Yep, I definitely have a "Messiah Complex" (my AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messiah_Complex)... need to pay attention and heal this "hero-savior" mentality.
The "Red Cube" is also with me trying to take me offline. I see it visually and it seems to be part of the grounding and root clearing and healing that is necessary.
The last two days I've watched myself try to be a voice of love and truth and try to be authentic...and maybe that's alright. Maybe that's NOT the messiah complex... maybe that's okay....but I always need to check my motivations.
Really today I need to take back my health. I do not eat sugar or dairy. I just don't. Not much anyway. It's not good for me and I don't like it. I am studying Nutritional Balancing and I am going to apply it to my life first.
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5:05 5:15
12:34 - Er-ma-gahhhh.... what a WILD day it's been. Some numbers that have come through are 12:21/21 11:22, 11:33, 11:55, 333, 144996
Today the boys and I went on a sunrise walk around 6am and found a just-born baby kitten! At first I didn't know what it was and then I thought it was a mortally injured baby as it was in a pool of blood. I decided the humane thing to do was to let the dogs put it out of its misery but when neither of them did.... Manson sniffed and let it go... Moses was licking/cleaning and nipping its head to wake it up.... I decided maybe we should take it with us and try to revitalize it. There was no Mom around and it was cold and wet.
I was a bit panicked and didn't know what to do. Just tried to get it warm and keep it warm and then called Page who called back and said I needed to get it milk or I could bring it to Oberlin. I decided to bring it to Oberlin and on the hour drive there I absolutely fell in love with that sweet little kitten. She dried off some and her little kitten hair was sticking out. Her eyes were still closed. She was so precious and I wanted to keep her. Paul said no-way-jose in no uncertain terms....that the dogs would kill it.... but I still love her.
I think I manifested this when I wrote that maybe we would have a cat in my "futurescape" journal the other day. Much excitement though.
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Hmmmm. I was born on the Bermuda Triangle... am I product of or assigned to reverse engineer this "Serpent Grid"? https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Serpent_Grid
"In 75,000 BC the Dragon APIN was created by Drakonian groups. Its head extends into far Eastern Siberia, China and Japan, and its body reaches into South America."
For sure I feel that I'm working with the stargate in China and Eastern Siberia... and Paul seems to be related to Japan. Definitely seem to be either hybridized or working with Drac override. Annunaki back door into my zygote.
I just sent my Mom an email to ask if I was conceived in Puerto Rico and if she remembers any alien abductions. I'm sure she'll think I'm nuts.
Not sure how I got on to this.
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stem cells
DNA
21/2:22 12:22/21 12:21/21
14:44 14:41
3:33 2:22 4:11 16:11
Rolled "Universal Diamond Gateway" meditation
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My review for Matt Kahn's "All For Love"
Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2022
This book and the documentary that accompanies it were wildly healing and supportive. Highly recommend.
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I got 21:21/21 tonight too! After the "Hummingbird Wellness" Sound Bath and Reiki Healing event in Clayton which was very interesting. I still do NOT resonate with that lady's energy. (I tried to go to one of her Zoom meetings before and had to hang up soon after it started.... I thought maybe it was a Zoom thing, but nope, I just don't dig her. God bless her though! The sound bath was uncomfortable ... sounded discordant and terrible to my ears and energy body... but the reiki part was cool - we broke up into groups and all gave eachother reiki.... like the group of 15 of us or something all stood around one and sent love into them.
On the way home Paul wanted to stop at Sheetz for some poison. He needed some water but he bought some chemical sugar drink and MSG laden chips (after abandoning pork hot dogs and sliders which now he is blaming me for). On the drive home - this is what I want to remember - Davin had texted me about going to Asia with him as our Malai benefit... and I asked Paul (again - I brought it up before but he didn't answer clearly I guess) if he wanted to go with us. He is Japanese, knows a bunch of asian languages, including Vietnamese, and loves the culture so I thought it might be something he was interested in. Anyway, he said "2 years ago I might have been interested"... he went on to insinuate and we discussed that the jabs had really ruined that for him. I said "so you would sleep with asian women on a trip with Davin and I?" and he said something like "not anymore because of the jabs" or something... anyway... what I need to remember here is that his not wanting to sleep with asian women is because of the vaccines, not because he is in a relationship with me. It was a whole discussion and I calmly kept giving him a way to back out of this stance, but it never happened.
We are not in a loving committed relationship. I see Matracea and Mark and their divine love for one another....and Jim and Deirdre... this is not it. Our Higher Selves must be doing work together - we ARE and I want to still love him, but I can not trust him with my heart and life.
All the more reason to come back to me. To love me.
He takes every opportunity to ask me to suck his dick. Today I asked what I should wear to the event and he said "jizz all over my face" or something. It's just unloving and crass. He isn't committed to healing and loving with me. I am an object.
NOW... I think he IS healing and WILL get there. But I can't enable the disrespect. I need to love myself and also be humble and soft and not try to change him or do anything ... let him be him and do his life and I want to love ME and that's that.
There is no clarity or commitment. He still hasn't gotten back to me on the money thing. No respect or letting me participate in that, and then blames me for causing problems, when in fact I made extra money. I think we spent more than (or close to) the $90 I bought my obsidian wand for that he keeps holding over my head....I think we spent that much on fancy drinks for him. Caffeinated and whatever drinks he wants. He loves drinks. I'm not keen on counting. He is not my enemy. He can do him and do his life and I forgive him for the debt he's put on me. He took back his title (which I was going to give to him) and he hides his key and yells at me about getting an extra key which he apparently likes but I'm still the bad guy.
Angh. It is what it is. I'm tired. Need to get some sleep. Been a long day. Thank you God!
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Small chat from this morning:
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