I'm adding another day... or most of another day. This means that my fast will actually end on April 18th at 6pm instead of April 17th. I have Lifegroup on that day, so I won't actually be able to eat my first meal until afterward at 9:30pm or something.... or maybe I'll take my first meal with me... I don't know.... I don't want to think/care about it yet! (FYI: My first meal will be a piece of lettuce or something- ha! I shouldn't be THAT excited. I don't think there's gonna be much to get excited about until I can eat cashews on day 5 or 6 of offboarding from the fast!)
I digress.
WHY this change of heart about the "end date"? Well, I have been "convicted" (feeling slightly guilty) about counting the first day that I started my fast as a whole day since I actually started at 6pm. TWICE I've heard someone (I think it was my brother both times) say that I am fasting for "40 days and 40 nights" and each time, I feel a little more convicted. So at some point in the wee hours last night I decided to give myself peace and eliminate all the footholds of the enemy and just do this thing RIGHT. What's another day? Nowwwww, I KNOW that I sound all "legalistic" here, but that's not what this is about. This is between God and I. He asked me to do something, and I've got to do it wholeheartedly and RIGHT. Who skimps on orders from THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE???? (*a hem* - apparently I do.) But He, Graceful and True, has given me a second (third... billionth) chance!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
So. Yeah.
Now that THAT'S off my chest.....
I am doing WONDERFULLY!! God has FREED ME of SO MANY LIES and the BONDAGE of the enemy during this time!! I was SO DECEIVED and headed toward the path of DESTRUCTION!!! (I sound so dramatic that it seems that I am making light of it... and I kind of am... but this is serious stuff.)
I think it started in February. I started to get sooooooo spiritual (hear: sppppiiiiirrrrrituuuualllllll) ... and I decided that I shouldn't live for myself, but that I should let the Holy Spirit live through me... [stay with me here]... so I started to get passive.... I started to just wait on the movement (voice, prompting, etc.) of God to tell me what to do. In that time of waiting, I inadvertently allowed evil spirits to come in and deceive me into thinking that they were the voice of God and I started to follow them. This happened subtly, yet quickly. Evil spirits counterfeit God. I won't get into the whole thing, but they had me experiencing LOTS of "supernatural" phenomena and thinking that I was miss spirituality because I was letting God work through me.
Now listen. I know that God works through His children... but He requires US to work WITH Him. He doesn't want us to just be passive.... to sit back, relax, and let Him do the work.... He wants...needs... CO-LABORERS. I needed to keep doing the last thing that He told me to do... not seek after MORE / different things to do... He is training me... building up my endurance and patience and He has given me lots to keep me busy! I just wanted more... different... faster.... whatever.... but whatever it was, it was ME driving the boat, and eventually Jesus stepped off! (Not really- I just liked that illustration! :) My Savior is always with me- He lives IN me through the Holy Spirit!)
Anyway.... God is beyond wonderful! He is answering my prayer to create a clean heart and renew a loyal spirit within me. He is answering my prayer for spiritual wisdom, understanding, and discernment. On TOP of that, He is teaching me more about who CARISSA is....or who I could be... giving me the glorious glimpse of who He made me to be!!
I don't want to get TOOOOO excited about this, but I am only a week and a few hours away from ending the fast! Yay!! It's been 5 weeks and I am ready to be done! (Have a mentioned that my dog's food is soooooo tempting to me???)
This 3-week retreat to the mountains is also coming to an end in a few days. I have been so blessed to be up here! It's been such a treat... so restful... I've slept lots (9 hours on average! :)) and had lots of baths... and read lots... and taken some nice walks... and attended two cool mountain churches... and I sit in awe of our Creator's handiwork which He is showing off in MAJOR proportions up here (clouds, mountains, trees, stars, etc.)! I head home on Thursday and am looking forward to stopping and spending time with my sister and her family on the way home. I'm also really looking forward to the gym. Is that weird or bad? I miss the arc trainer! I miss worshiping at the gym! (<--Not to mention that I want to keep this momentum and get HEALTHY for reeeeeal!) Friday I have a hair appointment with my dear friend, Bekah who I haven't seen in forrrrrrever! Saturday is going to be riiiiiidiculous with the amount of stuff I have to do - carwash fundraiser for Japan relief (thank you Brittany for organizing that!), makeup "Missions Class" with Mark Harvey, then the Shane & Shane concert with my sisters and Le'Anna (and I will still be fasting, so the Lord will be my strength for SURE that day)! But it all culminates in a day that I've been looking forward to for weeks!! SUNDAY is ARISE AFRICA Day at Journey!! I cannnnn't wait to see Godfrey & Joy Wanamitsa who are coming from Uganda....and to see (and HUG) all my friends and to WORSHIP!!!! (I'm getting so excited and it's still a week away! ha!)
Okay... I'm babbling.
TTYL!
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