Insults

Ryan takes every opportunity he can get to insult me. 
Randomly "whoo.... gamey!" ... "me?" "yep"

I told him about the nice compliment Bryant gave me today and he said "What, were you whining to try to illicit that to make yourself feel better because you worked soooooo hard?" Sarcasm. Meanness. He can't help himself.

It was so helpful to have him there at the dealership to test drive cars. And I appreciated his half sarcastic and mean and half "I care about you" text message and offer to finish the window on my car.... but it's so dang bipolar. It hurts. 

Such great, honest, loving conversations with Rosemary and Corie yesterday. An hour each! And a romcom movie on the couch with the boys. It felt so nice. I want to be happy. 

____

11:03 (today I saw 11:11/4... and 222 and 444 and a 555 I believe, or maybe that was a 155 and also a 144 for sure.)

Anyway, talked to Ryan for hours tonight. Had some good/honest discussion. Takeaways for me are: Take better care of myself - self-care, and beauty regimen = important to be a girl and attractive. Be patient. Don't underestimate Ryan's (or anyone's work)... don't say, "aw don't worry about that... just do a lesser job" or whatever. And don't say it should only take 5 minutes, etc. 

Hoping he heard me ask him to build me UP instead of tear me down. 
Hoping he'll reflect on selfishness in the bedroom. He was deflecting that. 
Hoping he'll hear how I want to be in a pack and be loved the way he loves his animals.

We talked for many hours. I'm not sure what will come of it but I told him that I don't want to be stupid and I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. And lots of other things which I'm too tired to recount. 

Oop! Saw 11:11 tonight too. Foundational stuff.