"My name is Carissa. I’m a lover of life and enjoy spending time with my loved ones (especially my animal family). I enjoy adventure and exploration as well as staying home, cuddling and nesting. I’m apparently getting old because walking dogs and board games sounds more fun to me than a night out on the town (though that’s fun now and then too!).
I’m a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Virgo Rising. I love to ponder and process spiritual matters and have explored many religions and mindsets - I consider myself to be a consciousness explorer and polarity integrator. I like to laugh and have fun and I like to read and learn and grow. It’s important to me to spend time with people who value the same. The more I learn, the less I know.
What I bring to the table: Positivity, encouragement, service, kindness, faith, hope & love.
Let me just air some of my dirty laundry and get it out of the way: I’m a people-pleaser in recovery. I love too easily and will give myself away because I think it will make my partner happy. I’ve learned that backfires and I become codependent and play out the same unhealthy drama over and over. I want to break that cycle. I want to prioritize myself and practice setting and keeping emotional boundaries (for my sake, but mostly for the sake of my beloved - I want to meet my forever love and am committed to success.)
I want to share my life with another. I want to hold space for my partner’s healing and growth and hope for the same. We can’t change or fix another… we can only do that for ourselves, but being with someone who holds space as a compassionate witness is a game changer and I want to be that for someone too.
My health is important to me and I’d like to be a part of a couple where movement and intentional eating is on the forefront. Right now my body is happiest when I am eating primarily meat. Sounds weird but it’s true. Unfortunately now and then I “fall off the wagon”, but I get back on.
I am grateful for wonderful friends and family, but my heart yearns to find my person - someone I can love and dote on who wants to do the same."
Facebook required only 500 characters so I distilled it down to:
Lover of life! I enjoy adventure & exploration as well as staying home, cuddling & nesting. I’m apparently getting old because walking dogs & board games sounds more fun to me than a night out on the town (though that’s fun now and then too!). I’m a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Virgo Rising. I love to ponder and process spiritual matters. What I bring to the table: positivity, encouragement, service, kindness, compassionate witnessing. I like to laugh, learn, work, play and grow.
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I'm sad about Ryan, I wrote this earlier but have much more to feel into.
- nope, email thoughts never came through -
I hung his beautiful flowers to dry. "Hanging it up with Ryan." Sad.
Today's AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Vesica_Pisces
Yesterday after talking to Johnny, I got this one.
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Maria_Orsic
I wonder if he's got some sort of Nazi thing going on? I will ask him about his tattoos... I saw something at the gym on one of those TVs about a guy who had a swastica tattoo. Johnny mentioned about having tattoos so I thought I should ask him.
144 emails.
This is the second time I have emailed myself something and it hasn't come through.
This is the second time I have emailed myself something and it hasn't come through.
Basically I have been trying so dang hard for a year to make it work with Ryan and he doesn't want it and if a part of him does, he sabotages it. This Facebook Dating is giving me people who have jobs and want to share a life with someone. I could choose a life of peace and not hardship and I think that's what God wants for me and that I want for myself.
I'm glad to be friends with Paul and everyone in my life. I hope Ryan and I can be friends. But I have to let him go ... time to stop hoping.
I'm glad to be friends with Paul and everyone in my life. I hope Ryan and I can be friends. But I have to let him go ... time to stop hoping.
____
Saw 144 a couple times today and 21/11:12 and 4:44 and others. I'm supported. But sad but accepting and choosing to move on. Had cries and therapy with Jennifer. Nicole yelled at me that I'm ...something nice... and it made me cry. Her power. And I need to remember who I AM and that I AM beautiful. I need to come back to remembering the good I am and learning how to create relationships and boundaries that honor that.
I still have a sliver of hope about Ryan ...but it's fizzling. And it does help to talk to others. I'd say I'll miss him, but it became more and more rare to have an honest and open-hearted talk with him. Ironically I see how he was constantly spinning the tale that I am bad, stupid, wrong, dumb, etc. He said I was the spinner and maybe I was trying to spin us back to peace, hope, and love. Either way, he said it from the getgo...he's too damaged to have a relationship. I don't think I am. I love to work on myself all the time, so working on myself while also working on a relationship sounds good to me. But I need to pick the right guy. And that's not going to happen overnight. I need boundaries. No sex. And I need lots of "me time". I feel great when I go to the gym. (I went again today. It was a good day. Lazy morning in the sunbeams with the dogs, brunch with Jannelle at the Guilded Pear where I told her the truth about how I don't feel like she's there for me. Even today I was trying to tell her about my broken heart and she made a weird joke... she didn't like to feel the discomfort so that's her way of coping and that needs to be okay. I'm glad we were able to talk through it. And then work for a few hours... great talks with Jennifer. Helped Marshall at the Livestock Arena. Gym. Walked the dogs in the lovely sunlight. Just lovely all around!!
I still have a sliver of hope about Ryan ...but it's fizzling. And it does help to talk to others. I'd say I'll miss him, but it became more and more rare to have an honest and open-hearted talk with him. Ironically I see how he was constantly spinning the tale that I am bad, stupid, wrong, dumb, etc. He said I was the spinner and maybe I was trying to spin us back to peace, hope, and love. Either way, he said it from the getgo...he's too damaged to have a relationship. I don't think I am. I love to work on myself all the time, so working on myself while also working on a relationship sounds good to me. But I need to pick the right guy. And that's not going to happen overnight. I need boundaries. No sex. And I need lots of "me time". I feel great when I go to the gym. (I went again today. It was a good day. Lazy morning in the sunbeams with the dogs, brunch with Jannelle at the Guilded Pear where I told her the truth about how I don't feel like she's there for me. Even today I was trying to tell her about my broken heart and she made a weird joke... she didn't like to feel the discomfort so that's her way of coping and that needs to be okay. I'm glad we were able to talk through it. And then work for a few hours... great talks with Jennifer. Helped Marshall at the Livestock Arena. Gym. Walked the dogs in the lovely sunlight. Just lovely all around!!
Tonight I'm going to get a pool noodle, no-weigh Wednesday Sweet Frog, and watch "The Last Unicorn". God-willing.
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