Good day

4:44 11:22 11:33

Rolled "Christ Archetype 7D Healing"

Today's "AG Pick" is ON POINT! I was talking about it with Paul and Rosemary (and listening to one of Stephano DeWhateverHisNameIs (awesome wise man)'s videos about it the other day:
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Sacred_Geometry

Thank you God! I need to journal about the amazing meditation I had yesterday. I've been doing Paul's Dr. Joe Dispenza meditations with him and yesterday I was doing Dr. Sue Morter's central channel breathing with it. (I started that the day before.) But whoooooah.... it took me away to see some amazing things!!

I was breathing different color lights through myself and they changed and changed me... gold from above at one point and holy mother blue from below ... both all the way through... and then I started breathing the cosmos through me... I saw that I WAS SPACE... I WAS the "Cosmic Christ made manifest". I saw nebulas and galaxies and rainbows and eternity! I saw at one point that I WAS a rainbow dragon...I felt it anyway. And then I felt that I was "black sands"/black dragon - dark matter template. 

In that AG it says that the mother principle is matter and the father principle is pattern. 

Anyway, I WAS (I AM) ONE with ALL THINGS! It was very moving and beautiful! 

I saw 2:22 today too!

Sublimation

I keep mind-sliding to forget to note the strange occurrence the other night... not last night but the night before when I woke up and was surrounded by the smell and feel of wintergreen all around...even when I went outside it was there. I kept thinking of Sequoia saying what I thought at the time was 'wintergreen fresh Father"...but it was "minty fresh" having to do with the feel of the Holy Father energy. 

I've been feeling that "cool" energy too. Even when we are doing the Dispenza meditation and envisioning warm water coming up around us, my water has been a little cool which reminded me of Father energy.

Well, I think I'm going to try to go back to bed. It's 5:40. My tummy is starting to hurt a little and I'm getting a little nauseous but I think it's from the giant garlic that I put in my vagina to try to offset the imbalance I was feeling there. To ward off the vampires. 

Paul and I had an AAAAAMAZING love-making session yesterday. He doesn't want to ejaculate anymore (or rarely) so as to retain his creative forces for his creations... and I'm thrilled. We are practicing sublimation... I was too and it kept me awake longer...but oh man, sex felt soooooo good. 

And we talked yesterday which was good... feeling better about it all. The 80/80 book is motivating me to just give 80% with a generous heart filled with gratitude. I did get up and make his breakfast and lunch again and am still awake, obviously, at 5:43. I saw 2:22:44 as I was listening to the last bit of the Gold Ray call. 

5:44
11:11 11:11 11:11

Got both of these as yesterdays and today's AG picks:
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messier_103 
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messier_10 

Cassopeia has been top of mind lately - I've thought of it a few times and wondered if it's the "W" one (which Michael thinks of Wes when he sees). Ophicus has also been present with me this summer vyer much. Feeling lots of stars blinking brighthy at me. Activations. Enjoyed some time under the stars this morning in the hammock after Paul left for work. Misha sent me a weird satellite thing yesterday. I saw a comet or asteroid video on Malai's Instagram.

Got a 12:34
Finished the Dr.Wilson book part of my class/questions
Paul sent me the sweetest e-card!

It said: "Thank you for last night and for building a life with me. You are my world! You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."

14:04 2:22

Rolled "Restoring Mother and Child Bond" meditation which seems sooooo on point. I've been feeling like all the meditations and work I've been doing have been about remembering that I AM my true parent - Holy Father and Holy Mother in/through ME. 

The talks that go along with that June 2015 are about restoring energetic balance which sounds on-point too. I should listen to them.

Break the Habit of Being Myself

 ...because I resent you. Because my over-doing reflects your under-doing and makes me feel bad. I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. I can't keep giving and giving in order to earn your love and affection. It doesn't work. It is not equitable. You want the old-timey thing where you are served because you are a man, but you aren't even upholding the man's pittance of a role either... the 20%... the provision. I'm pretty sure I've brought more money in every month that we've been together- even though you got a raise last month, I've still sold 3 cars to bring in more. That doesn't matter though.... but I provide for myself and still do most of the household chores and still give all to support and work around your schedule and life. It's not sustainable. "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself". I am becoming...or even AM already...bitter. This is what ate me up when I was with my first husband...and that's probably because it was the same thing... I give and give and do everything to try to create the life that we talk about wanting but he just lived for himself. I'm tired. 

I'm literally tired too. I went to bed at 7 and didn't fall asleep until 9 or 10 and (I read and tried to masturbate) and then I woke up every hour... maybe one close to two hour stint)... but then I have created an expectation that I should get up and help you get your lunch together and wave you off to work. 

We are living in an 80/20 model except it's more like 90/10 and I'm bitter like the 50/50 model. You told me to read the 80/80 model so can we do it? (I'm just starting part 2 so I have to learn more.) But what does that look like?

We both have challenges doing what we need to do to get ahead. Like swimming upstream. Why don't we work on our programs and goals? I have put zero pressure on him to do ANYTHING since he got his internship with Jonathan and he hasn't worked on it... only one time. He's sabotaging himself. He's got opportunities with time management and prioritization and doing what he says he is going to do. 

I am judgemental....and have the same problem I think. I haven't finished my program. I HAVE to do that... TODAY. CARISSA! Time is ticking! I have one more month. Okay. Yeah.

But this is enough. Time to start living on your terms. We are not in a PARTNERSHIP. There is no mutual love and service and respect. There is an unbalanced expectation and I've got to stop feeding into it. That's it. 

___
4:44 4:54 4:55

I try to "keep everyone safe" (keep myself from feeling pain) by doing these rituals... if I just say "I love you" before someone leaves, or get off the phone, I won't feel guilty if they die. If I wave and blow kisses, it will help them to know I love them and I will have done all I could. If I "shield"... pray for his car and being and pray for the dogs rainbow shields, that will keep them safe... so that I don't have to feel pain or guilt or shame... I will have upheld my part of the spell to try to keep them alive. A spell... a practice... a shake here and a word here and bada boom, this is a magic formula to keep from feeling pain to override the evil that is always coming upon everyone. Fear of loss is so big. Fear of someone dying, especially if I haven't done everything to make sure they feel loved. Fear that if I am not kind and perfect that I will cause them to have something happen to them. 

When will I let go and let everyone have their own life and trust that their own soul is running their own show and if they want to die... if they want to get in a car accident, if they want to have a seizure, whatever it is, I can't stop it. It's not my job. I can't control it. I can't do anything. I have to just live and watch and be a compassionate witness. I can't do anything. I have to stop trying to do everything. I've held everything together IN MY MIND for so long but I can't do it anymore... it's not real. It's a trick to keep me trapped in fear and control. LET GO. Quit.

