I think I mentioned that I abandoned my "Master Cleanse" the other day.... but a friend asked me a week or so ago if I would fast for her on 3/30. Of course I said "yes!". So yesterday I was committed to only drinking water. I felt fine as long as I remained in the Spirit and seeking God through the Word, but as soon as I started thinking of myself...I got weary. The friend called at 5 or 5:30 to tell me that everything had gone well and I should resume eating (yay!).... but I thought that I could handle it, so if I drank any juice (I was being nudged by God to do so) it was only a little.
I'm not sure if it was my weakness or the attack of the enemy that compelled my friend to call me last night in a panic- sure I was dead again. Maaaan, she's really freaking me out!! She has a sense and a fear that something is going to "happen" to me. UGH!! I started chugging juice and warding off demons of FEAR. EVIL FEAR. It was stealing my peace. I went to bed and laid there for an hour just praying for God to take away the fear and praising Him for protecting me and for all He did for me on the cross and at one point (or two) screamed into the darkness demanding any spirits that weren't of the Lord to leave the house immediately by the power and name of Jesus!
This morning I wrote this in my journal:
"Let me live so I can praise you"... (Ps 119:175a)..."Don't be afraid...for I am with you..." (Jer 46:28a)..."Obey my life-giving laws, no longer doing what is evil. If [you] do this, then [you] will surely live and not die." (Ez 33:15b)... "and I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations" (Ez 36:26) "Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean" (Micah 7:18-19)... "The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust Him." (Nahum 1:7)
***
I should tell you about what I'm learning about. This is HEAVY stuff. Convicting stuff. If it's true then my whole life needs to change. (It's true. My whole life needs to change.)
Jesus took my sin to the cross and it was crucified with Him so that I can live in freedom from my sin nature. My spirit and flesh were united and born into sin and my soul was created (my soul is part body and part spirit and it is where my personality resides. My soul is what contains my mind, my emotions and my will.). When I believed in Christ Jesus, the Holy Spirit came and took residence in my spirit. Now as I surrender to God through the Holy Spirit, He controls my spirit and is reconciling my soul and body- putting all that is evil to death so that through the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ can live through me.
I'm trapped. I'm soulish. I'm straddling the flesh and the Spirit.... allowing my soul (my will, emotions and mind) to control my walk with Jesus. Since my soul is of the flesh, it is sinful and selfish.
I don't HAVE to walk like this. My sin has already been nailed to the cross as has my "old man" and I am free from sin in [and because of] Christ so I must stay free.
Sin is not acceptable. I must live a sinless life. Period. <-- that's heavy!
I must do this by continually remembering what Christ did, my flesh and my sin and my self is crucified! And instead of walking in my soul or my self, I must walk in freedom in the Spirit.
Here's more from my journal this morning:
"Lord, forgive me for my divided loyalties (Ps 119:113) - I am living one foot in the world and one out - lukewarm (Rev 3:16). Father, I give you my whole heart. I WANT to give you my whole heart! You have taken my sin and nailed it to a tree! I can live in freedom! It is finished (John 19:30) - Let me live in freedom (Rom 6:7, 12-14)."
From 1 John:
"For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know and what He teaches is true ....so just as He has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ (2:27)...all who do what is right are God's children (2:29). ...everyone who sins is breaking God's law, for all sin is contrary to the law of God (3:4). Anyone who continues to live in Him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know Him or understand who He is (3:6). Those who have been born into God's family do not make a practice of sinning, because God's life is in them. So they can't keep on sinning, because they are children of God (3:9). BELIEVE & LOVE OTHERS (3:23) Keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts (5:21).
I just wanted to give you a glimpse of what is going on up here. :)
Currently I'm sipping on yummy pomegranate juice and embracing the cloud that has surrounded me all week! :) I'm really blessed- this house is SO GORGEOUS and I'm living in luxury while being surrounded and loved on by the Lord (and Rue- ha!)!
I'm also enjoying almost daily baths in my parents' awesome deep tub and reading Corrie ten Boom's book "The Hiding Place". I drank almost a gallon of distilled water yesterday and was very proud of myself thinking I had gone above and beyond from the 2 liters that I thought I was supposed to drink, but today I read that I am actually supposed to be drinking 2 GALLONS of water a day! Eep! I don't think I can afford to drink 2 gallons of distilled water a day so I'll probably switch back to tap or filtered water. What else? I've taken a few (maybe only two) short strolls on my parents' road. Now that I'm drinking juice again, I'll get more strength and less fear and will probably do some real exploring soon. I sleep in my parents giagundus bed (with a giagundus window overlooking God's giagundus creation!!)! I spend TOO MUCH time on the computer. I spend some time listening to praise music and in prayer (though I need to spend MUCH MORE time in prayer... I'm doing a lot of reading, but not a lot of reflection). I have been doing some (a little) deep breathing- I need to do more of that. I've been talking to friends and family on the phone.... yeah... I guess that's it.
Oh- I take Rue outside many times a day... every time I'm scared that there will be a bear out there that she will go after (she will, and then she will be killed or maimed). A few times I've actually put her on a leash, but that's pretty dumb. If God wants her to get eaten by a bear, she will get eaten by a bear... I need to lose the FEAR!
Enough.
I love you!
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