Songs

 Uncanny how this music is teaching me what's going on...in me and in Paul as I'm freaking out.

"you've got to take your power back"
"she's testing me"
Nahko - Take Your Power Back

Everything from the first song "Black Coffee" which called me to DANCE OUT ALL THE HEAVY EMOTIONS... to these songs with words like "BREATHE"... and all the insight. 

I think I'm feeling both disconnected from Paul and also really connected to him. I feel that he is smoking pot and it jacked me up too. He didn't tell me he was, but I just felt like it. And in general, he's not very connected to me.... and since he started smoking regularly, he's so different. He's also masturbating a lot and just throwing his energy away. But I don't actually like the sexual misery program energy... I just don't feel like I can handle this.

But now the song that is on now is saying "I was made for this"... and I know I was. I WAS MADE TO LOVE PAUL. And we were made to heal each other in love. But I don't know how to do that... I only know how to fall into LUNAR in order to try to manipulate to change to how my MIND thinks things would look healed. But that's not how it works. It works by SURRENDER and allowing things to be as they ARE and become what they will BE. 

Keep my Heart Open to Accept and Receive
Everything that Spirit has to teach that I need,
From how to speak, and how to sing, how to rally family
And make this collective voice ring
Well I give up then give in, stay and surrender
I am only man, I am only sender,
I am only You, You are only Me
We are only ONE We are only WE

But every scar and every situation,
help to put me here and I arrived at my station
Blessed to feel the stress and be certain I'll survive,
Blessed to take each breath, Blessed to be Alive
From the lowest of the low to the ecstatic bliss
I know one thing and this is it that I was Made for This
I was Made for This

-Satsang

"I'm the beauty and disaster of all of my ancestors" -Wookiefoot, Come To Life

Hunters Moon - Ghost
Who Am I to be loved by you?? -Needtobreathe

DANCE MACABRE - GHOST (the song...this is our beginning... RIDE OR DIE)

THIS MUSIC IS TALKING FOR HIM BECAUSE HE CAN'T. 

Surrender - Matisyahu