The rubber meets the road

My "suggested" for today was about the Rubber Meeting the Road... here we are. 
My AG Pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Statement_of_Action_and_Responsibility

Echoes of the "contract" I had with Michael. Also I've had the HGS Calibration coming over me and over me... to do it. Do it. Do it. Every day. But I didn't. I have half done it, but not literally read through every word. My teams keep trying to put it on me. Meditations through the night would wake me in important times.... clearing especially. 

Yeah. In this spiritual warfare, I've GOT TO REMAIN CALIBRATED.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/HGS_Calibration

Today on my walk it hit me so much that every person ...every being... is here working out their own soul contract.... working on the things they want/need to work on. We are doing this in the midst of a war over consciousness. 

What am I working on? 10:54 I don't have time to dig in right now because I am supposed to have a session with Sami in a few minutes but I haven't heard from him, so we'll see. We'll see. :)

10:55 

11:22 11:23

Miracles. Just CRAZY. So you see when I got that HGS glossary pick. You see how I had not listened to guidance about doing it yesterday afternoon and by last night I was too tired (excuses)... you SEE HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BLANKET MYSELF IN THIS HGS? 

Well Sami (who I was very excited to talk to today... I'd been hemming and hawing about having a session with him for months) and right there... right above here... 10:55... I started searching for the link he was supposed to send me for our 11am meeting. I didn't find it but I DID find an email that I had missed where he requested payment last night but I didn't see it or pay... so now I figured he had cancelled the session. I paid right away and sent him the receipts but it was already 11 and I hadn't heard from him. Sooooo darn. 

Well I felt strongly compelled to run through the HGS in earnest so I grabbed my binder and was working with it... I wondered if maybe this is what God wanted... get clothed up... set the space (for both of us). Diana sent an email through while I was working with the Calibration and I thought maybe I am supposed to go to the Dumpling meeting instead and planned to do that when I finished. 

But you know what's crazy? As I was getting to the last part about clearing watchers, beings, and contracts not aligned to the LOO, BOOM, Sami wrote back and said he forgot about the time change and that we would meet at the top of the hour. WOW GOD!!

Thank you God! 
It's amazing! So now I have more time to collect myself, maybe skim his latest telegram post, and now I'm clothed in the HGS calibration. THANK YOU GOD!!

What a miraculous life!!!

___

The BEST talk with Sami (https://shiftingtimeline.com/). Brother. Working with similar things - Sexual Misery Program was on the table for him too - that's what he's writing about now. Pretty wild. Definitely needed to have shielded. 

___

My heart! Poor Paul. God is showing me this stuff about children being trained as sex spies and assassins and messed with SO MUCH. I feel that this is a glimpse into Paul's experience. I need to just witness it and hold him in love in my heart. I want to talk to him and tell him but he doesn't even know. Like all of us with MILABS and MKULTRA, we've been so damaged and blown up. God, thank you for teaching me and showing me. Nothing is as it seems. 

___

When I work with Paul's energy I get body tingles. Am I losing my mind? Is this some tricky black magic? I made a voice memo for him that was pretty raw and real... I almost started crying thinking about the love and compassion I have for him. What is this? Drama? NOT stillpoint neutrality. Look at this. What is this? This happens to women? How have I connected into him in order for him to have this kind of control over me? It's NOT HIM...he doesn't even know. He may sense it on some level but it must be Thothian AI false ascension matrix stuff. It takes me offline, doesn't it?

It also feels like I'm ONLINE in a way as I'm feeling into all this. I saw my "sovereign" elephant cloud reminder today.

I got a sign from some grey and pink clouds having something to do with Paul. I had to pull poop out of Rue's butt that was hanging by a strand of hair as a sign about Paul. It's very all encompassing. I'm tied to his consciousness and helping him to transmute something. 

OR this is that dang Ai Red Cube anti-HG thing like the one that got me with Tyrone. Is it trying to keep me from Michael? Is it part of the work with Michael? I'm not interested in Michael that way. But it makes me want to jump out of our happy and safe home. 

This is a distortion. It's trying to take me offline. God, SEE. Carissa, SEE. 

I think Paul is going to do DMT today. What a day to do it. Halloween. God, please guard and protect him and help him to SEE. Sending so much love.

____

Ya know what? What IF Paul IS having some of this same kind of strong connectedness (oh shoot, is it bondage loops and consciousness traps? I think so.)... hmmm. But what if he IS and we are both corded... I need to have compassion for him and let him work his tools and trust him to get him and us out of it the way a man is supposed to.

Seems like so many games... are these mind games that someone (entities) are playing with me? And am I playing into them with my energy and attention?

LEARN. 
FEEL.

Staci has come to mind and her experience ... quite a bit. I wondered if that was ALB but she seems happy. 

Who knows?

____

I surrender Paul. 

It's a sickness. Or delusion. Or maybe helping him. Let him go. 

Thank you GOD for the lessons. 

"BANKS" (such a good Needtobreathe song). Yeah... totally NOT FOR ME. But the project definitely was/is. God, I trust you to lead. 

___

Thank you GOD for the post in OmniLov3 about Alaska... this is not an accident. I'm doing what I need to be doing.

Eliyanah, Thank you so much for your sharing. This resonates so much for me as well as I have been called to connect into Alaska this week. I got pulled in through an acquaintance who I started talking to 5 days ago and my consciousness really hasn't left since. I got a few breaks but whoooooooo, it's been a whirlwind... constant...intense...

So much to do with sexual misery program too. It was like a portal to a nest of snakes that needs to be witnessed.

I didn't realize that Alaska was connected with the hyperboreans (which is so related to the monadic healing work I feel I am doing, and also to my location on the 7D east coast axiatonial line). And Lemuria? Wow! I don't know enough about Lemuria but I've been clinging to a couple of my Lemurian crystals the last few days and knew there was something moving through. Tonight they wanted to sleep with me.

Bless you for your sensitivity, connections, and courage... this is beautiful work, Eliyanah.

Love,
Carissa

___

9:54

Possibly Paul's fav band: https://ghost-official.com/ Very dark and disturbed.
I can't hold this. Yes you can. You don't have to marry him. You probably don't ever need to meet him. But you CAN help him by holding compassionate witness in LOVE.
Ah. This is why I'm listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoTX5ff9Ze0 ... I HAVE COME TO BUILD A BRIDGE

Why does this always come up with the Red Cube? Maybe it's just part of healing it. And has to do with indiginous humans. 

God. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. 