Listen to the Healing Begins. I do everything so "they think that I'm good".  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe1yKciSlT4

"Help is the sunny side of control" - Ammi

I have to stop. "Help" by getting Red Bull which just brings addiction and death upon him. I can't control him. I can't choose to feed it. I can't try to do good... I need to just do good for me. Take care of me. Come back to me. MY HGU. MY LOVE. 



Note I sent to Paul:

I love you. I want the best for you. You are my favorite person on this earth. I want you to thrive. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I want everything good for you. I just have to give up the lie that I can in some way provide that for you. I have been operating under some faulty assumptions....I thought that what I do, my contributions, would help you be happy and safe and well ....and frankly that is conceited and magical thinking! I need to let go of trying to do or be anything. I thought that "IF I do this >THEN this"...like an equation. (ie. If I show him love, then he will love me back. If I wave and pray over him in the morning then he will get to work safe.) But life isn't like that. You are having your experience and I am having mine and I need to let go of my grasp on yours. If the two life experiences can meet and have a shared experience, then great. But I have shapeshifted...melded myself in to try to influence and support yours. Crawled in to your world to try to judge and control yours to make it into what I perceive is best for you. (In my mind, this is based mostly on what you tell me you want...you want to be an author, I will create space for you to work on that....but I pushed to get you divorced and to reconcile with your daughters and neither of those were your desires, they were mine because I thought it would be best for you... because I thought it would be best for everyone. But look at me, playing "God"!) It's all messy business. 

And I know all this is being shaken up because we are working with the quantum field to "break the habit of being ourselves" and your influence to share in that with me is revolutionary because I believe we are soul mates and here to help each other. But this "helping each other" may not look the way my egoic consciousnessI thinks it should. I have been operating from my "M.O." which is to control so that I can keep everyone safe... (literally fear of death or accidents or injury...fear triggered by sirens...fear of them dying when we are in a discordant state...fear of my bad behavior causing them to die or get hurt...fear of them not knowing how much I love them). 

This fear of losing my loved ones paradoxically pushes them away. 

I need to do something different so I'm going to let all the walls fall down and I'm going to stop TRYING. I'm going to stop doing things to try to earn your affection. I'm going to love myself and the outflow of that is always that I can love others more. I want to RESPOND to your desire to share any pieces of your life with me when and if you want to connect if I have the bandwidth to do so. I have to change. I can't continue like this. It feels like I'm abandoning my post, but I'm not, I'm just going to try something else - I'm going to try not trying. Just being present and letting what is flow through. Controlling and manipulating how you think of me (by striving to serve you and be there for you and yada yada yada) isn't working. I just feel depleted and unappreciated and definitely not getting my needs met. Again, I care about you and desire a fulfilling life experience for you, but I have to give up the lie that I can in any way "provide" that for you. I hope you have a good day. You ARE loved. 

_____ 

10:04 (I saw 9:09 9:19 9:23) I just read that post again that I wrote to Paul and think it is really well stated. I hope I can remember it. His response was:

...which didin't leave me feeling heard. He just doesn't respond to what I say very much. I'm grateful for Corie trying to help translate for us both and she suggested that maybe he was like Caden who doesn't get involved with the emotions much, but I don't think it's that. I think it's a mix of mind-slide and misogyny. 

Paul said he's not a misogynist, that he doesn't hate women, but I believe both him and Michael DO resent women because they have been hurt in the past and also because of their mindset that women are property and designed to meet the man's needs.... women are here to serve men. They DO have that mindset...."that was how God designed it".... MIchael Pearl said so. 

No. That's not the Way. 

___

11:45. Saw 9:11 today and yesterday and the day before too.

Today's quote of the day: "I AM the Master of my Fate.  I AM the captain of my Soul."

1:11 (Paul saw) 1:23 
I saw my own yellow butterfly on my walk this morning. Paul had 2 come to visit him yesterday... he only saw one. I guess the first one was for me to show me the call to transformation on him. 

Rolled: "Reunitiing with Holy Father" meditation.
Last night I can't remember which ones I got, one was "Wounds of Christ" which I think I was reading about in the "Infinite Human" book before I went to sleep.

"God Is With Us" even in the "Woods" :) (songs that just came up).

That meditation was fabulous. I came out of it remembering that I AM (embody) Holy Father. I provide my OWN compassion and structure and safety and I am here for ME! And I also embody my own Holy Mother comfort and gentle loving support. I AM enough. I AM here.

I had a short but sweet sit in the mirror naked ....that morphed into a beautiful naked dance in the mirror which morphed into beautiful hugging and loving and support. I LOVE ME!! I LOVE ME!! I don't need Paul to do it! It's ME. Remember to love myself!!! Thank you God! 25/2:54 3:03

Just planning NOT to go out to greet Paul is breaking my heart. Same as NOT making his breakfast but I think I have to do it in order to break these habits. It's confusing because it comes from genuine love and joy to greet him, but it's perpetuating this imbalanced relationship.  3:11

Oh, I just remembered that he's working 10 hour days this week so he's not even going to come home now. 

3:33

What IS

7/24 12:00
The pendulum said that it was in my best interest to remain in relationship with Paul. 

I am hurting so much. Working with the "unfairness" stuff but also so much because I feel like I'm giving so much and I'm depleted... and then I have expectations that he "give back" which he doesn't think to do. His "giving" is when he gives me attention to ask me to give him a blow job or a foot rub. 

I am tired. I have given myself dry. Because I'm operating from ego. 

He took my time yesterday to invite me to chat with his daughters and family - I don't know how many hours of our day that took up but it was a worthwhile spend. I have been very much behind the restoration of his family. Today he tells me he added Ryan to the "Fam" group that he has on Telegram but when I asked if he would add me, he didn't want to. Which is fine. Not fine, because I don't understand why. I'm rejected, unappreciated, abandoned, neglected, used... I'm FEELING those things. 

I have warm crocodile tears streaming down my face now. I had a very good cry just a minute ago. Big hurts moving through to teach me to surrender and recognize I can't change anything. I can just choose what I do and don't participate in.

I want to participate in taking care of our family members - animals - friends. I want to participate in my own spiritual (and health) expansion and healing. I want to do my job for my brothers. I want to "pass" ... not fail... this life. I want to ascend and to grow and be better. I want to be love. I want to be brave. Feeling this sadness is part of it. 

Paul does not cherish me or love me or want to be in unity with me. He wants to use me to accomplish his own goals for his own means. I believe he is a kindred spirit and genetic equal FALLEN whatever we are... and that he wants to pull himself out. He feels judged by me. Because I judge him. I'm too much of a mess to be in a relationship but here I am. I DO judge him. I do. And he feels like I'm judging his daughters...which I am. I think through my Messiah Complex lens that I can save all these people who are sick and distorted but the fact is, I have to save MYSELF. 

