The Fast: Day 21

Well, I'm over the half-way point. :)
The past few days have been HAAAAAARD. I decided to try to do that Master Cleanse thing while I was up here.

I lasted 3 full days.... BUT... the last two days were filled with angst and terrible FEAR! I don't know if it was God or Satan or my flesh, but I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and die!!

Yesterday I got an email from my best friend who was SO WORRIED about me....God had pulled her out of bed the following night and CONSTANTLY throughout the day had her PRAYING FERVENTLY for me that I wouldn't DIE!! ACK!! I'm not going to lie- that scared me a lot.... I believe wholeheartedly that we are connected through the Spirit and I hadn't spoken to her in a couple days so she didn't know what was going on with me (namely that He had me praying the same thing (not to die!!)... it was definitely God prompting her. Ugh! WHY would I be partaking in something that left me in fear of death??? Whenever I moved I would have heart palpitations...breathlessness... my circulation was off... my face got this horrible rashy thing.... I knew that if Rue (my pup) went after an animal or a bear, that I couldn't do anything about it... I could hardly move.

Here's a picture...pay no attention to the way the iphone distorted the left side of my face... I didn't really look like Quasimoto.... just look at the rash. (This was not acne... just red...and my face is always peeling... but now that I see it, look at how dead/purple my lips are! Eep!) BTW- I'm sorry I'm not smiling- I'm actually reallllly ugly in this picture... but I wanted to document it.

However, I did some more research yesterday and learned that fasts force your body to start eating itself for energy and that if you have a dirty body (i.e. lots of toxins stored up from saaaaay 33 years of pollution), that you are essentially living on poison. The site recommended drinking LOTS of DISTILLED water which apparently captures toxins and pulls them out. I got more excited and realized/thought that I could just drink myself clean!

Hm -now that I think about it, all those toxins are flowing around in my bloodstream too- no wonder my heart feels funny and weak.... ack! Anyway, I was committed... I would push through the discomfort...

Then this gorgeous morning when I woke up to the first day with sunshine and a pretty view (I've been in a cloud/ rain since I got up here) so I was sitting on the deck looking out at the sea of clouds BELOW us (AWESOME)...

  .... but I was filled with fear and panic (and heart palpitations and breathlessness and discomfort in my left arm) and started thinking it was the beginning of a heart attack. I went to make tea of my lemon/syrup/pepper juice (on the stove) and while it was cooking I got down on my face and prayed. I was so scared. During that prayer, I'm sure it was God who told me to drink fruit/veg juice... so I did...and I already feel so much better!

I cannot spend this time up here in FEAR....this is a time for peace, serenity, joy in the Lord, etc.... He took me up here to rest in Him....to teach me... to prepare me....I must know that I am going to LIVE so I can put into action the things He shows me! :)

I look forward to the rest of my time up here with the Lord, and now I'll even get to go on some hikes with God and Rue (which you know I LOVE!!!!)!!!!

I MAY do some days of just water and rest (tomorrow one of my friends asked me to fast for her and usually I do water-only fasts so I think I'll do that if I feel strong enough)...we'll see what God says. :)

Okeedoke... I think I'm gonna go read and then shower and then venture out to the store to get dog food, distilled water, and more fruit/veg juice. I'm sitting in a cloud again....apparently those clouds rise.... soon God will burn them away.... it'll be at the same time He gives me my full strength again so that I can take Rue on a hike through majestic creation!!!

Ahhhhh..... maaaaaan.... I'm glad I didn't die. :)

*Oh- I'm back!*
I just re-read many of my fast posts (which I haven't posted publicly yet) and I realized that I didn't document a HUGE temptation/scheme of Satan to drag me away from my commitment to God. The day before I was leaving for the mountains, my brother called me and invited me to Dallas to take pictures of/for his new restaurant! I was torn. I would have LOVED to, I told him, but I couldn't eat. I shared with him why and he told me that he didn't want me to come down if I couldn't eat- he and his fabulous wife would want to share their gourmet food with me (understandably- their Thai Vietnamese Kitchen, Malai, is no doubt the best place that I can think of eating!)...  I DID toy with breaking the fast and going down there, but under the council of my wise friend who saw through Satan's schemes, I decided not to (and instead recommended a free and awesome way to get the pictures taken by inviting a photography Meetup.com group to come out).

I'll drive down and visit them - maybe in May! :) God, have YOUR way! <3

(March 29th, 2011 - 12:33pm)