Break or done?

Either I'm getting a break or it's done... can't know but I surrender to whatever is. The daily Gabe nudges are gone for the last two days. I honestly feel relieved. It was so strange. 

For months I was getting the random daily nudges to keep him in consciousness. Whenever I would send a message to myself - AG pick or whatever - he would pop up on the recommended to share list... usually first... sometimes second. I never messaged him even once in Telegram but both Telegram and Messages would pop up as recommended with his name. I thought it was a sign from God but it could also have been NAA messing with me... It's 11:33/13 now. So anyway now I get to let it go! Thanks be to God it’s just me!! 

And I need to practice loving everyone who is HERE around me. Well FIRST I need to love ME. I have much relationship-building to do on that front. I've been in a bit of a honeymoon period with loving myself and my body but today I had more grounded eyes (maybe thanks to jamming my toes this morning .... knocked a grounding mechanism back in place?)... anyway... I have much work to do on my body... commitment, honesty, radical acceptance, and LOVE... 

I’m done pushing and pulling, clinging and resisting, and want to just be with what IS NOW. Thank you God!

ps. Here's an example of how it showed up... this was the last one I got with him and it was on Friday the 11th. Today is Sunday the 13th. I DO feel like I went through a powerful shift yesterday - 6/12/21 - so maybe that's what broke me out. 

Some other noteable things... CALIFORNIA has been in my field. I may have mentioned it... I'm sure I did in one of my journals. But talked to Sophia, and have Laura there and the Romeros and Friday night spent time with Cynthia from there... and Le'Anna's dad was there and Dieter had a photo of "The Lone Cypress" on his wall at his house (Le'Anna took me there for a Eckhart Tolle themed gathering). 

12:17 - God look after Corie and her family.

Spent the night with Le'Anna on Friday night ... I wanted to come home but God blocked me with tiredness and a big storm... and it was SO GREAT because yesterday morning was magical... so beautiful! We woke and I journaled and then spent time in her garden and danced with Loki outside and we did yoga, qigong, tapping exercises and ate a lovely breakfast.  THEN I got to go with her to work and see how the Waste Water Plant (water reclamation facility, she prefers) works! I got to climb on the top of all those big round things and go with her through her plant inspection and see her being a scientist... it was SO fascinating!! To see how everything works together... and the big pools of sludge and their "bugs" ... like pets... they love them... the bacteria that do all the heavy lifting... and just all the neat features... airation... so much.... 

Oh I LOVE The Greatest Showman soundtrack.... just put it on. It warms my heart so much! 

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I had a couple scribbled notes from last night... totally unrelated but I'm maybe going to try doing better about documenting here. Maybe not. #wishywashy Ha!

1:55  I finally fell asleep. Ahhhh-sigh. Dream about connection with Esther. God, please don't let me be a negative being or sponge
3:13  BLEND is an important word and concept to work with
5:29  On this path we merge with the earth and become one with her being, processes, life and begin to express similarly.