And More...

The note I am about to drop to Paul. Poor Paul.

Later: Well, I read this to Michael and I think I've decided NOT to send it to Paul. I think reading it to Michael helped and that sending it to Paul will not help matters. I just need to let him go.

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What I did not send:

Post-script: READ THIS LATER. It’s very long (if you see it all at once, you’ll already know that - ha!). I half want to apologize for the drama of it all… I see it, but I think it’s necessary and part of the ascension and push forward to a new higher timeline. I know you said you won’t stop talking to me unless I tell you to, but you can change your mind or take a break. I am not going to tell you not to talk to me. I like talking to you and SO appreciate the learning experience I am having. It all feels safe and aligned, not to mention the fact that I care about you and am ALL IN on healing in all the layers and levels of my being (and being a witness in service to you to support your evolution as well). 

That said, this is hard stuff that I am just dragging and plopping in front of you. Most people would not appreciate such a mess around. I feel a big part of my role is to “drag the darkness into the light” so that’s what I’m doing. Dragging my own confusion and the connections and lessons I’ve experienced through our brief relationship into the light of consciousness. 

SO… here goes. 

OH MY GOSH. Okay. Whoo. God loves me SOOOO MUCH to be teaching me and showing me this because it is SO IMPORTANT for my healing and work.

I just looked at some of the content from your HF community. WHOOOO. Okay. There’s a fuller picture. (Here's the website: https://humbledfemales.net/updates/)

So you don’t FEEL that energy/connection? Are you telling the truth? Please tell me the truth. I NEED TO LEARN about what this is. I’ve felt it before and I submitted to it (not only Michael….the husband before)…  it led to me falling so deeply in love with him and giving him all of me without finding out if he would be a good steward of it. Ultimately it led to massive heartbreak (that almost took me out). 

I THOUGHT that it was a divine connection with him then… I felt this energy that made me think we were thinking of each other at the same time, etc. I could feel energetic hands on my body and would act out the act of sex with him - getting naked on the living room floor and imagining him taking me from behind...but it was with a phantom. I am getting wet thinking of it now… this is that demon. UGH. 

I thought “GOD” had brought he and I together and that I was faithfully saying “yes to God" even though it didn’t make sense in the world. I felt righteous for following the path laid out before me (despite everyone in the world telling me I was off my rocker). It’s been 10 years since I grappled with that decision, but this year I thought I had figured out that I was duped by a spirit - an “alien love bite". You used the word “twin soul” before… this was an ANTI-twin soul. But I fell hard. And it exploded me. 

This same power and intensity has come upon me now talking to you. As I have mentioned a couple times, it’s been really great spiritual work to feel into it. I’ve found consciousness traps, worked with the energies of lust, obsession, surrender, hero/savior, and more. 

What’s super confusing is that I feel there are at least two layers here in our relationship.

Layer 1. A spiritual connection that I have tapped into for years and potential similar genetic makeup (which would make us good candidates as partners to do healing/gridwork). I feel into the innocent truth-seeking part of your soul and was instantly smitten like we’ve known each other in lives past. I wondered if you were my divine partner… one that has been with me since the beginning of time (in a way) that I expect to be reunited with during this incarnation as Carissa. I have been hoping to meet him and felt like I was close to “leveling up” and the number of synchronicities I saw with you blew me away. Obviously all very quickly but that’s because I do most of my “living” in the etherial…feeling into things. Working with guidance teams and energies. 

Layer 2. Your sexual energy. Yes, you have a raw masculine alpha male energy that is very attractive. But there is a darker layer that can be felt. This is driven by all you have taken into your being and there are forces at play that are deeply connected to the NRG and sexual misery program (which is designed to, again, blow up the human design and keep people looped into dissatisfaction so that negative entities can feed off of it). 

Based on your response when I just asked you about it a little…if you felt that strong energy/undercurrent?...it sounded like you could genuinely not understand that these dynamics are happening. As we grow in consciousness we have more access so I think one day you will -in time- understand what I’m saying if it's part of your soul contract to remember our interaction.

For me this has been a very important part of trying to heal my sacral energy center which has been pretty much dead for years. It has so much damage from supra-dimensional and astral rape, weaponry, and trauma and I’ve been working to heal that so I’m ready for when my true beloved shows up. 

I think one of the MAIN “projects” I have on this earth is to embody the hierogamic union template with my beloved. To anchor that in this earth, creating pathways for more people to do the same.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Hieros_Gamos

I take this “living according to our divine nature” incredibly seriously. It DOES involve submission, but it doesn’t involve dominance. It involves mutual respect and unity (merging with one another in order to alchemize into something greater).

The energy coming through you is either a plant (that you have no control over - it’s not you, don’t take it personally!) … designed to knock me off course, OR you are a soul family member who is genuinely looking for a way to heal from the trauma and pain that he’s been through that has left him empty, seeking pleasure and power to make him feel whole. 

Your “Commander"ness makes you a great LEADER. As you heal your heart and it becomes your guide, you may step into a leadership role to help others heal too. I’d say it’s a long road but things are happening quick these days!

