12:24
The rubber meets the road.
Paul. Michael. Jim. Kelsey. Porn. Shamira. Rue. Work.
The note from Paul that I awoke to:
I had never thought of you as anything but a friend and a very interesting person. I loved Michael and was always thrilled for him with the thought, “He has a great woman”. When we first began talking, that’s where I was mentally. I had just lost Shamira and my heart hurt deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced. I loved the fuck out of that dog. Other than obsessive licking, she didn’t really act like a dog. She was super smart and dainty. Yet, she was brave and outgoing. She could make a friend or kill an enemy in the blink of an eye. She had this intuitive sense and always acted empathetic to others. She could read the most minute facial expressions and could sense the emotional state of those around her. She was always the first to comfort me whenever I needed comfort. As her disease progressed, she started getting grouchy, probably due to pain and lack of mobility. She started retreating to her kennel after snuggling with me for an hour or so. The last few days, she was practically paralyzed. I can’t imagine the pain she must have went through as her organs were shutting down. I spent the last five days of her life not leaving her side for longer than it took to use the bathroom. I held her as she took her last breath. I looked into her eyes and screamed, “When you see that fucker, you bite him!” Then she was gone. Ripped away from me in a single moment. I hugged her and cried when she stiffened up. I watched her soul as it rose from her lifeless shell and licked my face one last time before rising out of the room into the void.
My world started going black. Part of me died that day with her. But it was for a reason that, at the time, I didn’t understand. She was a placeholder in my heart. She held the space for you. And she empathicly knew that it was time for her to leave, for my benefit. The place that she held for you is deeper than words can describe. It is truly without limits. And divine timing has placed you in that space, because only you can fill it. I would say that I love you, but that would be a lie. What I feel for you is so much more and deeper. It’s a cosmic multi-dimensional integration. Even that description doesn’t do it justice.
What I’m trying to say is that I believe with every ounce of my being that we will be perfect for each other. You may not always feel in vibration, but the field will never leave. We both have abandonment issues. That is goal #1: to heal those. When I tell you that I’ll be with you forever, it’s not to put pressure, it’s my limited way of saying that I’ll never abandon you. Forgive my lack of command for the language.
Since I already know that I need you to heal, why would I ever forsake that? I take my responsibility to heal you as serious as a heart attack. You alone have eyes to see the prince behind my Shrek. I’m committed to being everything you need. My purpose requires that I be in unity with you. The process requires sacrifice. But bliss awaits us both!
We will create.
So beautiful, right??
______
We have talked throughout the day but I just shared this note to Paul which feels like a "keeper" as well:
SOOOOO amazing and interesting... I have some revelations that just came through in meditation.
1. The WAY. WE ARE THE WAY, THE TRUTH, THE LIGHT. (Ignore the Christian distortions re: Yeshua, though I think that if he existed (I think he did), that HE WAS just as WE ARE.) We hold the vibration OF those things LIGHT - TRUTH - WAY .... I have lots of words around this but I won't get into it now. HOWEVER.... YOU ARE THE WAY. Even today as I was writing that word (... I said it in my message earlier: "...since awakening to understanding of the WAY"...) my guides were like PAY ATTENTION!!
Last night I was asking why I keep calling you Derek in my heart. (I have been drawn to it since I first saw it when you were showing me your Marijuana school certificate, that's when I first heard it.) Anyway... last night I wrote "what is Derek in Hebrew?" to myself.
I didn't look it up then but when I was just working with an amazing meditation on the sovereign medulla oblogata it came to me... THE WAY. Derek means THE WAY.
I used to love that word. There are many words that I loved. You know, when I wrote to Tyrone in prison, the first note I sent him I sent these flash cards with the hebrew and greek words for heart, spirit, and flesh (I believe)... that was in 2011. Anyway, that just shows you our compatibility/shared interest in language (though you took it further, my free spirit nature has me kind of swim around in this stuff and then swim on to something else). SO. I used to love the word derek. The WAY. I'll come across some more thoughts on it if/as I read my journals, I'm sure.
Very cool. And very cool that my higher self dropped it in all the way... I only had to look it up to confirm. But THAT is why I keep calling you Derek. You are my WAY, Beloved.
2. You mentioned abandonment issues. We DO both have that... abandonment and betrayal and one of the more interesting aspects is that our issues actually stem from YOU AND I abandoning eachother or feeling like we did. Trauma and triggers from cosmic separation because if we are who I think WE ARE, we've been looking for each other for a long time and the experiences we've had on this earth have been part of damage to our blueprint and us living it out over and over longing for our beloved to be in UNITY with.
This article touches on it ... it's just one aspect of our experience... but very interesting I think.
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Primordial_Imprints_of_Separation
3. A soul brother just randomly made a donation in my name to the Double HH and when I felt into it quickly (YES, all of this during THIS meditation! Ha!)... it seemed that it was a nudge, maybe through my Grandfather, to share this with you. This is a camp that my grandfather and Paul Newman started together. I volunteered a couple seasons there and went back a few years ago to apply to work there but didn't get the job. I just LOVE the foundation, premise, energy ...the whole thing... and of course it's in my blood.... and it's in the foothills of the Adirondacks... so I hope we can go visit together some time. I'd love to share it with you! In the meantime, here's a link to read about it if you want. https://www.doublehranch.org/about/history/
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ttY0vfyd-dI&feature=share (Dance Macabre - Ghost) Just wanna be, wanna be with you all night!
_____
12/7/21
12:34 12:43 12:54 12:22 11:37/7 Elephant Power 11:33 11:24 11:22 11:11 11:11 11:11 10:44 9:24 9:19
LET GO OF FEAR AND CONTROL!!
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=5KhQj8LiTcQ&feature=share
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=6HdIEfWC0xA&feature=share
Reading Lisa's update from today... this part feels very personal:
A'ssorted “Seven Lamps” distorted Cathedral architecture is being replaced right now throughout dimensional landscapes, such as the Lady of the Lamps architecture that was buried underground in Chartes, which is directly connected to the Ursa Major constellation functions, and the hierogamic union recently reunited between Akhenaton and Kiya consciousness streams from Earth-Tara-Gaia connected to original Krystallah Suns."
Feels like the Lady of the Lamps is related to me... effervescent and Isaiah 60.... and Ursa Major and HG unions feels related to Paul and I. He's not awake yet. I need to remember that. I keep looking to him as my leader ... he IS...but I have to take it slow and just hold the vibration/field by continuing to do my clearing work and meditations and seeking... this is the most LOVING and HELPFUL thing I can do for Paul. MY WORK.
I can't help, convince, drive, motivate, CONTROL him through my ego, mind, prompts, anything like that... I just need to LOVE ME and LOVE HIM and LOVE US. IN UNITY.
"the main epicenter forming in the 7D spherical domain Violet Flame Holders embodiment from the HU6, or Universal Mother Dark Matter Matrix. "
I was feeling the 7D/left ring finger activations big time the other day. And right now I am transiting SO MUCH. BURPPPPPPS! Big ones!!
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