Deleting his name...this post used to be the name of the guy I dated briefly

OMG. I just video chatted with Johnny for 2hrs 27 minutes. It started with me crying because I love Ryan so much. (I cried for 45 minutes when I got home because I love and miss Ryan and Ryan talked to me for 40 minutes or so and was very kind and pretty much just told me to suck it up and heal ... and I confessed to him that I might go on a date tomorrow and how I was in touch with someone that I met and he seemed to just go along with it - like "you're gonna do what you're gonna do". I don't know if it was earlier in the conversation or not but he invited me to come over and see the project he was working on - the carport or lean to and we both said we'd like that. We got off the phone with heartfelt "I love you"s. We freaking love eachother. Why can't we have a physical connection?

And with Johnny, there is a powerful sexual connection. He knows he's sexy and flaunts it. He says he hasn't had sex or kissed a woman in 3 years. But we just had this energy and he started masturbating... I could just tell. And he said "what?" and I said "I know what you're doing" and he played dumb for a minute and then he told me to take off my sweatshirt and he wanted to see my neck and collarbone and shoulder. He made me feel like a woman. I flushed and I did what he said and I liked that energy. And we both were in it....and it was hot and he showed me him rubbing his cock and he wanted to see my nipples and we did this for a bit and he told me to masturbate and I did and it was a whole thing, but ultimately he came. He is a giver in bed. He told me about all the ways he wants to do that. But he's adamant about having coffee and I don't think it's safe, but it probably is and he said if I don't then he'll show up at my work or home or talk to Ryan and he doesn't want me to talk to Ryan and he said he'd say all these fucked up things about me wanting him in my mouth, blah blah. Anyway... it was all pretty sexual. Pretty base. And he doesn't seem very smart. Like he's got something wrong... maybe brain fog... we laughed a bit though and said "game on" at the same time about the Bills vs. Dolphins. I don't know. It doesn't seem sustainable. It might be fun, but I don't want to get energetically tied to him or anyone. I need to heal myself. But he's got very sexual energy. We have that connection. The astrology apps say that too. My plumb line said I should explore it. I don't know. I should take him to the Body Mind Spirit thing too maybe. But then Ryan won't want to go. Ryan won't want anything to do with me after I date Johnny (whose birth name was Johnathan Something Allen Dunn.... maybe David Allen?)... anyway...he IS "intense". But I like Ryan's brains. And I'm analytical. I don't want a hookup. I want a life. Johnny likes to hike and explore. But I don't see myself with him long-term. I think sex his MO. 

Anyway... I need to sleep. I still feel the tingles. What do you want to teach me, God?

Just read this on FB

I think Johnny would treat me with respect. Mostly. But he won't save me from himself. He doesn't smoke which is amazing. He wants to cuddle and have foreplay and is a giver in bed. He's got great tats. Angh. We'll see what happens when we meet. 

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10:04 am. Lots of tears and clearing. Dreams with Johnny. Feel so much spiritual aliveness. Walk in the Way.