22:12 - maybe the confusion is coming from Michael? Maybe the fact that now all of a sudden he wants me just as I am and his consciousness is expanding is to try to keep me from merging with my divine partner.

This is what I long for - to be merged with a divine masculine man, my partner, so that we can work together to heal the earth. I feel that is what I am doing with Paul. I feel that I did that with Gabe earlier this year... I think his connection into my spirit supported the work in Florida and Cahokia Mounds... it's weird how it works. But this is what I came for.

And if I'm not supposed to be in a loving relationship with these men that I work with, so be it. Let us just do the work.

Paul is my brother and likely a genetic equal and he's just really messy...just like I am and have been REALLY bad. I still am pretty bad. 

Yeah, yuck. Whenever I look at some of his social media I am like turned off...but it's not the real him. But I see how it touches on real stuff...things that are fueling his wounds. You know I can NOT be a hero/savior. That's not what this is. I cannot use my ego to decide who and what my Source consciousness wants to work with. Surrender to what is. My declaration of intention is to serve my SOURCE... I commit to serve my Highest Power fully, completely, and totally. I AM GOD, SOVEREIGN, and FREE.

So. Let's get out of the consciousness trap and just keep doing the work. 

And More...

The note I am about to drop to Paul. Poor Paul.

Later: Well, I read this to Michael and I think I've decided NOT to send it to Paul. I think reading it to Michael helped and that sending it to Paul will not help matters. I just need to let him go.

______

What I did not send:

Post-script: READ THIS LATER. It’s very long (if you see it all at once, you’ll already know that - ha!). I half want to apologize for the drama of it all… I see it, but I think it’s necessary and part of the ascension and push forward to a new higher timeline. I know you said you won’t stop talking to me unless I tell you to, but you can change your mind or take a break. I am not going to tell you not to talk to me. I like talking to you and SO appreciate the learning experience I am having. It all feels safe and aligned, not to mention the fact that I care about you and am ALL IN on healing in all the layers and levels of my being (and being a witness in service to you to support your evolution as well). 

That said, this is hard stuff that I am just dragging and plopping in front of you. Most people would not appreciate such a mess around. I feel a big part of my role is to “drag the darkness into the light” so that’s what I’m doing. Dragging my own confusion and the connections and lessons I’ve experienced through our brief relationship into the light of consciousness. 

SO… here goes. 

OH MY GOSH. Okay. Whoo. God loves me SOOOO MUCH to be teaching me and showing me this because it is SO IMPORTANT for my healing and work.

I just looked at some of the content from your HF community. WHOOOO. Okay. There’s a fuller picture. (Here's the website: https://humbledfemales.net/updates/)

So you don’t FEEL that energy/connection? Are you telling the truth? Please tell me the truth. I NEED TO LEARN about what this is. I’ve felt it before and I submitted to it (not only Michael….the husband before)…  it led to me falling so deeply in love with him and giving him all of me without finding out if he would be a good steward of it. Ultimately it led to massive heartbreak (that almost took me out). 

I THOUGHT that it was a divine connection with him then… I felt this energy that made me think we were thinking of each other at the same time, etc. I could feel energetic hands on my body and would act out the act of sex with him - getting naked on the living room floor and imagining him taking me from behind...but it was with a phantom. I am getting wet thinking of it now… this is that demon. UGH. 

I thought “GOD” had brought he and I together and that I was faithfully saying “yes to God" even though it didn’t make sense in the world. I felt righteous for following the path laid out before me (despite everyone in the world telling me I was off my rocker). It’s been 10 years since I grappled with that decision, but this year I thought I had figured out that I was duped by a spirit - an “alien love bite". You used the word “twin soul” before… this was an ANTI-twin soul. But I fell hard. And it exploded me. 

This same power and intensity has come upon me now talking to you. As I have mentioned a couple times, it’s been really great spiritual work to feel into it. I’ve found consciousness traps, worked with the energies of lust, obsession, surrender, hero/savior, and more. 

What’s super confusing is that I feel there are at least two layers here in our relationship.

Layer 1. A spiritual connection that I have tapped into for years and potential similar genetic makeup (which would make us good candidates as partners to do healing/gridwork). I feel into the innocent truth-seeking part of your soul and was instantly smitten like we’ve known each other in lives past. I wondered if you were my divine partner… one that has been with me since the beginning of time (in a way) that I expect to be reunited with during this incarnation as Carissa. I have been hoping to meet him and felt like I was close to “leveling up” and the number of synchronicities I saw with you blew me away. Obviously all very quickly but that’s because I do most of my “living” in the etherial…feeling into things. Working with guidance teams and energies. 

Layer 2. Your sexual energy. Yes, you have a raw masculine alpha male energy that is very attractive. But there is a darker layer that can be felt. This is driven by all you have taken into your being and there are forces at play that are deeply connected to the NRG and sexual misery program (which is designed to, again, blow up the human design and keep people looped into dissatisfaction so that negative entities can feed off of it). 

Based on your response when I just asked you about it a little…if you felt that strong energy/undercurrent?...it sounded like you could genuinely not understand that these dynamics are happening. As we grow in consciousness we have more access so I think one day you will -in time- understand what I’m saying if it's part of your soul contract to remember our interaction.

For me this has been a very important part of trying to heal my sacral energy center which has been pretty much dead for years. It has so much damage from supra-dimensional and astral rape, weaponry, and trauma and I’ve been working to heal that so I’m ready for when my true beloved shows up. 

I think one of the MAIN “projects” I have on this earth is to embody the hierogamic union template with my beloved. To anchor that in this earth, creating pathways for more people to do the same.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Hieros_Gamos

I take this “living according to our divine nature” incredibly seriously. It DOES involve submission, but it doesn’t involve dominance. It involves mutual respect and unity (merging with one another in order to alchemize into something greater).

The energy coming through you is either a plant (that you have no control over - it’s not you, don’t take it personally!) … designed to knock me off course, OR you are a soul family member who is genuinely looking for a way to heal from the trauma and pain that he’s been through that has left him empty, seeking pleasure and power to make him feel whole. 

Your “Commander"ness makes you a great LEADER. As you heal your heart and it becomes your guide, you may step into a leadership role to help others heal too. I’d say it’s a long road but things are happening quick these days!

