I just had what feels like a profound breakthrough! Deeper understanding. (Gosh it’s taking a long time. Ha!)
I have been saying that I feel like I’m half empath/lightworker and half narcissist/energy vampire. Well I think this is true because it’s my avatar self who has come back to “rescue” me… collapse all the timelines in and through this one (perhaps. Maybe it’s just some of them, but there is definitely soul retrieval and restoration happening.)
I had this huge experience on 01/02/2010 which I’m now calling the “walk-in”, where this whoosh of energy poured in through the top of my head and I poured out my feet and I haven’t been the same since. I had no context for that and it happened in the middle of a church service when I was earnestly praying. I have been asking about it for 10 years and finally started getting answers last year. So was THAT the beginning of my awakening? I’m guessing not. I had supernatural experiences prior to that - and I suspect my first panic attack which was trigged by a pain in my left gallbladder meridian was part of my energy body waking up. And I had a huge dismantling from job, home, family… just lots of the classic “spirit is shuffling stuff around” activity a couple years prior to that as well. I’ll keep watching this. I’ve had an interesting life right from the get-go… maybe I didn’t get BAD ENOUGH to need help until then? Or maybe it’s all part of my mission… just the next level.
Doesn’t matter. The point is that my avatar self is the empath, and my current incarnation ego self is the narcissist. I am being led to lay her down. Surrender the negative ego and trust my higher self/God.
"(s)He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” - John 3:30
I don’t know if I failed or got sucked away by tricksters, but after 01022010 I had a couple years (2) on a “mountaintop” with spirit… it looked hard in 3D, but I was completely held, directed, and supported by God. Then I married my second husband (who I didn’t know - married him the day he got out of prison after writing to him for 4 months. I was convinced it was an arranged marriage by God (but maybe it was a counterfeit)) and I fell into a pit - mostly ego, where I was trying to manage/hold-together/control everything my self. (SELF!) Then that had to spiral down a few years (3) until I lost my mind almost completely, and now I’m having to trudge my way out of the valley through effort/work! (It was like a helicopter took me up to the mountaintop the first time and this time I have to earn it! Ha!) So maybe this is just part of the process… I had to get a taste of what could be, then I had to learn to work for it myself. I can’t genuinely be a way shower of God if I don’t know how to do the work. (I could argue this many ways, I just realized, but I won’t. Who knows. Doesn’t matter. Just need to keep going.) I’m humbled and honored to be here in this container of healing and transformation and information, surrounded and supported by powerful beings who are here to help me step into my divinity and role as a servant to humanity as well. So much dismantling to do, dangit! Ha!
Much love to All!
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