Winter Solstice

Happy Winter Solstice!! AHHHHH!!! We made it!! 12/21

Paul told me today that he's going to try to get another job Friday-Sunday so he can (ultimately this is his goal), buy the "Emotion Code" course. I think he needs to DO the emotion code, but whatever his path is... God bless it!

He doesn't spend time with me when he gets home or in the mornings. He just plays on his phone or watches TV. He's in his office/closet now. This isn't going to go well. I'm all by myself 12 hours a day and he doesn't make any time for me. He's touchy and sensitive and pouty and I can't be myself. He doesn't love me. He didn't listen to the song I sent yesterday (Banks). It just doesn't feel good. I am stuck though. Why do I put myself in these positions??  And I am most concerned about Manson. Manson is finally happy and has a good life. But do I trade mine for his? 

I think I learn to be happy in the midst of it. Continue working on my own ressurrection and restoration.... this is the space to do it. I said I wouldn't be in a relationship if we broke up so just appreciate this space... it's like being alone but not being alone. Get to know and love myself again. Heal ME. LOVE ME. 12/21 10:10

I need to stop looking for fullfilment outside of myself. Let Paul have his experience and process as well and I need to disconnect from codependency and "DO ME AND LET PAUL BE"!! GAH

That's been the message all year. 

DO IT!

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3:29... dizzy when I was crouching down and then getting up...  my left knee has been hurting this month especially too...

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