I have had a lots of problems that have been created by the “sexual misery program” (<—again the agenda set up by the controllers to blow our sacral/sexual/gender centers up…the same way they are trying to blow our bodies and minds up through fake food, fake education, fake medicine)…. Pretty early on I got involved with pornography which began to program me immediately. The most potent reversal energy came when I would scan the personal ads just feeling that slippery oozy energy deep in my loins…that really opened me up - tore holes in my lightbody - to being a portal for golums. I became a chronic masturbator and have to keep throwing toys away because I keep coming back to it. Having sex with AI false cocks are NOT the WAY. 

I want a natural and loving relationship. 

This stuff on HF will not lead to soulful satisfaction… eventually a power struggle will ensue or someone will become dead inside. I’ve lived this. I’ve done it. Not well, but I did everything my master told me for a while and I learned that I did not find happiness that way. 

Not sure if you read my personality profile but I am a FREE SPIRIT. That’s maybe the problem and maybe some other personalities would be more suited for this lifestyle, but I did what free spirits do… I tried it on and then decided it wasn’t for me. 

I always want to improve myself and I DO want to be a humble woman. I want to be humble and gentle and loving and open. I want to be better at doing chores around the house, but I can promise you that whipping me will just make me rise up and fight. No. I’m not a humbled female, I am a LOVING female who wants to love and accept her beloved as he works with his own soul to be the best he can be. 

I want to be FREE to be ME and I want him to be free to be HIM. 

My partner has a very big mission… important mission… something to do that will make waves to support humanity. And I have always known that I am meant to be his “number two”…to help him achieve whatever it is. But that it will be borne out of US. 

Today I had it in my mind that I wanted to share with you the covenant I made with Michael. I did not and could not keep it… it required me to live a lie, out of alignment with my own soul, to be a martyr, and that is another NRG lie to keep us “crucified” to this false paradigm. FUCK THAT!

No matter how much I wanted it to be the case, it wasn’t aligned with the TRUTH of who I AM so it had to dissolve.

Mutual love and respect and unity is THE WAY. 

I have what feels like an exorbitant amount of love in my heart for you, Paul. I don’t get it. This is why it’s confusing. But I pray that is enough to plant a seed of light. Heck, you already have a garden of light growing in you. The weeds of pain, betrayal, abandonment, bitterness, etc will be choked out by that light and I pray you will find the peace and acceptance your soul (every soul) craves. 

I’m SO GRATEFUL for this opportunity and outlet to connect some dots. It’s been very healing for me. I didn’t see before that since my awakening (starting in 2006) that a big piece of both of the main relationships I had were about learning to submit and humble myself. One of my favorite books is called “Created to be his Help Meet” by Debi Pearl and I tried to live that out. I might still… I haven’t looked at it in ages. My point is that it IS a part of me, this humble female thing. It IS. It is part of how we are going to heal the distortions in the earth. But it requires that both parties meet on the level of mutual respect…both with a spirit of humility and shared vision. 

I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, as I’ve said before, I want … need… a leader. But that is because the masculine is the STRUCTURE and the feminine operates as the light and sound within…they compliment one another as they embody the whole. 

I hope that my sharing provides another perspective. I appreciate hearing yours. 

_____
10:45

Yeah. Just WITNESSING this ... be a compassionate witness. A neutral observer. Not attached to outcome. Not fueling the fire. This is the name of the game. 

It loses its power with me.

And maybe I need to give Michael another chance to see what happens if WE plug together? He's been so good holding space as we go through all this... almost 8 months of being separated but together...ups and downs and learning. 

I think he IS holding space for the divine feminine in me to heal. 

10:48

Thank you GOD for this experience. I don't need Paul to explore it with me. It's not FOR him. He's NOT my divine partner. So let it go. 

I AM MY DIVINE PARTNER. 

That one.

Kirk can be my HG counterpart from our separate sexualities ...he's my favorite to meld minds with. Michael is my favorite to live with. God, please help Jeff to live. He'd be my favorite to hike and laugh with. Moses is my favorite to sleep with. All these boys meeting all my needs.

Paul is sick. That is a sickness and I need to... DO... have compassion and love for him. I will just send the light of God through my heart to his and pray for direction and healing.

This has helped me to get unhinged from the power of it... the THOTHIAN AI signature. AI Red Cube. Man. It got me! Thank you God for keeping me from masturbating. I brought it right to the "descending serpent fire meditation"... right to it! I did sort of jiggle my clit for a few seconds.... but I stopped. I don't think I let any demons in... hopefully we evicted them and locked the doors and although they were rattling the doors from outside I think God and my teams saved me and we just witnessed them and hopefully this will help with eviction. I need to stand firm IN THE LIGHT now. 

Wow. 
Thank you God. 

10:54

____

With love by our side, we will rise!! (The song... I just listened to it and it enlivens my soul.) 

HOOOOPIE is the one who loves me so much. HE is my steadfast partner and lover of my soul. Maybe I can find a way to open to him?

I saw lots of numbers today (like every day)... I was talking to Jenn so couldn't write down 7:07 and 19:09 (among others). It's okay. We were very busy. Don't need to capture them all.

AGAIN, THISSSSSS is what we are working with! WOW!! https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Norway,_Sacred_Tree_of_Life

More on sexual misery program

 Sharing with Kirk... this is good work.

Last night good work with the Wim Hof method. Feeling like the care I'm giving my body...cleansing my antennae is leading to opportunity to embody higher truths and understanding. Thank you God!!

Thank you God!

Kirk wrote back and we talked through stuff. I freaking love Kirk. Too bad he's gay... and I'm an old lady. I'm not old!!! Grateful to God for our great friendship for this season...even if it's through the internet.

I just read https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Libra ... coming into that tomorrow and feeling very aligned. 

Today's AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Thoughts
Pulled the "repatterning the subconscious mind" meditation in the middle of the night last night too.

11:24

Best message I've ever written

 I feel this is the best message I've ever written! Loving, kind, and honest! Thank you GOD for allowing me the opportunity to see and practice this:

(Thanks be to God for THIS information too! https://energeticsynthesis.com/index.php/library/negative-alien-agenda/2183-mission-briefing-on-nrg)

"There are mysoginistic men who enjoy causing pain and being tyrants. They are called “government officials”.  - Ha! YEP!

I love the Matrix and that is a poignant analogy that strongly applies in what I see as this holographic reality. What you are saying there about having to go through the fire to become pure feels powerful and I tried being pure just this very way... by giving myself to a man. Handing over the reigns and saying I don't do a good enough job, you do it. 

