gabe processing

 Wellllll, it was VERY supportive to decompress with my beloved friend Rosemary about all the swirling around Gabe. She validated me and gave me perspective that was supportive. 

This morning I wrote these notes to help me continue to work through this stuff:

Oh yeah, don’t forget- almost mind slid away- the intimacy with Gabe (because he isn’t fully shielded and calibrated in HGS) messes with me/us. He had a strong Christ presence and masculine architecture which my lightbody is looking for in its partner. That kind of intimacy is like having spiritual sex... it opens us up and causes confusion and the whole thing where there are cords intertwined. Not healthy for me or him or Maren, especially. I know that if/when I share this, it will be the end of our relationship- but it will help him and others going forward.

I want the relief and support associated with his “help” holding structure for my lightbody but it isn’t healthy or right. So I have to eschew my own desires and surrender- and cut cords with him. I do. Thank you God for helping.

I had been thinking that maybe I shouldn't share this with him, but feeling like I had a responsibility to in order to help him grow, but then I thought that maybe I am pushing/pulling by doing that instead of just allowing everything to unfold as it is meant to.

Rosemary thinks it would be beneficial. So... we'll see. I don't want to flag or flare ego or inner children OR break the magic that we experienced, but I have to be willing to surrender the magic for the greater good. That's the point.

It was so helpful to do an emotional dump/share with Rosemary so maybe that's all I needed. God, please lead me.

I'll tell you what WASN'T helpful is that I asked her if it was possible that he could be my heirogamic partner and she got a double dose of tingles when she said yes. What is that? Doesn't matter... I have to keep working on my own growth and stability. 

If I was going to write a note to him, what would I say?

Dear Gabe, I'm madly in love with you now, dammit. Not that I know you at all, but ...nevermind... I'm just kidding... that's an emotional construct that isn't based on reality, I'm just being dramatic. But I'll tell you what, I am definitely feeling conflicted about our architecture merge. This has been what I've been feeling and trying to understand since our first session (last June?)... it's tweaked me out a bit. 

Nevermind... I can't. 

Just breathe... let God lead. You don't have to DO anything. Just BE. God will lead. God supported me in providing that glimpse of what the situation looks like with Maren through my dear friend Rosemary, so I think I can just relax a little and just allow everything to unfold as it does. Don't push or pull or worry about guilt... I'm not stealing him or imposing energy upon him. It's just happening as it does and I just have to listen to God... follow God's plan and will for my life. 

I DO want a copy of our session... but I want to have a right relationship with it. 

____

Later - 8:09

I keep getting "True Love" (Xavier Rudd) song. I think I'm being messed with. But it's helping me to process and move through and release. I hear "patience" and ballads from the "Greatest Showman". But ultimately it's a return to myself... my own heart. This is where I get to choose ME... God and I... my divine masculine and divine feminine united. I CHOOSE ME. I choose me by what I do, think, eat, who I talk to. And I do... I am choosing ME. 

Michael is being so nice to me now. I asked him today if he was in love with Ammi yet and he said "yes, she's really great" or something. He's so much kinder to me and relaxed which is wonderful. Maybe he's happy because I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow... which will be great, God-willing. God, please lead. THY WILL BE DONE. I surrender to all this. Whatever it looks like, thy will be done. I do pray for our animals to have full healthy happy lives. 

The Gabe thing is a lesson. I've taken it and maybe made a distortion ...the more I roll it around in my mental body, the more defiled it gets. Just let it be what it is and don't try to control it. Don't try to "teach", that's what I'm always trying to do. Cherish him and cherish what we shared just as they are. 

Would it be helpful for him to know that it can wreak havoc on people's hearts. Ha! So dramatic! But really, would it? Maybe, but who knows on what timeline that is necessary? Maybe this is just all part of how it's supposed to unfold. It's safe. I'm safe. He's safe. Maren's safe. Keep choosing LOVE and choosing to serve. People call YOU, you don't need to call them. Just keep bathing in the Presence and keep shielding and doing your own work. Negative ego work. Clearing. Feeling into what is. Forget the rest. 

Later 10:28

I've just been schisming... but learning... talking through, watching through this whole thing with myself. The anxiety of the upcoming trip added a layer or four but now that I'm mostly packed, I'm feeling better. 

My inner child felt confused and abandoned. I want to be loved and wanted. I need to find that within myself. Just keep feeling into myself... talking to myself from both sides. Today I also ... maybe in the last couple days... I've just been zooming out to the planetary level a little... and I did the energy ball energy signature test starting last night... so...just growing pains this is. (Thank you Yoda, lol). 

I AM my OWN heirogamic partner. I am building my OWN architecture. Last night in my journal...I forgot I woke up to write this...but at 2:34 I was talking about how I was holding masculine architecture or something. My dreams have been more vivid and accessible lately too... I think my pineal gland is healing... the iodine is helping. I need to keep that up. 

Yesterday I was hearing a lot of what sounded like EMPs ...or explosions anyway. Michael said he couldn't hear them and they were happening all day. Right now I'm feeling/hearing this low level pulsing too... I see you. I need to shield. And record the HGS Calibration for myself. 

I see now, that "True Love" song was archons messing with me. I need to just chill. Go inward. Peace be with you. I had about 20-30 minutes of sitting in peace outside, but in general, I haven't been still. Probably because Puja milked my liver again....lol... really she helps me so much! God, please bless Puja, John, and Sophia! Now stop ruminating... I LOVE YOU!!!

