NYE

It's 11:11 on New Year's Eve.

Today was a dark day.... fighting with Paul. We started by saying we were going to work on it and ... I don't feel like getting into the details now but there was a point where Paul went outside and got mud to throw all around the house that we had cleaned for the 3 hours prior. 

Gaslighting. Confusion. So much mess. Right now there are fireworks outside and we are trying to keep the dogs from freaking out. Trying to keep ME from freaking out. My hair has fallen out... I must be down to a 1/4. It's all matted and a horrible mess. I have to surrender it.

I DID just make an appointment with Dr. Puja (who is now Dr. Allison)... I need some help/direction/love.

2023 is the year of REBIRTH.

May I be reborn in LOVE.

It's been a really rough year... 2022... 

There have been beautiful opportunities and experiences and really rough ones.... neither of which I have the bandwidth to feel into right now. 

I just want to pray for myself... dear Carissa... dear God... please hold sweet Carissa in this new year... please comfort, guide and hold her so she can feel safe and let go of the fear that has held her back from really experiencing life for the last 15 years. May you LIVE, dear girl. May you really LIVE. May you feel all of it... and let go of fear of death and fear of discomfort and aging and all the things I fear.... fear of LIVING. God, may I live!!?? Please cancel all contracts and agreements I've made to enslave myself and help me to let go and let ME liiiiivvve. Peace be with you sweet girl. May I remember my power and make choices aligned with LOVE and KINDNESS. 

Help me to shed preconceived ideas and doctrines and programming. Help me to be PRESENT and ALIVE and to feel. Help me to be a gold bowl in your sanctuary and to be a blessing to the people and beings and earth and all her creatures. Help me to embody the spirits of Christ.

Help me to be disciplined and diligent and successful and abundant.

Help me to be humble and pure and kind and patient and generous

Help me to be a force of GOOD.

I pray for protection for myself and all my loved ones.

I pray that the holes in my lightbody would be filled. 

I pray that I would let go of fear.

I pray that I would stop trying to control and stop judging all... 

I pray for a peaceful and gentle spirit.

I pray to be a support and helper for Paul but without giving myself away.

I pray for Paul's awakening and remembering his strength and power and that he would take responsibility in love for himself and for our family. 

I pray for my family to all be abundantly blessed with light and joy and that all their needs be met and that they would be safe and happy and healthy and joyful.

I pray for healing for all our hearts and minds and bodies.

11:22

You ARE LOVED sweet Carissa