We come back to this whole thing being between ME and me. 

I did not do the wrong thing. If I feel disrespected, then it's okay to leave. If he doesn't communicate with me and he puts his back to me and puts on a meditation without introducing it or connecting with me, then that's his perogative. If I feel hurt by it, I can either ask him about it if I feel inclined or safe to do so or I can leave. In this case I left with a broken heart and a ton of tears that were ready to be born.

He has his books on tape or music in his ears while we are together, then that's his perogative. I am not loved and cherished. I need to love and cherish myself. It DOES come down to letting him do things his way and me taking care of myself. He doesn't take care of me. I've been taking care of him, but he doesn't reciprocate and it hurts and I do not deserve to be treated like that and what I do about it is feel it and then just respond in a way that honors myself...not to change him or manipulate or control the situation... what he does is up to him. What I do is up to me. 

He never respected me enough to come back to the financial situation. He just takes it all. He has held it over my head that I wasted $300 when I took the money out to my own account but I put $800 back in. And he still hasn't addressed what led me to take it out in the first place - not being given any "control" ... still no grocery or fun budget. But when HE decides HE wants to go out and take Corie out, then the budget is out the window.

It IS UNFAIR. GOD!!! IT IS!!!! What the heck!!! Why do you want me to stay here?? Because this is a really safe and pretty mild form of this for you to work with... you are delicate and working on so many things beloved Carissa and you don't need any more major traumas.... this is mild but obviously so painful for you.

So what do I do? Come back to the ES community and come back to ME for comfort and love. Do ME and let Paul BE. That's it. 

Stop trying to change him or the situation. Just work with what is. 

____

Posted in ESF

Wow! Benny! That was such a beautiful tune... I loved where and how it took me away. You are very gifted and it was very generous of you to share that with us.

Well now, I didn't even realize there was an "introduction" thread for Gold Ray! I feel like I've been on this journey with many of you for the past couple of years so it felt like graduating with my class to the next grade but that we were still together, ha! I was eligible/joined Gold Ray in January of this year but I've been really in the thick of it in my life experience so haven't had bandwidth to participate with (really any) forums much this year. I feel like I just popped through to be able to do so for as long as it lasts and I'm glad to be back. Maybe I was tricked to keep me away or maybe I was legitimately keeping myself safe (from fracture... I have witnessed a fracture or two and don't want to go there).... either way, I MISSED YOU ALL and LOVE YOU ALL so much! It feels like being with family when we come here together to share and I'm so grateful to God for providing this space, this container, to meet up with our beloved fellow sojourners and soul family!

I'm currently having a really hard time - still working a ton with negative ego. Last October I was given a new project, a relationship, that has been incredibly challenging for me. He is very much a mirror to show me where I still have (SO MANY) opportunities to heal, and our life is a playground for me to practice surrender, embodying the spirits of Christ, STO, and Unity. I am not doing a great job though... so much ugliness has come up as I have taken the focus off my personal HGU and fallen into codependence and control dramas based on fear and ego. (Again, all because I haven't been prioritizing my love relationship with my Godself and instead slipping into my dang negative ego.)  I've felt VERY supported by the daily meditations and glossary picks and "suggested for todays", but it's been rough. I don't know if it's because I'm weaker from this "falling backwards" or if it's just the added burden of someone else's "stuff", but I have definitely been challenged by the subconscious (and sometimes conscious) holding of Paul's heavy miasmas...and the connection through his family line. WE ARE healing his traumas but if I'm disconnected from my Source, I don't do that as well and it tends to negatively impact me. I've gained 20 pounds and constantly find myself splatted with negative forms and it's NOT PLEASANT! It's okay though, it's part of what I need to learn and feel into... the mechanics of it all. But whoooooo. That's where I've been. And I'm glad to be here now listening to Benny's drum and flute!

Love you All!

:mh: 

Carissa

Sophia

I saw an AQUA head/chest with blue tail dragonfly this morning! (Plus ducks, flying heron, a little strange awesome black bird on the pond, and our chickens).

Posted this in ESF:

I’m watching (and playing in the sandbox) as this whole thing unfolds. I found Matt Walsh's “What Is A Woman” documentary to be very entertaining (and sad and fascinating). The dear transgender man whose body is falling apart after all those surgeries breaks my heart and Kelly, I didn’t know you were suffering from post-plastic-surgery problems too… I’m so so sorry. Thank you for your courage and transparency - your sharing has really supported me as the transgender narrative has been unfolding the last couple years.

Ps. For anyone who hasn’t seen it yet, the “What Is A Woman” documentary was taken off YouTube (supposedly for a copyright violation) but I found this link… the quality may not be as good/clear, but I was happy to find it: https://odysee.com/@MrCoffee:f/What-is-a-woman---Full-Movie:3

GREAT talk to with Sophia about everything! 3D life, relationships, masculine feminine divide, patriarchal environment crumbling, roe vs wade, astral plane, healing stored trauma, nervous system, especially vagus nerve, meditation, etc. Everything. She is a true sister.

12:12 12:21

And ZERO response to my Black Dragon post (which was just that question) ... 71 views. But I noticed that I posted it at 16:16. Well, I feel happy to have and continue to explore it.

_____

Well, I ended up posting:
Pondering Black Dragons.

This has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while now - at least a year. A couple days ago a black dragonfly came to check on me in my pain, to hold space and love for me and remind me that I’m not alone. Last year I had a dream that has stayed with me about a baby black dragon that was caught in a blanket and being smothered and I think maybe sat on. (We were on a mission where we we rescuing birds so as I unwrapped it, I expected this was going to be a bird, but it was a baby black dragon.) And I’ve seen a sleeping black dragon that opens one blue eye a couple times in meditation.

I was thinking of sharing my thoughts in my first post and then thought better of it and decided to ask for others’ opinions that I could maybe glean some understanding from. That didn’t get any traction so I guess I’ll just share mine. Heads up that I start kind of journaling… just weaving in and out of thought about some things. There is a lot of confusion energy and pieces from different stories/lore that have built into this so I considered deleting those parts, but I guess it’s okay to ponder out loud. Here’s the post I wrote:


Why do we always think that “black dragons” are “bad” or represent malicious beings? Could there be benevolent black dragons?

Does the shape and color of their eyes tell you anything? How about their energy? When you see them do they look sleepy? Skeptical? Curious?

Could this belief that black dragons are malevolent be related to integrating polarities? Do they represent black subtle forces? Do they represent shadows? Are shadows “negative"? Do they represent pieces that have been cut off? Are they pieces of fallen or traumatized consciousness? How do we reintegrate them? (I’d say through compassionate witnessing/loving awareness, and acceptance….allowing them to express, and recognizing the unity in ALL through Love.)