Rebel Heart

 Bend this Rebel Heart unto your will. 

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=UV6bJv7eB90&feature=share 

"Rebel Heart"

Lord I offer up this rebel heart
So stubborn and so restless from the start
I don't wanna fight You anymore
So take this rebel heart and make it Yours

Father I no longer wanna run
You've broken my resistance with Your love
And drowned it underneath the crimson spill
So bend this rebel heart into Your will

I give it over to You
I give it over to You
Your love is like an arrow, straight and true
And now this rebel heart belongs to You

Help me lay the renegade to rest
Turn the stone inside me back to flesh
And hold me till my best defenses fall
And watch this rebel heart surrender all

I give it over to You
I give it over to You
Your love is like an arrow, straight and true
And now this rebel heart belongs to You

Oh take my life and let it be Yours
Oh take my life and let it be Yours
Oh take my life and let it be Yours
Oh take my life and let it be Yours

I give it over to You
I give it over to You
Your love is like an arrow, straight and true
And now this rebel heart belongs to You
Now this rebel heart belongs to You
Now this rebel heart belongs to You

Another one that is speaking to my heart... the Eye of the Storm was around to bring me to Gabe for that lesson... but this is it... SURRENDER my rebel heart.

Surrender my dogs, animals, Michael, my plans, my expectations... let go and sink into neutrality as a compassionate witness. Not a doer or pusher or puller.... just BE.

Processing

 So much of what we like to do in the spiritual community (especially me) is roll the concepts around in our mental body/mind. Our ego likes to toy with and consume and own and then poop out these "concepts", often in order to attract more concepts and ego food for itself. 

How can I stay in my heart? How can I focus on my healing? Currently I'm very activated and "FEEL" lots of sensations in my body from upgrades and liquid plasma light...but I don't have that all the time. I must just allow everything to be what it is and just try to be as present as possible in each moment. 

I feel very in the flow right now and it's lovely.

I want to push and pull and dream and then try or hope to make my dream a reality. Right now I've got either some sort of AI Red Cube implant or a true Krystic architecture thing going on with Gabe. I don't know if he's aware of it or if it concerns him at all or if it's just for my learning. This goes hand and hand with my life review work and how I've been reading about the ending of Sasha and the Tim "saga"... I see how desperate and clingy and needy and hopey I am. How I want so badly to be seen, known, cared for, held...etc. But this season (and my whole life) is about me finding my own strength and standing in the Christ-Sophia I AM to hold space and create pathways for all beings to do the same. 

To learn to love myself. To forgive all that has harmed me. To release all I've resisted and stuffed down to keep from feeling...the pain and confusion... the fear and all that has been used to enslave us as humans. Our memory ... our consciousness... has been hijacked so that we forgot that we are strong and there is nothing to fear...death doesn't exist... not like we think... and we are meant to live in joy, freedom, sovereignty and hold an energetic pattern to support the Galaxy and ultimately the Universe. Atoms and cells hold structure to support humans which hold structure to support the planet which holds structure to support the solar system and/or galaxy which holds structure to support the Universe and we are ALL GOD. (I know I left some layers and players out. The cancers... the reversals... they set blocks up to damage organic energy). 

Those who, for whatever reason, want to hurt or damage the world... for financial reasons, or moreso power and control reasons which they get by siphoning LOOSH...they have created all this artificial intelligence, technology, and mind control systems to create these cancers and reversals. 

So I don't know if what I've got going on is a reversal or not, but every time I interact with Gabe there is a powerful reaction. The first time I saw his post on ESF I just started crying... and then I used to feel the pull of his energy... especially his masculine energy and it confused me and made me think that he was looking for a partner (which he was even though he didn't know it) and then I felt "safer" when I knew he was with someone and had another session with him and then later felt him in my body...like in my core... and it scared me. It could have felt "good" or "right" or be part of my personal alignment but it was strange and outside my understanding of the container that a healer opened in the session space, so I pushed him away again for breech of energetic boundaries. I told him about my concerns and later decided to have another session with him which was good...but there was a strange energy at the end (teeth) that freaked me out and then his girlfriend shared about a dream she had that was pretty much my own experience (which I didn't share with either of them, but I could tell that she was being infiltrated with one of my consciousness streams and it scared me and I felt bad). It's been a few months now and he was coming to heart a lot and I felt led to have another session with him...mostly I just wanted to "hang out". I feel a kinship with him - I guess because he is my soul family. Now and then I'd have visions of him. One time I saw where he was born and broke free from the underworld, like how he had come up and out and was laying over it...I can't describe it. Most recently I saw him as a cobalt blue crystal pillar ....like selenite but blue, and felt like Maren was the adornment on the outside...like a design of leaves or flowers. 

Anyway, yesterday it was so intimate and I surrendered to him and his presence to hold space for my opening and movement of stored pain and trauma. I don't know what was released exactly. I told him that I had seen something he referenced in our last session but didn't describe, but I saw it as a kind of tumor filled with etheric weaponry and cyst growth...I see hairs growing out of it too, lol. Gross. He said he saw pieces of my wings and jewels etc in it. Anyway... what we shared allowed some of that to shift. 

