I feel called to lay down my comfort and idolatry and partake in a 40 day juice fast. My fast started at 6pm March 9th, 2011 and should roll through Sunday, April 17th.
How did I even decide to do this? I didn't. I heard God tell me to do it when I was driving on the road by Briarcreek yesterday. I knew it was Him and I prayed for confirmation that He really wanted me to do this, so a few hours later He had my friend call me to invite me to a special prayer church service at a church that isn't even EITHER of our churches for the first day of LENT....(which is some sort of religious thing where people (Catholics?) generally fast from something for the 40 day period.) YES GOD! Thank you SO MUCH for your PERSONAL and PERFECT hand on my life and heart!
So of course I thought that it made sense to start my fast today, but I have some research to do on what the deal is with Lent. I know that today is "Ash Wednesday"... so I guess that Lent ENDS on "Palm Sunday"....ahhhhh.... yes...... that makes sense. That's good, because I hear that I have to be UBER careful coming OFF a juice fast otherwise I could have kidney failure and die (EEP!).... soooooo this will be good.... it will give me a week to onboard back to solid foods and then I can celebrate the RISEN SAVIOR with a feast on Easter Sunday!!! (I'll be feasting on and with the Lord Jesus this whole time though!)
I don't have much to say today. I'm tired. It's late and God kept me up praying almost all night last night (obviously preparing me for something/this).
The PURPOSE of this fast is to cleanse me of my sin- my self- my selfish desires- my pride- my reliance on MY efforts to accomplish or fulfill anything and to SEEK, PURSUE, CRAVE, LOVE God with my WHOLE HEART. It is my desire to gain more spiritual wisdom, understanding, and discernment so that I may be a better steward of this life (and responsibilities that go along with it). I want to know God's will for His people and how He wants me to serve Him. I want to hear Him and respond.
My biggest *sins* right now are:
- Gluttony- trying to fill an emotional void with food. The Lord has graciously strengthened me and helped me to not eat sugar for the past few weeks, but I know I'm being called to a season of deeper surrender. I am also quite overweight (I have been most of my life) and I'm hoping that this will cleanse my body and help me to get to a reasonable weight (thought I don't pretend to think that I won't gain some back... but I'm just hoping for a little better starting point.) The GYM is the BEST for me- I LOVE the gym- I love working out- Jesus is always at the gym with me!!! I also really love hiking with God and Rue (you know that though).... anyway.... I just want a healthy temple. I want people to see the Jesus in me and not be distracted by my body.... there's no such thing as a fat Jesus... and I desire for Jesus to live through me, so I need to give Him a worthy dwelling place. 1 Chronicles 28:10.
- Lust- or something like it... the desire to be fulfilled by a man. I love God more than ANYTHING else in the world, but something has a hold on me lately and it makes me think about, desire, and crave a HUMAN. <---Not actually MORE than God... in fact, it makes me crave God more for and through and with this guy.... but I (a.) know that I'm not ready for a relationship- I don't know how to love yet and I'm still too selfish to lay down my life for another. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and that is not an option when you are in a love relationship.... and (b.) this guy that I like probably doesn't like me back (hmmmm- I say that but I am torn because I think he DOES like me - we've connected on a spiritual level a few times and it has swept me away- I just don't think he can comprehend the depths of the importance of that connection yet BECAUSE (and here's the ACTUAL "b.") he doesn't have a stronger relationship with God than me and it is IMPERATIVE that I am "equally yoked".... that I have someone who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him as much or MORE than me!!!) So anyway, I've got to work this out. I've got to work on my relationship with CHRIST and make sure that HE is FIRMLY seated on the throne of my life before I start dabbling in "liking" boys. If it's His will, God has someone juuuuuust right for me and when I start taking things into my own hands, I start messing with the Master Plan (or at least prolonging the blessing).
On fasting: I am so grateful to God that in this last year He has been preparing me to take this next step in my spiritual growth and faith walk. I reflected that it was this time last year that He called me to do my first fast (by Him. I had tried before on my own power, but this was a call from God.).... I did the Daniel Fast and it blessed me immensely! I'm feeling a little braggy here, but I want to document it, so in the last year I've done the Daniel Fast three times and a handful of 1-3 day full fasts as well as a failed "Ezekiel Fast".
Because of this, I have confidence that God will get me through this. I also know that He has SO MUCH to SHOW me and TEACH ME. He's given me this time in my life where I have limited responsibilities and I can really tuck myself away with Him and allow the Holy Spirit to minister and move in me. Even in the past few days, the Holy Spirit has been making some HUGE revelations to me about the spiritual realm and my authority and responsibilities as a surrendered Christian.
Okay- this is realllllly long.... I'll blog more often.... you're my only friend!! (just kidding- I have LOTS of God-given friends, thank you Jesus!), but I DO want to flush out what God is teaching me through this process, so even if these posts are ugly and unmanageable, I'm going to collect them (and save them, for now!)
"....Purify yourselves, and purify the temple of the Lord, the God of our ancestors. Remove all the defiled things from the sanctuary." 2 Chronicles 29:5
11:42pm March 9, 2011
No comments:
Post a Comment