All of this is only based on my own thoughts and mental gymnastics ... I’m obviously not as versed in the mechanics and technology as many of you, but it seems that Ai is something different than even reversal energy. I postulate that perhaps the black dragons are related to the metatronic or inverted energy which may be the result of the fallen state, but I feel that is still organic and part of the polarization on this plane that may be supporting a balance necessary to sustain life in these particular dimensions. I don’t know why. Seems like less density is needed in higher dimensions, but the exploration of the lower ones was part of the project some came to try out.

Sounds like we find out we blow ourselves up and need to back out and bring the planet with us - so now we’re on this new project to see if we can ascend the planet back out of the inversion. I’d say we’re doing a great job and we’ve got some new teams working on helping those taking the lower path on the bifurcation, a waterslide out to another place altogether where they can rehabilitate fairly rapidly. But those of us who are still here are feeling this weight and it’s hard but I’d say our dragon family is supporting us and the blacks in particular seem to be anchoring us and watching us and though they seem skeptical, they seem wise and discerning and ultimately loving in a maybe even Albion-y/structural way.

To me the Ai dragons are metallic feeling and are not the same. I think they can be green and blue and black and whatever…but they feel like robots (of a sort)… inorganic. I think they are different. There are so many species out there vying for control of this project and species (earth+human) and a it feels like a couple have organized with different plans. The Ai aluminumy holographic thing feels to be driving (or at least a major player in) the transhuman agenda.

The Annunaki type of feel seems to be part of the controller, YHVH and false father God agenda in order to enslave and farm/feed on the earth. I think the transhuman agenda is also part of that - trying to make us into a slave race, but through genetic modification. The Abbadon collective seems like they’re doing that more through hybridization or interbreeding … raping.

I remember when I first joined ES, one of our beautiful members was sharing that there is a difference between “reptilian” and “annunaki” and I’ve tried to remain discerning as we hear about these races. I, personally, believe I am hybridized and infiltrated by annunaki (and drac) races and here to rehabilitate my DNA (or figure out if that’s possible).

It seems that the “dragon” part of us is related to the “reptilian” in some way and there is a connection between the egoic consciousness (which is often called the “reptilian mind”). We are born into flesh (in Judeo-Christian lore, this is the body ("of skins") we were covered with as a result of interacting with/believing the “serpent”)…. and the Way to the fruit-bearing trees (knowledge of good and evil and eternal life) is hidden from us. To be restored, we must “be born again” of spirit (Jn3), to surrender the desires of the flesh and egoic/reptillian nature and learn to listen to/follow God’s direction. “My declaration of intention is to serve my Source. I commit to serve my Highest Power, fully, completely and totally. I AM God, I AM Sovereign, I AM free.”

Well now I’ve made the ‘dragon’ into a malevolent creature again - a deceiver that leads us astray from listening to Source and directs us to listen to our desires. Womp womp. I guess there are many applications…

...but I do feel that just because something is black or dark grey, that they are not inherently negative. I think they anchor a frequency that we need in order to support a balanced integration. My new friend, the " Cicada Killer ”, looks like a very scary giant hornet but they are not aggressive unless provoked and they have black and yellow marks, just like some of the dragonflies and bumble bees that come by to remind me that it is the balance between the solar energies (which provide warmth, color, life-giving energies) and the darkness (necessary for rest and restoration), that leads to a balanced life and health. Even in the void, in the darkest of black spaces, we are never alone, God is with us. (Ps 23:4)

I have been experiencing all the colors of dragonflies coming with messages lately. Of course the green and blue ones remind me of Holy Father and Holy Mother. I see them the most, I haven’t seen the aqua (green+blue) one this year yet but an ES friend just randomly sent me a photo of one while I was typing this. Kiran and I saw an AMAZING one (or a few) last year together! Yesterday my friend Michael and I had a red one stop by (I’ve never seen a bright red one like that before)! I have seen yellow and black and grey ones… all feel benevolent and partners and family working on supporting our body as we purge the inorganic and toxic influences through our love and service in Unity.

Ps. An aqua-bodied dragonfly with a blue tail came to say hi first thing this morning! Thank you God!

Pss. The other day I was reflecting on being born on the corner of the Bermuda Triangle. I did a quick AG search and may have connected a dot or two and am feeling this might be a clue that I may be working with the ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Serpent_Grid

Love you all! Sorry this isn't a very loving post... more of a pondering post... mental body gymnastics... but it memorializes a piece of my search for understanding, and ultimately it doesn't really matter. That's one thing that I really am beginning to understand. No matter how much I "know" or "understand", my consciousness is still participating with the work. It's fun to learn about it but even if I don't, I will still be on my particular mission team and still be working on what we're working on. My responsibility is to quell my negative ego and learn how to love and serve better. To heal and restore the disconnected parts of my soul so that I can more wholly show up for whatever and whomever I'm called to love on.

That's all!

Love,
Carissa

___

Just video chatted a little with Paul's daughter's Alicia and Felicity...and Felicity's husband, Ryan. 

2:42 it feels like someone just gave me an etheric ear pinch. Black magic from posting?

Black Dragons

After I wrote this (below) I looked at the AG: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Black_Dragon_Avatar_Collectives

Maybe I should ask “Are ALL Black Dragons “bad”?” I meannnnn…. Consietta sure isn’t very kind: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Consettia

Pondering Black Dragons.

This has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. A couple days ago a black dragonfly came to check on me in my pain, to hold space and love for me and remind me that I’m not alone. Last year I had a dream that has stayed with me about a baby black dragon that was caught in a blanket and being smothered and I think maybe sat on. (We were on a mission where we we rescuing birds so I expected this was going to be a bird, but it was a baby black dragon.) And I’ve seen a sleeping black dragon that opens one blue eye a couple times in meditation. 

______

Here’s the post I wrote:

Why do we always think that “black dragons” are “bad” or represent malicious beings? Could there be benevolent black dragons? 

Does the shape and color of their eyes tell you anything? How about their energy? When you see them do they look sleepy? Skeptical? Curious?

Could this belief that black dragons are malevolent be related to integrating polarities? Do they represent black subtle forces? Do they represent shadows? Are shadows “negative"? Do they represent pieces that have been cut off? Are they pieces of fallen or traumatized consciousness? How do we reintegrate them? (I’d say through compassionate witnessing/loving awareness, and acceptance….allowing them to express, and recognizing the unity in ALL through Love.)