But it feels like I've done something wrong... because I still want to hold his body... his energetic frame close to me to help me continue to process. But that feels like it's cheating on Maren. He's not mine. I guess no one is anyone's but if one is in a heirogamic union then it is a shared contract and agreement and I'm not in that with him. I DO feel that he is a genetic equal. I have felt that since I learned that word and it's taken me on some important processing jaunts (including the work around Tyrone). 

Don't be afraid to ask questions. You can ask. Am I putting myself out there for the NAA to toy with? You already are...but we are keeping you safe. This seems tricky. Anyway, could we BE HG partners and even though we aren't consciously communicating, could we be holding space for one another?

For example, the freaking finger thing. I know it's stupid, but he said something about how lately he was working to reclaim his mummified fingertips from Egypt and I have been feeling similar problems with my hands...fingers... claws....they are also being reclaimed and reembodied by Christ-Sophia I AM.

He represents Christ. This makes sense that we would...all us Sophias...would be drawn to him. But my work is to embody the Christ-Sophia I AM internally as a complete structure and human within my own incarnation as Carissa.

But is it wrong to hold his energetic structure to continue to work with? Well what kind of work are you doing? Are you releasing stuff or are you fantasizing about a life with him? AUGH. You're right. Both... or one but leads to the other. A slippery slope. 

God is with and in me. I don't need to call on any other humans. I need to allow God to guide, direct, and unfold this flower for me...petal by petal. Just watch...be a compassionate witness.

That's what was so powerful about Gabe... his compassion and love was so full and safe and provided such a beautiful space to heal and twirl and BE in the love of God. 

I love him.

And that's good. That's real love and you should love everyone like that. Michael is love too. He's just got distortions from the dang False Father and Saturn Blood Worship. Maybe it will unwind for him too? God will lead. I don't need to figure it out. I also don't need to be searching for something else or "better". Michael is talking to/courting Ammi right now which is throwing me for a loop...but also, I don't feel romantic love for him or attraction to him. We haven't had sex since 2019 (and I'm so grateful). But in reviewing my journals I see how anytime there was any sort of attraction or movement toward physicality, I freaked out... I lost my mind... whether inwardly or outwardly, I haven't been able to deal with physical intimacy as I suppose I have these stored traumas to work through... why do I fear allowing anyone close to me? Was I raped as a baby? 

Was it just that I never learned intimacy from my parents? It's more than that. I was hurt or damaged in some way. 

God, I DO want to know. I'm ready to heal. I want to be in a loving and balanced heirogamic union with a partner where we can be of service to humanity...and the earth...and the universe to all that WE ARE.

One day at a time. 

553

Incredible session with Gabe

WOW. I guess I will just type a little now but then I need to just chill... integrate. VERY POWERFUL session with Gabe. Very courageous on both our parts. Beautiful alchemy. Thanks be to God.

We accessed some stored trauma that had to move through my channel and he held the divine masculine energy which created safe space for my divine feminine ...holy father and holy mother working together to free Christ-Sophia I AM... pieces of which have been stored...stuffed into the underworld. 

I love and appreciate him very much. Thank you for the dream this morning... the truth or movement surely...where Mother Arc set up an Aqua portal right here over my computer corner... it was here and ready to support today's healing. 

At the end he was running through a ton of big things that were too much for me... I couldn't hold them and it was too much on my nervous system. I should have asked him to stop but I guess I also should just have done what I did and hold on and be a witness. I was nudged to grab my obsidian and I held that... it was like weathering a storm... a hurricane. Funny, the "eye of the storm" has come up a few times this week associated with Gabe. That felt like we were in the eye of the storm during the major healing container and then it had to blow over as I was pummeled with the last couple sections of things he had to read. 

It was so big to admit and feel the shame about being connected to the evil in the world... as though I AM the evil... but that's a lie. I AM LOVE. The evil is in the form of mind control and implants placed in my krystic architecture to keep me enslaved through shame and fear. The sadness I feel and hold due to my perception that I am such a bad person as well as the shame and punishment I've brought upon myself and that my parents and the world mirrored back to me (NAA set it up that way) solidified my prison. 

I AM GOD, SOVEREIGN and FREE though...do you see?
Such big work today. Such courage and I love and am proud of you and so thankful for Gabe. I love him so much. It's confusing. My mental body wants to take and toy with and create a gordion knot (my new word for snarl) with it. But just let it be what it is. I do not need to understand or control. I am a flower that will be pollenated when God sees fit to send a bee. Today I had a bee. Thank you God.

I might write more later. Time for a break.

ps. Part of me doesn't want to share it because I feel like going back over it will break the spell...the magic that it was. But that's a lie. The experience will be what it is... and it was beautiful... only overlays from mental and astral bodies can distort my perception... so remain in the purity of my krystic heart and everything can be as it is, just as it is and it is all okay. Thank you God.

Redemptive Vehicle

 My God-self and I have been talking about Redemptive Vehicle this week. First came up organically through prayer and a song and deeper understanding how it’s been part of my “job” to experience the hell realms in order to (a.) report back and (b.) overcome! Then the other day I got a daily glossary pick with a case study about the topic. Tonight “Redemptive Vehicle” itself came up as a random pick. Yes, I’m listening! I’ve had a relationship with the topic since I first heard it last year, but this week, in particular, it’s here for some connections to be made. 

In the Crux Implant removal we ask to cancel Redemptive Vehicle …and that’s great… but then who will do this work? 