I handed the reins to the kindest man too. I have no qualms about that… I know you would be a kind master too. But as I’ve said before, I found that it didn't work. It led to me into living a lie/disconnected from my soul... cognitive dissonance. It felt awful. I gave it more than the old college try though... I believe it was close to 2 years of trying to wrangle that into truth in earnest. Unfortuntately I got very sick and was required to work through lots of distortions and one of my big lessons has been the responsiblity to take my own power back... to own myself again. I had to learn that I am the source and that only I can love myself … I had been looking outside for that deep acceptance (first through parents and then through friends and lovers and then through addiction and religion). I learned that only from this place of self-acceptance and self-love am I able to truly connect to Source and embody the divine I AM. 

You don't see all the energetic vampiric cords around this. Until you recognize WE ARE GOD, WE ARE SOVEREIGN and WE ARE FREE. ALL BEINGS... you say it, but you don't fully see or will to embody it... until you can surrender to SOURCE ENERGY to guide and direct you, you will be a slave to the energies that have infiltrated your lightbody to whisper lies and make you think something that is not true. 

"There is nothing toxic about a loving man taking charge." - I agree. I only used the word toxicity when referring to what the NWO (etc) is doing to poison humans into gender dysphoria ("distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity—their personal sense of their own gender—and their sex assigned at birth.")  ...the GMOs etc are causing the physical body to store toxic chemicals and even natural minerals like copper to an exorbitant level which poisons the body, damages the endocrine system and creates a disconnectedness from their bodies and minds and people no longer recognize their own gender. 

I agree and appreciate that men rooted in their masculinity are beautiful and powerful leaders and I have so much respect for that energy and vitality. I want (and will have) an alpha male partner… I need it to balance me. Not to dominate me, but to balance with me to create something new and powerful for both of us.

"We do not contain the energies of both genders.”  You’re right… not both GENDERS, but we DO both hold the attributes of both masculine and feminine energies. Gender = male/female. Penis/vagina (etc).   Masculine and feminine are, what? Energetic traits? The atom comes to mind with its electron, proton and neutron.  We are electromagnetic beings and require all of those to function (electron = masculine principle, proton = feminine principle, and neutron = neutral). There's a good analogy in here and I'm hoping you've already heard it or I'll need to get my mind wrapped around it better to explain .

Gender isn't the same as masculine and feminine. For example women (gender) are designed to embody more feminine traits, and when there is an imbalance and she is forced to utilize more masculine traits to function in the world, this throws her off her natural balance and into a reversal system that starts feeding energy to the beast machine. Same for men… and there is an attack on humans at this level, masculinized feminine and feminized masculine… blowing up the system!!

As far as the quivering vagina, ha! Yeah. I'm watching and learning and my guidance is showing me where this is sourced from. The thing is, THAT energy isn't actuallly what you think it is. That does support you in attracting and "conquering" a woman, but you may have noticed that it dissipates eventually... it loses power. So then what? I think that energy is a reversal/golum energy. I toyed with it before a couple times so I'm learning to recognize its signature and this time am not going to let it feed on me. (I hope you understand this is not YOU. It's not Paul. You identify with it in a way but it is a hitchhiker. The real Paul energy is strong and grounded and does not need to feed on power from other humans. You are tapping into life-giving energy through your meditations and cleansing your body and those hitchhikers will eventually slough off. Especially if/when you identify them. They don't like to be seen.)

I'm being very honest about what I'm seeing and I recognize this is likely going to cause you to not talk to me, but if I don't share it, who will? I mean, you'll figure it out on your own. Your heart will guide you to all truth. But I want to be honest because I care about you. The kinship (literally) that I feel isn't related to the sexual energies, per se, but I was right when I told you that I felt we had work to do with the "sexual misery program" together - I'm astounded at how much and how fast, but it's been very supportive and educational for me.

My desire is to hold a place of love and neutrality for you to continue to involve into the most authentic Paul that you are. To embody your higher self, your god-self, so you can fulfill more of your purpose. 

If I have royally pissed you off and I don't hear back from you, just know I appreciate you and am always here if ever in the future you want to talk more. I think as our consciousness continues to grow, you and I will continue to grow towards each other so I’ll be around. You have all my contact info. 💗 Love, Carissa

_____

I JUST NOTICED ... I sent that at 5:56!!!!!! That is OVERCOMING... COMING OUT OF THE 555 NRG!!! WHOA!!! I noted earlier how many of our messages were related to 55... this was a sign! GOD!! You are teaching me!! WOW!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

___


this was in response to his:

Paul [Oct 29, 2021 at 1:07:12 PM]:

There is so much that I want to reply to this. I’ll try to take a break today and do so. As always, I really enjoyed our conversation. You are fascinating to me.

Paul  [Oct 29, 2021 at 1:43:30 PM]:

There are mysoginistic men who enjoy causing pain and being tyrants. They are called “government officials”. HF isn’t that at all. My beliefs aren’t that at all. 

I’ve studied this dynamic for many, many years in depth. You may be correct that there will come a point in time where the expression of this principle will be entirely pure. But there is no better way to free ourselves from the Matrix at this point in time. To use the movie as an analogy: being disconnected from the “power cell that feeds the machines” was an extremely painful experience. There is no way around that. You must go through fire to become pure. You must learn to see with eyes that you’ve never used. You must learn new skills and accept the new reality that the Matrix hid from you. That’s the only path to healing. You must develop new skills: programmed into your mind by someone with your best interest at heart. That’s what empowers you with the ability to change the world. Your thoughts are currently limited to a time when the machines have been defeated. That’s the ideal, I agree. But right now they are attacking us from all sides. Submitting to the wisdom of the ship’s captain is the only way to save the world and eventually win the war. The world isn’t what you’ve been taught to believe. Learn to trust those whose eyes have been open for a very long time. It’s not about “control”. It’s allowing a military commander to order his soldiers to secure victory, while protecting each other. It’s about working in unison to defeat a threatening enemy. 

No matter what terms you use, reality can only be one way. There is nothing toxic about a loving man taking charge. The only thing that is dangerous is to usurp his authority. Trust him to lead and he will lead. Dissent only leads to distrust and defeat. 

We do not contain the energies of both genders. At least, not when we are spiritually healthy. Just as a hermaphrodite is a freak of nature, our fullness can only be expressed by being in energetic alignment to our genitalia. The mind, body and spirit all deeply recognize this. They crave to be in their natural state, in alignment with their purpose. The reversals are the Matrix programming that a man should be feminine and a woman should be masculine. That’s contrary to nature. There’s a reason that things with two heads are called “monsters”. 

