Felicity

Felicity:

Hey! How are you doing? We haven't talked in awhile. Also, why did dad ask to take you off the family chat? 

Was it disturbing you or is he being controlling again?

Carissa:

Hi Felicity! I thought he would have told you that we broke up a little over a month ago. We are still roommates for the time-being but we weren’t a good fit as a couple. I hope you guys are doing great! ☀️

Felicity: 

Oh, I figured. 

That's what mom said too. 

No, of course he didn't mention anything.

What made you guys think you weren't a good fit for each other?

Carissa:

It's been really hard all along. Honestly, I was trying to break up with him for at least 6 months prior to it finally sticking. I believe and hope he will find someone who works for him, but it's not me. I gave him everything - mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. I tried so hard - and it wasn't enough. Your Mom set the bar really high - she is an amazing woman. The (his) narrative is that I'm too controlling - and I definitely have a problem with that when I don't feel safe - but the truth is he never took control (responsibility) for me, our relationship, (or himself in some ways). He has a lot of reasons for that - the main one being something about how I offended him the day after he got here by taking his dog poop bags off his leash... we've talked about that a lot and it's kooky to me, but it means something to him so that's okay. He knows my heart was in the right place - I was trying to show him that he didn't have to pick up dog poop... I thought I was being generous and cute, but he saw it as me taking his freedom away because I did it against his wishes. So he said that set the tone of me being willful and that I never gave him control. Anyway... it just wasn't right. Bless him. I trust that he will meet someone who makes him happy! The Universe sent me an amazing man who I am deeply in love with (and that loves me back)! He showed me that love can be easy and fun and that I can be happy and that made it possible to get off the "striving to make it work with your Dad" rollercoaster that I was on. I thought if I just tried harder, that I could earn Paul's love. Apparently it doesn't work like that. I was never going to attain that. Your Dad is a good guy at heart... he's making big progress in healing his traumas and finding and walking in his true self (a strong, sovereign, kind, wise man)! I am so glad that you are all in touch and pray for a beautiful life for all of you! You are a talented, creative, sensitive, artistic, and wise soul and I look forward to seeing what you birth into this world through your being. 

Felicity:

He's not kind or wise. 

He's an idiot...

Carissa:

He can be (kind and wise). And he loves you a LOT. You are his pride and joy, Felicity. He's healing and coming along. 🙂 How are things going with you and Dom? You two appear to love each other in that pure love kind of way - I want that for everyone!! It's magical!

Felicity:

It is! And we are doing good together. Separately....not so much.

Carissa:

What does that mean? Like you are good when you are together and when you are separate (like at work), you aren't good?

Felicity:

Ty for communicating with me btw. You aren't the one the one that's supposed to do that though. I wish dad would communicate...

Carissa:

Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe there's some shame from failure... it's no fun to have a failed relationship. I feel bad about it too. But am so relieved.

Thank YOU for asking!!!!

Felicity:

No. I mean we each have our own personal problems at home or demons inside we are battling but our relationship is fine. 

It would be better if I could stop thinking somethings gonna go wrong like getting cheated on. Looking elsewhere for a girl. Letting things slip and pushing me away. Like what has happened to me so many times. It just makes me paranoid for the future. 

I don't mean to be. I just want things to go right. And not be a repeat of history. It's driving me insane and what's even worse is idk how to talk to him about it that doesn't sound like I'm a broken record either. I do trust him to know everything about ME but I can't get the right words out. 

I'm settling on just trying to stay positive. 

Remind myself that he loves me and he accepts me for who I am. I'm not a bother. I don't overly stress him out. He's not gonna look elsewhere. He doesn't have other options and he really only wants me. 

It's really hard to make myself believe that from people anymore. 

But I'm trying. 

I really really really really REALLY like him! I love him! I really wanna be better for him and myself! Because this is crazy... 

I'm so damn used to being the chick that men use as a placeholder till they find something 'better' or being the side chick. 

I'm never the only option so for him to tell me that just feels like a lie now. 

But I know HE isn't lying. 

This one means it. And I can actually feel it for once. So yes, I'm gonna heal. I'm not gonna lose him!

I've been wanting to ask but I thought I'd leave it alone but something didn't feel right to me and I knew dad wouldn't say anything I'd trust in

You don't lie to me or keep things.

Carissa:

WOW Felicity!! You have such good insight about what you are feeling and experiencing. And yeah... that's a realllllllly hard thing that so many people go through (insecurity and fear of betrayal). My sister looked at most of her relationships through that lens and in the end it seems like she manifested it... like the more space we give thoughts like that in our minds, the more we attract it to us. 

I can see the love that you and Dom have for each other. You are a PRIZE to him... I see in his eyes in the photos you've sent that he adores and appreciates you and sees you for the gift to his life that you ARE. 

I see that you see that those ruminations in your mind are tricks.... maybe some generational healing that was passed down for you to overcome and you WILL. Love heals all wounds.

Have you ever heard of Abraham/Esther Hicks? I find it to be uplifting. She talks about that in the first part of this talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3g3dEMMFdc

And I'm glad you know that you can talk to me. Anytime. ❤️

Felicity:

Ty!!

That made me feel a lot better and you know, some of that trauma did come from my dad originally. 

I mean...it didn't help but I swear it's the root of all my problems today.

Carissa:

I think you're right. And it sucks. But you have what you need inside you to overcome it, and you will, so Anna doesn't have to. (And there will be some pieces that she has to take on too... seems to be how the world works - at least in my understanding at this time.) Nutty. But feels real.

Felicity:

Yeah true

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Amazing AG pick from yesterday: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Dragon_Guardians_of_the_Golden_Apple

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The arm squeezing is back... is that heart-related or nerve related? It's from carbs (bagels) or sugar (chocolate-covered salted caramel). 

Pendulum says the arm squeezing is related to the bagel... gluten... (not the caramel) and that it affects my nerves. I can't remember if it said that my nerves affect my heart, but my heart is okay. Gluten-free is a better option for me. 

Thank you God!