I believe that as we heal the distortions we are creating energetic pathways that make it easier for those who come behind us. I also feel like I went before a lot of people and now that I’m on the upswing and understand it more deeply (hell realms, especially this attack on the limbic, brain, and CNS through fear pulsing, toxicity, EMF, etc.), then I am being groomed to be in a position to be of more support to help people out.

Note: Perhaps other Indigos have to go into the vaccine hell realms too for intel. And think about how many lifetimes we weren’t awake, but that information is being collected now as the fragments are being recovered. 

Nevermind. I need to just stay quiet. I keep wanting to post in ES, but I don’t think I should yet. Am I bragging? I want to brag about having a similar job as Jesus… go to the hell realms and overcome. Did that really happen? Yes. So okay. And it looks glamorous for him… he’s got a lot of fans… (and a lot of people worshiping him as a gold calf as well). But it’s not actually glamorous…. It’s dirty and unpopular and painful and in the end you have to surrender every bit of your life and ego (to the point of death). <— I believe the ES perspective is that J12 didn’t get killed, but I don’t have my own intel on that so I’m still going with the original story (sans the dogma). I DO think he and his beloved Mary had a family, but I suspect that was before he decided to take on the Cabal of the time. 

Anyway, I have this whole martyr thing going on too. I remember distinctly praying in April 2011 to both BE a martyr but also not to die… to be a kind of living martyr…and look at this! It’s come true. But I’ve been working on cancelling that out too. Cancelling that and the redemptive vehicle and all the Indigo stuff, please. But I guess that won’t happen completely. I’m also cancelling my cancel on the anchor. I’m an Indigo 1 as well (also an Indigo 3) and 10 years ago I prayed for an “anchor” because I thought I was really losing it with all my travel and moves, etc… there are lots of layers, including NAA interference that led to this, but regardless, now I’ve been cancelling that. (Although I  want to note here that I intend full safety and fullness of life for all my family (because it turns out my animals are my anchors and I definitely want to keep them around… they are my beloveds.) Anyway, it’s happening… I’ve been traveling more lately.

It might have been that I had to take a pause to go to the underworld….ha! A little trip on a metatronic death spiral. Keep your arms and hands inside the ride at all times!

Time to do my “spells” (as Michael said this week, ha!… he’s trying to give me a hard time about the prayers that I do … I do read the words from Lisa but I feel they are supportive but I need to remember to continue praying on my own…that is much more effective… and also meditating on my own. I had a couple good meditation sessions today. It’s the most important work. 

You ARE being shielded by us… but learning about how to pull in your etheric webbing and intention and the ray colors… etc…all helpful. Keep clearing and commanding your space and doing the core fear removal. You’re doing good, dear one. 

I would like help with my HSP, please. I don’t want to become dependent on the pendulum. I want to feel it in my heart. I guess I do to an extent but when I start questioning it, I fall into confusion. Thank you for your love and support dear God. Thank you for today. And for tomorrow. Love, Cristy

Newsletter excerpts

Excerpts from this month's Energetic Synthesis Newsletter, Solar Synthesis, that really spoke to me:

For those new to ES we suggest the newsletters; Transhumanism, Bio-Neurology, Pestilence Program, Groupthink and Genetic Modification of Human DNA for further research on the long-term Controller agenda to hack the human bio-neurology for OWO global mind control and transhumanist purposes).

At this time, it appears that those facing in the opposite direction into the past have been afflicted with the fallen tree making them susceptible to GOAT mind algorithm and reversal plasmas. The consciousness war in play is designed to capture those many souls who are inverted by excessive fear and facing into the past artificial timeline loops, yet think they are moving into the future, and this false direction represents the descending spiral of time. 

There was a significant bifurcation event in the planetary fields at the end of 2015, which began the ramp up of AI signal frequencies and cube technologies being used by the Controllers for directly targeting the human limbic system in order to incite a range of fear-based unconscious impulses in the masses. There are mutations and polarity reversals within the planetary elemental forces that drastically impact atomic matter, and the Controllers sought to capitalize on this, by using these inorganic forces as weapons to weaken the mental body and brain function of humanity.

The most common artificial signals appearing in the environment are reversed magnetic fields which appear as AI red wave and violet colored reversal plasmas, which are the Dark Alien Mother frequencies used by the NAA. Extremely dark anti-Christ Black Dragon AI hybrids run on these red to purplish violet plasma reversals, and embodying these frequencies through highly distorted thinking and indulging in highly reactive negative emotional states creates a risk for high level Black Dragon bodily possession

The global plandemic was the cover agenda for inciting the fight or flight autonomic system to activate the GOAT mind in the masses through the belief in a fraudulent virulent killer disease. This psychological operation was supplemented with the AI mind control running CV algorithms into the environment for the purpose of triggering the limbic system into continual looping fears, plummeting the consciousness of the masses into the lowest and densest frequency states. If this is not corrected, this can flip that individual into a complete inner reversal in which their lightbody will blend with vampiric time loops sending them into their past timeline and causing visible personality changes.
The antidote to GOAT mind algorithms is clearing the negative ego and pain body, refocusing your mind thereby controlling lower impulses, by working the many tools available to still your mind and open your heart to God.