Of course your body responds. I cannot count the times that females have told me, “you make my pussy quiver just talking to you”. That’s the natural response when female energy meets masculine energy. Our bodies recognize and respond to that Union. It should serve as proof to you that the divine female craves a strong, but compassionate hand. That is what it seeks. Vaginas are made to be penetrated. Penises are made to penetrate. That is the function that fulfills them. It’s just common sense. We can try to spiritualize the truth away. But it only distorts it. Two men cannot share that energy. They are physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually incompatible. It is contrary to nature to attempt it. It is a path that leads backwards. 

Thank you again for your thoughts and mentally stimulating conversation. Have a fantastic day, my friend. Talk soon.

____

On dog walk I had HUGE breakthrough in understanding about Michael too ... His God is outside himself and he is trying to please and work with THAT. I AM trying to embody my GODSELF which does look a little self-centered, but it is part of my own evolution, thank you God!

___

WIM HOF method night. Got some more understanding. I just ran off on my own to do the showers but I actually watched a couple videos....and I need to do the breathing.

I want to share in all this with someone. Felt it would be fun to talk to Paul about it, but feeling into his energy (OH! I didn't tell you, he said he still wants to be friends...but I do see I need to give him space...) I just wanted to talk to him about the wim hof. I want to experience life with a partner. 

Why not Michael?

Michael is coming around. He is increasing in consciousness. We have a lovely life together... 12:12am

Yeah. Just keep praying. Pray and ask God to lead. God, please lead. 

I feel myself wanting to change/awaken Paul but I can't do that. He's doing that on his own. That's the part that I connected to. But I understand that even his HF activities are about finding a better way that connects to his divinity and purpose. God will lead him. Help me to love him and to get out of the consumptive modeling mentality. (<-- like "I want him".) If I can remain non-attached to the outcome and just let it unfold then God can work.

Look at what we're learning and have learned through witnessing Lior and Jeff and Kirk ... so much. These boys. God is teaching me. And I need to lean back into my SELF... LOVE ME. Spend time with ME. I am now by writing. And we've done some fun activities tonight... checking out some Telegram/crazy world content. Talked to Misha for over an hour. Talked to Laura for almost a half hour. Cooked for Michael. Watched Wim Hof documentary and videos. 

My crotch smells but I just remembered that I haven't showered today. 

Is this BlueShield doing anything?

I think I'm growing. I was astonished at how God blessed me with words for Paul today and that he didn't cut me off (yet). And continuing to talk to Michael and share my heart and peel back understanding about my process and our work and expectations together. And I talked to Corie for a while tonight too. Page yesterday. Today was the first day of the soft opening of Malai at Preston Center.

I love Kirk the most. He's my favorite person to talk to. He's interesting and responsive and intelligent.

I need to get away from this computer and go to bed. Go to bed. 

I love you, ME! 💖

More convo - SM program

Response to Paul's note back to mine... here's his response first...

So what keeps coming to my mind is “As above, so below”. 

The difference in the sexual organs of the two genders are what give us the clues to express the divine masculine and feminine in their most natural form. The penis is hard, rigid, dominant, penetrating, stiff, filling, etc when aroused. So too the masculine energy embodies those characteristics. Yet, once bliss is achieved and procreation completed, it can relax, soften and “hang out”. 

The vagina on the other hand is the polar opposite. It is soft, warm, fluid, accepting, malleable, quivering, penetrable, yielding. This is the essence of femininity. The firmness of the male penetrates the yielding warmth of the female. This is how we are designed. This is what brings natural union. This is how both genders experience bliss. 

It only becomes a role when our programming is counter to the realities of nature. Any other reality is unnatural. 

I agree with you fully that the state is impossible to reach through the mind. It must come from much deeper. It must be a spiritual connection. That’s why I’ve purposely gone without release for so long. It’s meaningless distraction if there isn’t that soul connection. 

I know that it’s what I’ve sought for my entire life: true intimacy. I’ve yet to meet my twin flame to whom surrendering to my guidance will be her deepest desire, a surrender that will elevate us to indescribable heights of sexual bliss. 

I knew that you would be open minded enough to at least read the article and discuss it with me, and I treasure you for that. There isn’t anyone else to whom I’ve felt safe enough to bear my soul. I just have an intuitive trust in you. You are an honest intellectual and deserving of all truth. 

Lastly, I don’t want you to fall for the misperception that I’m (or the HF community) is in any way advocating that a male must act as some cruel, barbaric master over his woma(e)n. That is not at all the case. His role is to be a leader, a teacher, a guide. He should encourage and protect her, mold her. Restrain her from folly. Be her rock, her shoulder. Discipline her as needed, but only when he has first disciplined himself. He can’t command her to eat a healthy diet (for her own good) and reprimand her for failing if he’s eating donuts and drinking vodka for breakfast. He is to be a ROLE-MODEL.  Not play a role. His authentic self must be what he guides her to attain. His actions are logically and intuitively decided in the interest of benefiting both. Males are left-brain creatures. Women run on emotions. That’s nature. And that’s why an emotionally driven woman needs a strong hand to save her from herself. 

And I said:

I wrote a book as a response but I think the most important thing is to let you know you are heard and appreciated. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your heart and thank you for your trust, Paul. Bless you for it. My desire is to hold these things in my own heart with kindness and neutrality. I feel it is a big part of the reclamation of my own identity in the Law of One. 

I want to say it again - you are an excellent writer - and I feel the depth of your sharing. I’d love to talk more today too! Lots to unpack and feel into.

The rest...that I didn't send but feel is journal-worthy:

I feel the divine feminine is necessary for the divine masculine to embody to the fullness of all he is meant be. And visa versa. The Controller agenda (which I believe is ultimately sourced from off-earth negative entities) is to destroy that divine design… to blow it up and reverse it. It’s the foundation of our lives. 

For me “as above, so below” which I can see as a message from guidance teams (do you believe in guidance teams?) is  a reminder about the micro/macro connection… what we experience individually is also a part of the larger architecture.

Right now this is “up” in the fields very much… the healing of the masculine and feminine divide… and I hope I don’t trigger you but it’s the “patriarchal domination” slant that is ready for healing. The suppression of the divine feminine. This has caused both men and women to fall into distortions and reversals. 

Men and women aren’t the same as masculine and feminine. I don’t believe in gender dysphoria (well, I believe it is an actual symptom of an imploded psyche which happens with toxicity and social programming), but I do believe that we all inherently have both masculine and feminine energies and that the way to find balance and truth and satisfaction and happiness is by merging those first within the self, and then ultimately, the ultimate goal, is to merge with a partner and anchor that energy together. 

