Ding Dong - 1 Year - END!

I'm tired of the mind games. I received very little from this relationship. I like NOT being alone. But I do not like someone who perceives me as the enemy and treats me as such. Who is always angling to throw some energetic passive-aggressiveness at me. Who is bitter and unkind. Who swears so much - using the f-word as a weapon against me ... punching swear words into me. Who encourages his children in their drug use. Who bathes in satanic music. Who punishes me by not kissing me and going to bed without saying goodnight. Who withholds love. Who isn't interested in sharing consciousness and life and experience. We are just not right for one another. The lesson has turned from trying to be in a "UNITY" relationship into learning how to set boundaries, heal codependency and control issues, and taking back my power. 

The truth is PAUL needs to take back HIS power from whoever (Satan) he's given it to. He never took ownership of himself, let alone US. That's the core issue on his side. On my side it's that I couldn't sit in the discomfort of not being protected, guided, or loved and I took (retained) control of my life to make sure things kept going as best they could.

For whatever reason, Paul chooses pain, poverty, and victimhood. He's entitled to his life experience. 

I do not want to choose that. 

I want LOVE, ABUNDANCE, JOY, ADVENTURE, HAPPINESS, and SUCCESS. It is mine! 

So I come back to me. My project... my investment in Paul is over. I'm taking back my chips. I know I lost a LOT and will still have to carry his debt. We live together and I don't know how that will unravel but I trust God to lead. I am just going to take care of my family and home and love the best I can and HEAL.

There is no relationship in my future. I can't allow daydreaming about a "perfect man for me". I AM MY PERFECT. I need to learn to love and be enough for me. Thank you God for this opportunity to swim around on earth and explore all these matter realms and consciousness layers. 

I pray for the strength to stand firm. 

This has been a very hard year. Lots to learn and feel into. But I'm done. 

I asked my pendulum if it was a good time to break up with him and got a "yes" (like an "okay") and I asked if God was going to be mad at me and I got a "no" with a sweet loving hug. Thank you God.