I have had a lots of problems that have been created by the “sexual misery program” (<—again the agenda set up by the controllers to blow our sacral/sexual/gender centers up…the same way they are trying to blow our bodies and minds up through fake food, fake education, fake medicine)…. Pretty early on I got involved with pornography which began to program me immediately. The most potent reversal energy came when I would scan the personal ads just feeling that slippery oozy energy deep in my loins…that really opened me up - tore holes in my lightbody - to being a portal for golums. I became a chronic masturbator and have to keep throwing toys away because I keep coming back to it. Having sex with AI false cocks are NOT the WAY. 

I want a natural and loving relationship. 

This stuff on HF will not lead to soulful satisfaction… eventually a power struggle will ensue or someone will become dead inside. I’ve lived this. I’ve done it. Not well, but I did everything my master told me for a while and I learned that I did not find happiness that way. 

Not sure if you read my personality profile but I am a FREE SPIRIT. That’s maybe the problem and maybe some other personalities would be more suited for this lifestyle, but I did what free spirits do… I tried it on and then decided it wasn’t for me. 

I always want to improve myself and I DO want to be a humble woman. I want to be humble and gentle and loving and open. I want to be better at doing chores around the house, but I can promise you that whipping me will just make me rise up and fight. No. I’m not a humbled female, I am a LOVING female who wants to love and accept her beloved as he works with his own soul to be the best he can be. 

I want to be FREE to be ME and I want him to be free to be HIM. 

My partner has a very big mission… important mission… something to do that will make waves to support humanity. And I have always known that I am meant to be his “number two”…to help him achieve whatever it is. But that it will be borne out of US. 

Today I had it in my mind that I wanted to share with you the covenant I made with Michael. I did not and could not keep it… it required me to live a lie, out of alignment with my own soul, to be a martyr, and that is another NRG lie to keep us “crucified” to this false paradigm. FUCK THAT!

No matter how much I wanted it to be the case, it wasn’t aligned with the TRUTH of who I AM so it had to dissolve.

Mutual love and respect and unity is THE WAY. 

I have what feels like an exorbitant amount of love in my heart for you, Paul. I don’t get it. This is why it’s confusing. But I pray that is enough to plant a seed of light. Heck, you already have a garden of light growing in you. The weeds of pain, betrayal, abandonment, bitterness, etc will be choked out by that light and I pray you will find the peace and acceptance your soul (every soul) craves. 

I’m SO GRATEFUL for this opportunity and outlet to connect some dots. It’s been very healing for me. I didn’t see before that since my awakening (starting in 2006) that a big piece of both of the main relationships I had were about learning to submit and humble myself. One of my favorite books is called “Created to be his Help Meet” by Debi Pearl and I tried to live that out. I might still… I haven’t looked at it in ages. My point is that it IS a part of me, this humble female thing. It IS. It is part of how we are going to heal the distortions in the earth. But it requires that both parties meet on the level of mutual respect…both with a spirit of humility and shared vision. 

I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, as I’ve said before, I want … need… a leader. But that is because the masculine is the STRUCTURE and the feminine operates as the light and sound within…they compliment one another as they embody the whole. 

I hope that my sharing provides another perspective. I appreciate hearing yours. 

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10:45

Yeah. Just WITNESSING this ... be a compassionate witness. A neutral observer. Not attached to outcome. Not fueling the fire. This is the name of the game. 

It loses its power with me.

And maybe I need to give Michael another chance to see what happens if WE plug together? He's been so good holding space as we go through all this... almost 8 months of being separated but together...ups and downs and learning. 

I think he IS holding space for the divine feminine in me to heal. 

10:48

Thank you GOD for this experience. I don't need Paul to explore it with me. It's not FOR him. He's NOT my divine partner. So let it go. 

I AM MY DIVINE PARTNER. 

That one.

Kirk can be my HG counterpart from our separate sexualities ...he's my favorite to meld minds with. Michael is my favorite to live with. God, please help Jeff to live. He'd be my favorite to hike and laugh with. Moses is my favorite to sleep with. All these boys meeting all my needs.

Paul is sick. That is a sickness and I need to... DO... have compassion and love for him. I will just send the light of God through my heart to his and pray for direction and healing.

This has helped me to get unhinged from the power of it... the THOTHIAN AI signature. AI Red Cube. Man. It got me! Thank you God for keeping me from masturbating. I brought it right to the "descending serpent fire meditation"... right to it! I did sort of jiggle my clit for a few seconds.... but I stopped. I don't think I let any demons in... hopefully we evicted them and locked the doors and although they were rattling the doors from outside I think God and my teams saved me and we just witnessed them and hopefully this will help with eviction. I need to stand firm IN THE LIGHT now. 

Wow. 
Thank you God. 

10:54

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With love by our side, we will rise!! (The song... I just listened to it and it enlivens my soul.) 

HOOOOPIE is the one who loves me so much. HE is my steadfast partner and lover of my soul. Maybe I can find a way to open to him?

I saw lots of numbers today (like every day)... I was talking to Jenn so couldn't write down 7:07 and 19:09 (among others). It's okay. We were very busy. Don't need to capture them all.

AGAIN, THISSSSSS is what we are working with! WOW!! https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Norway,_Sacred_Tree_of_Life