The mental body focus driven by the masculine merged with the heart/emotions which are a more feminine aspect creates a stronger filter and foundation for interacting with the world. 

I’m working on integrating these in myself and healing the many many distortions that have manifested in my being as a result of the reversals and being cut off from truth, acceptance, and love. All of this comes from within. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that this whole game of life is really between ME and me. (My godself and my incarnation as Carissa.) Working this out, integrating my higher power or Source more and more into this vessel. Again, so that I can anchor frequency on this plain. And when we can come together in union with a beloved who is doing the same… anchoring purity, kindness, generosity, patience, discipline, diligence, and humility (for example), we really support the ascension of the earth (which is why I believe I incarnated here… to help with this mission). 

I agree with what you said about the masculine and feminine — the hard and soft —and believe that is the divine design and it’s very appealing  but there’s so much more to it. It’s the adventure of working through all this with another…someone with the same desire to …and this is Michael’s phrase and the one that really “got” me…. “live according to our created purpose”. I love that. 

But I tried (very hard) from the state of my brokenness to just submit all I was to Michael and it didn’t “stick”… it doesn’t work if it’s not being anchored from a place of authenticity and connection to Source. 

There is a tyranny and control piece in both the distorted masculine and the distorted feminine and unless that is healed to wholeness through mutual trust, eventually any union built on that will fail. There are wallflowers that are happy to hand over their own sovereignty… and maybe that’s enough for some…. But for me and I sense for you because I feel we are made of the same stuff, we are made for more. I want to (expect to at the right time) experience the fullness of BEING all I AM and encouraging and supporting and empowering my beloved in his quest to do the same. When we are strong and rooted individually and then come together intentionally and with purpose to be stronger together, I think that’s where true satisfaction lives.

I feel a lot of the dominance/submission mentality has to do with working out traumas that we’ve all experienced and isn’t, in my experience, the most effective way to heal. But it works for some and I respect and honor you and the path that your soul chooses for its own healing. You are my beloved brother first and foremost and I’m grateful to be on this earth at the same time as you and now given this role as a compassionate witness and friend.

I felt the energy between us immediately because of what you are talking about… there is an incredible power to a strong masculine presence and it naturally causes me to soften. I also feel we are working with healing some of the same things on a planetary level and of course personal level. 

____

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messier_88

This daily AG pick seems to have a message for me.... not only in the 88, but also:

The motion of M88 through the intergalactic medium of the Virgo cluster is creating ram pressure that is stripping away the outer region of neutral hydrogen. This stripping has already been detected along the western, leading edge of the galaxy.^[1]

I'm not sure if this is positive or negative but feels like it's related to Paul's motion is creating pressure that is stripping away neutrality, especially on the feminine side.

His message last night came at 12:55. Lots of 55's ...and 54's though... and 48's and all the numbers...

___

12:40 well my eyes are drooping from being so tired... energetically drained. I failed. I didn't maintain neutrality. I talked to Paul again for an hour and a half and it wasn't good. I told him (pretty much over and over) that I would not be submissive. 

I sent him the part of the above letter which I didn't send earlier...added:

Thanks for taking all that time to talk to me. Couldn’t that count toward your mahjong (or maybe it was Words), solitaire and the brain games time??? Whooo… it was hard. But you were brave. Thank you for sharing all that with me. I lost neutrality and fell into not only analytical mind, but I made it personal and that also takes the fun out of it, so I’m sorry. We have established that I would be a terrible submissive and so now if and when you want to continue our conversation and exploration and discussion about the machinations of this world (including, I hope, more on gender roles as it is fascinating), I’ll be here. 

Here’s the rest of the discourse I typed earlier…the part I didn’t send… I should have. I’m much better at communicating in writing. But I think more layers are available to our consciousness through actual voice communication so everything is perfect. 

and at the end -

That’s all I wrote and it ended abruptly so I’ll just close with a thank you for all you have shared, and for all you are, and for all you do. You are the real deal. Authentic and honest. Bless you dear Paul!

_____
A let down. Sad. But also a relief. And then I talked to Michael who reminded me what a terrible partner I am. And it's true. I really would be. I can WANT to have a HGU with someone all I want, but if we're not ready or not right for each other, it's not going to work.

I THOUGHT Paul was on the spiritual path, but he's still working through his wounding. There's nothing I can do. I'm working through my wounding. I felt there were some real synchronicities and it turns out that his past and everything makes him like he's truly "a younger version of Michael" which is what I wanted, in a way. Except I want someone who is aligned with the Law of One and wants to be in DIVINE UNION. 

What Paul wants is NOT THAT. He wants to boss someone around because it will help him to feel better about himself. Kick the dog. Nope. Not gonna do it. He's got layers of enlightenment on board that are being pulled away and he really COULD be a family member or genetic equal. But right now this was sent to me to feel the alien love bite technology and ai Red Cube and golum and think about gender roles. It was really a beautiful gift from God as I work to embody my higher self. Thank you God!

And it's almost time for the Omnilov3 class! 
I'm sooooo tired. 

I didn't sleep hardly at all yesterday. 

___

WOWWWWW. Yeah. I just read (skimmed but read) https://energeticsynthesis.com/index.php/library/negative-alien-agenda/2183-mission-briefing-on-nrg which God led me to yesterday.... THIS is what we are seeing with Paul. NRG implant, addiction program, golum (even the liplessness stood out to me). Thank you God for this lesson. 

I don't think it's my place to "help" him with it, but I think it was my place to be a compassionate witness. To learn, identify, and observe it. I am so grateful God has protected me. I do not consent to this impacting my lightbody at all. GOD BLESS PAUL. I ask for the 12D light of Christ to surround and guide him to freedom. 

Gender Polarity Integration

My thoughts on the Humbled Female introduction:

I don’t feel it’s sustainable… if it is a ROLE, not coming from your being, I don’t think it can work. I think a shared respect for the individual attributes each partner brings is what “works”. 

This almost SETS UP a power struggle. To me it’s about surrendering to the fullness of all that IS between two people to allow that which is born from their UNION to be the crowning achievement. Not that one dominates and one is submissive… that makes it about something else… conquering something maybe?

I can see how that would be fun. I am turned on by the idea of a strong man being the authority in the bedroom, but if it’s not the core of who he is, if it’s an act, a way to siphon or wrangle respect (which men desperately need and deserve) out of a woman, then eventually the well runs dry. 