The areas of the amygdala and hippocampus in the limbic system provide the foundation for emotional states that connect us to the higher sensory perception levels where we connect with positive spiritual and mystical experiences during our meditative states. This means that through practicing meditation and cultivating stillness of the mind, we can develop mental skills and strengthen our brain to overpower artificial input towards negative emotions and replace them with positive states, by training ourselves to hold inner stillness and a clear mind. Going into deeper meditation to generate inner stillness works to clear emotional negativity and dissolve neuronal entrainment to negativity in our amygdala through the mere focus of going inside ourselves and holding meditative stillness. In the nothingness of the inner void, we are the eternal light within the complete absence of any unpleasant emotion or thought, just existing in the moment as pure stillness, peace and calm.

The Gold Order Solar Rishi manifested themselves into the Seraphim and Cerez Avian lines on Lyra-Vega, which was a powerful Universal Stargate.

The RA Gold Order was the spiritual power of the Solar Logos that had control over the Rod functions in the Universal Gate system and this was coveted by the Black Suns and Wesa entities, who cloned and replicated their identities in time to gain control over the horizontal grids. An Artificial Tree of Life was cloned into a sub structure in which this Red Cube Egyptian Pantheon tree is used as the main grid architecture for cloning Serres-Egyptian identities from Tara that are connected to the Azurites on Gaia. These red cube cloned identities are used to power up the black magic money debt enslavement structures put in place by the Orion Group, and used by the cabal bankers to manipulate financial markets and maintain global wealth in the hands of their satanic and luciferian bloodlines.   

This Artificial Tree system exchanges in multiple timelines and involves a type of time travelling through different satanic portals that were set up for this purpose by these alien entities. 

This AI cube technology is a gordian knot of inversions, reversals, clones, false history, human blood sacrifice covenants and satanism enmeshed throughout human civilization. 

clearing Egyptian timelines and black magic money fears, eliminating these false identities via clearing the negative ego and pain body are a helpful focus for removing these artificial overlays. The more the individual feeds into the belief system of communicating with that false identity, the more the artificial cube system burrows into the lightbody, like a tick embeds into skin.

The planet’s geomantic structures represent connection points to certain holographic realities of places, such as spiritual locations, sacred temples or events happening in other dimensions of time. 

As the result of the planetary emancipation cycle, reclaiming the dark matter matrix and the ongoing Solar Synthesis, another harmonic universe emerged, the Universal Mother Dark Matter Matrix. This newly reconfigured domain is considered to be the sixth harmonic universe, or HU6. The sixth harmonic universe has restored the correct morphogenetic pattern for our Universal Mother dark matter template and has further laid the instruction set for the emergence of the Solar Female Christ or Sophianic consciousness embodiment upon the Earth. It is the new harmonic universe that supports the new plasma body activations which are seeded in our personal dark matter template, in which light seeds are germinated into quantum light and that energy is transferred from the subatomic layers to build our lightbody layers.

As the macrocosmic blueprint shifts to reflect the four domains of the God Worlds, the human lightbody reflects the exact same five-5 orb pattern within a larger plasma orb body, appearing similar to the Krystal Cathedral. 

As the collective consciousness voyages into the egoic death passage to discover the spiritual process of consciousness rebirth, the trajectory takes us to explore the past darkness in order to shed the dead energy of previous trauma. We clear our past pain in order to expand into the garments of light which hold the plasma spiritual body record, which builds the plasma ascension vehicle for our highest consciousness.

The Rha Solar Consciousness factors of spiritualizing Paliadorian-Starseed krystal rainbow blood codes are being transmitted from the Rha God World Creation through the liquid plasma sheath flowering nerval system which is rapidly upgrading in our vertical channel and crown energy centers, forming the corrected coordinate directions to the star map constellation points from within the Maji Grail Crown.

We note that dark matter template correction along with mother’s sound tones from the new harmonic universe begin to circulate a series of holy spiritual vapor waters that flood into the kidneys, the cells, the cerebral spinal fluid, and the interstitial fluids to upgrade the entire water management system. The plasma activations can generate stages of excessive dryness and thirst, where replenishing the hydration of the cells and cellular bio-chemic salts are required.

Model Truth

 The worst part is that I let people think I…let my family think I was or am crazy and this was my “excuse” to live as I wanted to….but then my witness and testimony is invalid to them… and as such, I cannot speak truth into their lives regarding the vaccine, etc. I need to be measured, intelligent, balanced, whole and at peace and filled with joy as I AM in order to model truth. 

Wild Life

What a WILD LIFE!!!

You heard what I was talking/asking about yesterday regarding Christ and the responsibility to go to the hell realms to overcome... this is bringing Light to the darkness through neutrality. I may not have mentioned it but I also read a long post...two... about electron and protons and neutrons and the carbon atom and how they operate.

I also may not have gotten into it, but the whole "martyr" thing is big... came up in Joe session... and I remember really grappling with and praying to be a martyr that doesn't die... but that I surrender my life to God to be used for His (as I understood it at the time) glory...aka, the reclamation of Christ. 

The "redemption vehicle" was something that has triggered me quite a bit... seemed important and has been unpacking for me over the year .....and as I understood it, it was the lie about Jesus trading his life for ours...that was the redemption vehicle. But there's more.

