Genital Plugs

That's my AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Genital_Plugs

I think Ryan and I both have these implants... our love can melt them.

8:44, 9:09, 10:01 (mirror)

Lots of mirror numbers these days... Ryan seems to be a mirror for me. We talked last night and I guess made progress. As long as we can keep chipping away at it... keep trying to open our hearts. I can see he wants to and I know I want to... we just have to fight the demons...he is slaying demons inside himself to get to me... to fight for me and us and I need to honor that. 

The Pattern app (so good) was on point about what we are struggling with. Wild.

I get one more - bonus - day at the O'Malleys... they are staying an extra day at the beach!

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Am I sabotaging myself and trying to harm myself by participating... giving in to addiction programs? Carbs, sugar, etc. Cutting myself off from my Source energy?

Does Ryan see auras (even though he can't even begin to imagine that is true... to the point of disdain at my even mentioning it? Is that why he spews vitriol when he says stuff like "ohhhh...you're reading my auuuura???"... which I didn't say or didn't do... where did that come from? I think it comes from within him. I think he is a Seer and a deep and visionary soul and if I can hang on and love him and allow him the space to do his own unpacking...his own work and dismantling in his own time and way, that he could BECOME who he IS. MAGNIFICIENT!!! 

I might be delusional. Wishful thinking? Am I looking at the truth or what I WISH/want to be?

7:44

14:14, 15:15, 20:20, 21:21

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Ryan tried to break up with me tonight but then ended up chickening out/backing down to say maybe we could sleep on it. The fact is, he doesn't like ME... he may like the idea of me and he inherently and subconsciously (and consciously, to be fair) likes my LIGHT... but he doesn't like the way I think, feel, experience, share, live.

We aren't on the same page with...anything... other than the love and connection we share. I feel our hearts... I feel our connection... and it's DEEP! ("Get in my belly!!")... when he lets go and feels or expresses his feelings for me, I feel the electricity in my being. I've never felt such a connection. When we hug... it is magic. When we touch, the whole world is as it should be. 

But when he questions, judges, criticizes, tries to change, makes fun of, is sarcastic, picks on, picks at, etc... me... then there is division and it hurts. He doesn't like me. He thinks I'm crazy and out there and not well. He thinks I'm smart and he says he loves me but he treats me terribly...like an adversary. 

He doesn't know what he doesn't know. Perhaps he will listen to that book or the universe will provide what he needs and perhaps he will follow and perhaps not. But I need to just focus on myself and my own internal hierogamic union. God's will be done with Ryan.