Thank you God

12:21

Grateful for Misha and our shared love for God and one another. We have similar quirks, understandings, and experiences too. Truly a gift from God. Today we had such great laughs and she had a really great cry. I think we both feel "seen" in each other's presence.

Just now in the bath while doing HP vag I called in Jeff's Higher Self (12:23) and tried to use HSP ... I pulled in a white light into my skull and pineal gland and consecrated it to God and then dropped it into my heart and then sent out a cord. I felt like Jeff was almost transparent... but it was because he was hidden in a cloud of black smoke. Very sick. I asked to wrap him in Aurora light an the light wrapped around him and the black smoke was on the outside so I could barely see the rainbow behind it... but it's there.

I'm not sure what TRUTH is. I say that this experience, vision, above is truth, but it's squishy and it is in my mind which, if not connected to God-Source is probably rooted to the Imposter Spirit. This is why I've had such trouble with "lies". It's only been in the last couple years that I've been trying to address being a "liar". I don't look or seem like a liar to the world, I don't think. But by living out of alignment with my soul in order to please other people I have become an imposter. A liar. And it's hard to know what the truth is.

Couple that with the multidimensional access and experience that I have... really confusing to discern what's what. This is what the NAA has been trying to use to blow me up. But I yearn to drag the darkness into the light. I want to see the truth which will set me free (from the prison of deception, fear, and lies that I'm convinced I'm in). Elephant has been around reminding me that I am sovereign and free and the prison is a mirage. 

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Posted in ESF Journal:
Been a very challenging time for all of us, right? Wow. I could write here every day about the physical and spiritual experiences I'm enduring through but that would get old. We are ALL working with some really difficult and surreal energies in these strange times. It's an honor to be serving with you All. I love you and am grateful for your Presence, work, support, love, and for being the authentic YOU that you are!

I do feel that I should share/document this experience from yesterday here. Writing about it provided additional clarity and seeping of additional emotional density.

Yesterday I had a very traumatic experience while walking my dogs. We peacefully walk barefoot together twice a day and it's a time of connection with God and nature...just a lovely time. But last night a neighbor's dog came after us. Looked like a devil-train that was headed straight toward us. I was trying to pick up Rue (as she's dog aggressive). Both of my dogs are about 35 pounds so it's not like I could just scoop them up but I sure tried (unsuccessfully) as both she and Moses were trying to protect me and each other. As the dog ran up, it went straight for Rue and pinned her was going after her jugular. I was sure I was watching her being killed right in front of my eyes. The look in her eyes and the way the dog was thrashing... it was really horrible. You know how these things slow down in our minds so you get 1/8 second play-by-plays. I thought in that moment of my Uncle who watched his dog get murdered like that. Moses tried to stop it and I tried to stop it and it then went after Moses and then Rue jumped in and I was trying to stop it and catch it... her. (Found out it was a female dog named Bailey.)

VERY frightening. I was screaming from the depths of my soul and the owner finally came and called her off. I don't know how long the whole thing lasted, a minute? Two? Felt like a lifetime. I was amazed that both dogs were alive and I needed to walk away and breathe. I was very traumatized and in a state of shock and anxiety, of course. But the dogs shook it off and kept walking and we walked our walk. I checked the dogs along the way and it was a MIRACLE that there was absolutely no blood ... only one of them (the one who had the dog chomping her neck) had black goo on her (BLACK GOO?!!! This just hit me. MIASMA. Whoaaah.)

The whole thing definitely felt like a TOS... and an opportunity to practice. Right when it happened I had been shielding... I just felt this unsettled feeling and started shielding and then the dogs came. The neighbor lets them out of his yard and they run to the dog park. In this case, one or two didn't go to the dog park, they saw us and came after us. I'm sure it felt my fear and honed in on that like a heat-seeking missile.

I was amazed that I was able to find neutrality or observer as we were walking. I checked the dogs better when I got home and it didn't appear that they had any blood or major damage. I have 2 small scratches (one on each ankle), one large scratch...(well, it's multiple, but one streak is quite deep and the whole thing is quite large on my right inner thigh), and one puncture wound from being bit on my left outer thigh.

I see how this is spiritual in nature. An attack and opportunity to overcome. Thanks be to God that it wasn't worse. That the sweet pups are okay. I guess they are all in on it. We are all trying to work out this stuff... this miasma. Clearing. And it requires neutrality and compassionate witnessing. I see myself teeter/tottering on V/V and I need to just relax and appreciate that God is in control. My declaration of intention is to serve my Source. And if this is how it works, then that's it. I'm so grateful that my teams and beloved inner child held it together so well. (Traumatized, but well!)

