I'm still really struggling with Lisa Renee's NOT "thank you"-ing my posts in ES. I guess I have lots of cross-spirals. It makes me question myself. I DO trust that she is following the spirit of God in her and that it is not from a spirit of judgement, but she just can't interact or merge her energetic signature with that of mine because there is something of a distortion in mine.
I am a mixed bag. Who said that the "indigo 3 contracts are over"? Kiran I think. But then how come I am still dealing with this fallen nature? Maybe because that's not an "indigo 3 contract"... maybe that is just my nature that I am here to heal. I don't listen to God in me. If I did, I wouldn't eat sugar.
I wish I hadn't turned off the music. There was water sounds that were helping me to process and connect to my heart.
Is hero-savior up for me today? I've been giving "advice"... to Corie first because I witnessed her heart shutting down when Jerry was suffering... she took it as an affront to her experience...causing her to have to have financial difficulty and as though he was weak.
I do that too. When the man is "weak", I have felt venomous disdain. I remember that with Joe and surely with Tyrone and I am still needing to heal this. Why do I judge? I am in judgement.
Listening to Matt Kahn's book about holding space (All For Love), it is all about letting the other have their own experience and being a witness to it without judgement and taking care of yourself enough to hold neutral or create boundaries so it doesn't take you off kilter yourself. But I'm not doing it - I'm offering advice. I sent a text to Corie about being a force of love and responded to Lonnie's Facebook post with some encouragement... these things sound like they should be "good", but are they? Aren't they "pushing"... imposing my energy upon someone else?
I don't know how to be.
I don't know how to interact.
I judge myself through the lens of my own judgement about what someone else's judgement probably is (which is, again, just my own perception).
And then I feel shame.
So much shame.
I said FEAR is the emotion I wanted to work with with these meditations we're doing with Paul, but yesterday it was SHAME. The day before it was UNWORTHINESS.
Who am I? I AM. But who AM I? I AM! WE ARE! Darling! WE ARE. I AM with YOU...WE ARE. You're never alone. You are completely loved. There is nothing outside love that we have for you. Only love. You are healing into the wholeness you are, which is love. Only love.
12:23 AG Pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Controllers_Collaborating_with_Invaders
Paul and I just finished one of the most powerful experiences/meditations that I've ever had. The work that was done was similar to what I shared in God on January 2nd, 2010. All of these Dr. Joe Dispenza meditations that we've been doing this week have been snot-inducing/healing.
Misha just tried to call so I lost my flow... but it is a gift to be reconnected to that dragon sister.
So some of what came through during that hour or hour and a half meditation (I'll have to ask Paul how long it was)....
SHAME is my modus operandus... I look through this lens of shame, feeling that I am not good enough and no one likes me and I try to compensate with pride... leading with ego to try to 'trick' people into thinking I am good... into thinking I'm something (when I really feel like I'm nothing). This was the old me. That all changed today. I am a NEW ME... my divine self which IS "love, loved, and loving"....and the control dramas that I exhibit both stimulate fear (of failure) and are the result of fear (to try to keep myself safe or whatever my ego thinks I need). It's all a facade.
My REAL SELF is at PEACE, joyfully experiencing life as it comes up; seeing the beauty all around me, in myself and others; recognizing that we are on a journey.
I AM A FREQUENCY KEEPER. This is my role. To remain in LOVE and commune with nature and hold/anchor/radiate a healing frequency. We are electromagnetic beings and I AM here to be a ...what? Repeater? Also still that "cell phone tower for God"...
The future vision that I created which is my new lens for reality is of a beautiful and cozy home in the mountains, surrounded by nature... nestled in the trees but with a small field/grassy opening... and creek lined with river rocks. I am there standing in the creek with a rock in my hand, ONE with mother/nature, communing with ALL THAT IS... trees, water, rocks, plants, animals.... our dogs are there and all our family members that are with us during that time... chickens, Sioux?, cats?, etc... but the image centers on the loving and connected energy that Paul and I share as he is across the yard working with his garden...he is barefoot in loose overalls, hands on his plants but he is looking back across at me and I am looking at him and we are ONE...connected and embodying our best selves.... I am a frequency keeper, holding LOVE for ALL and HE is growing life and feels strong and ONE with ALL and leads our family - I feel safe and loved and cherished and provided for. He feels loved, respected, supported, and living in congruence with his purpose....
To me one of my main jobs here is to heal the schisms that separate me from being able to be in a loving relationship with my beloved. This is the "family of michael" healing I believe. I am made to be in union - divine union - operating in love with my beloved. Supporting the mission that is birthed through our love.
There is so much to it. The meditation calls us to be the awareness, to connect (and view) from the quantum field my life and experiences and when I catch myself falling back into those old patterns of thought, to say "change" and remember who I AM. I am a peaceful and loving person. I fully accept myself. I am beautiful and aligned with my future self....building a life that supports that.
I am a lover and healer. I am a frequency keeper. I hold space for others to connect to their own quantum fields, to God, to the divine within.
I find enjoyment in connection and creation and communion with nature and all beings.
Okay, and I really need to start making dinner!! Stuffed peppers with the perfect peppers Paul/we grew!! Here he is today after cutting them....he's dirty from his work, but so handsome and funny and cute!
ps. Note, the lens of shame that I have is likely from my parents' trying to inspire/teach me using shame as the stick and whipping post. Their constant "disappointment" was how they controlled me/us. It was rare that we could attain their approval - only after big "accomplishments" were we awarded their "love". This set me up for that mindset.
I AM my own parent. I re-parent myself. I love myself unconditionally and celebrate all I AM and all I do. This is beautiful, this writing, this sharing that you are doing with yourself.
Thanks be to God for speaking with me today. I feel that it's been a long time...but I haven't been looking to connect to you, I've been "doing"... following someone else's "plan" to "attain" protection or connection. Lisa Renee's process. And it's been helpful but without the personal connection, I am missing a big piece. Thank you, God, for holding my heart through the beautiful clouds painted in the sky last night. Thank you for the music and support.... I already have my miracle and "sign" that I've been heard.... it was here before I even did the meditation. YOU SPEAK and I HEAR and WE ARE.
Thank you God!
6:51 - I need to unpack "judgement" more... that was a big theme that came up too along with all these other themes... I apparently mind-slid though.... I'm in the middle of cooking but didn't want to forget.
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