Maybe I can communicate it here. I would like to communicate it in the ES forum but I'm not sure if I can succinctly communicate... I also want to be careful about what I create with my words. But there's no fear... just share from my heart.
My heart is a mess.
I am watching myself tearing my beloved DOWN instead of building him up. WORMHOLES. (Today's AG pick.) But what's interesting is that when last night we only had love and no dark portal from me and he ended up dark portaling himself... he stabbed his own eyeball with a needle... triggering me to think that he was stupid. I was genuinely worried about him and fed the energy... that energy was INORGANIC... he was attacking himself... injuring his own body. His right eye has been bleeding for 3 days...today's the 4th... and last night he thought he should scrape off the blood blister that was pooling.
I can't look at eyes or do blood so I got Michael out of bed and he called Ammi. It was 11:12 when I came to his apartment to ask him to come.
But I've been waffling back a....
1/1:43 I used the word "waffling" which just took me away because a billboard I saw yesterday got my attention and made me want to go to this new waffle place in Micro. It's not open until tomorrow morning but I just researched it and looked at the menu and am drooling. Bad news. Impulse control.
This is what I've been programmed to think about myself ...that I don't think ...that I'm impulsive and all about instant gratification. And fat. And make poor decisions. This is not true. I have access to all truth. I AM GSF! I AM a powerful creator and a force of LOVE! I AM KIND, SUPPORTIVE, PATIENT, GENEROUS, LOVING.
Anyway... re: Paul... I keep wanting to run away. I keep judging him. I keep pushing him down and back ... waffling between doing that ... CONTROL... yes, Kirk, LILLITH DARK MOTHER LUNAR energy and repentance and surrender.
I think that my judgements, criticism, and direction is SUPPORTIVE...that I'm doing it to HELP him. But I don't do it with the right SPIRIT. It comes from LUNAR distortions, not SOLAR LIGHT and that feels differently, triggering him to shut down which triggers me to push harder.
This is where the rubber meets the road.
FEAR. LUNAR FORCES. It's here. Mother is here... my left wing...shoulder has been activated... radiating.
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Going out to sun.
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Listening to the Foundations call I learned this whole Arcturus thing is related to 7D which is where I'm having shoulder discomfort and this is related to Crucifixion Implants and I just rolled the die and got 2/10 - "Removal of Crucifixion Implants". Thank you God.
Yesterday such pain in left side abdomen too... and I've been feeling spleen implant for at least last month. Thank you God for helping me.
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