Paintings ES Post

Noticing 44 changing to 45 now. (8 to 9)
Noticing 23 changing to 24. (lunar to solar)

ESF post. Been a long time! 4:04/22

Hello beloveds! It's been a long time since I've written.
I haven't had much extra bandwidth this season ... or maybe I was afraid of splatting the container with satanic and other unpleasant energies (which I've been swimming around in as part of my work)...or maybe I didn't know what to say (and still don't)...

Those are some of the reasons I haven't kept up with this journal. There are others. Fear of black magic and/or the energetic backlash from other's thought-forms... not being sure, myself, what is/was going on. INUNDATION of energies and experiences and not having the the space or not making the space to process them....

I still don't really. But I did feel moved to share (place in the container) two paintings that have come through in the last two months. These are of my newfound beloved Paul... one of a layer of his higher self and one of the two of us together.

Wow! Yeah, I didn't even write about Alaska! I went to Alaska in November!! Crazy grids up there, ya'll. Very intense (and some dark) experiences. (I had a dream before I went where I was standing at the corner of a field and holding a big pipe that had all this sewage/miasma draining out of it.) I hope to go back again - the focus of my attention was, of course, Paul and feeling into our relationship. There was work happening on many levels though, so I don't feel TOOOOO bad. I just feel like my teams wanted me to go to Denali/Talkeetna and I didn't get there.

I DID have the opportunity to spend a day with our beloved ES sister, Eliyanah, and had one of the most beautiful days I've had in this incarnation! She took me to the top of a glistening mountain overlooking the Matanuska Valley, and we drove on a gorgeous winding road along a river basin with massive Alaskan mountains on either side ...they had snow blowing off their peaks and it was just stunning! She even took me on a hike in a nature preserve in 3 degree (fahrenheit) weather! (She also brought me a nice warm Alaskan winter coat to borrow for the hike!) It was a hoot and blast! My favorite stop was an indigenous Russian graveyard ... we need some clarification from Eliyanah about how this worked... there were these little houses built over the graves. All I know is I had recently had memorable Russia-related dreams and it was a miracle that she thought to bring me there (she didn't know about this at the time and said she was following a hunch to stop there, thank you God). I stood in the middle of that place in the snow and cried... it was powerful and beautiful release and connection with the grids there. We saw an eagle fly over when we were driving too... sounds like that's normal for up there, but it was really special to me! (I also saw a Raven one day!) Eliyanah made me dinner which I enjoyed with she and her beloved (powerful and wise spiritual warrior, Chris), and took me to the airport! Just perfect!

As far as Paul goes, this is a story for another day, but suffice it to say, we are signed up and buckled in for the work we are meant to do together. It's not going to be easy - I have so much lunar distortion yet to transmute (the solstice prayer/meditation/gridwork was incredibly supportive toward that!) And we both seem to have some pretty heavy assignments here, especially Black Sun and NRG distortions, so the real work will be fortification of our lightbodies and alignment to Source and clinging to God and each other in LOVE as we follow our guidance to do what needs to be done.

I've already found myself really struggling with ego... falling back into old patterns of fear, control, codependency, vampirism, manipulation, etc. I actually had a shot at templating a HGU 10 years ago but I flunked out by clinging to my ego and 3D programming vs. letting go/God. This time I feel more equipped with the tools, community/friendships, and some additional wisdom from experience so I am praying that I can remain aligned to my Godself which causes those negative ego distortions to lose their power. I've had a little practice with this so far, but we currently live 4000 miles away from each other... not for much longer though. Eep! (He's moving here to NC soon - feels really aligned for lots of reasons related to (my hunches on) lineage, gridlines, solar embodiment process, etc... but I won't get into the weeds with all that right now.)

Part of me wonders if I'm being tricked into not interacting as much with the forum - like is there an entity trying to keep me distracted and away from it? It is definitely a source of strength, connection, and Guardian oversight... but it could also be that I'm just actually really inundated ... which I feel like I am. I've been reminded that now's when the "Rubber Meets The Road" (one of Lisa's old newsletters). I do remain connected to the container through my daily processes (glossary pick, suggested for today, quote, affirmation, and talk to one or more ES friends daily)... but am feeling like I need to carve out more time to interact with the forum which is a beautiful source of information, experience, entertainment, and especially practice compassionate witnessing. Well it feels like I've descended into some negative ego ruminations so I'll stop here. I didn't actually intend to write anything - just trying to follow guidance to put those paintings in here, but alas, the babble bug won out.

Sending love and gratitude to all my courageous brothers and sisters who are here enduring the intensity with grace (including tears, laughter, and all the raw emotions that ride through on the truth spirit). I love you!