Depression

I want to feel INTO the depression... the sadness...the feeling of abandonment. I want to feel the loneliness and like I'm never going to be whole. 

I want to feel into the betrayal and shame and guilt and how it backs up and damages the natural flow of LIFE in my heart. How it leads to bitterness and fear. 

I didn't want to hurt an ant but they are everywhere and now I want them gone... I swipe at them and it's unkind. I smoosh them, "I'm sorry". What does the inundation of ants mean? It means something. I talked to myself about it on our walk today or yesterday. 

Feel it. It's okay. Nothing is wasted. This is what we're doing. Listen to God. Read... look, God's given you these resources and things to do... ways to seek consciousness in the midst of the pain. 

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Dragon_Line_Session

From God. Through Tracy GSF. Thank you. 

And music. And naked. And mirror. And maybe there are some cries. 

I've been seeing a shadow in my left eye or side/consciousness at night when I go outside to the stars... something there... integrating in Mother side.

Today listening to Q&A about Oraphim being the parent of the Indigo... and I see how it was my parent ... God-consciousness that joined my Indigo self in January 2010. Everything HAPPENS. I don't need to DO it, I need to accept and integrate it. The pushing to make something happen is the opposite of what I should do... I need to surrender and allow. Surrender and allow.