Addiction

Can you believe I'm STILL dealing with this?? You, oh journal, have been with me the whole time!

MAY THIS BE TRUE: I have heard God's direction and I AM READY to practice loving myself and having compassion for myself and taking responsibility as my own parent to take CARE of my body. 

Here's what I just posted in Diana's OL thread on addiction:

I just read this entire life-giving thread and wanted to chime in to say WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! Amazing work Diana and all who have shared the major accomplishments with seeing and surrendering the chains of addiction.

Diana, WOW!! That last statement "I AM NEVER SMOKING AGAIN"!!! YESSS! It's ROARING through my bones!! YESSSS!!!! POWER SISTER!!!

I've been really working with the addiction matrix myself this past month... lots to observe. Lots of blaming and shaming (me to me) - VV games I guess. I know that is one of my "M.O."s of the nephilim distortions I am here to heal ... I loved to shame people (and myself) into changes. I think it actually worked when I quit smoking. I took photos of myself smoking and let the self-loathing seethe through the image. I see how it was actually a primitive attempt at observer consciousness, so that's kind of neat too.

But again, I have been trying to shame myself to force a shift and am learning that it doesn't work well long-term. It's time to quit my on-again-off-again sugar consumption. This is one of my biggest burritos. I have been told in no uncertain terms over and over that sugar separates me from God. It is toxic to my spirit. Yet I still keep choosing my distorted/reversal lusts of the flesh over God and by doing that... compromising my own soul... it makes it more and more difficult to succeed.

A bible verse from Hebrews 10:26 comes up when I think about this... one of my themes now (still, ha!) is "losing my religion" and I know this lens is distasteful for many, but it's part of my process at this point.... maybe not for much longer I feel. (I wonder if religion is related to the addiction program too?) Anyway, I'd like to share as it's relevant and does nail the point in FOR ME. It says: "if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins." I know those are unpleasant words... "sin" "sacrifice"... but sin is something that I do that separates me from God... from my divine connection to Source. Sacrifice (in this context) is something that is offered on my behalf...usually the giving of food to the priests or to God to be burned on the altar as a form of trade. Sorry for anyone else who's getting SRA triggers right now. Me too. But to me it speaks to how there is divine support to cover and stand the gap for the distortions; however when I willfully keep choosing death and anti-christ activities, at some point the divine support is going to blow this popsicle stand. (Is this true?)

What is definitely true is that I'm creating pathways to nail in the distortion when I do something against my own soul's leading.

There are a few different reasons why I don't succeed in quitting this poison. First of all sugar is everywhere... I'm not talking about just processed sugar... I shouldn't eat even fruit which triggers my body into that "I need more and more and more". I mostly cook my own whole food and don't eat much processed food, but if I go out or if there is a holiday, it is really hard to choose something "safe" and that sets me off. I say "just this one time"....or this is the "laaaaaaast" treat...and then I'm hooked for however many days or weeks I'm on a "bender" of "just one more while I"m off the wagon".... my LAST "last hurrah"... and okay, just one more.... so that process sucks.

But also I have used it because it DOES separate me from God... when things get tough in multidimensional reality, I sometimes feel like I need a "break". I know that's an excuse... I'm being a chicken... not wanting to feel all there is to feel. This has been the case a few times lately and I keep hearing "the only way out is through".... so again, using this crutch is not doing a service to my soul.

And lastly, of course, there's the lie/trick/implant/reversal that it "tastes good". I mean, maybe fruit does because it's natural....but the other stuff is a distortion. Even the things I've made as a substitute using dates or date sugar...they are imposters feeding my body something it doesn't need, keeping those reversal pathways firing.

I didn't mean to write so much. But thank you for this thread. Thank you for this space. Thank you for all the love that you all radiate. What an incredible group of people you are. Wise and brave and kind.

Diana, keep us posted. I have all four of you in my prayers! (Olympus, thank you for the laughs!)

Love,
Carissa