It’s my opinion and I’m obviously not as experienced or versed as many of you, but it seems that Ai is something different than even reversal energy. I postulate that perhaps the black dragons are related to the metatronic or inverted energy which may be the result of the fallen state, but I feel that is still organic and part of the polarization on this plane that may be supporting a balance necessary to sustain life in these particular dimensions. I don’t know why. Seems like less density is needed in higher dimensions, but the exploration of the lower ones was part of the project some came to try out. 

Sounds like we find out we blow ourselves up and need to back out and bring the planet with us - so now we’re on this new project to see if we can ascend the planet back out of the inversion. I’d say we’re doing a great job and we’ve got some new teams working on helping those taking the lower path on the bifurcation, a waterslide out to another place altogether where they can rehabilitate fairly rapidly. But those of us who are still here are feeling this weight and it’s hard but I’d say our dragon family is supporting us and the blacks in particular seem to be anchoring us and watching us and though they seem skeptical, they seem wise and discerning and ultimately loving in a maybe even more Albion-y/structural way. 

The Ai dragons are metallic feeling and are not the same. I think they can be green and blue and black and whatever…but they are robots (of a sort)… inorganic. I think they are different. There are so many species out there vying for control of this project and species (earth+human) and a it feels like a couple have organized with different plans. The Ai aluminumy holographic thing feels to be driving (or at least a major player in) the transhuman agenda. 

The Annunaki type of feel seems to be part of the controller, YHVH and false father God agenda in order to enslave and farm/feed on the earth. I think the transhuman agenda is also part of that - trying to make us into a slave race, but through genetic modification. The Abbadon collective seems like they’re doing that more through hybridization or interbreeding … raping. 

I remember when I first joined ES, one of our beautiful members was sharing that there is a difference between “reptilian” and “annunaki” and I’ve tried to remain discerning as we hear about these races. I, personally, believe I am hybridized and infiltrated by annunaki (and drac) races and here to rehabilitate my DNA (or figure out if that’s possible). 

It seems that the “dragon” part of us is related to the “reptilian” in some way and there is a connection between the egoic consciousness (which is often called the “reptilian mind”). We are born into flesh (in Judeo-Christian lore, this is the body ("of skins") we were covered with as a result of interacting with/believing the “serpent”)…. and the Way to the fruit bearing trees (knowledge of good and evil and eternal life) is hidden from us. To be restored, we must “be born again” of spirit (Jn3), to surrender the desires of the flesh and egoic/reptillian nature and learn to listen to/follow God’s direction. “My declaration of intention is to serve my Source. I commit to serve my Highest Power, fully, completely and totally. I AM God, I AM Sovereign, I AM free.”

Well now I’ve made the ‘dragon’ into a malevolent creature again - a deceiver that leads us astray from listening to Source and directs us to listen to our desires. Womp womp. I guess there are many applications…

...but I do feel that just because something is black or dark grey, that they are not inherently negative. I think they anchor a frequency that we need in order to support a balanced integration. My new friend, the "Cicada Killer”, looks like a very scary giant hornet but they are not aggressive unless provoked and they have black and yellow marks, just like some of the dragonflies and bumble bees that come by to remind us that it is the balance between the solar energies (which provide warmth, color, life-giving energies) and the darkness (necessary for rest and restoration), that leads to life and health. Even in the void, in the darkest of black spaces, we are never alone, God is with us. (Ps 23:4)

I have all the colors of dragonflies coming with messages. Of course the green and blue ones remind me of Holy Father and Holy Mother. I see them the most, I think I haven’t seen the aqua (green+blue) one this year yet but an ES friend just randomly sent me a photo of one while I was typing this. Kiran and I saw an AMAZING one (or a few) last year together! Yesterday my friend Michael and I had a red one stop by (I’ve never seen a bright red one like that before)! I have seen yellow and yellow and black ones and black and grey ones… all feel benevolent and partners and family working on supporting our body as we purge the inorganic and toxic influences through our love and service in Unity. 

Messiah Complex

 Yep, I definitely have a "Messiah Complex" (my AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messiah_Complex)... need to pay attention and heal this "hero-savior" mentality.

The "Red Cube" is also with me trying to take me offline. I see it visually and it seems to be part of the grounding and root clearing and healing that is necessary.

The last two days I've watched myself try to be a voice of love and truth and try to be authentic...and maybe that's alright. Maybe that's NOT the messiah complex... maybe that's okay....but I always need to check my motivations.

Really today I need to take back my health. I do not eat sugar or dairy. I just don't. Not much anyway. It's not good for me and I don't like it. I am studying Nutritional Balancing and I am going to apply it to my life first. 

____

5:05 5:15 

12:34 - Er-ma-gahhhh.... what a WILD day it's been. Some numbers that have come through are 12:21/21 11:22, 11:33, 11:55, 333, 144996

Today the boys and I went on a sunrise walk around 6am and found a just-born baby kitten! At first I didn't know what it was and then I thought it was a mortally injured baby as it was in a pool of blood. I decided the humane thing to do was to let the dogs put it out of its misery but when neither of them did.... Manson sniffed and let it go... Moses was licking/cleaning and nipping its head to wake it up.... I decided maybe we should take it with us and try to revitalize it. There was no Mom around and it was cold and wet.  

I was a bit panicked and didn't know what to do. Just tried to get it warm and keep it warm and then called Page who called back and said I needed to get it milk or I could bring it to Oberlin. I decided to bring it to Oberlin and on the hour drive there I absolutely fell in love with that sweet little kitten. She dried off some and her little kitten hair was sticking out. Her eyes were still closed. She was so precious and I wanted to keep her. Paul said no-way-jose in no uncertain terms....that the dogs would kill it.... but I still love her. 

I think I manifested this when I wrote that maybe we would have a cat in my "futurescape" journal the other day.  Much excitement though.

____

Hmmmm. I was born on the Bermuda Triangle... am I product of or assigned to reverse engineer this "Serpent Grid"? https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Serpent_Grid

"In 75,000 BC the Dragon APIN was created by Drakonian groups. Its head extends into far Eastern Siberia, China and Japan, and its body reaches into South America."

For sure I feel that I'm working with the stargate in China and Eastern Siberia... and Paul seems to be related to Japan. Definitely seem to be either hybridized or working with Drac override. Annunaki back door into my zygote.

I just sent my Mom an email to ask if I was conceived in Puerto Rico and if she remembers any alien abductions. I'm sure she'll think I'm nuts. 

Not sure how I got on to this.

___

stem cells
DNA

21/2:22 12:22/21 12:21/21
14:44 14:41
3:33 2:22 4:11 16:11
Rolled "Universal Diamond Gateway" meditation

___

My review for Matt Kahn's "All For Love"

Carissa Wages

5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring and heart/thought provoking!

Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2022

Verified Purchase

I'm so grateful for Matt's gift of love through this book! I especially appreciated the way he shared his life experience - including his heart's lens - modeling the Way of authenticity, vulnerability, and pursuit of alignment with soul and Source. Whenever I interact with Matt's field, I am inspired to surrender to the love and compassion I AM. My "fallen nature" [mistakenly] tries to feel better about itself by withholding love - a reversal unconsciously used to compensate for deep-rooted sadness, shame, and abandonment issues (as well as lifetimes of traumas stored in my energy field - all of which cause the heart to put up walls and close for business), but Matt's medicine - his commitment to anchoring the frequency of love - helps melt all that pain and inspires courage to explore it and allow it to be felt, held, and released.

This book and the documentary that accompanies it were wildly healing and supportive. Highly recommend.

___

I got 21:21/21 tonight too! After the "Hummingbird Wellness" Sound Bath and Reiki Healing event in Clayton which was very interesting. I still do NOT resonate with that lady's energy. (I tried to go to one of her Zoom meetings before and had to hang up soon after it started.... I thought maybe it was a Zoom thing, but nope, I just don't dig her. God bless her though!  The sound bath was uncomfortable ... sounded discordant and terrible to my ears and energy body... but the reiki part was cool - we broke up into groups and all gave eachother reiki.... like the group of 15 of us or something all stood around one and sent love into them.

On the way home Paul wanted to stop at Sheetz for some poison. He needed some water but he bought some chemical sugar drink and MSG laden chips (after abandoning pork hot dogs and sliders which now he is blaming me for). On the drive home - this is what I want to remember - Davin had texted me about going to Asia with him as our Malai benefit... and I asked Paul (again - I brought it up before but he didn't answer clearly I guess) if he wanted to go with us. He is Japanese, knows a bunch of asian languages, including Vietnamese, and loves the culture so I thought it might be something he was interested in. Anyway, he said "2 years ago I might have been interested"... he went on to insinuate and we discussed that the jabs had really ruined that for him. I said "so you would sleep with asian women on a trip with Davin and I?" and he said something like "not anymore because of the jabs" or something... anyway... what I need to remember here is that his not wanting to sleep with asian women is because of the vaccines, not because he is in a relationship with me. It was a whole discussion and I calmly kept giving him a way to back out of this stance, but it never happened. 

We are not in a loving committed relationship. I see Matracea and Mark and their divine love for one another....and Jim and Deirdre... this is not it. Our Higher Selves must be doing work together - we ARE and I want to still love him, but I can not trust him with my heart and life. 

All the more reason to come back to me. To love me. 
He takes every opportunity to ask me to suck his dick. Today I asked what I should wear to the event and he said "jizz all over my face" or something. It's just unloving and crass. He isn't committed to healing and loving with me. I am an object.

NOW... I think he IS healing and WILL get there. But I can't enable the disrespect. I need to love myself and also be humble and soft and not try to change him or do anything ... let him be him and do his life and I want to love ME and that's that. 

There is no clarity or commitment. He still hasn't gotten back to me on the money thing. No respect or letting me participate in that, and then blames me for causing problems, when in fact I made extra money. I think we spent more than (or close to) the $90 I bought my obsidian wand for that he keeps holding over my head....I think we spent that much on fancy drinks for him. Caffeinated and whatever drinks he wants. He loves drinks. I'm not keen on counting. He is not my enemy. He can do him and do his life and I forgive him for the debt he's put on me. He took back his title (which I was going to give to him) and he hides his key and yells at me about getting an extra key which he apparently likes but I'm still the bad guy.

Angh. It is what it is. I'm tired. Need to get some sleep. Been a long day. Thank you God!

____

Small chat from this morning:

Dreams and guilt-casting

Dreamt or felt Felicity a lot in dreamstate last night. I think we are working with those energies and ancestral healing for Paul's family. Miasma there. So much "fallen" energy. Heal them God. Show me how to love. 

I want to withhold my love to punish Paul for not protecting me - for not choosing me. Last night he had Manson between us on the pillow level of the bed and he was growling at me. Paul doesn't seem to mind that even though I know it's not right and it is threatening to me. He playfully laughed and told him to "quit it goofyball"... but he didn't stop it.  

I was torn because what am I supposed to do? Stay there and accept that (not safe) or ask him to do something about it (push/pull) or take ownership and care for myself and leave. I chose the last one and went to sleep in the other room. I kept forgetting my stuff - water and mediations and we ended up talking about it some so he moved Manson to the other side, but it put a wedge between us after a lovely evening. 

It was also late. Almost 9pm. I tossed and turned until probably close to midnight. Got up and peed outside at 1:45 with the boys. 

This morning when I was waking I was in a dream with a cougar... I was afraid Moses was going to get eaten by it. Paul and I had all 3 dogs I think and I caught Rue and was holding her and Paul was going to pet the cougar and I asked him to get Moses who was near it and I don't know if they were all playing or if the cougar was trying to eat Moses but I woke up and he's okay.

There was a part of the dream where we made a home out of 4 like insides of vans... van shells.... I think it was Michael and I. He was going to have 2 for his home and I was going to have 2 for mine. They were on the far end of a campus near the fireworks. I don't know. 

But the Felicity thread feels important and big and I am asking God to help me hold space for this well. 

As Paul said last night, she is "his daughter"... so much like him. And not the "good" him. She's got a potty mouth, doing drugs (pharma and weed), got a low-paying job that doesn't care about her, a husband who has so many issues that she has to do everything around there, and she's acting out - needing affection through tik-tok followers, listening to music that fuels her hate - satanic music. She just isn't choosing love.... she's choosing the satan-shine.... that passive-aggressive disdainful snarky keep-people-at-a-distance while really needing them type of thing her dad does. 

So I have to just witness it. Feel it. Love it and her.
Love PAUL. 

I need to unpack judgement still too. That was part of that meditation for me... came up.... I think it's part of my ego-pride-control effort. Shame is a symptom of being judged and I perpetuate the same... judge others and peddle shame....underhandedly manipulate people to change by disapproval and shame or guilt-casting. 

STOP.

___
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Crystal_Core_Activation

Shame and judgement

 I'm still really struggling with Lisa Renee's NOT "thank you"-ing my posts in ES. I guess I have lots of cross-spirals. It makes me question myself. I DO trust that she is following the spirit of God in her and that it is not from a spirit of judgement, but she just can't interact or merge her energetic signature with that of mine because there is something of a distortion in mine. 

I am a mixed bag. Who said that the "indigo 3 contracts are over"? Kiran I think. But then how come I am still dealing with this fallen nature? Maybe because that's not an "indigo 3 contract"... maybe that is just my nature that I am here to heal. I don't listen to God in me. If I did, I wouldn't eat sugar. 