TODAY my daily glossary pick spoke to ALL that!! (And I think this is the second time I've gotten this one. Very aligned.)
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Changing_of_the_Guard_into_Energetic_Responsibility

SO PROFOUND!! First of all:

We had to have multiple levels of experience and very intense experience, because a part of what the Christ consciousness does as a polarity integrator is create alchemy. So it's like understanding when you came in with your monad avatar consciousness and you're the one prism of that light in the body, you were being dipped into the vibrational density. And your being your body, literally the function of your body was to transmute and shift that density field into a higher vibrational tone. So that's with the redemptive does it's like you take your consciousness and you dip it into the sea of gunk and you start path-cutting, you start alchemizing it. Because again the only way we can shift the energies and perform the transmutation through alchemy is through the embodiment and that's what the redemptive vehicle is.

And this touches on what I was reading about, though what I was reading was much more in-depth:

So at the particle level the electron is male or electric and is our right side of the body. In the holographic light body the right side is male and it is electric, the left side is female and it's magnetic. And then the electro-magnetic has a charge of opposites, the poles of opposites of the electro-magnetic create the polarity that we experience in this particular reality as a dualistic and separative system. Now Christ consciousness is a neutral field. So you take the electric and the magnetic and you shift the rotational axis of how those particles are interacting with each other.

I just feel super supported by God and super aligned.

Also, today I realized another crazy thing... not ONLY am I going to the Emerald Coast in Florida next week (which I believe is connected with the 2D), but we are staying at Santa Rosa Beach... Saint Rose... This feels connected with the Cathar Rose stuff... I don't know a lot about it, but I have connections with all of this. 

I'm not sure what's going on, but I really need to meditate more and commit to dropping density that is in the way of my mission. I was just writing in my paper journal about how have been praying to take up the anchor that I prayed for (though if it's Rue, I do NOT pray for anything to happen to my family members... my fur and feather-covered companions)... but I want to unabashedly fulfill my mission. I want to be of service to humanity and anchor the energy of Christ in this plane to support and bring Ligh to the world.

We had another miracle today... I was outside with Sioux who was losing her mind because I had her grazing muzzle on her and she just went into heat after a nuzzling session with Remy, but Robert was spraying poison on the field behind where she lives. Anyway, Anne from #6 came down and started talking and telling me about the early 1800's house that they lived in in New Hampshire and about the energetic records (aka ghosts) that lived there. Her mom could see them and they saw soldiers and individuals and they had portals through these antique mirrors that they got and the ghosts there didn't lock them out of the house because they liked their dogs. It was very interesting and I got some spiritual confirmation and tingles about the dogs especially. And schooling about soldiers and how it works and how they were not afraid. They were talking to Rudy (Anne's husband). 

Jenn (#2) got in the conversation - she's psychic and been a ghost hunter or something and she was telling me (Anne seemed to know) about the mirror portals and I guess prayers can bind them. Ann binds them in Jesus blood which seems weird. Just now I see how maybe ghost don't want to be bound in a blood covenant...they maybe don't want that voodoo on them. Jenn and Ann both talked about how ghosts tend to knock crucifixion statues and religious relecs off the wall, etc. I got an intuitive hit that they don't like them because they are dangerous... and that maybe they are trying to communicate that. Not that they fear them, but that they are trying to send a message that they are harmful. 

I'm not sure. What am I as the Christ-Sophia I AM. I represent LOVE and reconciliation and correction of reversal currents and release of trapped souls. I have had to go to the depths of hell to see and experience it so that we can overcome it... creating energetic pathways to make it easier for others to overcome.

I have a LOT to overcome still. Still addiction tendencies... ANYTHING can be sticky.... but sugar and carbs are my nemeses now. We had to overcome alcohol, marijuana, nicotine, as well as sexual misery program-related things... obsessively scanning personal articles to feel the lust demons... I see now it was my psychic sponge/unmanaged empath gifting that allowed me to feel into those people's energy and it was slippery and dark and magnetic and tempting...dripping lust.... and I liked to toy with that. God saved me from getting involved...one time I almost did, but my guides protected me like a champ!! I also had a porn phase (which is always rooted in my trying to please another to get them to like me... I've been a black hole for affection... desperate for love...always desperate to be seen or desired or cared for but at the same time constantly pushing people away. I push them away and then tell them that they weren't there for me so I try to create shame to skim loosh off the situation. This is a whole separate conversation that is jam-packed with goodies for observation but it's too much for now.) Anyway... all of these things were there to both explore and experience them (in order, as Christ, to overcome them). My Thothian Annunaki consciousness thought it was so smart but I am a double-agent and God-in-me was here all along. 

I'd like to dig out the backup... need to flow better.

So much going on under the surface...

Obsidian ... the song and the rocks are loud in my world...very supportive

Gabe... (eye of the storm) 

JOURNALS...  obsessive tendencies, especially about lovers... bondage loops. Wanting to be loved and heard. I have been a black hole.... 

Now it's a love story between me and my God-self. God and I. 

Two nights ago I had a beautiful time dancing under the stars. Praying. Crying. 

