Too good to be true

My fear...  that Ryan and our bond is too good to be true... seems to be coming true.

I'm so grateful that we haven't made love... I wanted to. But this would have hurt a lot more if I had. I also would have exposed myself to someone who took the vaccine. I would do it if he was my one-and-only. If I believed he was "the ONE"... which I did. But funk went down in the middle of the night. I stayed at his house... I kept thinking I should go home but he wanted me to stay so I did and half regret it... I couldn't sleep, mostly because our conversation took an ugly turn at like 2am. I actually have no idea what time it was. 

"I won't give up on you." - this song is playing on YouTube Music...Sun/Moon by Trevor Hall

"I will believe in your love" - Believe by Blessing Offer came on after... I'm hearing the messages....

"I remember you have always been faithful to me"... Lauren Daigle

I thought this was about Ryan, but it may be between God and I... maybe Ryan stepped into my life to help me free myself once and for all from the satanic bondage and unhealthy and life-siphoning relationship I was having with Paul. 

Ryan says "idears" instead of "ideas". He's suuuuuuper intelligent, and self-educated. I really appreciate his perspective, but if we have foundational problems, according to him (and maybe it's true and I didn't want to see it), then that's how it is. 

He's disturbed and confused because I believe in conspiracy theories. 

I have to choose a new way... NOT to reach out and "fix" this. I have to learn to sit in the ambiguity and trust Ryan to have his own process and make his own decision. 

I question and judge him about smoking and his food choices... I have gone beyond all that FOR ME. But I just don't feel moved to try to change him... I feel peace and am not even that bothered by his smoking... I hate smelling when I get home, but I am grateful for the opportunity to transcend control in that area. 

Everything is perfect.

But what about my dryer? Wait until tomorrow and then call the repairman if we don't hear from Ryan today. He knows my need and can decide if he wants to help me and/or come over.

Ryan's cats Monkey and Dookie love me too. Thank you, God, for the cat snuggle time! 

"The Other Side" - The Greatest Showman. Thank you. Yes. That's what I want for Ryan. But mostly I JUST WANT Ryan. I want health and happiness. 

I feel happy and light, even with this and the loss of Rue. I feel like I'm in the LIGHT OF GOD again... thank you God!!!

This is my pattern for today:

Feels really on point.

I'm ready to face and overcome fear and control.

To love and care for myself.

To foster my connection to God.

To love and serve others through a new career.

Pendulum said it was okay/best interest to send this to Ryan.

Here’s the full “Fall of the Cabal” series: https://www.bitchute.com/video/kNS1mw1jmjpt/

If you really want to watch it, I’d love to watch it with you… would be interesting to see it again. As I said earlier, my interest and mindset has not been there for years but if I’m being called back in to learn/observe something, I’m game.

Are we still friends? Can we still go on walks and adventures and go to the gym and whatever else you want to do? Can you come over and see my home and can we be buds no matter what? I don’t want to go through life without you in it in some capacity!  

No matter what the future holds, I want you to know how very very VERY grateful I am to you (and God) for what we shared. You’ve done and shown me so much that has opened my eyes and heart and I will never forget that. I cherish you. I respect you. I have so much gratitude for all we’ve shared and all you’ve done for me… especially your presence and love through Rue’s passing. 

Are you working on the RFH today? Is it getting close? 

Thank you again for your honesty, vulnerability, willingness to feel into hard things, desire to live in alignment with your values, and so many more wonderful attributes! I appreciate you for who you are, as you are.

Love,

Carissa

So now I MUST wait.

7:27 (and I saw 11:11 today and 2:11:11 too I think....or maybe that was the same. And 14/14:14 and 17:17... annnyway, I just ate a half an onion with my dinner too....

He just flipped though... I've seen it twice...where he gets into this mindset... not the OPENNESS that allows our love to flow. He clamps down.... that's what judgement and ego do to us. Thank you God for showing me what it looks like.

It appears that he finally saw my message from this morning and is typing something back (it looks like... and I hope). It's 8:22

I JUST WANT TO CHOOSE AND BE HAPPY! 

I AM!!!!

Thank you God!

___

It's the next day and his message was so beautiful and we are fine... more than fine. GREAT!