I played this game with Michael for a year or two and it was just that… a game. It was a counterfeit of the real possibility that can be experienced between people in DIVINE UNION. (<—because that’s what I’m focusing on now… this does not apply to a more casual relationship, which is what most people are happy with now… but I’m looking at it from the standpoint of HUMANITY and as a prototype for the divine blueprint.)

Chapter 2

Note, I feel the sexual energy… the slippery oozy cummy energy all over this book and have tapped into it a little with Paul (I get wet talking to him). I want to feel this and understand it. This is what we signed up for. This is why I had a dream last night about the giant penis statue, and why my random was “genital plugs” and led to a “mission briefing on the NRG” which was so much about the sexual misery programming.

Can I look at this without getting sucked in? I’m pretty safe in NC from Alaska… 

I think Paul’s soul wants to heal this and find the truth in it too. 

Is he willing to go beyond that? To experience all that he would get out of that kind of relationship and MORE? Feels like he’s being set up for it. 

Is this intensity the alien love bite? Or is it what we are supposed to feel when we are near a kindred spirit and beloved? Joe and I just wanted to be together immediately when we recognized our connection and I think that’s what it’s like for Paul and I. I think he is my monadic or avatar partner IF he is willing to go beyond his expectations. Is he willing to do the work? I am. 

Having to hold myself back from masterbating. GAH. What do do with this energy?? What is it? FEEL INTO IT.

Reading his “commander” personality goes along with this.

I could leave this in Alaska, but there’s something to it… something to learn or is it really that he’s my partner? God. Please help me. The hero/savior comes up because it wants to help him to soften… but GOD is helping him soften. The Sexual Misery programming has come up from the getgo… timelines associated with that. This is what we are collapsing. I AM collapsing with HIS HELP. I love him. <—stop that. Do I? What is this? ALB? Probably. Is it tinny? Is it powerful? Remember when Tyrone started talking to me that “commanding presence” was so POWERFUL and drew me in. Was that a Thothian signature? Don’t fear. 

OH MAN, so glad to be reading this ENTJ thing… (Michael and Le’Anna are INTJ)…  yeah… Paul wouldn’t tolerate me and my mess and flitting around…. 

Our personalities:

Paul: https://www.16personalities.com/entj-personality

Carissa: https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality

You think it’s the health thing that brought us together but it’s the Sexual Misery program … we’re going to heal it (to the extent we can)… it’s big for both of us. 

There’s a very real possibility we will not be attracted to one another. Mostly you won’t be attracted to me. I’m still overweight. I’ve been taking better and better care of myself for 5 years but even before that I wasn’t bad… I exercised and ate well… I’ve been conscious about it since 2010… but because my detox pathways are jacked up and I believe stored fat is related to stored trauma, it just won’t let go. It will. But I need to LOVE IT instead of rejecting and hating it the way I have. So anyway… there’s that. YOU look a lot like the people I’m attracted too… a mixture of all of my husbands really. But you are very handsome and it’s all about energy for me anyway. That can be a trickster too… so we have to properly feel into it and I’ll have to do lots of spiritual clearings. If we are meant to be together there will be LOTS of interference and attacks on it from the spiritual realms. 

An article to read: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Gender_Principle

This (humbled females) is such a good article and I agree with a lot of it… I see the programming that is being used to destroy masculinity (and true femininity). This is my passion. One of my “big burritos” that I’m here to work with as a polarity integrator. I care very much about this topic. VERY MUCH. 

But I can’t say that I think that this mindset is THE WAY… I think it will look different for different people. 

I’m not normal. I won’t fit into anyone’s preconceived ideas of what a woman (or human) should do or be… I will be stifled. I need to foster my own inherent spirit to help it to embody and grow within me so I can anchor a frequency that I was meant to anchor. If I’m playing a role, I can’t do that. This feels like a call to play a role. Do you feel that?

Don’t you just want to be who you ARE? From what I discern and am hearing, you are strong, virile, intelligent, opinionated, disciplined, thoughtful, and more. I think a heart-based woman who is trying to honor you for who you are and who you want to be, is the key. The difference is that “dark mother”/reversal feminine wants to change you… it wants to cut you down so that SHE can feel stronger…. This reversal is borne out of feeling neglected and not honored for HER gifts. If she was suppressed and not able to express who SHE IS, then her outlet is this nasty energy. This starts pitting people against each other. 

We have a lot of old wounds and traumas where our parents have hurt us and other people have hurt us and resentments that have created how we view the world and the opposite sex. (And to take it back further, we may also be healing ancestral traumas that are stored in our DNA….but I don’t even need that point because the trauma we’ve amassed during THIS life is enough.) It takes tremendous commitment, humility, forgiveness, and love to be willing to chip away at this stuff with and for your partner. 

We heal each other in/through love and acceptance. 

“I accept myself/you in this moment just the way I am/you are.”

“I am on your side”  (We’re On Time)

THIS has been my theme song this year (just came on): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IBFMkt9KGQ

WHY have sex? Men have an urge from whatever reason (I think the location of the genitals outside the body and rubbing on clothes etc enhances it)… but women respond to that urge. When we are desired, it turns us on. There is a physiological response. Now if the woman isn’t comfortable for whatever reason, she won’t respond and that sets everyone up for a terrible experience. How do you keep it beautiful and about unity? I don’t know. But I have felt raped by the people that I was giving myself to because I would just be like “go ahead, take it” and it just didn’t feel right. I have also had to work with ancestral rape trauma etc and I think this is part of my job to collapse these timelines through compassionate witnessing. 

This is my reality … to be willing (when called) to peel back the layers of pain and trauma and suffering to transit the pieces of people’s souls that have been trapped in black consciousness ooze/miasma. I yearn for a partner to do that with, but it’s not easy work. It takes continual surrender of ego and dependence on the higher power or source of all to guide me…. And I don’t do it often. I do lots of processing. 

You can’t just DEMAND that someone submit. It’s got to be a natural response if you want it to be legit. And if you create an environment where your partner feels SAFE and wants to give herself to you, then you can build a beautiful foundation. The problem is that we start off with expectations and trying to meet people’s expectations from a place of inauthenticity… I’m not saying this applies to you, but it does to me… I would want to please you. I'd want you to like me, so I wouldl compromise my soul to gain your approval, but that’s not sustainable. 

So we have to start at authenticity. NEVER compromising our souls. Instead ACCEPTING what is in the moment fully and allowing it to fully express so that it can move through. That’s the ticket. 

