Eagles and Stalkers

Saw two bald eagles fly over as I left my work. 

Rosemary gave me a legit admonishment that I may have an entity and that she sees a restraining order in my future unless I let Ryan go. There is an addiction there - to him, to drama. She sees it and so do I. 

Why won't I let myself be loved? Why do I cling to this story and hope that Ryan will change and love me right one day?

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Songs that came up as signs:

Part problem-  I sure was. So heel myself.

Million dreams -  I have a million dreams I do… I do. Dreaming for joy, happiness, kindness, peace in unity with a divine beloved.

No man’s land - so now it’s time to be without a man for a while. Love on myself.

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Yesterday's AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Sexual_Scams

And today I got: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Genital_Plugs

Dealing with - observing a lot of Sexual Misery programming in and through me. 

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Rosemary sent me the most helpful and wonderful forum post today too. Super resonant:

https://esfoundations.com/forum/clearing-negative-ego-shadow-and-fear/1699-exploitation-of-uncleared-trauma-mental-anxiety-core-self-stabilization#10557

Paul called today hoping for some help - gave him Joe Machney's email.

These are the three articles in the one above:

https://energeticsynthesis.com/index.php/resource-tools/blog-timeline-shift/3468-exploitation-of-unstable-minds

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Mental_Anxiety

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Recovering_Core_Self

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I need to read them again. And I need to breathe a lot more. 

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Note to self via email yesterday:

Love myself.

Grateful for Cliff’s love and protective instincts. Ryan will not change and I deserve and should choose better for myself. We need a clean break. It’s whiddling away at my self esteem.

I need to choose warm water and beef. And heal my gut and mind and heart.

Stress, fungus?, calcium 

Wheat and sugar and crap make me feel bad physically and mentally 

Heal.
Breathe.

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Note, I do not consent to a demon or SPE or entity of any sort. I am a lover and believer and hoper and need to learn to be still and let God work. I need to learn to listen and be kind and practice boundaries. This is my greatest practice field.

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Went to HWY 55 with Ryan - grateful for the adventure, his first time, but food wasn't great. We are both flushed - red in face and body - what is that? I have itchy skin on chest and high anxiety too. We were pleasant to each other but it's just not fun and fancy free. He holds back. Did I tell you that he said he likes me and he loves me (but we know he says he loves me, he's just not IN LOVE with me). I want to be happy and in love. Also, he mumbles all his words and slurs them together and gets mad when people can't understand him. And every other word out of his mouth is an F-bomb... his swearing is starting to grate on me. I don't want to be like that. I'm glad I'm able to see. And we hugged an awkward hello and goodbye....it's just not free-flowing and joyous. 

I need to be focusing on myself and the things I need and want to do - self-care, meditation, reading, etc. HEALING.

Break my addiction to drama (and Ryan). Focus on calming my nervous system. Peace and love.

Ryan doesn't have good role models or choose to seek out any mentors to help him grow, learn, heal. He thinks he knows it all already. Do I? No, but yes in some ways. So see my own ego and keep my eyes on myself and my energy to myself and don't try to GET anything from anyone. Heal and seal my own lightbody and connect to my own higher source energy (like I suggested to Paul... do for myself). Thank you God for helping me.