Dreamt or felt Felicity a lot in dreamstate last night. I think we are working with those energies and ancestral healing for Paul's family. Miasma there. So much "fallen" energy. Heal them God. Show me how to love.
I want to withhold my love to punish Paul for not protecting me - for not choosing me. Last night he had Manson between us on the pillow level of the bed and he was growling at me. Paul doesn't seem to mind that even though I know it's not right and it is threatening to me. He playfully laughed and told him to "quit it goofyball"... but he didn't stop it.
I was torn because what am I supposed to do? Stay there and accept that (not safe) or ask him to do something about it (push/pull) or take ownership and care for myself and leave. I chose the last one and went to sleep in the other room. I kept forgetting my stuff - water and mediations and we ended up talking about it some so he moved Manson to the other side, but it put a wedge between us after a lovely evening.
It was also late. Almost 9pm. I tossed and turned until probably close to midnight. Got up and peed outside at 1:45 with the boys.
This morning when I was waking I was in a dream with a cougar... I was afraid Moses was going to get eaten by it. Paul and I had all 3 dogs I think and I caught Rue and was holding her and Paul was going to pet the cougar and I asked him to get Moses who was near it and I don't know if they were all playing or if the cougar was trying to eat Moses but I woke up and he's okay.
There was a part of the dream where we made a home out of 4 like insides of vans... van shells.... I think it was Michael and I. He was going to have 2 for his home and I was going to have 2 for mine. They were on the far end of a campus near the fireworks. I don't know.
But the Felicity thread feels important and big and I am asking God to help me hold space for this well.
As Paul said last night, she is "his daughter"... so much like him. And not the "good" him. She's got a potty mouth, doing drugs (pharma and weed), got a low-paying job that doesn't care about her, a husband who has so many issues that she has to do everything around there, and she's acting out - needing affection through tik-tok followers, listening to music that fuels her hate - satanic music. She just isn't choosing love.... she's choosing the satan-shine.... that passive-aggressive disdainful snarky keep-people-at-a-distance while really needing them type of thing her dad does.
So I have to just witness it. Feel it. Love it and her.
Love PAUL.
I need to unpack judgement still too. That was part of that meditation for me... came up.... I think it's part of my ego-pride-control effort. Shame is a symptom of being judged and I perpetuate the same... judge others and peddle shame....underhandedly manipulate people to change by disapproval and shame or guilt-casting.
STOP.
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https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Crystal_Core_Activation
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