I wish I hadn't turned off the music. There was water sounds that were helping me to process and connect to my heart.

Is hero-savior up for me today? I've been giving "advice"... to Corie first because I witnessed her heart shutting down when Jerry was suffering... she took it as an affront to her experience...causing her to have to have financial difficulty and as though he was weak.

I do that too. When the man is "weak", I have felt venomous disdain. I remember that with Joe and surely with Tyrone and I am still needing to heal this. Why do I judge? I am in judgement. 

Listening to Matt Kahn's book about holding space (All For Love), it is all about letting the other have their own experience and being a witness to it without judgement and taking care of yourself enough to hold neutral or create boundaries so it doesn't take you off kilter yourself. But I'm not doing it - I'm offering advice. I sent a text to Corie about being a force of love and responded to Lonnie's Facebook post with some encouragement... these things sound like they should be "good", but are they? Aren't they "pushing"... imposing my energy upon someone else?

I don't know how to be. 
I don't know how to interact.
I judge myself through the lens of my own judgement about what someone else's judgement probably is (which is, again, just my own perception). 
And then I feel shame. 
So much shame.

I said FEAR is the emotion I wanted to work with with these meditations we're doing with Paul, but yesterday it was SHAME. The day before it was UNWORTHINESS. 

Who am I? I AM. But who AM I? I AM! WE ARE! Darling! WE ARE. I AM with YOU...WE ARE. You're never alone. You are completely loved. There is nothing outside love that we have for you. Only love. You are healing into the wholeness you are, which is love. Only love. 

12:23 AG Pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Controllers_Collaborating_with_Invaders

____

5:55 (the second time I've seen that today.... I saw it earlier PLUS I had a 10:55 message to Kelsey... let's say this is a NRG override FOR SURE! ;))

Paul and I just finished one of the most powerful experiences/meditations that I've ever had. The work that was done was similar to what I shared in God on January 2nd, 2010. All of these Dr. Joe Dispenza meditations that we've been doing this week have been snot-inducing/healing.

Misha just tried to call so I lost my flow... but it is a gift to be reconnected to that dragon sister.

So some of what came through during that hour or hour and a half meditation (I'll have to ask Paul how long it was).... 

SHAME is my modus operandus... I look through this lens of shame, feeling that I am not good enough and no one likes me and I try to compensate with pride... leading with ego to try to 'trick' people into thinking I am good... into thinking I'm something (when I really feel like I'm nothing). This was the old me. That all changed today. I am a NEW ME... my divine self which IS "love, loved, and loving"....and the control dramas that I exhibit both stimulate fear (of failure) and are the result of fear (to try to keep myself safe or whatever my ego thinks I need). It's all a facade. 

My REAL SELF is at PEACE, joyfully experiencing life as it comes up; seeing the beauty all around me, in myself and others; recognizing that we are on a journey.

I AM A FREQUENCY KEEPER. This is my role. To remain in LOVE and commune with nature and hold/anchor/radiate a healing frequency. We are electromagnetic beings and I AM here to be a ...what? Repeater? Also still that "cell phone tower for God"... 

The future vision that I created which is my new lens for reality is of a beautiful and cozy home in the mountains, surrounded by nature... nestled in the trees but with a small field/grassy opening... and creek lined with river rocks. I am there standing in the creek with a rock in my hand, ONE with mother/nature, communing with ALL THAT IS... trees, water, rocks, plants, animals.... our dogs are there and all our family members that are with us during that time... chickens, Sioux?, cats?, etc... but the image centers on the loving and connected energy that Paul and I share as he is across the yard working with his garden...he is barefoot in loose overalls, hands on his plants but he is looking back across at me and I am looking at him and we are ONE...connected and embodying our best selves.... I am a frequency keeper, holding LOVE for ALL and HE is growing life and feels strong and ONE with ALL and leads our family - I feel safe and loved and cherished and provided for. He feels loved, respected, supported, and living in congruence with his purpose....

To me one of my main jobs here is to heal the schisms that separate me from being able to be in a loving relationship with my beloved. This is the "family of michael" healing I believe. I am made to be in union - divine union - operating in love with my beloved. Supporting the mission that is birthed through our love. 

There is so much to it. The meditation calls us to be the awareness, to connect (and view) from the quantum field my life and experiences and when I catch myself falling back into those old patterns of thought, to say "change" and remember who I AM. I am a peaceful and loving person. I fully accept myself. I am beautiful and aligned with my future self....building a life that supports that. 

I am a lover and healer. I am a frequency keeper. I hold space for others to connect to their own quantum fields, to God, to the divine within. 

I find enjoyment in connection and creation and communion with nature and all beings. 

Okay, and I really need to start making dinner!! Stuffed peppers with the perfect peppers Paul/we grew!! Here he is today after cutting them....he's dirty from his work, but so handsome and funny and cute!

ps. Note, the lens of shame that I have is likely from my parents' trying to inspire/teach me using shame as the stick and whipping post. Their constant "disappointment" was how they controlled me/us. It was rare that we could attain their approval - only after big "accomplishments" were we awarded their "love". This set me up for that mindset.

I AM my own parent. I re-parent myself. I love myself unconditionally and celebrate all I AM and all I do. This is beautiful, this writing, this sharing that you are doing with yourself.

Thanks be to God for speaking with me today. I feel that it's been a long time...but I haven't been looking to connect to you, I've been "doing"... following someone else's "plan" to "attain" protection or connection. Lisa Renee's process. And it's been helpful but without the personal connection, I am missing a big piece. Thank you, God, for holding my heart through the beautiful clouds painted in the sky last night. Thank you for the music and support.... I already have my miracle and "sign" that I've been heard.... it was here before I even did the meditation. YOU SPEAK and I HEAR and WE ARE.

Thank you God!

6:51 - I need to unpack "judgement" more... that was a big theme that came up too along with all these other themes... I apparently mind-slid though.... I'm in the middle of cooking but didn't want to forget.

Demiurge

 Here is a brain dump of an unformed and unposted response to a forum post about the demiurge. I enjoyed the process of considering these things. Seems like I have enough margin to be in the forum again which makes me happy. Also, Misha popped back in to my life last night. And I shared some beautiful moments with myself doing the mirror exercise witnessing other stations of identity. Thank you God, for not leaving me in the dust!

_____

OK, I decided to post:

Fascinating! Thank you Hapichapi1 (Bruce?!)! There are so many familiar undertones in this story and it’s interesting to run through some different scenarios. I’m having a hard time pulling my thoughts into a cohesive whole… feels like herding cats… but I’ll try sharing some of what’s coming through.