I was going to post in ES but I think I won't. I think I'll leave here:

I have a good amount of Christian music in my mix. I have to be discerning and often decode or dismantle dogma intertwined in it, and I have whittled it down to mostly be the stuff that isn't outright Jesus worship. (I was taught by the spirit of God 10 years ago that Jesus and Christ are two separate "things"... Jesus...J12...was a man like us... and he is a great example to/for us. But Christ is the anointing ...the chrism... and we are anointed or baptised/immersed into Christ.... by the Holy Spirit as we unite our hearts with God (our Source). Jesus was the Christ...or I should say ONE of Christ... there are many others who are Christ ... are we all? This is the war over consciousness...the NAA wants to damage the beings so much that they cannot connect back into their organic being enough to then unite with/in Christ. I digress. I love this topic so much. But I was talking about music...  so... because of the dogma and because I want to be careful about what influences me, I usually choose songs that loosely reference God and allow for interpretation.... I love Needtobreathe and Lauren Daigle who are Christian and feel like divine siblings...but my favorite nowadays is Nahko Bear and Medicine for the People. Obsidian by Trevor Hall and Gajumaru by Yaima and any song, but especially Tightrope Walker by Ayla Nero on her Code of the Flowers album ...these are also some of my favorites that I thought to share. 

I wanted to share that because today I was listening to a YouTube mix and "Ain't No Grave (Live)" by Molly Skaggs & Bethel Music came up and inspired and reminded me that WE ARE still following Jesus' example... dying (ego death anyway) in order to go to the depths of hell in order to overcome it. To take on the sins of the collective... in order to heal them. This is what a genetic pathcutter (or whatever kind of pathcutter I am... every kind)... this is what we do. We take on the sins of the world to heal them for all of humanity. And we do it because our strength comes from and for God. This is the work of Christ (Christ-Sophia I AM). And as we are born into or baptized into Christ, as we become One with the Father (and Mother), we are led in our path to serve those the Father gives us to serve. It may not look or feel very glamourous... it is HARD... riddled with traps and pain and loss, but we count it as JOY to get to be a part of the valuable work of God.  

Oh, shame is a prison as cruel as a grave
Shame is a robber and he's come to take my name
Oh, love is my redeemer, lifting me up from the ground
Love is the power when my freedom song is found 

Oh, fear is a liar with a smooth and velvet tongue
Fear is a tyrant, he's always telling me to run
Oh, love is a resurrection and love is a trumpet sound
Love is my weapon, I'm gonna take my giants down

Oh, there was a battle, a war between death and life
And there on a tree, the Lamb of God was crucified
And He went on down to hell, He took back every key
He rose up as a lion and He set all captives free

I'm currently releasing crucifixion implants so I'm not keen on the "crucified" part, or really any of the classic Jesus story... but if we have hearts open to the movement of the Holy Spirit, then the truth can set us free....then we begin to unlock the gifts within the heavily coded Jesus story which is right there in plain sight but only if you have eyes to see and ears to hear which is the work of God.  Crucifixion, if we look at it as putting to death the ego and lusts of our flesh ... super painful depending on how much you are carrying ... well that's the "faith" isn't it? ... to die to....to deny my "self"  that Christ might live through me. Not my will but thy will be done, O God. It's not actually death, per see, but it is the marrying...the merging of consciousness with the fullness of all that is in order to support the mission of the reclamation of the earth and/or humanity. (I need to stop there because I just realized that this is a finite mission... that there is much more beyond that, but this is what is in scope here and now.)

ps. Tonight I also had a lovely time dancing naked under the stars. It was a little more forced... but felt good to move my body. And one song I rubbed and loved all over myself ... I need to touch and learn to LOVE and not judge and hate myself. One song was the JOY song again!! King and Country I think. Rosemary talked about joy today... she said she's always been a really joyful person and wondered if I was too (I was). We both dealt a lot with addiction as a way to cope...but under it all is a joyful being. Someone commented... oh, Ammi's mom... about my laugh... lots of people like my laugh. I saw a small dim shooting star (or UFO - ha!) but it was quick and not an activation... but the stars were lovely. 

Tomorrow don't forget to re-listen to your Joe session.

I have been using my dowsing/ pendulum for help in deciding what to do. I need to work with my HSP. 

Brain/Heart Dump

I've had that pain in my center-to-right chest a bunch lately...something wants to be born through that... a fragment released or returned. A weapon removed from my lightbody that has injured my etheric heart. We are returning.

I am the embodiment of Christ-Sophia I AM... WE ARE... All in One... and One in All... the merging of masculine and feminine... the shedding of societal constraints and overlays designed to keep me from recognizing and embodying the fullness of the truth that I AM God, Sovereign, and Free. 

Shaving my legs and armpits to please others is not the Way. 

Finding my heart, my center, my joy... what feels good and right to me. Feeling my pain and tears. Feeling the shrapnel in my field and stake in my heart. Feeling the pain of separation from myself and my beloved. 

Yesterday I swatted a beautiful dragonfly that came to hug my left calf... I was walking and it landed on my leg and before I saw it or knew what I was doing, I was panicking and swatted it off. I felt so bad immediately and repented and asked for forgiveness as I looked for her body which I could not find and I pray she is well. God thank you. I weep. I leak pain and sadness. I need to feel into it.

I need to keep doing my work ... it's uncomfortable and not moving fast but I need to keep reading my journals... I need to get into Joe and it's going to hurt... that time... and then I need to go to 01022010 and see what happened and then watch it unravel with Tyrone... I have to see what happened. Was it me? Did I fail? I'm afraid to find out. I know I did... but I'm here to work through that now... always here learning.

In April 2011 we DID sign up to be a martyr... we are not careful with our thoughts and words... but we DO yearn to please God and be of use in the reclamation of Christ. 

