Indigo Work

I’m not a pedophile.

Unfortunately, I may have one that tries to pop through my field or mind… and I’m really not happy about this. HOWEVER, I guess I SHOULD be happy and grateful because I am apparently called to heal this mess in a way. Sexual Misery programs are running in full-effect across a huge spectrum in this being. I definitely relate to and believe I’m an Indigo … but HOW do I heal these things? Instead of them coming up and suppressing them, I guess I just observe them as a compassionate witness, knowing they aren’t me. I can just invite them to choose to merge into the Light of God or use a portal (me??) to go to the dimension of their choosing? I don’t know, I’m asking. I wish someone would hold my hand in all this, but that’s very ungrateful of me because God has blessed me so abundantly with the gift of Lisa Renee and Energetic Synthesis and the understanding that is being revealed, layer by layer through this. Divine Right Timing & Order. I see. Okay. But jeeeeeez, if I had only known this earlier I feel like I could have been much more effective. But I wasn’t ready… so… just let go and flow with it, beloved. Okay.

The past 10 or so years the trees have been teaching me about my defiled…no, not MY…the defiled mind that I have access to. I see genitalia in the trees. Talking about this is not accepted, but I’m going to because it’s plagued me long enough. It’s not me. I’ve never done anything wrong and I don’t have any desire to do anything of the sort. I SHUN sexual things and have always been considered prude and frigid and in the little action I do take when in a relationship, I just do what I do to try to please my partners and frankly it caused me to fragment time after time after time.

Today I was driving down the highway and I saw a camper and thought of my friend and her kids and all of a sudden thoughts that her kids have genitals came into my head. WHY? WHAT?? OF COURSE THEY DO! WHO CARES? But the thought came and I was disgusted and some divide in me - where I was fascinated with this and wanted to “look” (in my mind) - but then of course I don’t. So, this is it. It’s a sickness. That I have no experience or memory around. A few minutes later a vivid image of a priest raping a young boy came to my mind. WHY?? So I say… it must be to witness…

I had listened to the call and gridwork on 7/25/2008 around indigos, line from Lemuria (ok, Easter Island) to Sarasota, connecting crystal mountains, and the gift of the aqua crystal. I remembered about 4 years ago that my aura (just the first layer that I could see) was aqua and indigo (but I didn’t know what that meant)… so… I wondered if I already have that aqua crystal running. I was still super happy to get it again and flood my 6 stargate and third eye with it. I feel very strongly that this is about me… and from what I read or heard somewhere, I have a contract where I have agreed to heal beings in/through my own body… so I am oraphim and I have nephilm (and a crap-load of disfunction) that I work with as part of my work here?

ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Oraphim
ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Nephilim

My dysfunction = sexual misery, masculine/feminine divide, addictions (most gone now except some food/sugar addictions linger as well as a budding screen addiction which my EMF sensitivity tries to keep in check), demonic influence (though that may just be from lifelong targeting by them), and I’m sure there’s more but that pretty much encompasses my whole life. “Mental Illness” and FEAR are the fruit of a being who has been trapped in confusion.

So the question is “how do I ‘work' with them”? Just watch? When those thoughts come (and they haven’t for months), what do I do? Today I was like “do I look or not look” (at the thoughts in my head)? In the past I HAVEN’T looked because it’s horrible and scary and everyone deserves their privacy even in my head, etc. This is such a dysfunctional train of thought too, isn’t it? Ugh. Well, I don’t want to be scared. I’m NOT a pedophile. So why do the thoughts and pool of shame and darkness come? For me to be a portal for release. OKAY. Yes. OKAY. Yes. I'm seeing that right now as I’m typing this. Okay. So… how? Just keep working on building my Lightbody and know that I am being taught and trained. I’ve seen these portals…one time an aqua portal opened over my head in the clouds right above me…. I don’t understand this completely but I witnessed it… so… just roll with it. Don’t panic. It’s okay. Know you are pure and beautiful and a Christos-Sophia child of God, One in All that IS and you are here to save the world. Hero Savior complex on the ego level does not apply… you as in WE ARE God… Christ….Indigos… I don’t know… but WE ARE the way, the truth, and the life…. jeez, the verse in the bible continues “and no one comes to the Father except through me”. So maybe this portal-ness is related to that in some way. So much to unlearn! (And learn, of course.)

I fear that the depth of my religious activities is also related in some way to SRA. Unfortunately my husband has what is pretty much his own religion but it’s similar to Judaism… most similar to Kararite Judaism. But he believes in blood sacrifice. Every year he keeps a “real” Passover and it is SO HARD for me to even be on the same property - though I won’t be near him. I won’t even meet the “guest of honor” (baby goat)…. I did one year but it is terrible. He is very gentle and kind and respectful of the animal’s life but it seems really evil to me… it’s a baby goat… precious baby… and it’s killed in honor of YHVH. Anyway, I’m in this as I’m married to him and he genuinely wants to please Yehovah (who he believes is THE God). He is the most loving man I know and holds a high vibration of love that is contributing in a major way to my ascension… but anyway… this seems related to SRA. I should list "religious nut" in my "dysfunctions" list as well. I loooooved looking at religions, learning about them, trying them on, etc.

I’m super-duper tired but wanted to jot some of these thoughts down. I spent some good time in nature yesterday in the mountains - swam across a lake with my Mom and hiked to a waterfall with both parents, then we camped out last night (first time we’d camped together). Really lovely. And the day before I got to meet two of our beloved ES sisters, Evangeline and Lisa F.! (Photo attached.) We met up in Asheville where they live and it was an enchanting time - we felt supernaturally tucked in right in the center of a very active park in the center of Asheville (or a very cool section, anyway. I don’t really know where we were, I just followed directions. It was a neat area and didn’t have the ooky spooky thick feel that I expected… probably because of the amazing Krystic beings that I had the honor of sharing time and love with!

ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Surface-Talk
Today’s glossary pick… clearly convicting me on my verbose shares… it’s surface talk mixed with some HSP. I’m torn about whether it’s valuable to share my journey or better to try to get quiet and distill the experiences. I can do both. I thought maybe talking about it might be helpful in some way to me or someone else in the future, but it may just be wasting air-space. I’ll see. For sure I just need to be doing the inner work and learning. I’ll learn if I don’t share. So… maybe that’s it. But now I’m having a pity party all of a sudden, ha! I’m very over-tired so I’ll just hang it up. Sweet dreams all!

Funny: Grammarly just told me. Yep. That's about right. Ha. Start loving yourself better, girlfriend!!