All these shares drew me to consider that the demiurge is representative of all of humanity - we are born of mother (from the earth) and don't realize that there is higher power than us until we experience the divine, which seems like the father. This is based on a different part of my heart and understanding where I sometimes consider that earth and matter realm to be "mother" - the vessel our flesh is birthed through and then heaven and the awakened spirit being "father".... recognition of both is required to embody the fullness of God as the child and expression and offspring of these parents. This is not the holy mother and holy father of the ES material, of course. But all the mother/fathers are expressions of polarity and architecture built into those roles. Again, this is more a "heaven and earth" type of view that I'm looking at it... with mother being earth and father being the spirit... both are representative of life and required to be whole on this plane.

So that said, Anastasia's share has me thinking that the demiurge is representative of the unawakened soul who only experiences the matter realms.

Let me try something else...

Is the demiurge US?

I mean, I always get drawn back to the whole “I am the devil, the devil is me”… relating to the stories we hear about this being, and I think that’s because this character is representative of the fallen angelic human. One who is OF God… the offspring of God… conceived at the crux of the union of polarities… who IS (also) GOD… but has forgotten in this “fallen” state who he is and gets swept away by the experiences of the flesh… the ego nature ruling and driving a STS/satanic outflow of life. He is disconnected from God. Is that because God hid herself from him or because he hid himself from God - what came first, the chicken or the egg? Either way, in this state, he forgets who he/she is.

Perhaps when they begin to wake up there is outrage about being cast out of the Presence (though that’s not the case in reality, just part of the perception we are here to heal).

There are further complications by the introduction of other species that start messing with DNA… such as the whole annunaki thing where they start messing with the human (or demiurge)’s energetic architecture to create a slave species to farm (or whatever it is they are doing).

Further nailing in the separation from the Godworlds. Further causing us to forget who WE ARE. (Heck, are we even us anymore after we’ve been blown up …. damaged and distorted and dissociated?)

Also, another idea related to the hybridization...I have something going on where I feel like at one point in “time" there was a war or infiltration where the masculine representative wasn’t present (possibly froze in fear which led him to deep rooted shame and schisming resulted in FKOT and also resulted in perceived abandonment to the feminine whose bitterness resulted in DM). Anyway, during that war, the Sophia was raped and ended up conceiving a child with the “enemy” which brought her both shame and confusion but because she still loved her child, the fruit of her loins, I can see how she might want to hide him but allow him to have life. She might have planted him on the earth (a different timeline even) and hid herself from him so he didn’t recognize his God-ness for fear he’d draw or become like his “biological father” or that her true beloved might find out and if he was in FKOT mode, maybe she feared for her child’s life.

Regardless, now we are waking up and being called to heal the distorted dragon…reptilian… and/or annunaki DNA/influences, to come back to heart-based living to connect with the Source of ALL.

I don’t know … how does that work with the “mother/father” of my first paragraph? Or even the “mother/father” gender principles?

I am trying to watch myself. I don’t want to invite an “enemy patterning” narrative which sets me up for victim/victimizer mentality. The way to overcome that is through compassionate witnessing, of course. Recognition that we are called and granted consciousness as part of the solution and we are here in love to heal the broken heart of all of humanity and the precious earth we belong to.

Long (winded non-sensical meandering brain dump) story short, ultimately most of these types of stories seem about us… humans… as a way to connect with the deeper truth of who we are (which is beyond the matter realm). All these things are openings to the heart of God. (Or for fun for our analytical minds which is probably not the Way…but still part of the experience.)

Love to all! This is fun!
Love,
Carissa

Ponderings on Bible

Post in ES:

Hi All!

Thank you Marcy and Ian for the fantastic thread and topics to ponder!

I've been thinking about Marcy's inquiry about the bible (with gratitude for bringing it up)! As someone who was birthed into greater consciousness through the exploration and teachings of the bible, I have respect for what that book brings to the table on earth at this time. As you and Ian (and Lisa) mentioned, there is much coding in the bible which feels akin to reading the Ascension Glossary for the first year or two. Often there is something resonant but you're not really sure what it means. The ego wants to assign meaning and in the case of the bible, most go to their religious leader for interpretation which is where we really go wrong - exalting a human, causing both to stumble.

Shortly after what I now call a "walk-in" in January 2010, I started reading the bible with "new eyes"... it opened up to me in profound ways and became my sustenance...spiritual food. I read through it front to back multiple times and one of those times I was directed to underline many points and passages which did not make sense to me. In the decade that followed, those references were very supportive as my understanding of "truth" took form. I began to see through the doctrines and traditions that were the basis for Christianity. The more I learned, the less I knew. I prayed John the Baptist's words that he (Christ) must increase and I must decrease (John 3:30). I was talking about needing my flesh/ego to decrease so that the spirit of God in me - Christ - the chrisma - the anointing - might increase.

But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him. - 1 John 2:27

Without the support or direction of any humans, through reading the bible I came to my own understanding (which was NOT supported by any Christians that I came across, by the way, ha!)... but I was shown where the doctrine of a "sinless" Jesus was mistaken, along with the "virgin birth", and indeed, I was shown that Jesus was a man - a brother - and our example... one who went before us to show us the Way and that we DID need to "follow him", but not in the " worship the golden calf " type-of-way that the Christian church was teaching.

I have now cut ties to needing to know if Jesus ever existed at all but I personally LIKE to think so and if so, he courageously stood against the societal expectations of the time, modeling 100% commitment to God through his deep love and compassion for others. I could probably write a book on my thoughts around this based on the many articles, books, and opinions I've read (and my own intuition) but this isn't the time or place. My point is that I feel deep truth can be accessed through the bible as the spirit of God (the divine within) teaches us and prays "with groanings that cannot be expressed with words" -Romans 8:26. (The whole of Romans 8 is a great chapter, IMO.)

I should mention that the revelations that came through happened usually when I was breaking words and verses and chapters down in the original language (Hebrew & Greek) usually using Strong's concordance. Practicing/studying in that way was almost meditative. I suspect it slowed me down enough to allow the truth to breathe through and it was that practice that really elevated my understanding.

At this point I have really broken away from spending much, if any, time with the bible now. My project the last few years has been working with this...Lisa & Tomás'... work. That's been what has been resonant with my soul - healing/negative ego and trauma clearing as well as learning about galactic history and energetic architecture. That brings me to the reason I crawled out of bed to write this response...

The main thing I wanted to ponder with you was the amount of energetic architecture that has been infused into the bible... so many billions of people over thousands of years have poured their life into reading, studying, and living in alignment with their understanding of the teachings found in there (or imposed upon them by clergy - grrr). Ten different people can read the same verse and get 10 different things out of it... and each person is building some sort of energetic field into the whole. I think it's fascinating to imagine what that must look like in the quantum fields.

So that's all. Thank you for the space to share and ponder!

Love,
Carissa

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