I could live this life for myself or I could live it for God. Is it delusional to want to live it for God? Is it worthy? Is it ego driving me trying to find meaning in my life? But I feel so much divine support. And I am learning so much... the portals of consciousness.... the guidance and light of God guiding me is so real. 

The mind wants to know.

The heart already knows. 

Just come back to your heart and follow where you are taken... the path will unwind the snarl and you are doing good work. You are a good girl with a good heart. You have given yourself away to things that are not aligned with the truth of who you are, but you are reclaiming them now in Christ-Sophia. We are with you.

Thank you. 

I loved what I read today in a marketing email by Esther/Abraham Hicks... I want to remember:

Dear Friends,

 Abraham told us a while back, "If we were standing in your physical shoes we would make more decisions in every day." I was thinking about that this week and so I asked Abraham to speak more specifically, to me, about that and they said this: "Focus on a desire without contradiction." 

Please say more about that, I asked. And they made the following statements:

Decide to do something and then do it. Do it because you want to. Do it because you decided you would. Don't complain about doing it, while you are doing it. That is a contradiction. That is split Energy.

Focus only the positive aspects of people and situations. Do not weigh the pros and the cons. That is contradiction. That is split Energy.

Choose something that is important to you and focus on that. One thing at a time. Do not try to think about many things at once. That is often contradiction. That is often split Energy. 

Think about what you desire and think about why you want it. Spend no time trying to figure out what others want and why they want it, or what others do and why they do it. Your speculation about others is always incomplete and usually inaccurate. That introduces contradiction. That causes split Energy.

 I always appreciate Abraham's practical advice.

Shooting star

 ...okay, that only made it to the "ps." in this post, but that was what started the whole thing.

Dear beautiful Michael and community, 
Thank you for your sharing! I appreciated reading this thread and the valuable experiences and insights.

Michael, the kundalini bursts sound amazing! I have a kind of soft kundalini energy running in my hara line sometimes... and during clearings I may get a spiral energy that kind of sweeps down, but not what you are describing.  I had a very strong experience a long time ago (11+ years) where I had shooting energy go DOWN my body... poured in the top of my head and pushed out my feet (or so I felt)... (and frankly, I haven't been the same since. I believe it was a higher self activation/walk-in joining the party to help my earth-bound incarnation to get with the program, so to speak).

You'll learn more about what that is for you. It does sound to me like a blessed embodiment and ascension symptom, but I really don't know. Do you see or feel any colors associated with it?

What I especially wanted to say about your post was that you are AWESOME for observing and identifying that trickster shame which is trying to keep you from sharing something that may just be ripe for release! The sexual misery program is no joke and I'm, unfortunately very familiar with it. It really feels like there is some opportunities for big shifts... but kind of like with everything else, there may be some pulses coming through as a "smash and grab" technique for the NA driving this program. 

Just to share... and I've shared in this container before...and every time...especially the first time I shared, I wanted to vomit because I was so nervous about it, but as I address it, the demonic stronghold is losing it's power and I'm closing up wormholes and revoking consent.... reclaiming my GSF!! But I deal with a number of heavy hitters in the sexual misery realm, the worst being pedophilia. I have always been quite prude and have a lot of mental fragmentation and schisms in that arena.... so that makes it even worse when I have sexual thoughts. I think my brain, even though I'm a non-sexual androgynous woman, works like the most lustful man ... just always objectifying both men and women (especially women, I think)... and I can relate to the way that people like that are played in movies where the man is trying so hard not to look down at the woman's boobs but that's all he can think about. I am not always like that and it's not exactly like that, but it's a compulsion that comes and goes, but now I've identified the pulsing and the baphomet energy so I'm making progress. (I had shut myself down so I couldn't feel sexual energy and frankly, I shut down my whole sacral center in order to protect myself...but despite that the mental weaponry was still landing and driving me crazy. Now that I'm actively clearing and trying to feel into what's going on (as much as I can tolerate) instead of freaking out and resisting, I can literally feel the baphomet currents... or what I think are baphomet currents and it is helping me to learn as well as release the power it has over me. I have some pretty gnarly SRA and mind control programming to work through but I guess this is one of the not-so-glamourous tasks that an indigo may take on and apparently I signed up for it in some form. I think that when I was hiding from the thoughts...resisting them and allowing them to create fear, (etc.) in me, they produced loosh that would feed the moloch tanks (etc.), but now that I'm facing it, seeing it for what it is, I am taking my power back and reclaiming ground for/in Christ-Sophia I AM. 

Thank you for bearing witness to my process and I pray that you are given gobs of support in your tasks as well. Thank you for your courage! Great to be here serving this mission with you!

With Love,
Carissa

ps. I just noticed that this thread is quite old so I apologize if this is irrelevant now. I was looking for some information on "shooting stars" and your thread came up. I had an AMAZING shooting star activation last night. It happened a couple times last year too and I wondered if that was a thing. It happens when I'm definitely in the middle of a conversation with God and a shooting star (which I guess is really space shrapnel) flies in and I am flooded with liquid plasma light or maybe that's kundalini energy too? Anyway... beautiful. (For my own future reference, yesterday I was discussing whether I'm related to Thoth and wondering if I'm working on a Thoth reformation project of some sort (or something like that)...and that's when the star and subsequent activations happened.)