Bunch of stuff in the snarl

 12/11 12:12

12/11 12:12

Started writing to Paul in an email window that I can share with him later if I felt like it. I write too much to him. I have too many questions and he’s got too much going on. Too much to do. I need to let him lead and reach out when he feels like it. He’s prone to overwhelm too… he’s human. LOVE HIM WELL. 

Have you ever been to an ecstatic dance? I went to a group one once and it was so fun! Now they’ve got that group locked into nazi muzzle usage which I’m not down with but we can have our own ecstatic dance sessions if you are interested! So lovely for the body!

Do you think we could just be spiritual siblings? 

I’m not sure I’m capable of holding your SM programming. I’m not sure you can hold my fear programming. We might blow each other up and that is NOT what we are supposed to do. Maybe if we just work together and interact together and live and love together, we can have a healthier impact?

I am terrified of falling into the metatronic reversal pit of doom, Beloved.

Can you please use my name when you talk to me sometimes? I haven’t given the Universe enough time to show you my need of that. 

“Hold on to the ones you love and let the light shine through” - Blessings by Hollow Coves. Just came on. This is my answer. 

I’m just going to talk to you here… my Love. My friend. I know you’re YOU but I just can’t … I”m just scared…. I don’t feel like I can work with, deal with the sexual perversions and reversals. Thank you for your support and love, God… Paul and Carissa’s Godself in UNION. WE ARE. You two are great together… but what can we do to support earth Carissa and Paul?  I need help.

So grateful for this song and the tears. 

“Breathe Deep”. 12/11 12:20

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Didn’t send this either. I’ve been in a SNARL. Period came though and I’m so happy now!!:

Thank you for the Scripting book! I just finished it! Super good! Now to practice!

I hope you had a nice drive to work and I look forward to a tour!

How do you feel about my emotionality? Can you hack that? I was thinking you were going to have to deal with my fear, but yeah, the emotional snarls are not fun. Do you think you feel them or is it just from my words.

Communication is our biggest challenge and also one of if not THE most important piece of building our spiritual home/structure in union. 

Tell me about your communication practices, needs, experiences, wants, feelings, etc.

We are signing up to work on all this together... It is a BIG PROJECT that we are getting into. I guess I just want to know that you know and see that.

My sister was talking about why we don’t feel entirely safe driving with Michael in the car. It’s because he thinks or acts like he’s above it all - like he’s not completely honest about the risks. I’m scared in the car with him - false vibrato. (This came up because I was telling Corie that I felt safe with you, which was a miracle!)

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Feeling so much better after getting period and fasting today so far. It's 6:31 and I may eat something now... we'll see. But I feel so so so so so much better! 

Glad to have worked through the pregnancy thing and good talks with Paul about it... but need to focus on LOVING HIM....and stop trying to change him. JUST LOVE HIM AS HE IS IN THIS MOMENT. 

I get crazy before period. Genuinely off my rocker. UGH.

12/11 6:44

I broke my fast around 8pm and then voraciously ate blue chips, salsa, plantains, sardines, and then grape nuts with berries and oat milk! MONSTER!

I need to get a hold of myself.

FEAR NOT.

Okay. 

12/11 10:43