https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Parasitic_Emotional_Manipulators
I remember thinking it was Ammi... and me... this "emotional vampire". This is the farming or collection of loosh... from some level (hybridized or nephilim? parts) inside us.
Am I made this way or is it something that I learned in order to live? A self-preservation tactic? Is it even me at all or is this a delusion? Maybe I'm fine and just always want to assign blame and "bad" to myself? If so, why? Or am I willing to observe myself and be honest? Let's...
I do feel like I want to be with Ryan. I like to be near him ...whatever we are doing, I like it. There is a lot of drama sometimes but I really don't think I like the drama...or maybe I do... maybe that keeps me hooked? But I just like being with him and feel like I ACCEPT the drama... but I would PREFER peace and joy. And I feel like he's driving it. When he is balanced and well, we both are. Yeah, I'm definitely working with co-dependence here. I want peace.
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Ohhhhhhh..... I just finished the article. Deeeeefinitely intel on Ryan.
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Yep. The thing is, that I was like him... riddled with parasites. And I still am. And maybe being in his presence makes me prone to more sticking on me. So I need to practice self-care and heal myself deeper and deeper which will help me to be a better support for my brother and lover, Ryan. I'm not a hero-savior... I'm someone who needs to find a way to do my own work and also l
I ate one peanut (three pods) and feel something off in my body... crunchy inflammation in my face. No more of that please.
Good conversations about farming and life with Seth and real life with Gwen who is having a rough time right now too.
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12:13 today so far... been seeing an abundance of 144s and last week lots of 9:11s.
I'd like to continue talking to myself about Ryan. It's my favorite topic. Why?
I relate to him a lot. I think we are a lot alike. At least The Pattern App says we are. But I DO long for a relationship with someone present and loving... and that's because I have to do that for myself. The question is "can I do that WHILE in a relationship with Ryan?". I'd like to say "yes" because we have so much opportunity to PRACTICE...(compassionate witnessing, patience, forgiveness, listening, loving, etc.)... and to see how we are affected.... but it can be twisty too... it IS "dark arts" training in a way too because I'm exposed to more miasma, etc.
But I am finding my groove. My peace and joy just sleeping with my dogs. My call to just relax into my own life. To figure out boundaries and learn appreciation. I have lots to learn from Ryan too...he sees me in unflattering ways sometimes and I need to see those parts of me so I can try to clean them up.
We both are hosts for the "parasitic emotional manipulation" monsters ... they live off our pain bodies and fuel our egos. But our love will heal this... (my love for Ryan is healing me... and that's what I need to focus on. Not pleasing anyone else.)
I'd like to continue talking to myself about Ryan. It's my favorite topic. Why?
I relate to him a lot. I think we are a lot alike. At least The Pattern App says we are. But I DO long for a relationship with someone present and loving... and that's because I have to do that for myself. The question is "can I do that WHILE in a relationship with Ryan?". I'd like to say "yes" because we have so much opportunity to PRACTICE...(compassionate witnessing, patience, forgiveness, listening, loving, etc.)... and to see how we are affected.... but it can be twisty too... it IS "dark arts" training in a way too because I'm exposed to more miasma, etc.
But I am finding my groove. My peace and joy just sleeping with my dogs. My call to just relax into my own life. To figure out boundaries and learn appreciation. I have lots to learn from Ryan too...he sees me in unflattering ways sometimes and I need to see those parts of me so I can try to clean them up.
We both are hosts for the "parasitic emotional manipulation" monsters ... they live off our pain bodies and fuel our egos. But our love will heal this... (my love for Ryan is healing me... and that's what I need to focus on. Not pleasing anyone else.)
Whoah!! And you see THIS? I just went to my email and checked this... not something I read every day but look!!
Ryan is the Phoenix...at least his mom (and/or I) pulled that card for him when we did the relationship animal oracle cards. This is more confirmation for me that I'm on the right path. (And Ryan could look a little like a bird! Ha! I'm playing!)
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Lots of mirror numbers these days too... 13:31 just now, got 12:21 earlier
Now just got 14:41
Interesting - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments
watching/learning about NDE
Thank you God!
It's all about LOVE
Now just got 14:41
Interesting - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments
watching/learning about NDE
Thank you God!
It's all about LOVE
How can I love myself better?
Take baths... you want/need an epsom salt bath, Love. Rest. Eat well... eat what fuels you and heals you. Right now is that meat? Yes, I think so.
Take baths... you want/need an epsom salt bath, Love. Rest. Eat well... eat what fuels you and heals you. Right now is that meat? Yes, I think so.
9:52 - so interesting. Ryan was so good to me today - took care of my animals when I had to work late and came back over to spend time with me but we sat down and shared our day and then something in him wanted to feed/fight. It was so very clear that his pain body took the reins and I tried to disarm it with love and laughter but it didn't work. He even asked me if I felt shame (what the parasites inside him were hungry for... they wanted to feast on shame and were trying to trigger me into their game). I didn't take the bait and when he wanted to go smoke out back I suggested that we not if he wanted to continue arguing. I am pleased with myself for setting that boundary and being straightforward. Thank you God!
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