There are so many layers to unpack. 

Well I just asked Michael about it and I am a prideful woman…self centered and make everything all about me. This is the opposite of what you are looking for. So there you have it. I, of course, don’t want to be that way, but if that’s how he perceives me, it is true to an extent. I DO know that I have been working tirelessly to evict the lunar and FKOT forces out of my being so that I can embody the SOLAR/organic divine feminine I AM. 

But I definitely TRIED to live this way 5 years ago and it failed… or it launched me into a new level of awakening.

I have the opportunity to live like this now with Michael… but I don’t feel it. So that should tell you something too. It just has grated against my soul and felt like I was having sex with my father ….grandfather… and it has been terrible. 

He is the kindest man. 

I’m a mess. 

God this is crazy work tonight… I’m grateful for it. 

I wished for a younger version of Michael (in a way), and Paul looks like him a little but also has the attributes of wanting to transcend the consciousness traps and sees beyond the veil and THAT is what I like. Also it feels so aligned. But I ONLY want to be with my DIVINE UNION partner… the one that when we make love we can heal the world. 

But Paul wants to be healthy with me too… OMG, he’s so appealing in every way, but I don’t want to blow him up or let him down. I have yearned for that strong energy before and then blown it up. 

The rape fantasies are a trick to nail trauma in further. But the natural animal instinct is how we were created. 

But it was also hard that Michael wasn’t hard… and he just couldn’t get a good sex angle… it was awkward and disconnected. 

Whoooooooooo…. I finished it. 

It was like a rollercoaster. Lots of points I agree with, but I can’t say I am on board with all of it. Mostly because I can speak from experience and know that it doesn’t work so well unless it flows from a natural response.

Let me drop this in my journal and then I’ll see if I can clean it up to respond to Paul. 

____

00:00/29

What I actually shared with him:

Whooooooo. I finished it. It was like a rollercoaster! I feel like I did lots of good spiritual/inner work as I processed through it.... let me see if I can pair down my notes to give you my honest reaction. I surrender any need to be anything other than what I am. In the past I would try to sugar coat (manipulate) my response in a way to try to give you what I percieved you wanted to hear, but I don't want to do that anymore. My prayer is to embody the truth vibration. So...

Carissa Wages, [Oct 28, 2021 at 11:58:36 PM]:

I don’t feel it’s sustainable… if it is a ROLE, not coming from your being, I don’t think it can work. I think a shared respect for the individual attributes each partner brings is what “works”. 

This almost SETS UP a power struggle. To me it’s about surrendering to the fullness of all that IS between two people to allow that which is born from their UNION to be the crowning achievement. Not that one dominates and one is submissive… that makes it about something else… conquering something maybe?

I can see how that would be fun. I am turned on by the idea of a strong man being the authority in the bedroom (and oversight and leadership in life in general), but if it’s not the core of who he is, if it’s an act, a way to siphon or wrangle respect (which men desperately need and deserve) out of a woman, then eventually the well runs dry. 

I played this game with Michael for a year or two and it was just that… a game…a role play. It was a counterfeit of the real possibility that can be experienced between people in DIVINE UNION. (<—because that’s what I’m focusing on now… this does not apply to a more casual relationship, which is what most people are happy with now… but I’m looking at it from the standpoint of HUMANITY and as a prototype for the divine blueprint.)

I sense your soul wants to heal this / find the truth in it too. 

This really is such a good article and I agree with a lot of it… I see the programming that is being used to destroy masculinity (and true femininity). This is my passion and one of my “big burritos” that I’m here to work with as a polarity integrator. I care very much about this topic. VERY MUCH. 

But I can’t say that I think that this mindset is THE WAY… I think it will look different for different people. 

I'm not “normal". I won’t fit into anyone’s preconceived ideas of what a woman (or human) should do or be… I would be stifled. I need to foster my own inherent spirit to help it to embody and grow so I can anchor a frequency that I was meant to anchor. If I’m playing a role, I can’t do that. This feels like a call to play a role. Do you feel that?

Don’t you just want to be who you ARE? From what I discern and am hearing, you are strong, virile, intelligent, opinionated, disciplined, thoughtful, and more. I think a heart-based woman who is trying to honor you for who you are and who you want to be, is the key. The difference is that “dark mother”/reversal feminine wants to change you… it wants to cut you down so that SHE can feel stronger…. This reversal is borne out of feeling neglected and not honored for HER gifts. If she was suppressed and not able to express who SHE IS, then her outlet is this nasty energy. This starts pitting people against each other. 

We have a lot of old wounds and traumas where our parents have hurt us and other people have hurt us and resentments have created how we view the world and the opposite sex. (And to take it back further, we may also be healing ancestral traumas that are stored in our DNA….but I don’t even need that point because the trauma we’ve amassed during THIS life is enough.) It takes tremendous commitment, humility, forgiveness, and love to be willing to chip away at this stuff with and for your partner. 

We heal each other in/through love and acceptance. 

“I accept myself/you in this moment just the way I am/you are.”

“I am on your side”  (We’re On Time)

Side note, this has been my theme song this year (just came on): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IBFMkt9KGQ

It feels like submission is a natural female response to a protective and safe man. Trying to get there through the mind doesn’t feel authentic and I tried to live like this … but unless the core wounds are addressed it falls apart eventually. It’s just a facade or, like I said before, a role. A mask. “Fake it til you make it” doesn’t work so well here. 

I believe couples have to start with radical authenticity and truth. NEVER compromising their souls. Instead ACCEPTING what is in the moment fully and allowing it to fully express so that it can move through. That’s the ticket.

Carissa Wages, [Oct 28, 2021 at 11:58:36 PM]:

There are so many layers to unpack. 

I loved it. Thank you for the experience. I’m sorry I didn’t do cartwheels and say I was 100% aligned, but this topic is very near and dear to my heart and something I work with regularly. It’s part of my polarity integration contract. I’ve lived as both a masochist and as a feminist, a lesbian and heterosexual, more masculine and more feminine… I think part of my job is to feel into all these things and integrate them. There is so much distortion in the earth. I think you sense that and have an honorable desire to live in alignment with our nature (at the core of our beings before the distortions and reversals)... I respect that so much and feel your strong and powerful energy, Paul. 

An article for you to read if you feel like it: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Gender_Principle

____

(Before I wrote that to him he sent me a "Map of Consciousness" by Hawkins!!! Ahhhh! He feels so aligned. God!! What is going on?)