About 15 minutes before I left for the walk I had some sort of code come in... the partial deafness (not as intense/startling as the other day) with a beeeeep tinnitus sound code that may even still be running. Came into my right hemisphere of my brain.

As I was walking I was feeling into it and can just lightly touch a memory of being attacked in our home with our loved ones. Feels otherworldly, maybe Gaia or Lyra. Felt like maybe an opportunity for my divine masculine to have a "re-do" on the "fight-flight-freeze" response when they were infiltrated and he froze and felt guilty which spun off into a hot FKOT mess down the line. This time he fought. It was scary as hell, but he fought that dog off with all that he had. He has some wounds, but God is with us and we are all okay!

Last night as I was going to sleep there were two explosions and also that low level hummmmm of the earth (which I hear quite often. It's pulsing now, so I'm not sure what it is.)

Love,
Carissa

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1:11 2:54

Got "City 4 Square" as middle of the night meditation recommendation
Today's AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Temple_Mount 

Feeling support for 2D. Still healing 1D. The V/V challenge is important. Choose empathy. Choose love. Choose forgiveness. 

3:33

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Weird. I thought I wrote this before, but I'm dealing with PTSD now. I don't know if it's from recounting the trauma or from the drama surrounding it but it's trying very hard to suck me in. Today I felt fear to walk the dogs and walked them separately. I considered (and got encouragement from Wendy and Michael) to get a pellet gun to walk with. This is very out of character for Sophianic frequencies.

God gave me the Sapphire Body Corrections OL meditation today. I thought I should listen to the spine one and when I went to pull a card had all this spiritual energy flood me and felt like it was leading me to the OL Spine med but when I put it on, it did the magical swipe and switched to the Sapphire body one which was PERFECT. THIS is what my job is... to hold the Sophianic codes to support the earth now.

I was tempted and gave in to sweet Deirdre and Jim who fed me tonight - but it was pasta... Tuscan Chicken pasta, bread, and banana bread with chocolate chips. Carbs and sugar. Not aligned with my soul but it was kindness and I ate it. (I threw the rest of the pasta away when Dee left, but ate a lot of it.) I feel my thyroid getting ill from the carbs or wheat ... really took an energetic number on me. 

I need to meditate to address and yank the roots of the fear. I can't fear anything. God will take care of me in the moment. God led me to shield and pray before the dog attack and kept our beloved guardians safe. It did trigger TOS and now this work/practice to bring it all back to neutrality.

I feel bad because in the end, especially because Ryan kept playing it down and didn't offer to do anything other than keep them on leashes, Wendy has evicted the dog. I will feel safer, but hate it for them. God, please keep Rue from attacking anyone's dog!! This could have happened to anyone, but that dog really is vicious. It has triggered memories of Jake and feeling like I let him down and didn't do enough to rehabilitate him. He's free from his body. Maybe I can talk with him and gain some insight about how it was for him. I bet he was frustrated and maybe overprotective and also had a head injury or neurological impairment (they told us when we adopted him). I need his picture and will try to connect if it's God's will. I don't know where I'd get his picture now that all my social media is taken down. Do I need his picture? No. Jake, can I talk to you now? I'm not sure that it's him but felt that I am forgiven and that it is okay... he WAS freed from the body and it's not that big a deal. I'll have to let it marinate some. Hopefully this other dog doesn't have to be put down, but just re-homed. 

I'm tired. Feeling drained. Need more sleep these days. Want to listen to the ES and OL updates about the field but feel like I need to maybe get myself straight first. 

Feeling good about letting Jeff go. He's not the one for me. He can be and IS my beloved friend but there's no time to rehabilitate him and hope that he's a starseed and to wait for him to step into his power so we can work missions together. 

Michael is closer than Jeff. Michael and I love each other and we are working to heal the patriarchal domination. Working with the Family of Michael and Seraphim reclamation and healing the Twilight Master and Imposter Spirit. We are working with gender polarities and roles and learning and living our God-given sovereignty and freedom. He is my divine partner... sure it's alchemical and who knows how long it will go... but it's perfect for now. In all it's ambiguous glory, it's perfect! 

9:44

I saw 44's a LOT today. I'm going to go sit on the back porch or hammock and meditate and breathe. Thanks for being there for me. You're my best friend and I love you and I just made you smile!! :)