No gaslighting for me please

Interesting observing Ryan from “Neutral”. This morning I had the thought to question him why he always looks for ways to insult me. I didn’t put it out there because, well, that’s probably insulting. But it was interesting to watch it this evening. We went to Hudson’s Hardware together. I was looking forward to it. During our drive when he was telling me that he thought he’d not report his unemployment income until next year so he can somehow get his $24,700 pay from Mr. Gray down to $11,000 by reporting expenses. (Which I think is ridiculous already, but to add dishonest to the mix when he’s trying to get himself out of the situation with the IRS seemed backwards.) I should have maybe spelled it out if that’s his Jahari’s window, but I didn’t. I just said that I thought they would ask the question and that I thought he should just plug it in to the online system to see what it looks like. He took offense to that (yep, he takes offense to so much) and said he’s going to have a tax preparer do his taxes. He said it 2 or 3 different ways as an arrow to me and I felt it and shut up. 

Later he brought up the Pattern thing that I had sent him about myself being rebellious/contrary and said some stuff to try to make me feel bad. It didn’t. But he thinks it did. I didn’t argue or engage. I could tell he was trying to bait and insult me. 

I think there was another thing - Oh, he told me to keep both hands on my steering wheel. I just did what he said and kept rolling. 

When we got home he started yelling about me not asking for help putting away my 6 bags of chicken food…”you aren’t going to ask for help?! Well F-you then, etc.”. I had asked if he was going to take a shower. I didn’t want to ask him for anything as I could tell he was wound tight. I hoped he would help, but I couldn’t put it on him because I didn’t want him to explode. When I sensed he wanted me to ask him, I did and he did and then he was throwing the bags around, not carefully putting them in the cans and he was mad and rude.

 

He started saying that I was mad at him since he …whatever he said about my rebellion or uniqueness or some word…but he was using it as a dagger and I said I wasn’t mad, I was observing. And it made him madder. And he started calling me a liar and then I listened to him gaslight and it was so interesting. I was in neutral so I trust myself. No confusion. I just disengaged with the madness.

When I brought Dee’s hay cubes and slice of cheesecake over to her, he had a package there and I had his tea cup which he had left in my car. I brought that over to him and he grumbled “thank you”. I looked at him to see if he had anything else to say and he kinda made a noise or a move that looked like “what?” (What do you want?) so I shrugged and walked off. And I’m going to leave it there and enjoy my wings and night and life. 

I love you Cristybird. 

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He even had to insult my pants. Yesterday when he saw me, first thing he did was insult my eyebrows. I think it's kind of endearing and sweet when he pets them down, but the fact is, he is always looking for my flaws. My breath is bad and he always says that and that I smell.

Today I saw lots of 12/24 stuff and 3:33 and 333 and others.