Strange

So strange. Ryan was nice and helpful today. He went with me to get hay and helped put it away and fixed where the chicken fence was coming down and fixed my door and we ate together and watched the last Celebrity Jeopardy and talked. Honestly. I told him I wanted to focus more on loving myself better and explained about how I give myself away to my boyfriend ...trade my personal self-care in order to try to achieve "unity" with my partner. It was eye-opening for me to see and say it that way. But he had looked at some ES stuff and it sounds like some of it was okay for him and he hated some of it but we had a decent talk about it. And for me, the main point is just to not push/pull and to focus on my own blessings. But we spent from about 4:45- 10:15 together. Some honest conversation. He doesn't like it when I say that he's trying to put me down to feel better about himself because he doesn't believe that and I shared my belief about the pain body and that I didn't think all of him felt that way, but that a part of him did. I need to ask better questions about his motivations. We touched on ancestral karma and multidimensionality and it felt like he wasn't a brick wall, maybe slightly squooshy wall. But ultimately I'm just grateful for my life and time. I had chest pains tonight and have had some head pains and numbness... some anxiety too, obviously. But I feel they are related to more energy coming in ... more support. And maybe Schumann resonance (which Kelsey brought up the other day). I need to work on Malai and sleep. So grateful for Jennifer, my friend, who sees me and loves me and we have great conversations. She's smart and kind.

Today I listened to some of Ryan's berating me in the recordings. It did mess me up and I thought I should call EAP but talking it out with Jennifer helped and my wonderful co-workers and just making it through the day. 

I signed up for Teal Swan's meditations too. We'll see what they bring and what they are coded with. 

Rosemary shared her overcoming V/V with her sister. I'm definitely working with victim/victimizer and hero/savior energies with Ryan. So much to learn and feel. Feels like we are both bravely continuing to face it. We both saw it today (in each other) too. Thank you God.